On My Mind

Happy New Year, everyone. May 2024 bring blessings to all.

Looking back, 2023 as a year of accomplishing things that had been "in the fire" for a while. Finally I moved and put the house up for sale, finally R sold his house and had his knee surgery. It feels good. Hoping for a peaceful 2024, reaping the benefits of the changes.

Need - I'm with you on the cabbage. Love it!!! I have a large head of cabbage from the farm and have been planning to make a recipe I found interesting - "Sweet and Sour Cabbage Soup." I think I'll jazz it up with a little heat too - make it "Hot, Sweet and Sour".

No traditions except taking it easy. As a family we rarely went out for New Years but preferred to stay home and play Trivial Pursuit. No hangovers here.

My new year's resolution - not to talk to pillows any more lol. I only did it once!

I have some pillows made from material with paintings of cats by Gustav Klimt and one of them really resembles Rocky and is life size. The light was low in the living room when I wandered in with my cup of coffee and saw "Rocky" on the floor under the coffee table so I started to talk to her then I realized it wasn't her but one of the pillows!!! Oh well. Better clean my glasses!

Golden,

The soup sounds delicious! I like a bit of heat too.

Hahaha. I am thinking about the old Doris Day movie, Pillow Talk. She was so cute!

I like pretty pillows too. My neighbor makes beautiful needlepoint pillows.

Cabbage, pork and black eyed peas are supposed to represent good luck and health. It’s a huge thing in the south. Everyone eats it on New Year’s Day.

So happy to hear that you and R are doing well.

Years ago I watched people in physical therapy after knee surgery. They all said that knee surgery was tough to recover from. I was doing physical therapy for my arm which I think is a lot easier than knee issues.

Beatty,

Are you a light sleeper?

Oh my gosh, I am dead to the world when I am sound asleep. One time I even slept through a hurricane! LOL 😆 I woke up and asked my husband, ‘When is the storm going to hit?’ He laughed and said that I slept through it!

I used to worry about sleeping through my children crying. Fortunately, that never happened. I think moms have an innate ability when it comes to our babies.

golden: Happy to hear that you and R are doing well.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2024!!!
🙂🙂🙂🙂

Just got home from my dermatologist appointment.

When I told my dermatologist how stupid we were to lay out in the sun while slathered in baby oil, she said that her generation was just as stupid for going into tanning beds.

I suppose every generation makes their own mistakes.

In thinking about the skin cancer thing... both my FIL and SFIL were mostly scandinavian and never laid out in the sun (plus wore hats) and both got skin cancers on their faces. My Mom, who spent a lot of time in the FL sun before the years of sunscreen (and who is 100% Mediterranean) also has skin cancers on her face and legs (Mohs). When I was a kid I spent time in FL pre-sunscreen and later in my teen years did the oil-slathering/baking (and I'm only 50% Mediterranean) and so far have had 1 skin cancer removed from my shoulder -- and trust me: no one has had more epic sunburns than me (purple, blistered). My husband (a sailor and someone who spent a lot of time in the sun mostly without sunscreen) is mostly Scandinavian (and had some epic sunburns) has had multiple skin cancers removed from his face (Mohs) including a cream-based chemo peel. His mom, my MIL, is also mostly Scandinavian and baked herself in the sun with oil in the 60s and 70s until she was brown like a berry but has yet to show up with any skin cancers. No rhyme or reason. Go figure.

Geaton,

I guess it’s hit or miss. I have spent tons of time outdoors. I have to say that I wasn’t really good about wearing sunscreen.

So, I shouldn’t be surprised that my dermatologist found a spot. I went to have moles looked at and she decided to do a full body check and she found a spot on the back of my calf. Not a spot where I would easily notice it.

Sun damage is so common.

I am going to start using sunscreen and wearing a hat.

My dermatologist said "The ghost look is in" referring to me.

Know who to trust, and who not to trust. Stay away from the second group.

Sooohappy:
You let us know that Justice did prevail and that the monsters lost.
I am wondering if, after the outcome of the action, they are leaving you be in peace?
That is to say, are they no longer troublesome, and are you able to avoid them in your current life?
Understand your reticence to discuss them a whole lot, but would love reassurance that your life remains much more peaceful?

I need to remember to keep my mouth shut when it comes to my sister and her MIL, even though she calls and asks for advice she never follows what I say and gets ticked off when I question what I think are some stupid choices.

My neighbor died a few days ago after having go through treatment for colon cancer and then the cancer returning. She got covid (and yes she was vaccinated and boosted) a few months after her cancer treatment was done and had to be hospitalized for almost 4 months.

Before she came home from the hospital her husband had a wheel chair ramp built because she needed to use a wheelchair (this for a woman who before the cancer and covid was outside all year long working on her gardens for hours and hours every single day). She had just started walking with a cane and was recovering when this happened.

Now the wheel chair ramp (which even had little green runway lights on it in case they needed to use it at night) sits unneeded and a reminder of her husbands love and hope that he would get to spend another 2 or more decades with his beloved wife.

She was only 63 years old (ironic there was a time when I thought 63 was very, very old). I really liked my neighbor a lot and am going to miss her. When I worked from home I would look out my window from my office and see her riding her electric cart filled with her gardening supplies or other things she needed for her work that day. She setup an awesome Christmas light display every year. This year there was only a lighted wreath and the green lights on the wheel chair ramp. There will not be a Christmas display next year.

It seems like since 2020 I haven't been able to escape the death of loved ones. I thought 2024 would be better but it seems that there is nothing but death for this year too.

So sorry for the loss of your neighbor, sp.

I remember thinking that 63 was old when I was a kid. Now that I am 68 I have changed my tune!

Sp196902,

Sorry about your neighbor .
It makes no sense . She was still enjoying her life / gardens . Yet we have others who are miserable and asking to die and they wait and suffer .

My mom's sister recently passed away at 69 from stroke complications. Like with me and my mom, the last several years haven't been easy for her and her family. Losing loved ones, mobility issues, dealt with diabetes for a long time and lost one of her legs a few years ago, and had at least 2 strokes. As hard as it's been for us, her road was worse in my opinion.

She was put in hospice a month ago, but got to come back home for the final days of her life while still under hospice care.

Her husband said about a week before she passed that the hospice people noted she wasn't eating enough to sustain life and he told my mom milk and milkshakes were all she was consuming. She would not eat anything.

Before she passed, while talking about her during a discussion about the HS friend of my mom's who died last month, mom noted my aunt was guilty of poor decision making regarding her health. She felt my aunt should've seen an endocrinologist rather than her personal doctor and also said "you can't make someone eat."

And I was thinking to myself "and you can't make someone exercise either," referencing my mom refusing to be more active.

Along with the "stubbornness killed her" line, I'll tell people mom was guilty of "poor decision making" should she pass sooner than expected.

Any who, please pray for our family.

Hello everybody!!! I don't know if anyone remembers me but I'm glad to see so many of you are still here (alvadeer, Joann, needhelpwithmom, Geaton, and so many more who were here during the pandemic!)! I haven't been here since 2021 but think of this forum often!!! I was a SAHM during the years I was active here but I am now back to work and I work at an ASSISTED LIVING of all places! I absolutely love my job and love working with the elderly! I'm so grateful to have been given this opportunity and honestly it is this forum, the people and their experiences who made me even consider working at an AL and everything I learned here has really helped me excel at my job!!! When I last posted here, my mom had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, I'm happy to say she beat it at 73 with advanced COPD and emphysema and she even beat Covid in June 2022 but we lost her unexpectedly in July 2022. No words to explain my loss, if you know, you know. Nothing can prepare you to lose your mom!!! That said....

I love my job so much but there's a resident who has me exhausted, fed up and extremely sad for her. The best part of me job that much of my day is spent helping the residents and/or their family members. Helping people is what I love. So I work at the front desk and this facility I work at.... we operate with the bare minimum staff and everything goes through the front desk. We screen all calls, none of the directors or departments have a direct line so all calls go to the front desk. If maintenance, housekeeping, a caregiver or a med tech is needed, you either call the front desk or go there in person. We take meal orders, we enter work orders for maintenance, we sort the mail, we are basically grand central station. We coordinate it all and make sure things get done. I share that so that you all understand how much we do at the front desk and why it's so draining trying to help with this poor woman! She comes to the front desk twice a day always in a state of confusion, she cannot handle her own affairs and it's becoming draining on all of us as we spend so much time explaining things and telling her she needs to contact her POA. I can't understand how she was assessed and deemed fit for assisted living. Her POA is a friend and she just dumped her here! I'm sure the POA reached her breaking point and that's why she put her in assisted living too but it's frustrating because I can't do anything but talk to this resident and now she's getting agitated! I inquired about memory care today when the nurse was here and she said she's trying to get her POA on board but the POA wants her tested for a UTI to make sure the one she had cleared up. Understandable but she's been this way since before she had the UTI! Her first week here she put her furniture in the hallway and said it wasn't hers! She doesn't even recognize her own clothes anymore and keeps telling me the bag of laundry in her apartment isn't hers and was there when she moved in! Today she came to the break room during my uninterrupted lunch and yelled at me because now she's getting agitated with my answers :(

And one of my favorite residents just moved to memory care! It was time and it was in her best interest but I miss her sitting at the front desk with me every afternoon "people watching" and making me laugh. She really didn't know where she was and even though we were facing the dining room, she didn't know it. That's how bad the dementia got. Our last 2 days at the front desk together she kept asking if I had been to Alaska the day before. I plan to go visit her on Monday during my lunch break.

I had no idea how much this job would tug at my heart strings! But this forum gave me so much knowledge and understanding that I'm truly kicking butt here! I love it but damn it's sad sometimes. I truly care for all the residents and it sucks when I can't help them.

Also I've thought of this forum and all the wonder people often over the last few years! You guys got me through some dark times. And I really want you to know how much you've all helped me at my new job. All the stories and experiences you shared, I learned so much from all of you. My job requires a lot of patience and understanding and since my mom died, I've been short of both! But not at work. Which is a miracle lol! But I think it's because I learned so much from all of you. I get a lot of positive feedback from the residents and their family members and it's because I learned a lot here and I know that the residents depend on us and the family's trust that we are taking care of their loved ones. Anyway I hope everyone is happy and healthy!!!

Worried!! omg it's been forever! I'm so sorry about the loss of your Mom and all the hardship and pain that I'm sure preceeded it... may you receive peace in your heart. But so great to get this awesome update from you! Now you're applying all the hard-earned knowledge and helping people everyday at the AL -- that' so cool! I hope you have time to participate here more... it's so fun to know what you've got going on. Blessings to you!

Worried: Condolences on the loss of your mother. So glad that you've acquired a wonderful job.

blickbob: So sorry for your loss. Condolences. Prayers sent.

Blickbob,

So sorry for your loss.

Blickbob so sorry for your loss.

As for poor decision making. My in laws are guilty of that. My FIL is a retired doctor and had stroke symptoms. Instead of phoning 911 he crawled to bed. In the morning they called but by then the damage was done. He's paralyzed on one side now.

MIL did one of those colon screening tests and there were markers for cancer there. She ignored it and ended up with colon cancer 8 yrs. later.

So, Blickbob you raise a good point. A lot of our health problems could be avoided given some good sense.

worriedinCali,

It’s great to see you and hear your update.

So sorry for the loss of your mom. You’re right about it being hard to lose our mothers. I miss mine too.

Mom died at age 95 in an end of life hospice care home. I am eternally grateful to the hospice staff. They provided her with excellent care.

Last November I lost my older brother. We had a celebration of life for him. Our families get smaller as we age.

Congratulations on your new job! It sounds wonderful. I’m sure it is tough at times to see people struggling with various issues on a daily basis. I bet you hear a lot of beautiful stories as well.

We have been reminiscing all morning with old slides? Hahaha 😆, anyone else remember those? Everyone uses cell phones nowadays to take pictures.

For some reason we never got around to sharing some of our old photos with our youngest daughter.

It’s amazing how many things we forget. I should have labeled my photo collection better. My daughter wants to digitize our collection and is asking questions. I am having trouble remembering certain details.

We think that we will never forget things but we forget lots of things, such as dates and people’s ages and so on.

Anyway, it’s interesting to see how people and places have changed throughout the years.

It’s funny to see how fashion has changed and how our tiny our waistlines were then!

Well, I am going to pop some popcorn and look at more photos. It’s been years and years since we have looked at these photos! Where did the time go?

OMG OMG OMG WORRIED IN CALI
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad to hear from you.
I am so sorry you lost your dear Mom.
But I am THRILLED beyond words that you are working in Assisted Living. Truly I am. They so need people who give a darn and I know you DO.
You will never know how long I asked folks who became friends if they have heard from you, if they know you are at least OK.
I hope you will stay around. I have missed you something awful.

Welcome back Worried! Hope you have some good stories. My daughter kept my in-laws and their niece in stitches in what goes on in a NH.

Sorry about Mom.♥️

Gershun: That is shocking that your FIL, a retired doctor waited till the morning to call 911! And perhaps your MIL could have avoided colon cancer; I mean she's married to a physician - if only she had taken action upon seeing the markers.

My condolences on the loss of your mom WIC. Glad you're working and loving the job in the AL.

So, do any of you go to your high school reunions? I haven’t gone to any of mine. I am not the least bit interested, never have been. Some people love going to them.

Anyway, my cousin who recently turned 101 died, She was in good health and enjoyed life.

She didn’t need a walker or cane. We referred to her as the energizer bunny. She lived in an independent living apartment and still drove her car.

My cousin attended her reunions up until she was 100 years old!

Hahaha 😆. So, who is left by that time? You know that the nuns who taught her were dead! Classmates too!

If I remember correctly the school started inviting her to attend reunions as the ‘oldest living alumni.’

She had an incredible memory, was just like my mother and aunt, always an honor student. She was a very interesting lady who was ahead of her time in many ways. I will miss talking to her.

She knew all of the family scoop! She never failed to make me laugh with her wicked sense of humor.