Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
I forgot to mention my husband made the mistake of telling his parents he was going to propose. My MIL wanted to pick out my engagement ring.
No way did I want to look at my ring and think of my MIL !!!
Now I realize my engagement ring is also a symbol of the start of setting strong boundaries with her !
Couples should do whatever they want. It’s their day!
My husband and I were shopping for my engagement ring. Suddenly, I heard a recognizable voice behind me saying, “That’s a lovely ring!” I turned around in it was my MIL to be.
She happened to be shopping for a watch at the same time we were shopping for my ring. So, that’s how she found out about our engagement.
She was thrilled and said. “I was so hoping that one day you would become my daughter!”
I was extremely fortunate to have a wonderful mother in law. She had three sons and was thrilled to gain a daughter.
She said that I was the daughter that she always wanted. Unfortunately, we lost her too soon to non Hodgkin’s lymphoma.
She was only 68 when she died. She knew my oldest daughter. She didn’t live to see the youngest one being born.
way - I get it. My mother wanted my wedding to be centered on her. I cancelled our first plans and gave her three weeks to curtail her meddling so we married sooner than originally planned. I couldn't stand the interference. Even then...Eloping was brilliant! Actually I didn't make a good choice of a husband and if we had set the wedding when we had first planned, it might not have happened. My father booked us into a very exclusive resort for our honeymoon. When we got there - twin beds!!! Aaaargh!
nacy - you should get another job...Oh my goodness. All about money. I have a dil like that. For a while she wanted me to fund thus and that for her. I finally set the limit - no more. .
cw - destination weddings are great for those who want them as long as they realize not everyone invited could/would go. I would feel free to go or not according to my finances and inclination a
I had very little involvement in my kids' weddings. They did their own thing. I helped when asked to and was happy to do so and be there.
Alva - I hear you about not understanding English in England. I lived in the UK for about 6 years, 4 of them mainly in Scotland. I was OK in England but some of the Scottish accents were impossible of me. After being away for holidays I had to relearn them. Loved Scotland. I think Canadians tend to like it better than England - a little wilder. Great memories!!!
Need - nice story, you were fortunate with your mil. When mine heard about our engagement she said "What's new". Her other son had just become engaged
In my son’s case , just about everyone who is important to him and willing to come to his wedding were going to have travel no matter where it was . My son has lived in 4 states . His friends have also moved around since college for employment . His friends and the few family members he is close with are spread out across the country . He also requested no gifts. Their presence if they should choose was more than enough . No pressure , no obligations . The people who wanted to come came and made a vacation out of it . I think weddings are changing . People understand if someone can not spend the money to travel . As well as people are beginning to understand that you don’t need to invite people you never see or hear from just because you share a fraction of DNA .
It was a very nice low key intimate wedding at a nice resort . Attendees were given a discount , it was when we were emerging from Covid in the Fall of 2021. The resort was hungry for business . It ended up very reasonable . The guests were happy to see each other again.
This all came about because Covid killed their original plans in 2020.
my kids limit it to the 48 continental states for weddings . It’s less complicated for all than going to another country .
My daughter’s and her finance’s friends and family are spread out too but most are in the eastern part of the country . So they are choosing somewhere on the east coast . But again, most people have to travel no matter where it is .
My son basically asked the whole wedding party first if they were ok with Vegas when they had to replan the whole wedding . It was small . Just parents , siblings and some friends , a couple of cousins. When he booked it they still had limits for numbers of people allowed in a venue due to Covid .
We have all hoped to not get an invitation to some weddings because it’s too far , you won’t know anyone else , whatever . You breathe a sigh of relief when you don’t get invited .
Well , my sister in-law ( who we never saw even when we lived 10 minutes away ) was annoyed she didn’t get to decline an invitation , even though she admitted she would never go !!
You can’t please everyone .
We learned never to tell my MIL anything until after the fact !
Golden , two beds . Lol
cwillie, some of the worst wedding drama stories I have heard are due to caving in and inviting certain people .
I’m all for secret small weddings.
Pre-Covid, there were package weddings in Adelaide for couples from Japan. They had 'all the trimmings' (including a horse-drawn arrival, wedding in a rose garden, and lots of photos), but no guests!
My husband has a coworker that went to Hawaii , just him and his bride , they married and honeymooned there .
When they came back they had a big backyard party for alot less money , because they also had just bought a house . They told the guests not to give gifts.
I thought this was great , however I would like to attend my children’s weddings if possible .
My friend got married and honeymooned in Hawaii nearly 40 years ago . Just her groom’s parents were present . They spent a few days together on one island then the two couples went their seperate ways to continue their respective honeymoon/ vacations. The bride’s father had cancer at the time . She felt it was too much to plan a wedding and all . Her Dad died a few months later .
She only handles high end weddings, costing a million dollars and up. Some of her clients spend a fortune just on the dress!
You would not believe the amount of planning that goes into these types of weddings. She works really hard for her clients.
Every year she flies to New York to see the latest trends in bridal gowns.
She knows all of the best places for local weddings and destination weddings.
She is up to date on everything because her clients expect her to be.
Only the very wealthy people can afford weddings that expensive. No one should go into debt for their wedding!
Since they will have one anyway she’d like to limit it to parents , siblings ( and spouse , or SO ) and close friends , and any few relatives particularly close to .
The fiancé says his mother will expect all the aunts , uncles, cousins , second cousins , great nieces and nephews etc to be invited . And there are a lot of them.
My friend’s daughter has told me that she rarely has issues with the bride and groom. She does run into problems with parents of the couple.
She is very good at her job. She has to be to pull off these extremely posh weddings. When there is a problem she finds a solution.
She has had to act as a mediator for the bride because brides become tired of telling the parents that they are not going to follow their advice.
The couples are going to do things their own way, as they should.
Parents should not try to take over the bride and groom’s day. I don’t blame anyone who says, ‘Just forget the whole damn wedding. Let’s elope!’ 😝
I wouldn’t want to be a wedding planner , all that drama . I’d probably lose it and say “ It’s one freaking day , get over it , the marriage is the work , the wedding is the party and should be layed back and fun !!! “ Lol
Don’t even get me started on pricey bachelor and bachelorette parties . And bridal showers for those who already have a home full of stuff. My daughter wants neither . She said she’ll just hang out with her bridesmaids the night before and watch a movie on TV after the rehearsal dinner . She also is paying for the bridesmaids dresses , hair and makeup .
I hear you. It’s not for everyone.
This gal thrives on pressure and absolutely loves her job. She’s perfectly suited for the job. She says it’s a lot of fun but also a ton of work.
She’s very self motivated and gets the job done. She’s really smart with money. She has a business degree and has used it to her advantage.
Even though her clients can afford to splurge on things, she works hard to get them a fair price.
She is wonderful at planning any kind of event.
She’s an incredible hostess at her own parties. They are top notch, not only because she thinks of everything, but because she is very well connected to others who provide the best of the best services.
She has a magnetic type of personality that people are drawn to.
She has impeccable taste and she will search high and low for her clients for the perfect venue and all that goes along with it to make it a truly special occasion.
I know what you mean though, I am sure that there are days when she wants to tear her hair out!
She tells me that she has a blast spending other people’s money, and of course, she is paid very well for it, which makes the job much easier!
I am shocked at the amount of money spent on weddings these days and how busy she stays. When she gets time off, she takes fabulous vacations to unwind.
It certainly is difficult to see how rapidly a person can decline. She is fortunate to have you in her life to help her.
I wanted to comment on what your bro said about Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia viz "It's all in your head."
When I first had it ,I wondered too. Then one day the escalator in Zellers wasn't working and I had to walk up it to get to the second floor. By the time I (who had walked for miles and miles regularly) did, my legs were like jelly and I was totally convinced it was real.
30 years ago many thought that it was psychological - both professional medical people, psychologists and others. I suspect my oldest son still thinks I can overcome this by mental exercises. I was diagnosed by a doctor who realized what it was and used the guidelines of the time. More and more research has shown many deficits and pathologies in those suffering from it. It's gratifying to me to see the progress that research is making.
Now all we need is a cure or at least better treatment. I would like to see that in my lifetime.
As we were walking towards the restaurant, my brother saw a young woman sitting in her car talking on the cell phone.
He noticed that her front left tire was flat. So, he motioned for her to roll down the window to tell her.
She looks over at him and says. “I have a boyfriend.” He tried again a couple of times. Each time she made a face and said, “I have a boyfriend.”
He told her one more time about the tire, a bit louder, while he pointed at her tire. Suddenly she says, “Oh my gosh, I have a flat! Will you help me change it, please?”
He told her, “Have your boyfriend change it!”
He said to me, “I would have gladly helped her if she wouldn’t have been such a jerk to me when I was only trying to alert her about her flat.”
This may not be true for everyone with fibromyalgia, but the very painful areas that hurt so very much if even touched-or it's just there hurting if you don't touch it--
If you can endure a touch of massage or the pain of pressure for a moment, the pain gets better after that without pain meds. It doesn't make sense, but we can work thru the pain. It may not always work when everything hurts at once.
And helping one area still leaves the whole body pain.
Yeah, sometimes "just don't touch me" is all you can do.
I am going to go take some liquid Tumeric now for the pain.
It is nice to see.
I have to say that when I was younger, I was like everyone else who was always in a huge hurry, busy with my own life.
After seeing my mom decline, I started slowing down and opening doors for older people and allowing them to enter before I did.
One time, an old man said to me, “Thank you so much. Those doors are so heavy for me to open. God bless you for opening it up for me.” I smiled and said, ‘God bless you too.’
I hate to admit it, but when I was younger I was a very fast walker and didn’t notice everything around me. I walked right past slow people.
I hope that you feel better soon.
Love the flat tire story, so funny !!
When my hubs was in his last year of college he was able to stack all his classes on Mon, Wed , Fridays. He worked as a bank teller Tues, Thurs, Saturdays .
One day hubs came in late to work , dirty and wet from changing an old man’s tire in the rain . Hubs had recognized the old man as a customer who came to the bank every Friday wearing a suit ( even though he was retired ) and he would talk to the bank manager .
The bank manager yelled at DH for being late , would not let hubs explain just sent him to the drive up window .
Alittle while later the old man came in and told the bank manager how the new young male teller helped him. After that the bank manager was thrilled . Apparently the old man was filthy rich with alot of money in that bank .
Another time DH was late getting back from his lunch break , he stopped to change a pregnant woman’s tire . The bank manager told him he should keep an extra change of clothes in his car if he’s going to keep doing this . The woman was also a customer at the bank and she would come to my hubs drive up window every week . The woman’s husband and his family owned multiple kitchen appliance/ TV stores on our island . The woman’s husband came into the bank and gave my hubs our first VCR free for changing his wife’s flat !!
You married a sweetheart!
Many years ago, back in the days when cars had hubcaps, two of my hubcaps went flying off of my mini van. I was going shopping for my young daughters.
This young man saw it and ran across three lanes to retrieve them.
This guy looked like a gazelle running out in traffic for my hubcaps! I was in awe of him.
It was pouring down raining and he took the time to put them back on.
When he finished, I took money out of my purse and told him, ‘Thanks so much. Please buy a nice dinner for yourself.’
He said, “Honey, your smile is all of the thanks that I need. My wife is out shopping. She left cold cuts for me to make a sandwich.” He was a sweetheart like your husband!
You’re absolutely correct. I hated when my elderly neighbor told me that I was going to have wrinkles from the sun because she saw me sun tanning in my bikini.
We never think about getting older or any consequences for anything when we are young!
I told her that I didn’t care if I had wrinkles when I get old and that I wanted a tan.
Well, I wasn’t so smart because I didn’t use sunscreen and not too long ago the dermatologist removed a spot that tested positive for cancer cells.
Now, I wear sunscreen and a hat!
Now, I think being 30 is so young!