Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
In Remembrance of Pearl Harbor
You are a brave lady to pick neuropsychology. I hope it turns out to be very interesting. I think I would find it so. The anatomy is not so much fun but can be learned. Your prof sounds like a good guy. Hopefully dementias will be mentioned. Please do share with us what you are learning.
I'm glad caregiving turned your path to where you are now. Overcoming dysfunctional family patterns is a hard one. That caregivers develop emotional illness is interesting and not surprising. We see that here, don't we?
Brain and behaviour was always an interest of mine. I started studying physiology, with a special interest in the brain and intended to then move to grad work in psychology, linking the two. I had it set up with a psych prof at McGill. He then suffered some serious family problems and took time off so I went back to physiology. But the interest has always been there.
nacy - distance from dysfunctional families separates us from their toxicity. Thank goodness we have that option.
DD and I stare at each other, big-eyed. I’m thinking, who are you letting her play with?
Then, from the other room, “YOU GET BACK IN THAT MANGER AND STOP GOOFING OFF; YOU'RE GOING TO HURT YOURSELF!”
Hubs is here and all is peaceful at home tonight, thank goodness.
So glad your home is peaceful this evening. Here too.
oh hey! Did you get your lizard tattoo? Do you love it?
Were you able to resolve it?
Just a thought though, do you suppose whatever he painted the snow with will show up in your driveway? That could be useful…..
I like your bracelet idea; it sounds cute!
There has never been anything overt from them, it's always petty little things that irritate just enough and are mostly only be noticeable to me. I knew better than to challenge him and now I fear I'll reap the reward for my stupidity.
nacy - trust your hub is getting better. That certainly isn't a typical reaction to a vaccination and must be worrying.
Psue - and how are you after that game changing night? I want to know you have taken steps to protect yourself. It's so sad when this disease takes over an otherwise reasonable and loving man to the point that it has with your hub. Please let us know you are OK - safe - and that you are planning for the necessary changes. My heart goes out to you and all the spouses in this position.
eva - thinking of you and your hub too, and what you are going through. These are very big life changes.
way - are you able to let go of some of the worry? It only drags you down.
The older I get the more I realise we only have today - this moment. Nothing more is promised. One step at a time and try to make the best of it.
(((((Group hug)))))
It’s interesting that DH does not really have much memory about the whole incident, not even the good parts like the warm blankets in the ER and the pretty social worker who was so sweet to him. It’s also disturbing because if he didn’t know what he was doing in the moment, there was obviously no inner voice to keep him from doing it then or in the future. What fuzzy memory he has, or will admit to, is only when nudged and only 2 days afterward. But doesn’t that show there really is some recall or insight in there somewhere? So strange.
So, as of today, there has been no more rage. There have been the usual sundowning behaviors which are more despair than anger. I do know that I can’t pretend it didn’t happen and I need to follow through with finding him another place to live. Until then, because it does take time, I need to be mindful of the signs. There are half a dozen moments I could have escaped or de-escalated if I had known what could happen.
I don't find it strange that he doesn't remember the episode. Clearly his brain is broken and not working as it used to.
"It’s also disturbing because if he didn’t know what he was doing in the moment, there was obviously no inner voice to keep him from doing it then or in the future."
Yes, that is your reality now. He does not have the reasoning ability or the inhibitions that he used to have. His behaviour will be much more unpredictable now. Things can trigger him that never triggered him before and he may react in ways he hasn't before. It isn't strange. This is how dementia works. It's important that you accept this.
I do hope that your new awareness of the signs of escalating violent behaviours serve you well. I hope you are able to place your dear hub soon for both your sakes.
This is a huge transition and loss on your life. I hope too that you have time for yourself to begin to process this. Big cyber (((((hugs)))). What a tough journey this is. Prayers for finding a place and for safety. First of all, look after yourself.
Oops, question answered below and can’t delete….
When we started with new doctors here I asked what was required for me to be able to communicate on DHs behalf. There were documents both he and I had to sign in the clinic and have filed in his chart but they still, say, every time, “I don’t see authorization”. I have to tell them to look again - every time.
Also, I believe it is appropriate, even with privacy laws and even without signing releases, to provide information TO his doctor as long as you understand you can not get information FROM his doctor.
But wait, is there any possibility it was your neighbor that hired the tractor???
In a way I’m glad his mind doesn’t let him remember what happened for the most part. It would hurt him to know how close he came to hurting me. I’m also beginning to realize that placing him is going to be awful for him because he doesn’t have the capacity to understand why. That part is a dagger to my heart.
You're welcome!
as usual, in two weeks, i’ll be preparing a wonderful xmas for my parents.
❄️❄️🎄🎄❄️❄️
I won’t be going along - I think they need to spend some time with him without me running interference and filling in the gaps. Plus, I need a little time with my mom; I’ve been neglecting her with all that’s happened lately and there’s always a couple heavier chores I can do for her that my siblings can’t.
None of us in invulnerable and no, you are not 16 again. You have years more of life experience you can draw on. I agree with nacy and ana, it is not hand holding but informed support. We all need it at times, some times more than others. This is a "more" time for you and that's OK. That's why we are here. We'll all been there and likely will be again.
Oh, dear one. he still adores you as much as he ever did. Remember that his brain is broken so it is not operating as usual. I think you are wise not to go along. I hope the sibs see some of the decline. I know in families those who are not regularly around the LO with early dementia, don't see it and think the caregiver is exaggerating. You don't need their approval to place him. If you can make the doc/social worker bethe bad guys when the subject does come up, that may help. Honestly I think they need to know about the episode. It is a medical issue, showing progression of his disease, not a spouse putting their partner down.
I'm glad you can spend some time with your mom. I hope it is good for you. I have no doubt it will be good for her.
Remember caregivers need to look after themselves. Be sure you are doing that, and not just looking after others. This is a heavy time. My heart goes out to you, Prayers for it to go well.