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Oh my gosh I figured it out! The reason the siblings are giving me so much grief and judgement is that I am not being whiny and hopeless enough around them!

I’m showing calm strength when I should be a puddle of despair. I’m taking my own mental and physical health into consideration when that is not allowed - I should only be considering him! I am not wearing sackcloth or a black armband or covering the mirrors or whatever they deem appropriate.

I’ve already worked out all of that with YOU!!
AHA! It’s YOUR fault!
(I thank you from the bottom of my heart, but now I’m in trouble ❤️)
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Psue - Great!!! More than good! Keep on your path steady as a rock. Don't be phased by anything others say or do. You are doing the right thing for your hub and for you. And actually for the others too because placing him will keep him safe from harm and from harming anybody else.

Awesome!!!

At the same time I know you are grieving, but that doesn't meant you have to fall apart. You are keeping your dignity. There probably will be moments when you are alone or with a trusted one that you will let your guard down and bawl your eyes out. That's OK too and even necessary sometimes for many people.

Well done. They will leave and you can relax a little. Hope hub stays calm for you. Keep us updated.
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Psue,
“I’m taking my own mental and physical health into consideration when that is not allowed - I should only be considering him! I am not wearing sackcloth or a black armband or covering the mirrors or whatever they deem appropriate.”
I had to quote you, well said!
Keep strong, we stumble but never fall!
Having a little chuckle to imagine myself in sackcloth.
Good thing for otherwise blah day!
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Update: Today I had my oral surgery/dental implants involving five teeth and performed by my oral surgeon. A few hours later my dentist placed provisional crowns to the three front implants. The weather was about 3" of heavy rain, but DH and I did okay. Quite sore naturally and resting. I went under anesthesia.
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Yikes Llama, that’s a lot of work at once! I’m glad you made it home safely in the deluge. Sleep as much as you can - general anesthesia takes a lot out of you even without the dental work. Thinking of you tonight….
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Eva - you would probably look great even in sackcloth. Pass on the ashes though.

Llama -well done. You got through it. That's a lot of work all at once. Glad the rain wasn't a problem. Take all the rest you need! Hope the healing goes well.

Saw my new doctor yesterday. She's very young and probably in her first job. Mind you anyone under 50 looks young to me lol. I hope she will loosen up a bit, but over all she said and did the right things and she's only 5-10 minutes drive away. I'm thankful,
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Peasuep and Golden: Thank you.

Golden: Glad that your new doctor worked out for you and is close by.
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I was wondering if you were one of the ones getting hammered by snow squalls Anxietynacy, glad you got some sun instead!
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Nacy, do you have one of those lights you shine on the back of your knees for S.A.D.? I have no idea if they work but some days I think it might be worth trying!

Golden, having a doctor close by is a real blessing. I would have taken a Doogie Houser age doc if they were close.
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Golden, thank you for your affirmation and encouragement - it’s precious beyond words to me.
Appointments are scheduled at the two closest AL/MC facilities next week. I’m going alone just in case either of them gives me uncomfortable feelings. I tend to have strong and immediate intuition about things and I’d rather DH not see it.

Eva, yes, indeed, we do not fall.
OK, so I fell a little, but I got back up again and so far my resolve is strong. I’ve felt positive about my decision to move forward with placement but I’m a little bit worried about ever being seen having fun afterward - is that weird?
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Merry Christmas Bundle of Joy!
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Nacy, that’s a good idea, the grocery game. It’s a hike from my carport to the basement door, unpleasant in this sloppy weather, but good exercise and fresh air. If I can work up the guts I’ll try it.
Glad you’re feeling positive so far!
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Oh boy, I read you loud and clear on the need for alone time. Not just alone, but free of the mental and physical clutter of responsibility - even for an hour, is critical. One of the downsides of downsizing has been the lack of a hiding place.

Can you escape to your sunroom? The hard part about alone time in the winter is you can’t go outside and putter, mindlessly, in the garden and it’s hard to sit quietly when the dishes need washing or there’s dust on the lampshades.
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Peasup. I actually like it these days when my Dr looks like Doogie,, at least they may not retire on me!
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Nacy, you need an invisibility cape.

Pam, the young ones don’t retire but they move on to greener pastures quite regularly. No judgement, just an observation.
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I guess I've got an invisibility cape. I found an online calculator for calories, exercise etc as I want to check how many less to lose 10 lbs. I started filling it in and when it came to age the list ended at 80. Where am I?

nacy hope your hub is better, and psue that yours for through the visit OK.

Time alone!!! Absolutely necessary! The condo has less space and rooms than the house, obviously, but I can retire to my bedroom for peace if I have to. Actually R's latest arrangement with the colts has an equipped house and garage on the property and he has been told he is free to use it. He will set up space for repairing riding equipment and be able to store stuff there. and work on his hobbies. There just isn't room here. What a blessing! He will also stay overnight when the weather is bad and he has been working late - or if either of us need space, which we quite often do. 😊
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I should say, while the house is good, the accommodation is basic. it hasn't been lived in for a while and the mattresses are on the floor. This is not "House and Gardens" material. 15 workmen lived there who were brought out west to build. However, R says he is comfortable. He rather likes "camping". The kitchen sounds fully equipped - nice to be able to heat up your lunch when you have been working outside in the cold. The owner is happy to have someone in it. The vandalism out in the country hereabouts is terrible.

Also on my mind today is house humidity in cold climates. I got a couple of hygrometers and was a bit surprised to find the living humidity at 15 -20, and the bedroom not much better. I have been running a humidifier in the bedroom for some time but apparently it's not doing a whole lot of good.

So I ordered a good humidifier from Amazon which is coming next week. Supposed to be enough for the whole condo (just about) and is a top filler. I wonder that the plants are doing as well as they are! I have certainly felt dried out at times.
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I don't know how many here are on TikTok. I recently came across this fun elder living channel and thought I'd pass it along. We hear many of the not-great stories of elder care living transitions and placements on AC, but these videos are full of folks having fun. :) https://www.tiktok.com/@lifeatstpauls0?lang=en
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I am an adult child of aging parents. My dad had another stroke a month ago and he cannot do anything for himself any longer and is now in a nursing home hospice. His ability to communicate is down to almost nothing. He is 90 & My mom is 84 living independently altho she is possibly showing signs of dementia. She was unable to make any decisions throughout this process without me and was quite confused. Is this group for me if I am looking for some emotional support? This has been a real difficult time and I could use it!
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Hi LynnBro and welcome! I have found this forum to be extremely supportive once I found my way around. I would suggest that you start by posting your question not in On My Mind which is one of many Discussion Topics, but as a general question under Forum.

The format over there allows others to respond directly to you over time and you can answer back. Your question won’t get lost down the thread like it can in Discussions.

If I knew how to get your original post moved over I would do it myself because I can feel how weary you are and I know there are many here that will listen and offer support and understanding.

I don’t want you to get lost and miss out so please, click on Forum, above, and repost your question. Then spend some time clicking around and you will be pleased by what you find. I’m so glad you’re here!
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Nacy, I think it’s pretty neat that your mom was at least open to what you had to say and that you actually said it! I don’t know if it would help at all but what if you hung up a “maintenance calendar” clipboard like the cleaning staff does in public restrooms? You and OB initial and date it when you do a chore or take mom to an appointment, or even are just over there visiting.
Leave it up on the wall so every blue moon when YB happens by he can see how much he’s missing.
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Ah man Golden, does that mean I can finally stop fretting about my weight when I’m 80? Something to look forward to!

I’m with Nacy, I love your stories and if you wrote a book in your new found alone time, I would buy it and read it!
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Old post. I sent a PM to the person who resurrected this
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nacy - Thxs. Tooth problems need to be looked after. Between running two humidifiers and boiling water on the stove n my largest stock pot I had the humidity in the bedroom up to 25-30, but today, which is colder, the main part of the condo is stuck at 15. Yesterday I had it up to 24. Tomorrow my new humidifier comes! Glad you had that talk to your mom.

LynnBro - you sure do belong here. It is a very difficult time when a parent starts to show signs of dementia. Glad your dad is at least in an NH. Psue's suggestion of posting separately is a good one, but come back here any time.

Psue - good idea for nacy about the calendar. You can stop fretting about your weight any time you want to.Thx re the stories. It's not my new found alone times. R has had somewhere to bunk at one or another place where he has kept horses. One time he was managing a farm...the pump house years. Pretty chilly in the winter. We lived apart for a number of years I was in Fort Mc and he was in this area b/c of several reasons. Covid being one of them. We both are very independent and like/need space. Hope the drs appointment went well.

Mac this was intended to be a "chat" thread See the original post "Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please."
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nacy - when I have a problem I write/journal. It helps.
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Nacy, what a creative idea!
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@Anxiety,

My Mom was nice the last few months she was alive . It was because she knew she was dying . She told me so . Her brain was working a bit better too . It was strange .
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I think for some people there may come a point near the end when they realize all the walls they built up and fought to maintain over their lifetimes are no longer of service them, they may even wonder how they got so high and why they ever erected them in the first place.
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Cw, that’s a really neat observation and a sweet way to put it.
Nacy, you’re accepting the peace offering in spite of your difficult history - you don’t have to and no one would blame you if you didn’t, but you are. I admire you.
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Golden, I was only in the room for the first half of the appointment and DH either doesn’t remember or is keeping mum about the second half although he did say, immediately after, that he thinks he ‘failed’. The doctor’s findings are pending.

I think the weight fretting will fade a little once I can get out more and get more exercise. Although I have to admit it never occurred to me that I could shut it off at any time!

What is considered normal or healthy indoor humidity, for humans and houseplants?
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