Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
Think about what happens when 2-year olds are allowed to manipulate parents and to divide them, worry them, make choices bad for them. They become angrier and more confused by the second. It's out of control.
She needs limits on the amount of abuse she ladled out into your bowl; needs to understand that in the same wise there are days she doesn't wish to speak with YOU there are also days when the two of you need a day off from HER. All's fair in love and war.
Don’t worry . This has been my MIL’s lifelong behavior . I learned boundaries with this woman 40 years ago . And hopefully DH gets stronger . He did learn some dealing with his Dad ( now deceased) . I think he will be stronger with Mom than he was with Dad , because his Mom has ladled out plenty of guilt trips, silent treatment etc his whole life . He’s fed up with her always pulling nonsense to get her way. I could write a book including with us canceling our wedding and eloping because of her shenanigans .
Found out last night from the nurse , MIL has a fractured pelvis . So that buys us some time . She should be a rehab a decent amount of time .
Touring two facilities tomorrow .
If by some miracle she goes home , will call APS . She’s lucky we are even looking out for her at all .
How old is your mom's neighbour, Daisy?
When I was pregnant for my 4th , the cartilage in my pubic bone was separating, the pain was horrible. I remember the pain so much , when I hear about someone that broke it, Im like , oh no, that's gotta really hurt.
The partner’s family just texted that MIL’s partner “ fell and hit head outside “ and is on the way to the ER. Maybe now this family will cooperate in getting these two out of the house for good .
Way - it may all be for the best. Surely hospital staff will now see that this couple needs a lot of help. I do hope his family sees it. These are two fairly decrepit old people here. Not to be disrespectful, just realistic that they can't manage on their own. Prayers for you and DH and the whole situation.
When I got the call, I was standing in line at the counter at the credit union (which I have been a member of for 25 years) arguing with the lunch crew about the duties of a notary. They were quibbling over wording of the Agent of Incapacity documents needed for me to gain full access to DH’s IRA funds to pay for memory care. Their job is only to verify that I am who I say I am and that they are witnessing my signature - NOT to verify my husband’s incapacity!
Anyway, I gathered my un-notarized documents and took off for the hospital. After blood work, x-rays, ekg, pacemaker check, DH is fine.
Now, there’s Covid at the facility.
I am tired.
Maybe this should be posted in My Whine, but it IS on my mind….
Paperwork is the pits!!! Haven't they anything better to do than argue with you? Surely you will get those document notarized next time around.
I am sure you are tired. You have been on a crazy merry-go-round for a while. I hope it settles down soon. (((((hugs)))))
Psue - trust they WILL notarize that you are you so you can get on with the paperwork.
It's spring everyone. 🌷🌹🌷🌹🌷🌸🌼🌺That's got to be good!
I have been trying to get a video visit set up with DH’s neurologist to re-evaluate his condition and his meds, since he is still sundowning and then sleeping until mid-afternoon, missing meals and sometimes family visits. But now there is a small (so far) Covid outbreak in DH’s unit and outside visits have been suspended, making a video visit impossible.
Could this be any harder? Wait - forget I asked!
I hope you are doing well, Golden. Spring is just around the corner! Have any of the Catalpa’s survived?
Golden glad your weather is getting better. Winter isn't quite done yet down here, was 25 last night, but getting enough good days in between, to think spring, and the snow is gone. Hard to believe looking outside that a month ago we had about 4 inches of ice on a side walk.
Waytomisery, hoping things are going ok for you and hubby.
This probably belongs in whine but I’ll update here where I started . So MIL went to rehab yesterday . She has agreed to assisted living ( although she was on pain med ) , wondering if she will change her mind at some point .
Of course the POA paper she said she had at home was not signed or notorized AND she has her partner ( with moderate Alzheimer ) as DUAL POA with my DH .
So I guess it’s good she never signed it .
Will have to have that redone . We are hoping the lawyer believes MIL is still competent to assign POA. 😬😬😬😬.
Also found out that she has very little liquid cash . She has a bunch of CD’s that just rolled over .
We also met up with the partner’s kids.
They think partner is still ok in the house alone . NO WAY . The daughter asked who gets the house if one of them dies.
HUGE RED FLAG .
MIL will eventually need her half of the equity in the home to pay for AL . BIG MESS.
Meanwhile MIL wants a say in where her partner lives .
We are also hoping the facility we liked has an opening soon . There aren’t many near her . Another one was nice and had rooms but they do not provide transportation to any doctors visits or for MIL to get her blood transfusions for advanced Leukemia . The others were too expensive. The cheap ones did not do insulin shots .
MIL biggest worry is she keeps asking if her friends can visit and take her out .
She also asked if she could have her friends come for a private party and if the facility will cater it . Of course my party girl MIL would ask this . I told her it’s not a party venue . She made a pout face just like FIL used to do when I told him we weren’t taking him on a cruise . Sheez !!
I told her there is a small family room she can reserve , but food would have to be brought in by her friends . She asked how many the room holds . I told her maybe 12 tops but she would have to ask. Again the pout face . She said that’s not a large enough party room . Then we have the same conversation all over again an hour later , rinse and repeat . Followed by the pout face. 😭😭😭😭
I'm/we're good. Monday we get the results of the last ADT therapy for R's prostate cancer. The last results were excellent so we are looking forward to the same. No catalpa's survived, but the hellebore regenerated. Next time I germinate catalpa seeds they will go in a BIG pot where they can remain till big enough to plant out. The transplanting is what did them in. Apparently they don't like it.
Way - It must feel like two steps forward and 1 back or even 1/12 back. Hopefully mil will stay with herself going to AL. Demented partner's family is NOT helpful!!! He needs care. Red flag and mess, indeed!!! Their home needs to be sold for their care. Prayers for a sensible POA etc to be executed, for cooperation from partner's family, and a room to open up in the right facility.
Parties??? Good heavens!!! You and DH have enough on your plate! As always, try to have a little down time for you. Mil will continue to play games - the leopard doesn't change it's spots.
For cases of emergency such as entering long term care these CDs can ALMOST ALWAYS be taken without the penalties of early withdrawal. Check with the banks.
Sounds like the partners children are going to be an issue, and are out for the money, and not his best interest. Will see how that goes, 2 days or so without mil and he falls, I suspect it not going to go well.
Mil, is really going to have to get over herself, and accept that her partying days are few and far between now.
🫂🫂♥️
However, MIL does everything like it’s 1965. She still was driving to the bank to move money from savings to checking .
She has no computer etc . Pays all bills by check . DH tried to set up online banking but they will call MIL’s home phone with a code needed to complete the online setup . So that can’t happen since MIL is not home . MIL said she will try to call the bank tomorrow . However somethlng tells me that at some point DH and I will have to get in the car and drive her to the bank . Hopefully we can get her in and out of the car to wheelchair. I am ABSOLUTELY LIVID.
We’ve been telling MIL what needs to be done . She has no idea what a hassle this is now . She said she “ was doing good and had no crystal ball”. I reminded her that we’ve been telling her for 2 years and that more recently I told her that mobility is soon to be a big problem . As usual when she doesn’t want to hear , she changed the subject to wanting to stop back at the house on her way to AL ( whenever that is ) to get some personal items . She can’t get up the stairs on her sidewalk or inside the house . Doesn’t register. Repeats it again an hour later with the pout face .
Hoping we can take her to the bank and eldercare lawyer in one day . Not sure when we can take her. Also going to see if a lawyer will go to her at rehab instead , as well as AL go to her to sign up . DH certainly isn’t signing to be responsible for her bill .
Yes her partying days are done unless she gets a friend to take her out . She already asked if we can come out to take her to her friends granddaughter’s wedding in May .
This is not going to be good . I’m not an Uber . She fails to realize it’s a 200 mile AWFUL drive through NYC to her house for us. She also keeps talking about going clothes shopping . I’m not doing that either . I told her I’ll order online , again the pout face .
The expectation that we will do things her way has begun . Unfortunately for her , I’ve already made that mistake with other parents and learned .
Yeah this is not your first rodeo!
Take care of yourself, and hubby, drive safe.
I’m still following, but at a distance, as I hope that if DH cannot adjust to memory care, memory care can adjust to him.
I continue to be amazed how much work this all is, on so many levels.
I hope you are well and I’m glad to hear your tech issues (and your nasty weather) are resolving.
Anyways good to see you on here. When things settle down , you need to take a vacation, id prescribe you a 7 days cruise, even a solo cruise, balcony sweat, a must! No Internet, a morning mamosia, all the food you can eat, and plenty of people to chat with, and plenty of alone time , relaxing on your deck reading a book. Honestly, more fun than therapy, and probably cheaper in the end. 😂
"The expectation that we will do things her way has begun." No, it's been there all along - just maybe more apparent right now. And it's not going to happen. The demented senior must not run the show.
Psue - tired - of course. Apart from all the running around and managing things which, in itself is enough, or at times more than enough, you are going through a grieving process due to these changes and your beloved hub's decline. You are losing the man that he was. This dreadful disease takes people from us in a very undignified way, Grieving is very tiring. Please do take some time for yourself to relax and replenish. I know it is difficult but your health matters - to you and to your hub who needs you out there looking after things for himl. You can't run on empty. Your garden must be starting to perk up.
Daisy - too bad about your friend on steroids. They can be helpful, but have some nasty side effects. On another thread I saw you had plans for new flower beds bu your deck. Sounds great!
Here I am waiting for the next lot of appliances to arrive. I won't unpack the old fridge until closer to the time they come. Thankfully the balcony is still cool enough to store food. Hopefully the new stove and fridge will work with no problems. I still don't have a working dishwasher. Today I will email them again and see if I can get any news of when the new control panel will be installed. This is getting ridiculous. It's a month since it was delivered.