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Whew Frequent flyer, I got tired just reading that. :P
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When it came to the holiday season, so much to do, so little time.... this was why I never really enjoyed the holidays :(

Example Christmas, I was the one who bought the holiday cards, not just boxes of cards but individual cards for parents, grandparents, etc., hand wrote the envelopes, hand wrote the letters to go inside the cards [this was before computers or word processors], bought the stamps, mailed the cards....

Oh the gifts, I was the one who did all the gift shopping [this was before the Internet and before store Gift Cards] so that meant running from store to store. Making decisions upon decisions on what to purchase. Ok, time the wrap the gifts. First had to buy the wrapping paper/ribbon/bows, buy gift boxes if the stores didn't supply them [remember those nice store offered gift boxes?], buy tissue for inside the box, wrap the gifts, wrap again for shipping, stand in line at the Post Office with everyone else in Town.

Ah, decorate the house. Decorate the tree after Hubby bought a fresh cut tree from the Boy Scouts [guess I was lucky that was one chore I didn't need to do]. I made cookies and loaf cakes if we went visiting. If guest were coming had to make sure the every room was vacuumed, dusted, bathrooms cleaned, even cleaned the inside of the refrigerator. Cleaned the litter boxes, and got the cat hair off of everything. Had to buy groceries, to feed the guest [I hated to cook]. Oh, I forgot to mention, I was working full-time outside of the house.

Hubby's sister was a Martha Stewart type of person. She handmade many of her gifts, and her own husband would also hand make items out of wood. She would decorate and set a table that one would see on the cover of Better Homes & Garden. She was so cheery and happy. Her children had hand made Christmas outfits.... any way you get the picture.

Come Christmas Day I was exhausted and Hubby couldn't understand why I was so tired, and why I couldn't make Christmas like his sister did.
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dear bandy,

hug! you wrote:
“I love my mom SO MUCH”

and
“Why don't I feel all this resentment everyone else feels or feel put-upon by needing to be there for my mom?”

answer:
because your mother is very sweet, kind, loving, wonderful to you; and she appreciates all you do for her.
(7)
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Bandy, when I first discovered the forum I was much like you. My mom was also a good, devout Christian woman who sacrificed all her life for her children. I devoted my life to her. She was my passion to be honest. You know how they say "Find your passion and you will be happy" It made me happy to do for my mom.

But, when I voiced the same sort of observations that you just did boy did I get it, in spades. I think there are so many stories on here. So many dysfunctional parent/child relationships. So many caregivers who were and are being treated like sh*t by the person they are caring for. I try not to judge. Like they say don't judge another until you've walked a day in their shoes. Or but for the grace of God there go I.
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@ Countrymouse
Thank you for starting this discussion:

"Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.

I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that."

What exactly did you mean by whimsies?
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It is only after Isaiah is cleansed of his sin that he says, “Here am I; send me.” Prior to that point, he saw himself as an unworthy messenger; once he was forgiven, he immediately desired to serve the Lord in whatever way possible. The Lord asks, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?”—He wants willing volunteers in His service—and a grateful and enthusiastic Isaiah doesn’t hesitate in taking the opportunity: “Here am I; send me.” And for the rest of his life, Isaiah serves the God who had forgiven and saved him.
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🌹
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Send, LIE should have been at the top of your list. And the search function can be used to find comments and answers under all user names. There are many sendmetohelp comments.
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Maybe we could stop "liking" the posts coming from well-known miscreants,
people who are barbaric, barbarous, boorish, churlish, disrespectful, impolite, rude, unconscionable, vulgar, abrupt, blunt, coarse, curt, discourteous, gross, gruff, ill-mannered, inconsiderate, insulting, and uncivilized, and who lie.

Or,
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.” 

― Alphonse Karr
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Frankly I get tired of all the people who seem to make it their mission to call out anybody they think is trolling or creating multiple accounts. Finger pointing almost never gets their target banned and those who actually ARE trolls likely relish it. And I suspect a lot of innocent forum members are accused or just scared away because they have their posts taken over by scores of acrimonious comments that have little to do with the issue at hand. Also I've often seen a new member berated for not coming back to defend themselves as if this is an obvious admission of guilt... h3ll after all that I wouldn't come back either.
(9)
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You can also change your privacy settings to not allow any messages....
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Golden, very well said! I, too, have a very hard time with the multiple accounts under numerous usernames! Many of us use this forum to escape the dysfunction in our lives and have felt safe here. Yet, now, it appears the dysfunction is here as well, and welcomed. I do not understand how changing a username is going to help stop a difficult situation with PM-s especially when the frequent changes are so obvious to so many. Just delete the nasty messages. Take what you need and leave the rest.
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With regard to recent posts and misrepresentation of identity, I have been mulling over why this is still on my mind. Without doubt - my own experience - there is deceit and misrepresentation by some posters. A few members here choose to interact with these posters regardless of their truthfulness. Their choice. Why are these posts an issue to me if there is nothing directly offensive or accusatory to anyone? I am not saying there haven't been "nasty" untruthful posts, which I think we all can agree should be removed along with their originator if it persists.

I can only speak for myself. I was brought up in a dysfunctional family where deceit, gaslighting, and outright lies were part of the fabric of the family. It was not a safe place. Because of those experiences I am perhaps particularly sensitive to people who deceive, who lie and I want to have nothing to do with them. That deceit and misrepresentation are tolerated here and practiced regularly makes this not as safe a place for me as it would be otherwise.

However, this forum is not unique is tolerating duplicity. It exists throughout society. I wonder about the problems. the insecurities, the experiences of people who need to lie about themselves. Why not be open and share who you are? Most of us do and know we are imperfect people and, for the most part, are Ok with ourselves and one another. I find it sad that anyone has to hide behind a fantasy rather than have honest interaction with other people, for the fantasy and the lies serve as a barrier to what everyone really needs - connection with others.
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A positive update:

When I first came on the forum, I asked advice about (1) which recliner to buy. And (2) ways to help my elderly uncle cook (he loves cooking and is amazing at it. Whatever you’re imagining, it’s even tastier than that). Many of you gave me great advice. I wanted to update my original post, but it’s been closed, since a lot of time passed.

So I’ll update here. Things are going well:
(1) The recliner is great. My uncle uses it all the time. He especially likes getting massages while lying almost horizontal.
(2) I changed caregivers in January, and they’re very willing to follow my uncle’s cooking instructions. So now he gets to eat his favorite dishes, scrumptious, nutritious. The caregivers eat with him too.
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LOL @ Cashew
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Countrymouse,
oooh! living the dream!!!
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Just use your imagination Countrymouse. :)
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Have fun with my purchases?

I have just bought online a kitchen pedal bin, a dispensing pack of liners for it, and an underlay for my ironing board cover. I can hardly wait for their delivery.

I think those algorithms have a very strange idea of fun.
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Whenever there is an issue, I take it up with the admins by sending an email
from the "contact us" form at the bottom of the page.
They just take care of it, and no need to write back.

I have seen posts attacking me and removed by the admins almost immediately at times. I am not special, I just have followed their directions.

Discussing it here feels like gossip. It does not do anyone any good, and continues to divide caregivers. Take it up with the admins is my advice.

There is an internet thing called spoofing screen names. The screen name can look like (for example): Sendhelp. But in fact can say (for example): Sendhelp82. [Not saying that a possible hacker has done this to my account],
but spoofing is a real thing. Just be aware. I don't know what can be done about it except to report it to the admins. The admins are the only ones with the ability to discover who is trying to disrupt the forum here.

Be calm, Carry on everyone. Your time is invaluable, so use it to help others.
No one has as rich a resource as a caregiver who has experienced caring for someone. Don't allow a very few malcontents distract you from your goals.
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Enjoys reading the discord threads, but not PM's that are not kind? Still do not buy it.
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As to admins eliminating a thread. I don't think that they would do such a thing merely because one or two of us report it. I think there has to be a good deal more. I know that I have asked to have a thread stopped for comment because it was divisive and people were attacking one another and was told that this is seldom done because a lot of leeway is allowed for posters. I have seen posts stopped to comment, but very seldom.
As to our getting PM messages? I was told recently that someone on our Forum received emails claiming that I claimed this or said that or some such, and trying to cause division between us, and this person assured me that she has no beef with me. I so appreciated that.
I will not discuss other people with anyone who PMs me. EVER. If anyone asked anything of me I would tell them to go to the source they are asking information about. If someone told me someone said this or that about me A) I couldn't care less and don't need to know that and B) I wouldn't trust someone who spred gossip to me.
So just saying. If someone writes you and claims "Alva said this or that about you" or "Alva told me blah and blah, "I would ask that you come to me personally so I can reassure you that I almost certainly said nothing whatsoever about you. I think we should ALL fact check when we hear what sounds like gossip and nonsense.
As to names, I honestly don't care. Good advice is good advice and I don't care about the name used to give it. I feel the same about BAD advice--no matter what the name is, it is bad advice.
I DO appreciate if a user comes back just knowing they didn't disappear altogether as that always makes me sad and there are many that I still miss. The Captain and Ahmijoy come to mind. Haven't seen WindyRidge in a month of Sundays. Many more. Not to say I don't like a lot of our new members, because I DO.
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Polar, Three of the people who made the accusations said specifically that a long time trusted poster told them that a that I had multiple accounts and that I liked to stir up trouble because I was a psychologist and liked to watch what happened.
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Bridget, what I find most troubling is that it was a long time trusted member, not a troll, that made the accusations.

Not all of us get along all the time and we don’t have to reply to those we don’t like. But taking time to send PMs to accuse and attack is very troubling.
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@Bridget66

You know, you're exactly right. Personally, I don't like using multiple names, but people do for other reasons besides trolling and looking for trouble. You clearly state valid reasons for a screename change.
Me, I started out as BurntCaregiver and that's the only handle I'll ever use on this forum.
For the most part you can pretty much tell by the writing style who's who and if they're serious or just out for a bit of trolling.
I will always call these people out. This forum is a good group and a valuable resource for people that are actual caregivers. It's not for bored, lonely, mentally ill, or just no good jack-o**s who have nothing better to do with their time other than try to get a rise out of people or tear down the people on this site who truly can offer support because they're going through the same things or have a wealth of experience in it (been there, done that).
PrettyWitty was here before under a different name. I remember what it was though. I recognize the writing style. That style is contemporary troll.
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You're exactly right FF. I can't change my writing style or my interests. But I did change my user name from Becky04469 after the recent troll attack. I received multiple mean messages accusing me of being multiple posters including Jeffrey Prince, Lil Melba, UsedUpDIL and Bandy 7. After this thread last night about multiple users I was accused by PM of being PrettyWitty. I am none of those people. I also am not a pot stirrer and troublemaker because I'm a psychologist and like to watch the fusses. All the accusations that were made by PM had been told by a longtime trusted member that I was doing these things.

And I had notified several forum members of my name change. My old profile is still up and my old comments can be seen. They are not deleted when you close your account. Closing your account makes it impossible to post, receive messages, etc.

I am a 66 year old female living in Maine and sometimes for extended periods in WV. I have a variety of serious health problems. I am on dialysis, peripheral artery disease, other cardiac issues, multiple falls resulting in being in a wheelchair and a long time type 1 insulin-dependent diabetic. I am a widow.
I have a shortened life expectancy. On the upside. I have a large caring family who help me greatly.
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Because I have been routinely targeted by some posters, I need to know when someone has changed their screen name (user names), so that I can continue to avoid them.


Beyond that, I now try to tolerate them instead of exposing their lies. Even though that person still comes after me with harsh criticisms, tolerance is not my strong suit.

This is not a happy topic, but I understand how frustrated we all feel at the betrayal and deceit.

Letting it go.
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hugs to all :).
slowly climbing my way back up from problems here. this means, i'll continue to be gone from the internet. wishing us all a great thanksgiving soon! :)
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One thing I have noticed about multi-name users, the style they use to write is usually the same, thus an easy catch for some. If they try to change their style of writing, eventually the true person will show up when there is a kerfuffle on-line.
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There's a difference between just changing your user name and creating multiple and/or consecutive accounts. Generally forum users who have changed their name for legitimate reasons have acknowledged their new persona and the reasons behind it - a lost account, privacy concerns or whatever. Logging in pretending to be someone new with a different set of issues totally unrelated to their previous posts is just game playing, but I'm willing to put aside my suspicions and tolerate it as long as they stay respectful and any advice given is a positive contribution.
(7)
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I changed my username because when I first found the forum I was desperately seeking help and used a username that reflected that desperation. Later I wanted something that was more reflective of my rational personality and changed to TNtechie. I think we all have at least one username change coming, although I do agree repeated changes to attempt deception should be avoided.
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