Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
Follow
Share
Read More Close
10K Comments
Popular Questions
Start a Discussion
Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
Don’t worry . This has been my MIL’s lifelong behavior . I learned boundaries with this woman 40 years ago . And hopefully DH gets stronger . He did learn some dealing with his Dad ( now deceased) . I think he will be stronger with Mom than he was with Dad , because his Mom has ladled out plenty of guilt trips, silent treatment etc his whole life . He’s fed up with her always pulling nonsense to get her way. I could write a book including with us canceling our wedding and eloping because of her shenanigans .
Found out last night from the nurse , MIL has a fractured pelvis . So that buys us some time . She should be a rehab a decent amount of time .
Touring two facilities tomorrow .
If by some miracle she goes home , will call APS . She’s lucky we are even looking out for her at all .
Think about what happens when 2-year olds are allowed to manipulate parents and to divide them, worry them, make choices bad for them. They become angrier and more confused by the second. It's out of control.
She needs limits on the amount of abuse she ladled out into your bowl; needs to understand that in the same wise there are days she doesn't wish to speak with YOU there are also days when the two of you need a day off from HER. All's fair in love and war.
Anyway if she makes it home again , I’m calling APS , and the Agency of Aging.
MIL and her partner ( with moderate Alzheimer’s ) are not functioning . The other family said there were plates of food all over . MIL could not make it to the bathroom either. A mess upstairs . The partners family wants to bring an aide in part time . It’s not enough , they need 24/7 supervision .
Just saw your most recent post.
Dh is doing what right for him, which is great. You both have wasted a lot of time trying to help MIL Good decision!
DH came home in a foul mood . His mother won’t even answer her phone at the hospital , per the nurse who was kind enough to try to make that happen .
DH says we are now not driving out tomorrow . He has too much on his plate at work to waste an extra day if she isn’t going to talk . 😬😬😬😬.
He says we will go out very early Friday morning and try to catch a doctor .
She finally gave in and went in last night by ambulance .
We have multiple family members angry that we didn’t drive out Monday . DH told the relatives that she would not listen to him on the phone Monday when the police called . She was “ lucid “ as far as the EMTs were concerned , and said she could refuse . DH told the relatives she will have to fail , until she gives in .
maybe a week or so ago Amanda Seyfried was on the Tonight Show. LSS she pulls out a dulcimer!!! sings “California”. Pretty amazeballs as she has a great voice and had this whole retro boho chic look going on. Of course it went viral. Big time viral. And she’s out doing press for that new Peacock series and the Joni Mitchell comparisons keep popping up. Like she’ll do an interview and it will run a Mitchell song for her intro or ending. Or someone’s podcast will talk abt what to stream and her series gets mentioned and presto another Mitchell earworm played.
I image it’s all about her getting placed to do the Mitchell biopic. Like who just happens to have a dulcimer in their car.
bob - your mom will die one day. That's definite. So maybe it was a "heads up" to prepare yourself. I think dreams do reflect what's on our minds.
cw - weird, I agree.
Dreams, to me, usually reflect in some odd way what we are going through and what we are trying to work out in our minds, prepare for, come to terms with. I think that's what your dream means.
The demise of your mom NOW would, I believe, be entirely coincidental, but we being humans, who want REASONS will most certainly make up a whole story around it, just as we do in dreams.
We tell dreams in "art" if you will, in allegory, in stage sets.
I love the dream world--just love it. And I so wonder at that being, for one half our lives, our "real world". I so prefer that world to real life.
I think your dream is lovely, to tell the truth, told with the majesty you see in a state funeral, or the funeral of "someone important".
With that dream and the blood moon tonight, it's making me wonder...
Was it a crazy dream...or a warning/heads up...?
At 83 this year and 84 respectively, my partner and I find that we simply cannot TOLERATE what we once could in unhealthy things; they wreck havoc on our systems. So it isn't for want of trying to eat bad that we eat better. And our old joints MUST keep moving and exercising, or, it is now clear, they will not work well.
Perhaps there is a happy medium somewhere, but in my experience humans aren't great at control. Wish you well. I side with "happiness" if it means the occ. bag of Trader Joe's Original potato chips.
They are loathe to take a citizen's rights if that person is somewhat competent.
You may be down to sitting back and "waiting for the call" from medical, hospital or from the coroner.
To be honest, enforced placement, allowing for another year or so of unhappy life?
Let it go where it's going; don't enable it by stepping in. About all I can say, and that's very tough to do.
She must have done well enough in rehab to go home last month . I have not seen her recently . DH and I saw her prior to rehab in the hospital . We live 4 hours away .
She lies and says she will hire an aide , get grab bars and get a stair lift etc . She says she uses a walker now . Most likely because she can’t do at all without it .
The bar seems to be getting lower as far as discharge . If they are lucid and I guess understand their situation , and the consequences , they can go home .
A wound care nurse comes to the house .
My MIL showtimes very well , is very convincing .
BTW. MIL does not fully comprehend her situation . She thinks she’s going to get better . She’s declining . She is in later stages of CLL, She has lost a ton of weight , gets iron infusions , her color is slightly jaundiced . Also in moderate kidney failure .She’s stooped over so far she’s looking at only the floor when she ( barely ) walks . This has been slowly deteriorating for years .
Can she take care of herself?
If no it is an unsafe discharge and should be reported to JCAHO.
Also, if she isn't able to do own care then the call gets placed and she's transported back. Do that enough and it dings hospital for early re-admit, a big one that clues in JCAHO that there was inadequate discharge and unsafe discharge.
I am so sorry for all you're going through Way.
DH and I just hold on to “ it’s the last parent in this dementia trilogy “. 😭😭
3 out of 4 had/have dementia . MIL is the last parent living .
I'm so sorry you're in the weeds with your MIL. If she showtimes that well and the hospital or APS won't help with her, you're just going to have to let the chips fall where they may. Just trust that none of it is your fault.
The ER sent her back home last night .
We failed at “ unsafe discharge” last month when she was in the hospital . The social worker said she’s “ lucid “ .
She showtimes well . She was sent to rehab last month for a bit . The social worker at rehab never returned one call to DH even though he left messages about being concerned about her going home .
So we wait .
MIL was upset that my DH found out she was at the ER . When DH called the ER and spoke to her , MIL wanted to know who told him . DH didn’t tell her that MIL’s partner’s son had called my DH . The partner’s Alzheimer’s is so bad , and couldn’t remember why my MIL went in the ambulance . Partner’s son figured he’d better call my DH .