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Helen4sure: I am sorry to hear of your sweetie's Alzheimer's. You can garner much support on this forum.
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OB: Enjoy your retirement AND your retirement home.
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Gershun: When an individual I know loses a fur kid, I not only offer verbal condolences, but send a sympathy card to the person. And I was very sorry to hear of the passing of your dear cat. That was callous of your sister, IMHO.
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Imho, the words 'I'm sorry for your loss,' are meant to offer sincere respect for the receiver of such words since they have undergone the loss of someone dear to them. It is a customary courtesy in today's society. Again, this is just one individual's opinion.
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Another Youtube change, you are scrolling to find something to watch as they have already selected what you can choose.

Then, you pause just a moment, and hear talking, talking from a program you would never select. Wait, who said that? It is playing without you clicking on the program.

NO, NO! NOOOOO!

Not friendly to the elderly!

For those of us who still like to choose, this is extremely disturbing!

It is going to scare any elderly with alzheimers, and confuse them.
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Youtube has changed in the last few days. They have got to stop this!

My bird and I were watching a relaxing bird video for budgies, meant for relaxing. In the middle, the screen went black, an advertisement came on by the Humane society: "Some people say this is a sport", and a video of a rhino
being shot, falling dead flashes before my eyes. Sound effects.

Turned off Youtube. I will be boycotting Youtube, because I cannot watch this kind of brutality. Will that help? Will they get the message, we just don't want to see that?
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A person lives, say for an example, 90 years.
Only 1/3rd is likely to be 'end of life care', at the most, on the average, if it happens that way.

2/3rds of their life is also gone when they pass. The part that was happy, productive, and enjoyable. The part we miss.

When I say, Sorry for your loss, it is about the loss of a person's whole life, not just at the end.

I understand how Polarbear may feel when someone's death is a welcome relief, not saying sorry for your loss, and struggling to know what should be said in those circumstances to comfort a person after such a difficult period of time.
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I personally took what most people said after losses I've experienced as a sometimes very awkward attempt at comfort.

I think it's wrong to expect that anyone is going to be able to somehow say just the right words. I know I struggle with it when it's someone else who has experienced a loss. I think most people's hearts are in the right place with what they try to say.

When I lost my cat recently my one sister said nothing when I told her. While a cat isn't the same as losing a spouse or a parent it's still a loss. I resented the fact she chose to say nothing. Even an a I'm sorry is better than stony silence. Just my opinion.
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There can be a lot of ambivalence when someone dies after a long disease or even of great age. On the one hand we all know death is inevitable and can be an end to suffering, but on the other hand we wish those who are dear to us would never, ever leave us. And when someone is intimately involved in another person's life it can be very disorienting have the daily thoughts and routines around which their life have revolved abruptly come to an end.
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“There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so. One must simply hold out and endure it. At first that sounds very hard, but at the same time it is also a great comfort. For to the extent the emptiness truly remains unfilled one remains connected to the other person through it. It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness. God in no way fills it but much more leaves it precisely unfilled and thus helps us preserve -- even in pain -- the authentic relationship. Further more, the more beautiful and full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer
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Glad, back at you.

It is not your place to tell me what I should feel or not feel. It’s rather hypocritical of you.
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It is a loss. So many caregivers grieve deeply and just not sure what to do with their lives after a death of someone they have cared for a very long time. For me mom passing was a relief, she was suffering so. Not all caregivers are able to process a death that way.

Rather cold statement, polar and not your place to even think you know how others should feel.
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I can’t bring myself to say “I’m sorry for your loss” when clearly the death of the person brings much welcome relief to everyone including the deceased.

I don’t feel sorry, and I don’t think it’s a loss either.
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Helen,
Vent here.
Solve problems here.
We will all listen to you.

Do not vent to kids. They will throw you under the bus and exaggerate everything you ever told them.

You can also talk to a professional, financial planner, geriatric care manager, or a counselor.
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Funny thing happened. My Sweetie has mid-stage Alzheimers. I use my kids as sounding boards, and a place to vent. We ALL need someplace to vent. Thought my kids were a safe place to do so. We went away for a week in September, so no venting, although a lot of problems. However, when we returned, I decided to keep all that 'stuff' to myself as both kids thought it was time (their decision, not mine) to look into AL.....for both of us! Since no venting in the last couple of months, both kids think I'm doing so much better, because nothing bothers me any more! Learned my lesson.....
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Llama, Yes the house I cleaned out is going to be our retirement home. Since Dad died there’s no reason to stay in KY on the farm. I’m ready to quit farming and relax a little. My husband and son are moving their flight business to N.C. We will move ASAP, but no later than 1/15. New owners take over the farm then. Hate to go back to KY today. I’d rather stay at the beach.
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LL, I am the same way. LOL

I am sorry about your DDs MIL. I am sure that she appreciated your help and you gave her something to be grateful for, because it is the small gestures of love and care that make us feel special.

God bless you for giving!
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ITTR: Glad to share a similar story. I aspire to be likened to my mother. Sometimes my factual nature gets in the way - LOL.

However, I always look to help the other person before I help myself. At Thanksgiving dinner yesterday where 30 of us gathered and after learning of an unpleasant dx of my DD MIL's, I made sure to help her get plates of food. But we are only 8 months difference in age.
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OB: Didn't realize that that house would be your new residence. Good for you.
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Finished with cleaning out !!!! What a relief. New mattresses delivered today.I have the beds made and bedrooms set up except my stepsons. He can do his the way he wants it, if he decides to live with us.
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ITRR and LL - mother certainly chased people away with her negativity. We can all heed the need for being good company if we want some.

OB - sounds like you are making good progress. Sitting here looking at the snow and not even being able to imagine beach, sun and sand. ⛱ It's been a long time...

EB - Hey I am still in nightie and dressing gown and it's a normal Friday. There are no pajama police or nighty nazis around here! It's comforting to take it easy!
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I am still in my pajamas and it feels so good to just relax. Love the day after the holidays.
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LL, it is exactly in line with what I saw and have been thinking about.

Your mom was a wise woman to know that nobody's wants to hear about what ails you. Especially if that's all that they hear.

Finding the positive in any situation helps me cope with life and I always feel for those that can't see what a blessing they are being given.

It really makes me wonder how many are alone because they suck your life force with their negative, nasty attitudes. May God open their hearts.
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Up early to fix coffee for husband and sons flight. Carried a big pile of stuff out for trash day. Have a local charity coming to pick up some old furniture. We should have been cleaning this place out a little at a time. But when you’re at the beach, the sun and sand call you out to play....
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ITTR: This may be a little off topic, but I wanted to share it nonetheless. My late mother would say 'No one wants to hear your ailments/don't bemoan your life, etc.' My mother was a very pleasant and social person, even though she was a legally blind woman and did actually have many ailments, though one would never know it.
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We recently had a drive by poster start a discussion about how to stop elder abuse. Said she sees it everyday and warned us all to be careful, as we are next in line to be old and abused. Alienated from her own children because they are abusive to her.

I was in the grocery store and a senior lady in an electric cart, was being helped by a middle aged man, he was holding a basket so she could pick out individual green beans. I was waiting to get green beans and she was blocking the access, which was fine, I only mention it because I heard the following interaction between them while I waited.

He asked her what she was making with the green beans and she snarkily answered that she was making green beans. He said he was asking because he thought she might be making a casserole or something for Thanksgiving dinner. She then, still very snarky replies that she isn't having Thanksgiving, she is all alone and nobody invited her, so she wasn't celebrating. She was obviously very bitter and kept biting this nice man as he tried to create conversation while she picked one green bean at a time.

So he asks her if she has any family, because he was alone with his mom and that his sibs were in rockport. Well, she instantly says that's where her family is and they start having a pretty nice talk. Then he asks her if she can mobilize in and out of a car. She says she can, so he invites her to come be with him and his mom. He will pick her up and take her home. Telling her his mom would love to have someone to hang out and play cards with and he would be willing to give her free transportation. They exchange numbers and I was so happy for her.

But, she starts being really negative that she doesn't know how to play cards and I spoke up saying how awesome it will be to learn something new while making a new friend. Well, she was just determined to be miserable about it.

This made me think of this poster. Because this woman was bemoaning being alone and bemoaning a true effort and invitation to change that. I realized that some people choose to be so miserable that nobody can get near them. This guy was really diligent in his efforts to be kind and helpful and offer a chance at friendship. I thought he worked at the store, he was a patron that willingly held that basket for at least 5 minutes, invited her for Thanksgiving and offered her a ride to and from and encouraged her to hang out with his mom and she didn't see any of that, what she chose to focus on was the negative. What she couldn't do, not that she might have a nice time or how awesome it was that someone, a complete stranger, offered her something lovely.

It just made me wonder how many, my mom is one, that declare abuse, neglect and whatever other negative thing to anyone that will listen and miss seeing the love being offered.

I think those that are alone and it is everyone else's doing, should take a good long look at themselves.
There are many people in this world trying to make real connections, we just have to be willing to look past ourselves.

That's what's been on my mind.
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Warm day at the beach. After all of the Thanksgiving hoopla we cleaned out another bedroom. Last 2 bedrooms will get cleaned out tomorrow. Husband and son have an overnight to Florida - then back home to KY. Start cleaning out there to move mid January. Another years long accumulation of junk, but the farm is sold and retirement is on the horizon.
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Happy Thanksgiving to all Americans here. Have a great day and (don't) eat too much 🌽 🍗 🥧
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Wow! You’re having some cold weather up north. Got Mom set up on Hospice today. They’ll start Friday. Worked on cleaning out the house. Got 2 bedrooms cleaned out. Will start again on Friday.
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I was checking the forecast for northern AB this morning and I thought of you Golden. I also thought way too early, way too cold....there's no (insert favourite expletive) way I could live with that.
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