Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
It makes me wonder if God is telling me that she isn't too far away from being a nursing home resident.
A while back I suggested to DH that maybe he should ask his aunt ( MIL’s sister 10 years younger ) to talk to her . He said no . Just let her be a ward of the state.
I’ll try it again . Maybe he will since it seems he is going to let himself get more involved . Uggh
I'm so glad she gave your dh her doctor's name and number. That says to me she knows she is declining. Dh will make contact when he feels it is right.
That brother - arrgh! Wanting his share of the money and pressuring your dh to settle the estate. No respect!!!
I understand that dh is concerned about his mother's welfare. Despite all, she is his mother and he feels a duty to care for her. I get that and felt the same way. On the other hand, I didn't say much to mother about getting her paper work in order. Her financial advisor (who she really liked and respected) did that - and then she told me that he wanted her to get her papers in order. I think he was tired of dealing with her as well as knowing she was of an age when she should have it done. So eventually it happened. No way I could have led her through it. She had to make the decision herself.
It's so stressful dealing with these kind of people!!!!
Yes , I believe she has dementia. I think MIL’s brain is just operating on default mode right now to a large extent .
She’s just relying on old thoughts, ways, beliefs and memories . Saw a lot of this the day we visited her especially as it got later in the day . DH and I were even saying she wasn’t even being very manipulative . She was different this time , a noticeable step down from the last time . Maybe she can’t manipulate anymore .
She did finally give DH her primary docs name and number the other day . Not sure when he may want to try to contact doc since we think she still showtimes pretty well . I have to let DH have breaks and chip away slowly on contacting doc .
Lately DH is annoyed at his brother who keeps asking when the remainder of FIL ‘s estate is being settled . He didn’t visit his father in AL or go to the funeral but has his hand out for money .
I told DH I doubt anything would get accomplished unless he took MIL to a lawyer himself . We don’t think she would be willing to do that though . She’s always been a stubborn , know it all , my way is the only way kind . DH didn’t say anything . I guess he’s thinking . I didn’t bring it up lately . DH has been bringing up his mother .
DH has been bringing up how annoyed he is that his mother didn’t get paperwork done . He used to say he didn’t care , she would just become a ward of the state . I’m still hoping he won’t stress himself out over this lifelong selfish woman and let it happen .
If room mate has the beginnings of Alzheimer's then an attorney should not set him up as a POA. As I understand it, the attorney has a duty to assess the capability of the person to be named as POA.
Do you think she is playing games and jerking you and dh around? She likes throwing out bait to stir up some drama. Don't give it to her.
If she is serious about this there is not much you can do. I think I would want to say to her "Great idea!" just to shock her. then drop the subject and refuse to engage in it again unless she gets sensible. ((((hugs))))
She has recently said again that she will make her roommate POA. It appears that MIL has forgotten that the roommate has early Alzheimer’s . I give up .
Eva - hope you and hub are doing alright since he got back home,
nacy - your sis is caught in denial. Mine was too. When I mentioned the BPD diagnosis, sis's response was . "Oh, no. Mother just has a few little emotional problems". While, in fact, mother had a serious mental illness and had developed dementia. It's so much easier for them if they can pretend that mom is not sick,
way - I really like your compromise! One half hour - done and dusted!
cw, nacy - the parades sound fun and I loved them as a child but for years now - uh-uh and especially in the evening. I don't like cold feet.
A little snow around these days and temps below freezing at night. The geese have flown - south I presume. Good idea!!!
Saw a saying recently - "I can't wait to start complaining about how cold is!" Works for me lol.
I
Thank you for support and warm words. Means a lot.
Hubby will be released tomorrow. What happened remains a mystery.
As others here have gently reminded me I have been exceptionally lucky in my life so far, even though sometimes in the middle of it it may not always seem like it. I have been blessed with a great mom but there are many people who have not.
This dementia thing? Not so lucky there I admit. But maybe it’s my husband’s turn to be the lucky one in that he has a wife who is still sharp enough to advocate for him and keep him safe.
10 years on the forum! Thanks for sticking around for little ole me! Hahahahahah!
You have plans that you want to achieve on that property. Go for it!!! It sounds amazing from what you have described and apparently you have the talent and ability to do what you want to there. Awesome!!!
I'm sorry that dementia has raised it's ugly head in your life It is such a thief!!! I expect you are mourning the losses it brings as well as losing your g/fs by moving. (((((hugs))))
Glad you have joined us. I have been here over 10 years and have received much very valued support.
An aside, mother passed in 2018 age 106 and there was no way I (POA) was moving here until she did. She had Borderline Personality Disorder and I needed to keep my distance. Being BPD no years were good though she had excellent health into her later 90s. It took more than a year to get the estate settled which was another thing that slowed me down.
I had colleagues from where I worked in Fort Mc but not many friends there any more. At my age they move, pass or get dementia. As I tell my kids "Most people my age are dead", if you get my drift.
My ideas in moving here were 1) the winters are not as long nor cold, 2) there are better health resources here - a bit of a laugh. It has been harder getting a family dr here than in Ft Mc, but the specialists are here, not that I need them yet 3) my offspring are gathering in this area - that's a bit of a laugh too as the ones here don't want to take on POA etc. they just want me to visit them and go out for meals 4) R has roots here 5) it's cheaper living 6) I have the lake lot which will be fun developing I think 7) I have lived in Edmonton for years long time ago so I still am somewhat familiar with it and probably more - like no forest fires.
I hear you mourning the loss of your friends which is so understandable. As I said, most of mine have gone one way or another over the years. In fact I had another post in mind which is about making new friends as you get older. It's happening.
I'm sure the kitty has helped She is part Maine Coon and very talkative but small. She's a good companion, but pets do take work.
Anyway that covers it I think. My situation seems very different to yours. I was more than ready to leave the house and the city to come here and despite the surgeries and injuries that R has had, he is still active and helpful. I am very thankful.
Yes, this property is going to be too much for me eventually. If we had decided to move one year later I doubt we would have chosen it despite its beauty and proximity to family. However, the wonderful things so outweigh the bad, and I have a ridiculous drive to create something here before I’m too old. Plus, I’m drawn to funky, charming houses like a fly to a cadaver!
I stumbled on this forum a few months ago with questions about my DH and his cognitive decline (which really started to rear its ugly head during our move). I got such helpful answers from so many wise and wonderful people! I feel blessed and supported here and very, very thankful!
Margaret, I feel for you. it has taken me 2+ years to get even close to comfortable here after our big relocation. I’ve talked about how important my friends have been to me and I had to leave them and my wonderful home behind. It takes a lot of time to work through that. I’m sending you a thick slice of pumpkin bread and some French roast with cream.
Thank you, Llama.
Eva - thinking of you and your dh on this Thanksgiving Day. Hoping things are better ((((hugs))))
Happy Thanksgiving to all Canadians here.🍁 🦃 🍁
We did the turkey thing in a turkey roaster. It was a bit of a fiasco but turned out OK in the end.
cw - It sounds like you aren't enjoying anything you are doing now. Is there a little bit of depression that 5HT or St John's Wort would help? Or, heaven forbid, something stronger? No shame in that. I think a routine is good, but life is not good if you don't enjoy at least part of it.
Psue - anyone who can add "hypertufa" to a list (I had to look it up) must have an interesting life. You are a project person I see and have accomplished much. I'm sorry your hub got sick and you are now having to deal with a large property on your own. That sucks. Your property sounds awesome but maybe will become a bit too much for one person. Would you want to share more about your hub? You'll get support here. I saw you mentioned your mother in one post. Is she still alive? Mine lived to 106. I was 81 when she died.
It took me 6 years to adjust to retirement. I knew the list, as we all do, but it didn't appeal either, I know some of the suggestions could be helpful.
Send, I waited for "my passion" to strike and it didn't. lol
I simply stayed home in my household routine and appreciated not having to get up and brush snow off the car at 7:15 am when it was 35 below. I enjoyed my cup of coffee unpressured, as I still do. I liked being able to sit by my self and think and still do. I like the sound of silence. In fact I love it.
Margaret, you have just had a big move. I'm glad your senior's classes are working. I like the ad you quoted - that's me and deep housecleaning! It'll happen sometime! lol
Like Alva, I have a busy brain. It keeps me good company. I'm an introvert so I don't need much people contact. Technology does it for me too. I have things I want to do - growing more grass for my kitty, sorting apple seeds, germinating them, repotting the catalpa seedlings, reading more, sorting my closet, and so on. Mundane tasks but I enjoying doing some of them and the others I just like having them done. I could join the Friday afternoon get together in this building but "haven't had time" lol. The morning one at 9:30 is way too early for me.
R and I will celebrate a year together here tomorrow. It has been a good thing.
Always late to the discussions.
" blogs telling you to travel! volunteer! or the best one - find your passion! (oh please 🙄)."
I read your post in a hurry.
Thought it said:
"find your passport".
That's it for today, no time for social media.
Hello to all!
Later.....