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Dear "JennaRose,"

I know you're hurting and feeling like you're mourning the loss of a friendship and you are. I lost one I've known for 26 years back in June and although I've tried to move on, I'm still in disbelief when I think about it although, I really have tried to stop dwelling on it.

Unfortunately, even though we as women are communicators and nurturers, we often don't discuss with each other when something is bothering us, offends us etc. which is why she went the route of not returning your calls. Having been there, I do not do that to them and have at least had the guts to contact someone and ask if I've done something wrong in hopes of starting a conversation. It truly doesn't work especially nowadays but, I can walk away not feeling any guilt because "I" tried.

I felt exactly like you when you said you realized she truly isn't a friend at all and you're right - that's why it's so painful. I looked at how much time I wasted (I did realize it wasn't as reciprocal as I wanted it to be even though I worked hard at it). In your case it sounds like you were taken advantage of and used - you gave her money, you were there for her but, doesn't sound like she was there for you and you said the list goes on and on. You really don't need that - you need a friend where there is mutual respect and a give and take.

For some reason, I feel like it's more than what she said but who knows so that's all you really have to go on.

Back in 2006 I bought a book called "What Did I Do Wrong? - What to do when you don't know why a friendship is over" by Liz Pryor. She went on this journey because she had experienced it and desperately wanted to find out why do women do this to each other i.e. just vanish, stop returning calls, stop talking etc. You may find it helpful as I did.

Try to remember something else we're told - friends are for a reason, a season or a lifetime and unfortunately there are very few who will end up in the last category.

I'm sorry you're going through this pain especially while you're in a caregiving role. At some point, you'll find that someone else will be brought into your life while your previous friend exited. In the experience I told you about, I ended up reconnecting with one of my favorite cousins 40 years later and we are having a great time getting to know one another again even though we don't live in the same state. I wish the same for you!

Take care - the pain will pass especially when you come to a place of acceptance and then the healing will begin.
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I needed to let go of my so-called "best" friend and it's still bothering me. I have known this woman for 46 years and about 2 weeks ago I had messaged her daughter on FB regarding one of her kid's birthday party as it was supposed to be near my house (this way I could have attended and not be far away from my Mom).

Daughter cancelled the party and didn't say if she was going to re-schedule which was why I had messaged her (I bought the kid a birthday present). Long story short it ended up that I said I will mail the present (since daughter and family live 1 hour away).

I called daughter's mother (my friend) and she ignored my 2 calls. Then I see my friend on FB so I messaged her and asked her why she didn't return my calls. She said I was nasty to her daughter. I was shocked. I do not believe I was nasty. Perhaps I wasn't having the best of days due to caregiving for my Mom and putting a dying cat to sleep.

Where is the understanding of what my life is like?

I'm sad because I have realized that my friend is truly not a friend at all if she can't understand my problems. I have always been there for her, given her money when she really needed it, and the list goes on.

I guess I am mourning the end of a friendship.

Jenna
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Dear Bridger,

I'm also so sorry for your loss. That's so selfish of your guests not helping you. I will never understand people.

Try to get as much rest as you possibly can.

Hugs and prayers to you,
Jenna
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Bridger: So sorry again for your loss. You must be exhausted, managing the emotional toll as well as your "hotel manager" work. Get some rest. Hugs.💞
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Bridger
I am very sorry for the loss of your mom. I hope you are able to rest soon.

Your dads comment reminded me of my DH aunt who was said to never miss a funeral whether she knew the departed or not. Once DH was visiting relatives in his aunts city, A cousin had just shared that observation with DH as they were exiting a Resturant. A hearse with a string of cars following close behind was just passing by, DH cousin said, “Look there she goes now!” Sure enough, the aunt was in the stream of cars headed out of town to the cemetery.

Your dad sounds like a real sweetie. I know you will cherish him all the more. But sadly the party is often over for the one left behind. That must be the loneliest feeling.
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Nobody Gets It, My dad is always good for a laugh when talking about my mom’s family. He calls them the funeral professionals. They always go to all funerals. Act like they’re checking into a hotel and eat nonstop. My dad’s family is small and most a good distance away.

I went to see Dad this evening. He’s so sad. Talking about he was ready to go meet Mom. Hard for me to think about. But that’s inevitable. His health is not good. My husband tried to listen to his lungs and heart. Dad told him to keep his stethoscope to himself.
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Dear "Bridger46164,"

It saddens me that your dad is not doing well. I'm sure the funeral/burial took it's toll on everyone especially with extended family in town. What a shame that none of them pitched in to "help" you out.

No disrespect intended but, I did get a chuckle out of your dad telling you when he passes away not to tell them.

I'm glad it's behind you and you're getting your household back on track. You all must be exhausted from this past week.

Continued thoughts and prayers -
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We're captive on the carousel of time.....
(Joni Mitchell)
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Got thru Mom’s funeral/burial. Dad is not doing well at all. I had every vacant inch of my house filled with my mom’s family from out of town. I never realized what a rude crowd they are. They never made a bed, washed a dish or helped with a meal. I felt like a hotel manager fielding complaints. I finally have things cleaned up and back together. My dad says when he passes to not inform them. I agree.
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cwille,

It will be wonderful when we don’t have to wear masks any longer. For now we have to do what is best.

I have made so many masks! I do all sorts of styles and fabric patterns.

I like to sew but never in a million years would I have thought I would be sewing masks.

One thing that I found odd was when checking out Pinterest there were crocheted mask. I’m assuming they must be lined or they wouldn’t be effective! I don’t get the sequined mask either! LOL

I have given tons of masks to hospital workers, my children, friends and neighbors.
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My mask observation wasn't meant to call out all those people, it just strikes me as looking both impractical and uncomfortable. And when I see public figures doing it, those who have close access to health authorities and who aught to be able to afford to buy as many different styles as they want to find what works best for them it is baffling.
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Anche71: Thank you so much! I consumed salad and nothing but (except iced tea) for far too long. Unfortunately, it caught up with my g.i. tract.
So you got better news from your mother's radiologist? One time the Hospitalist for my mom told me just quite casually - "Oh, your mother has two spine fractures." Say what? We never knew.
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NeedHelpWithMom: Thank you! It's going to take some time to get back to normal.😀
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Send: Wow - that was scary for you when you ate the peach. I did not eat raw veggies in moderation at all! Just had chicken breast and mashed potatoes and I haven't had that in 6 years! Thank you.😀
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I've seen people wearing double masks, a face shield then gloves, hat, and a jacket. Hmm. A bit over kill. But then again, those tend to be older people who are at higher risk.

I prefer clean fresh air. I wear my mask under my nose unless I go near or pass by someone then I pull up my mask to protect them.
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I admit I pull my mask down so it's barely covering my nose. Reason being my glasses fog up so bad I can barely see and believe it or not if you are even mildly claustrophobic wearing a mask is difficult and I'm very claustrophobic. I can't even pull a sweater over my head without feeling off.

But I wear the mask as best I can.
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cwille,
So true. I see masks below the nose all of the time. What about the people who wear them hanging on one ear? LOL, I see that too!
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Thanks for that NHWM! Good information and I am aware of the symptoms of anaphylactic shock and appreciate you posted your concerns so that others may know too.
Family was shopping in Costco together, and my daughter-in-law just passed by the open fresh lobsters. I was the only one who thought her reaction was urgent, and got her some Benadryl.

My own issues are food sensitivity related to g.e.r.d. and g.i. sensitivity. In just 10-20 minutes after I eat most foods, there is one welt on my upper right back that itches. Not comfortable to say the least. But barbqued turkey would not cause it, if I ate just a little. Lol. (Not discounting that some treatment might be necessary for myself). Thanks NHWM!
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Everywhere I look in real life and on the web I see people who wear their masks barely over the tip of the nose, it's no wonder they constantly slide down when they talk, yawn.... breathe. And some (a lot) of them are people who really should know better🤔
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Send,

Have you had allergy tests done? Be careful. Systematic reactions are dangerous. Please have an allergy test done. You have to know what to avoid. You also have to be careful eating in restaurants.

Many years ago I almost died from a systematic reaction to my allergy shots. I ended up in the ER. They gave me steroids in an IV.

The symptoms were weird, itching inside my ears, a rash all over and my throat started to close up. I had a hard time breathing. The itching inside my ears was really an odd feeling.

My neighbor has a shellfish allergy and almost died eating seafood. If you started swelling, you must be allergic to it.
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Llama,
I feel the same about salads....everything in moderation.
Actually, both fruits and salads do not like me. Last time I ate a peach, my mouth swelled up.

Feel better soon!
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Dear "Anche71,"

That's great news! But, gee they sure gave you a reason to be concerned by asking you to come in today instead of Monday - making it sound so urgent would upset anyone.

What a relief for the both of you and I hope the specialist is able to come up with something to strengthen her bones as well as relieve the pain.

Now, I hope the rest of your day you'll be able to breathe a little easier - you need to do something nice for yourself after that experience!

Take care - hugs to you!
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Llama thank you for your prayers and hugs! And what about you? I hope you will be better soon!

Nobodygetsit
I have rather good news: there are 2 vertebral fractures in my mom's spine... But they are old. Probably the doctor making the x-rays thought they were recent. I told him before he started that the reason we were there was to check the situation since 4 years ago my mom had spine fractures... We will now see a specialist for a cure to strengthen the bones and relieve the pain.
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Llama,

Hope you feel better soon 😊
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Anche71: I will be praying for you and your mother. Hugs from the mid Atlantic region of Maryland.💞
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Send: Thank you, but no. Herein lies the problem: my system could not process far too many salads, that left my system. Complete diet change needed.
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Llama!
Will you be needing reminders? To hydrate?

There is a product (do not know much), but it is maybe called 'liquid IV".
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Had to go to the hospital last night for severe dehydration. My diet failed and must be amended. Much better after IV fluids. Raw veggies are out for me.
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"Anche71,"

Please do!

"Un abbraccio" to you too and I hope you are able to get some rest tonight.
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Nobodygetsit
Thank you! I will let you know.
Un abbraccio (a hug in Italian).
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