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Anxietynacy, if you were unfairly labelled ‘selfish’ for several years, to control YOU, I can see why you don’t like the term. However for a lot of people looking at others who want to control THEM, ‘selfish’ is the most appropriate word in the language. Many people have words that 'trigger' them ('Mommy Dearest' springs to mind), but we don't stop using the words.
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Yeah it's true that every difficult person these days is labelled as a narcissist and the term is definitely over used, but it does describe a certain personality type in a way that everyone instantly understands - self centred, manipulative and lacking empathy or consideration for others.
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On your line, Alva, how to do you go with ‘narcissistic type behavior’ as opposed to a ‘narcissist’ diagnosis?
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Fun discussion!
You knew I would like it, didn't you?
I agree on Narcissist. If, as I told another poster moments ago, there is only 2-6% of the population who is Narcissistic, then we are definitely overusing that label on AC, or they are in fact ALL HERE.

I disagree somewhat about selfish. That isn't a clinical diagnosis under the DSM-5 (tho grieving too long and too much currently IS). I think it's OK to say "I think that's somewhat selfish, because......" But we aren't labeling someone as having a personality disorder.

Moreover my opinion of what makes you selfish and someone else's may vary. So it is a subjective, and not objective labeling of people. The person I say is selfish may spout right back "I am just trying to take care of myself!" and could well be right. We could agree at that point to disagree and get on with other niceities.

As RNs we were taught NEVER TO LABEL. If Jane just slapped Jennifer in the face we are not allow to say "Jennifer is becoming violent. We could only say "Jane slapped Jennifer" and what we did about it.

IF Irma said "I want my tray BEFORE you deliver to any other room because I want my food HOT and I don't care about anyone's else's food, but I better get MY WAY" we cannot say "Irma is a selfish, Narcissistic B----" in the chart. We have to say "Irma has expressed her wish to be fed first and says she isn't concerned about others who also want to eat; we have told her why we cannot deliver her tray first and explained tray delivery protocol."
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My mother was and still is a self absorbed nasty woman who made everything that ever happened in the house I grew up in all about her. She was abandoned by her mother and suffered from depression and had a lot emotional baggage. She experienced a lot of trauma during WWII in Germany. She never should have had kids. My father chose not to see what was going on and never intervened.

I don’t know if that means she is a narcissist or just plain mean and nasty. It doesn’t matter to me what words are attached to describe her behavior. This is who she is.
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You don’t like the words ‘narcissist’ or ‘selfish’. I can see that ‘narcissist’ may be an inappropriate amateur disgnosis of a mental illness, but ‘selfish’ is just a description of behavior. Most people are more concerned with the actual “people that are controlling and seem like they only think about themselves”, not the label.
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Anxietynacy,

How about the term self absorbed , or self centered ? However , I don’t believe those terms include being controlling , manipulative , hurtful , rude , spoiled , entitled etc. This is why people use the terms that you don’t like if they are speaking about someone who has those traits . Often it is used to describe someone who has had those traits all along and sometimes it gets worse as they get older or have dementia .
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Anxietynacy,

There is a thread on the forum called, My “whine moment today.” What’s yours? You can whine about anything on it. Many of us post on there.
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Glios are notoriously difficult to treat. They grow these little tendrils like arms out, if you ever look at pictures/images of them. Very difficult to "get them all". I tend to think of cancers (including my own little happy tumor currently nesting left breast hoping Kaiser goes on strike) as "the Alien" if you ever watched that series of movies. Just something as determined as we are to live, and adapting the best way it can to do that. But not something you want to see other than in a horror movie. Great strides are being made, but the current numbers on how many of us are getting it and how early ARE NOT GOOD. Breast cancers numbers for the young are going up by 3% a year, and we are now seeing colorectal cancer in 18 to 25 year olds. Unheard of in the past.
Siddhartha Murkerjee called his mammoth and excellent treatise on cancer The Emperor of All Maladies. Well named.
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I was just watching some videos of people digging out in Cape Breton, not just deep snow but heavy snow too.... a nightmare scenario, especially for the older folks.
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cwillie, I hope so too. There was someone where I had once worked who lost his 15 year old son to this cancer. He died a mere 18 months after diagnosis,
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It was a Glioblastoma that stole my brother from us and there has been no real change in prognosis or treatment in the years since then, I'm thrilled and hopeful that something lasting can come from this innovation.
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Cwillie
Thank you for posting the link on the brain tumor.

I have a just turned 70 yr old nephew in law, The picture of health, Biking fanatic who was diagnosed a year ago with a glioblastoma.
He has done amazingly well although he has had side effects from treatment. Three clear MRIs with no sign of another tumor and then in Nov. something shows up. They are aggressively treating with a new to him drug and more radiation.

I lost a first cousin to one a few years back. In her 60s. My DH lost his DFriend to one at 65.

So this IS exciting news to me.
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I just read this article and I'm dancing inside, finally a glimmer of hope for this deadly cancer

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-67870595
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Way,

Thanks. I have tons of wonderful memories of my energizer cousin. My next visit to the cemetery I am going to bring flowers for her grave.

I can’t imagine living until 101. She didn’t look her age. She was a tiny little woman, dressed very stylishly, about weighed about 100 lbs, wore a size 4 dress and size 4 extra narrow shoes!

She spent a fortune on her shoes because they were hard to find. She had to special order them.

My husband’s great grandmother lived to be just shy of 102. Another tiny woman who had 12 kids and a couple of miscarriages.

She named all of her kids after her favorite characters in the books she read. I asked my husband when in the world did she have time to read with 12 kids? LOL 😆
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Oh Need,

I’m sorry about you losing your energizer bunny aunt .
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Need: You're welcome.
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Sorry for your loss, Need. She sounds like she was a real character!
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Thanks, Llama.
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Need: So sorry for the loss of your cousin. Condolences.
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So, do any of you go to your high school reunions? I haven’t gone to any of mine. I am not the least bit interested, never have been. Some people love going to them.

Anyway, my cousin who recently turned 101 died, She was in good health and enjoyed life.

She didn’t need a walker or cane. We referred to her as the energizer bunny. She lived in an independent living apartment and still drove her car.

My cousin attended her reunions up until she was 100 years old!

Hahaha 😆. So, who is left by that time? You know that the nuns who taught her were dead! Classmates too!

If I remember correctly the school started inviting her to attend reunions as the ‘oldest living alumni.’

She had an incredible memory, was just like my mother and aunt, always an honor student. She was a very interesting lady who was ahead of her time in many ways. I will miss talking to her.

She knew all of the family scoop! She never failed to make me laugh with her wicked sense of humor.
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My condolences on the loss of your mom WIC. Glad you're working and loving the job in the AL.
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Gershun: That is shocking that your FIL, a retired doctor waited till the morning to call 911! And perhaps your MIL could have avoided colon cancer; I mean she's married to a physician - if only she had taken action upon seeing the markers.
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Welcome back Worried! Hope you have some good stories. My daughter kept my in-laws and their niece in stitches in what goes on in a NH.

Sorry about Mom.♥️
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OMG OMG OMG WORRIED IN CALI
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad to hear from you.
I am so sorry you lost your dear Mom.
But I am THRILLED beyond words that you are working in Assisted Living. Truly I am. They so need people who give a darn and I know you DO.
You will never know how long I asked folks who became friends if they have heard from you, if they know you are at least OK.
I hope you will stay around. I have missed you something awful.
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We have been reminiscing all morning with old slides? Hahaha 😆, anyone else remember those? Everyone uses cell phones nowadays to take pictures.

For some reason we never got around to sharing some of our old photos with our youngest daughter.

It’s amazing how many things we forget. I should have labeled my photo collection better. My daughter wants to digitize our collection and is asking questions. I am having trouble remembering certain details.

We think that we will never forget things but we forget lots of things, such as dates and people’s ages and so on.

Anyway, it’s interesting to see how people and places have changed throughout the years.

It’s funny to see how fashion has changed and how our tiny our waistlines were then!

Well, I am going to pop some popcorn and look at more photos. It’s been years and years since we have looked at these photos! Where did the time go?
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worriedinCali,

It’s great to see you and hear your update.

So sorry for the loss of your mom. You’re right about it being hard to lose our mothers. I miss mine too.

Mom died at age 95 in an end of life hospice care home. I am eternally grateful to the hospice staff. They provided her with excellent care.

Last November I lost my older brother. We had a celebration of life for him. Our families get smaller as we age.

Congratulations on your new job! It sounds wonderful. I’m sure it is tough at times to see people struggling with various issues on a daily basis. I bet you hear a lot of beautiful stories as well.
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Blickbob so sorry for your loss.

As for poor decision making. My in laws are guilty of that. My FIL is a retired doctor and had stroke symptoms. Instead of phoning 911 he crawled to bed. In the morning they called but by then the damage was done. He's paralyzed on one side now.

MIL did one of those colon screening tests and there were markers for cancer there. She ignored it and ended up with colon cancer 8 yrs. later.

So, Blickbob you raise a good point. A lot of our health problems could be avoided given some good sense.
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Blickbob,

So sorry for your loss.
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blickbob: So sorry for your loss. Condolences. Prayers sent.
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