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Thanks Way. She’s fully competent. I already set up care in her house. No problem.

It’s all the other tasks that turn up now and then: financial things, sensitive documents…Normally you can’t delegate that to another person (like a hired caregiver). I’ve been helping.

I’m going to give all problems back to her. I don’t want to be a slave anymore. And her ungrateful attitude is despicable. And her lack of empathy to point out how unfair it is of her to dump this all on me for years, is also despicable. And not a single gesture of thanks, in return.

I quit.
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ventingisback,

If she is competent , do what you need to do , put her care back on her to figure out.

I know it’s easier said than done. Once we have taken on these responsibilities it’s hard to get out . They expect us to continue .

Is she just lazy ? Or truly needs help with getting her care arranged ? What about if she paid for a geriatric care manager ? Although she would probably refuse and want you to keep doing it.

I’m sorry you are in this situation .
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What we need in this world (God, can you grant this please?), is a mute button for abusive people.

Just think of how many lives on this forum would improve.
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I’m done helping my mom. She’s mentally competent. I’ll return all her problems back to her. I helped for years. Admin stuff, health stuff, organizing and training the hired in-home caregivers…

Result? She can’t express some form of gratitude, some kind gesture towards me?

I quit.
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TN,

You’re not crazy. He sounds like he is a very special nephew!
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It’s your money to do what you want with .
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I think I have lost my mind. I just purchased a lovely outdoor stainless steel drawer fridge for my nephew's outdoor kitchen at the lake. It can be built in under the counter top and left out over winter. It's the most expensive appliance I have ever brought - but he was so thrilled to get it. Am I crazy that I still love "spoiling" my 45 year old nephew? Spent as much on that fridge as he is spending building the rest of the kitchen...
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Also remember this, in case your siblings tell you you’re “paid” by living for free in the parent’s house:

1. A 24-hour caregiver is paid a lot. Not just free rent.
2. A hired caregiver has the right to vacation and time off during the day. You don’t need to be on-call literally 24 hours a day. And you don’t work every day of the week. You rotate with other caregivers.
3. MOST IMPORTANTLY:
a job is something you can QUIT, you get paid, and you have RIGHTS. You also have a right to an environment that’s not too abusive.

But if it was all dumped on you by your siblings, can you really QUIT? Not really. Not if there are only very bad facilities where you are. Your kind heart probably doesn’t want to dump the parent in a very bad facility. Are you getting paid? Probably not. Do you have any rights? No.

In other words, it’s not a job.

And your siblings are wrong. What it is, is: unpaid slavery + abuse.
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I’m an only child. But for anyone out there with siblings who dumped it all on you (whether that’s looking for a facility, moving your parent, advocating, whatever), I hear you.

God will kick their *** ,
one day.

I have many friends in that situation: it was all dumped on them. It’s not always the case, but often it’s dumped on the younger sibling. The non-helpers get richer, you get poorer (because you’re busy helping; no matter how hard you try to work and help at the same time, you’ll be poorer than the one who only works and doesn’t help). You’ll also age faster, get health problems, stress, anxiety.

God will kick them
one day. You’ll see justice.

Meanwhile, please make sure you find justice. I don’t want you (or any of us) to be exploited.
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My thought today:
We should be careful of our motivations for being part of the forum.

Of course there’s:
Venting
Or needing information
Or empathy
Or…

But one unhealthy, potential motivation we should be careful of is “misery loves company”. Some of us are going through a horrible time, and we actually want to read about other people going through a horrible time.

Let’s not be like that.
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Wow! Leslie Van Houten is out of prison!
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Sitting in a parking lot overwatch final football tram wind spints before practice ends. My freshman grand nephew is coming in first and my sophomore adopted son is coming in 3rd or 4th. Looks like GN with his size is going to play offensive and defensive line with a touch of linebacker, tight end, and running back while the lighter AS is learning corner back and wide receiver.
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Wishing a good day to you all!
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Good morning early birds. 4:05am EST.😊
2 weeks ago a frog jumped behind some boxes in my garage. A week later I noticed an odor, thought froggie had croaked. Found the culprit yesterday morning..somehow an Iguana got smushed by the garage door. Yuk!!!!!
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Happy belated birthday, Pam!
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97 I am thanking you anyway.. and there I go,,,, Cwillie, I know it was but its still pretty funny.
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Happy BD Pam. No need to thank me 🤗
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I'm sure that it is a bot that flagged the Facebook posts as a potential scammer/troll due to some algorithm, no person is reading the thousands of posts per minute.
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Oh my Pamzi! I knew that people are looking for reasons to be offended but that takes it to a whole new level.

These new peoples are going to be very hard to associate with when everything can be taken offensively, such BS.
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Yes I did Need, and I posted about it on FB when I was allowed back on!
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Pam,

How stupid is that? These rules are ridiculous at times. I bet you laughed at being banned by FB.

Banning of books get to me! It’s insane. We can’t change history and it’s important for younger people to know our history and how we have evolved.

Plus when we read classic literature we are intelligent enough to differentiate between the past and the present.

Just because we choose to read a book doesn’t mean that we condone those actions of the past.

Banning books is all about censorship and controlling others. Why can’t people simply ignore what they don’t like and allow individuals to have their own preferences and opinions?

I tell my neighbor that complains about not liking certain television shows to change the channel because there are many options! There’s something for everyone these days.
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LOL.. I got banned from FB this week for posting too often in a certain time frame. My offence? I was saying thank you to the people who wished me Happy Birthday! You can;t make this up! Thank you is apparently offensive...
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Thanks Ana, I will!
NeedHelp, yeah too different, too similar, can be good/bad.

Have a good day!
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Venting,

I think the mods remove posts that are extremely offensive.

Everyone has different opinions and perspectives. We have our own distinct personalities.

I suppose all a person can do is to report a comment if it is rude. Everyone is entitled to their opinions even if we find them to be different from how we feel.

I like reading a variety of opinions because someone else might point out something that I never thought of before. Or it’s right for them but not for me.

I know that I am not going to like everything that I read or even people that I meet. I try to be respectful of others even if I don’t agree with everything that they say. I know people that I don’t agree with them on certain things but we are still friendly with each other.

People who like to argue just for the sake of an argument. I avoid like the plague. If it’s a friendly debate then it can be quite interesting! My husband and I are different in some ways but we are alike in all the things that are important to me. It can be boring to be with people who are exactly the same as we are.
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Ventingisback, and yet I’m still here. Some posters have clearly invited poking with the pointy verbal stick.

Hope you enjoy your upcoming vacation!
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Hi Ana, people weren’t necessarily banned for bad language, or undiplomatic comments. Some people were banned just for being critical or pointing out a truth.
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We must learn to be sufficiently diplomatic that the way we suggest people venture forth to that religiously-referenced postmortem location of fiery lakes has them looking forward to the trip.
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Not all changes or endings of an era are inevitable. For example, this change in the forum’s atmosphere was preventable. Banning people, over-prohibiting certain criticism…

Making people nervous about whether they’ll be banned. Of course that changes the atmosphere.
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Regarding contributors who are on break or have left... I've gotten really good at reminding myself that "Nothing stays the same forever." This is true across the board in life. Change is relentless and it gets more difficult to accept and adapt to as we age. I have a "tradition" with my youngest son to dramatically declare, "It's the end of an era!" whenever something or someone or somewhere we've grown accustomed to changes permanently or goes away. No social platform will ever be perfect or safe. Another very apropos saying: "The nail that sticks up gets hammered." This is an absolute truth for every social outlet, platform or forum from now until eternity. Technology is not the problem, people are.
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You see how suddenly you need to worry? One more worry, when our lives are already full of worry.

I’ll take a break now from social media. My vacation’s coming up!
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