The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

(((((fraz))))) You don't have to be there all the time. A suicide attempt should always be taken seriously. However, also recognize her attention getting behaviours - meaning get her the psychiatric help she needs, but don't hover over her. Get on with your life, while getting her the professional help she needs, Detach and distance yourself emotionally . It is a crazy making roller coaster ride. You yourself can't solve it. Hopefully now they will take her mental health issues seriously. I think you are doing well. I am still stuffy and a little sneezy so we will see what the day brings.

glad - I have maple and I love it , It is a nice warm colour and I have it throughout the house, I am ok with it in the bedrooms (who wants to vacuum) and have a few small area rugs. Another time I would put it lino or whatever in the kitchen as in the bathrooms. It helps if you get a good sales person in the store. No more snow yet today. Hope it stays away for another month.

madge - how is the viking?

gershun - re seeing family in a different light, I had various "AHA" moments throughout adult life. I think I've got the picture now.

chris - you are a lot of very legitimate concerns regarding your safety and your mothers problems. Come back and vent any time

sharyn - hope there is more good news re your bro soon

ali - keep us updated on your apt plans

susan, duck, everyone - how are things with you and yours?

Thinking of you all, Life can be very challenging at times. ((((((((hugs)))))))

There people here claiming that their prayers made the hurricane to lose power from 4 down to 1. If so, I want those same people to pray for it to speed up getting out of here for by going slow, it's damaging a lot by more than just its power. I have prayed about a lot of hurricanes but their power and speed did not change. I believe in prayer, but not in magic.

No more scaffold!😀

After research and morning in the store I am leaning towards natural maple. Bamboo in our dry climate tends to have shrink issues. Though I will get a humidifier on the furnace.

Sharyn, what did you get? I think you have very similar climate.

Glad, I Love Maple, the color, the durability, it's Beautiful!

Cmag, praying that this hurricane flows swiftly, and looses it's strength, I hope you and yours are tucked away safely!

Frazz, hope your Mom gets a thorough evaluation at the hospital this time, and that they get her on some meds that Really help! This must be so frustrating for you! I would follow Golden's reccomendations to set up some good boundries while she is away, and not to hover while she is in there, let the professionals do their job. Good luck!

Golden, hope your cold is better,

SSharynM, still praying for your brother, hope he is improving!

All good in my neck of the woods!

Glad, our flooring in the kitchen, living room, dining room and hall is manufactured hardwood. The color is walnut with variations from dark to light and a bit distressed. Bedrooms have carpet. We didn’t get to pick what we would have wanted because our house was already built, just hadnt been put on the market yet. If we had a house built, it would have taken 7-8 months due to sub contractor shortage. We didn’t want to live with our dd long.

Thank you Stacey, I haven’t had an update from my nephew since Monday.

I feel guilty that the horrendous hurricane that was to hit Virginia (my concerns were more Virginia Beach, which is where my Dad lives, in a Retirement villa place..), didn't hit Virginia. BUT it hit NC and SC so horribly. Especially NC. So my prayers to 'make' it not destroy VaBeach (and Richmond) were never meant for it to then devastate NC! I pray for those in NC. What a storm!

I think it was Hurricane Katrina years ago that hit so badly I remember seeing on the news elderly patients floating in water inside a nursing home. They were strapped in their chairs and apparently couldn't be rescued. The water was up to their waist. I couldn't believe my eyes. I cried. I wondered where their families were. All i could think about was these elderly people must have children, grand children, family members somewhere. I was devastated at seeing this. I pray no one in these posts experiences this with Hurricane Florence.

Maple it is!

WF, maybe during Katrina, I don't remember. But, definitely during Harvey, just a year ago.

Greetings everyone, I hope everyone is safe and no one suffered these hurricanes It it was wierd and scary seeing so many hurricanes in action at one time. My son says they were expecting one in Hawaii also. I was talking to a woman who had home in NJ and had just dropped her flood insurance. She and her husband had to pay out of pocket. I forget why she didnt get help from fema.
These storms seem bigger and stronger and more frequent lately. I hate to think of what the coming winter will bring.

I have been off line and havent caught up.
Glad, its so nice hearing about the progress. I thing maple is awesome. I had a large maple dresser chest, I loved it, I always admired the wood and the smell. I always looked good without much furnitureolish. I let my son take it to college and he gave it away when he left dorm! Nice color, nice wood.

Well my saga continues. A lot has happened since I last logged in. Came down this afternoon to find bathroom flooded from the toilet. Besides being backed up from something my mother put in there its time to replace the workware (is there such a word :) ) in the back so it can stop running. I couldnt get the water the thing wouldn't work. Everything is old. for now all is well got a guy comiing to fix it. Actually same guy who helped my son get my bedroom set out of storage so I wouldn't lose it. My mother would not let me bring it when I moved in, part of the narcissist in her. It was a lovely large set, I had a place to put everything. Anyway my landlord had to sell or loss and I made a reluctant dash to my mothers. Of course I couldnt bring something lovely. Anyways I still get to see it and sleep on it when I visit my son. He left it in storage when he moved to Korea.
Anyway I tend to ramble on and on. Part of my psychosis, I guess.

Well since I lost my phone I had been trying to catch up with this guy and finally did.
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The issue with the dog mess in hal overwhelming. And gets tracked up the levels. My sister has never and will not ever clean the floors. I was literally crying sometimes when I would clean hallway especially knowing my sister was walking through it all or using upstairs door to avoid it. I had to keep my sanity and back off it for a while and then someone started addressing it. since I came back its back to square one again. And last week she commented "its about time" as she walked up stairs. It struck the chord in me. I dont understand her mind, her thinking or what she see's or how she see's things. I just know I cant make her do anything and it tears me up inside knowing she has never done house work or chores and she feels entiltled. She totally has no regard for me at all except using me. So when I took my trip, She had to take off from work to do the things I do. So I know this is not good for my mother. Its mentally and physically draining sharing a space with someone like my sister. when Her boyfrind bought a house for her and her children he asked me to move in. I adamantly said no stating "So I can clean and buy everything while she sits on her a*6

So anyways I had been hunting down this man to ask if I could pay him to do the floors and stairs from my level down. I had to give in and do the floor beneath me because I couldnt take it. I mean its crazy and I feel crazy about it.

Then the meals on wheels were not coming and I finally got that straight meaning I have to get up early on saturday to get my mothers meals. So this saturday I wanted to sleep late so bad. I made my self get up and hoped to get a napp downstairs while I waited. I also intended to do my clean routine but my stomach was really bad. I dont know what is causing this and given my work, I can think of the worst. Anyway when I come down my sister was standing in front of window outside There was a bag in the chair I was to sit in and when I moved it she says that's mine. So I ask her if she was waiting on the meals and she said clearly "no".

Bare with me.

So before I even walked in I noticed the floor was still clean. I had been laying out the chucks the past few days to keep floor clean, which is why I was getting them. So I put some chucks down. She came in told my mother she would get her coffee and left. I was back and forth into the bathroom watching the barbecue competition. During one run I noticed a McDonald bag on lamp table. I looked in bag and there was the sausage breakfast and coffee. she and my nephew are fixtated on giving my mother, It was cold and I am thinking did she leave this here for my mother to get into the bag herself. Or for me to serve. Either way it was ridiculous. I went to check hall and saw she had took up the chucks I had layed on floor and the dog had peed and messed. I could not bring my self to clean it and when I stepped outside to make the people deliver the meals faster :) my sister was sitting on the stairs. then her oldest son came and they went up stairs. I told the oldest that I had laid chucks on the floor and his mother took them up. I dont understand it. My mother was the same way very spiteful and vindictive. Its sad I just learned or faced this truth. So I really haven't figured it out or me for that reason.

I get tired of posting the same theme but this is my life. so I reach out for help or perspectives. I am living there its hard when everyone doesn't pull their own weight. I dont know when the toilet situation happened but someone had taken the lid off the tank and placed it on a safe surface. It would have been easy to call the cole man who did shed which is back like it was with mold. So no one addressed it or saw it until I came down. My sister does not cook, so she goes out in the am for her breakfast. I can look at trash and whats laying around to see what my mother has eaten and there was nothing when I came down.

She has 4 more meals in freezer which I hope she does not take out and mess up. It seems I am the only one who cares whether she eats or not. As I was only one calling over and over about what happened to her meals. I hope this works out.

I know she needs a home attendant. I just hate to take things to a legal level. It takes time and money and stress.

My mother has poor eating habits. Sometimes I have to spoon feed her to get her started and then if she really doesn't want it she wont eat it and I worry.

I cant put stuff in freezer because she goes off on a mission of feeding and I'd find meat bread and what ever else portioned in plates or in a pan to cook.

So anyway I am glad someone is coming to do halls and hope we can work out a weekly or biweely arrangement if the price is right.

Meanwhile I continue to get my head right, and figure out what I am supposed to do while keeping my sanity.

I will always be open to any suggestions. I cant believe some of this stuff that goes on. I want to make a stand and sometimes I have to do so if only for a while for my sanity. I cant deny how this tears me up inside and how the anger and sadness comes together at times. I am by no way by a long shot an angel but I pull my weight and try hard to keep my mouth shut and not hurt feelings. I dont know how I am perceived in past. Was I overbearing when we did speak?

Rays of light and love to all.

Golden, I havent caught up and so I saw your post. I dont know how you do it but dang if you dont keep us alligned with cause and effects!!!! :)

So thanks because during the weeks I kept thinking about the Viking! It made me smile because sometime I see my mother in action and think "Viking". I hope the Viking is well.

I know you are a Virgo, So happy Birthday to you in case I missed or am not on line.

I hope all is well with you.

Goodnight all. Time to get back to work.

Smile.

Duck -thx I am a Leo actually. Wouldn't you have guessed it?

DDDuck, I'm sorry you are dealing with all this stress. The legal avenue is stressful in and of itself, but that may be the way to go with your mom. She will eventually probably need more help than you and your sister can provide. I'd look into your options, maybe do a free consultation with an elder law attorney and go from there. At least you'll know what the possibilities are, and it may give you some hope that you have something to fall back on.

Golden, hope your allergies and cold are better, and that you have a safe trip back. I have those darn allergies/congestion issues now too. The weather here can't make up its mind whether it's summer or fall. 70s for a few days, than back up to 91 with a lot of humidity.

Glad, maple is really pretty. I have a maple laminate in my living room and I love it. Hope to go with laminate or hardwood in the bedrooms eventually too (still have our old carpet).

My thoughts and prayers are with all affected by the storms. Some areas of NC and SC are still getting the rain.

Mom was transferred yesterday to the geriatric unit at the psych facility. I had to go up there Friday and yesterday to sign the paperwork for discharge and then for the admission once they got her a bed. Mom was saying she just wanted to go back to her apartment and was very agitated and paranoid yesterday when they were getting ready to transfer her, saying they were going to kill her.

Talked to some of the psych team today and they are going to evaluate her for dementia/neuro issues and cognitive impairment, and have started her on Seroquel to help with the paranoia and delusions and to help her sleep. They said she was a little calmer today. Her nurse seemed very nice.

We'll see how it goes. I'm going to take your advice about not hovering, just staying in touch with the professionals and come up there as needed. When I talked to mom earlier, I said that I will visit, but can't be up there every day because I have other things here that I have to attend to. They don't have visitation anyway until Tuesday. She did seem to be calmer and more accepting of being there. Hopeful that they are able to help her more this time around.

Glad, maple is one of my favorites. It’s warm, not too dark!
Duck, thinking of you, so tough living with and around your sisters mind games.
Golden, hope your are feeling better. Safe travels!

no update regarding my bro. They started using Ritalin to wake him up and it was working but have no other news.

Wednesday we we are planning a day trip to the McCall area in the mountains. It is much cooler there and hoping for fall foliage. We are in the 40’s here at night, 70’s and low 80’s during the day.

Hope everyone one had a restful weekend.

Well, painting at new apartment is taking longer than expected, but that's strangely to be expected in my experience... that contractors will take longer than they initially predict.

I just got off the phone with the moving company that did my move last year and I've scheduled them to do a move for next Monday. Meanwhile, I'm still working all this week and weekend. But... it will get done. It's not much fun to have to be doing this but it's a step in a great direction and I'm excited to get settled at the new place.

It's funny: last year at this time I was completely full of fear and trepidation, so scared, so uncertain of how I would make any of this work out. Would I have to break my lease and then be homeless within 6 months? I thought it was a real possibility. I remember voicing an idea that perhaps I could go and stay in my maternal grandfather's very large house for a bit until I was feeling better, like I had done when I was 18 and didn't have a home for a bit, but my mother shut me down so forcefully on that idea. I don't know why she did that but it made me think I had no alternative except to TRY to get on my feet, even though I was feeling so sick and tired and broken at that time. I had such painful anxiety, I was overwhelmed. I had no one to lean on but I had you guys here, and I remember I called my mother out of a great need to express my fears. Venting to my mother typically hasn't gone well and this time was the same thing. I don't think my mother intends to be demoralizing, but that's the result. She questioned my decision to get an apartment, "why would I do this" kind of thing, it was my fault I was feeling such fear of the unknown.

But even with caregiving and mold illness and all of *that* situation, I was going to TRY to get back on my feet and get a life back for myself.

And here it is a year later and I'm moving on up to a much larger place that I think will be a good situation for many years to come, and I'm so grateful. I have a job that I like for now, I have nice coworkers who've become friends, I have a world class city all around me that I can enjoy and explore for years.

I think thyroid medication played a big part but also, just ALL of it, all of the positive things that have happened this year have helped me to overcome being so broken down. My confidence has improved because things have stopped being so unfixable, and started working out again. It's demoralizing to try and try to fix things that don't get fixed. And while this life is never going to be perfect, it can be something that we can work at and improve upon, see results, keep it moving forward, etc. And that's what was lost to me during the caregiving years. Nothing improved, everything stayed broken despite my efforts, I couldn't feel better no matter what I did. I thought I might be a lost cause. lol I really did. I thought I'd perhaps have to move on to renting a cheap room somewhere and driving rideshare for some income when I could. I was too tired for a real job.

Most regular posters in this thread have had some major life changes in the past few years. I'm proud of all of you for hanging in there and sticking with it. Life isn't easy but you do it, you manage, you hang in there, you grow.

So anyway. lol I'm moving next Monday. What an intense past 12 months this has been. I'm very grateful to be in the position I'm currently in, feeling like I can keep improving on some health issues, and then I can do anything else from there.

Stacey, you have nothing on my occasional wordiness, lol.

Thanks so much for your friendship through the past 5 years or so, Dear Friends. It's helped immeasurably.

Thanks Alli, that was Sweet of you, and I feel very much the same, I Appreciate your friendship and your incredible insight. It's funny that our Caregiving situations ended nearly the same time, and I'm proud of all that you have accomplished in the past year!

Your new place sounds like a good move for you, getting a couple of new roommates, and sharing costs is a great idea! I'm so glad that things are looking up, your having better health and looking forward to life in general! Have you been dating, are you getting out there and having fun? I enjoy hearing about these things, Lol! Oh to be beautiful and single! Good luck on your move! Stace ❤

Frazzled, I hope they are getting the right combo of meds for your mom. Not only will she feel better when they do, you will have more peace of mind for yourself. Hang in there, thinking of you and your mom.

Ali I am so happy for you. You have been through so much and I declare!! no joke you voice my own sentiments and give me hope. I am just really happy for you. I love your knack for putting things in such a beautiful truthful nutshell.

I had thyroid scan last week waiting for results. I was really and truly wondering if there was a deficiency there that enhanced my stress response.

So many of your complaints were similar and I makes me feel so happy and hopeful to see you a a peaceful, happy, hopeful place.

I am routing for you always.

Golden, dang! I still love you for who you are to me in this forum. I just remember your birthday being close to mine and now I vaguely remember a similar post. LOL. ((((HUGS))))

Sharyn, thanks for all the advice and support. (((HUGS)))

Frazz, thanks. Thanks for understanding and the advice. I hope things work out well in new facility for your mother. I know it hurts to see them in distress and be helpless in calming them. I am wishing the best for you.

This morning I was torn up because my mother was in a different place. Usually I say good morning Joanie and she is all chummy and upbeat. I know she wont be up and happy always. I found a store that made hash browns and scrambele egg breakfast and was really disapointed and scared when she would not eat not one mouthfull. She didnt want to be bothered.

Later she was okay, and when I left for work and heated up her meal she ate with some enthusiasm even if I had to feed her. I felt better. I also felt better becuase the hall was clean. AGain, I laid the chucks on floor and picked them up as the dog used them before I went up to sleep. When I came down a few were still there and others were picked up. I dont know who it was but it felt good there was a sliver of teamwork. Also fish and fries were in the place of the breakfast plate I left incase my mother decided to eat. she did drink the milk. Then I saw it was my nephew. He came in with large black trash bags and took bag I had left to take out in one. Its just so nice when you can work with someone on same team instead of this hate stuff that is prominent.

I had called the Doctor and left message about the situation again. that her eating habits are getting poor, requesting ensure and that she gets a home attendant as she needs one. I knew he would not call me because my sister has me blocked. I just hope he addresses these calls and I feel like he does. I left things alone with my nephew for now except asking if he had time to wait for guy to come fix toilet. Meanwhile the water is running and there is a water bill. I have to wait till I am off in another day. Meanwhile I woke up early and couldnt sleep. Saw that I got almost three hours in so I just started maintenance control in my room and downstairs.

I felt accomplished and more at ease today for a change. I know it was the positive atmosphere between my nephew and myself.

I hope it continues.

Ali, you sound great! What worked for me obviously would not have for you. Just ignore all those suggestions of mine for you to move to a small city😝 different strokes, you know.... 😉

Duck I hope that you will find a way out, somehow. There is hope.

Stacey, such a romantic, you are!

fraz - hope the professionals are getting a good meds regime for your mum. It is a pretty stressful time. Look after you. She is in good hands.

duck - glad you can work with your nephew. That's great. Hope you get more help.

glad - I think you will love the maple.

ali - you are on a roll!!! So nice to see you enjoying life.

stacey - how's the decluttering going? I;m going to bring in Ms Ruthless - aka dd. lol

sharyn - a trip to the mountains with fall colouring sounds awesome. It was very pretty on the drive down with about 25% of the trees turning yellow, some a lime green, and a few peachy rust bushes. against the dark green spruce and bright blue AB skies.

I didn't sleep well last night. and couldn't nap today for some reason. Still snuffling a lot. Hoping to head back tomorrow. If I am not up to it I will stay another day, The weather looks decent for the next two days.

Take care all Do something good for you!

Hey I think I spoke too soon about my nephew. I was emboldened with what I preceived as cooperation and teamwork.

My goodness I am no angel by far.

When I got in my mother ate her breakfast well. I felt so good. for a minute. Then I go in the molded shed and get the breakfast bars that are sealed and in a closed cabinet in shed, when I notice I must have dropped one and saw it the package was eaten through by mice. So I go and get poison and put near where the wrapper was. Not to mention also that the morning before I had noticed the shed door to backyard was not closed properly the slide lock was on and knob was locked but door was not closed.


Any way I closed and locked door after placing the poison and see a dead mouse right in front of the door. Normally we dont find dead mice in open like that either on trap or they die in their hideaway. So my minds starts thinking it was the mold, it could have been that he ate poison I left in places. so I am hoping it is this last one I hear everynow and seeing that the posison was nibbled wondering why this one is not eating the poison and dead.

Anyways, its raining hard. I sprayed the shed. and it seemed I could smell the mold so I text my nephew.

"The mold in shed is getting bad around door and seams its dangerous for Ma. I have been sparaying lysol and clorox but its going to get worse. do you have copy of house insurance or check if water damage and mold is covered. I got beat already by cole... trying to fix it. He claims its the roof gutter. There is a leak or a broken pipe some where and its gedtting worse. Its a professional job and needs to be addressed asap.

I cant do toilet until I am off. The water has to be truned off from basement as the volve under toiledt does not turn it off completly."

Then I added trying to be light that the black bag was verry heavy what on earth did you put in there. Bricks.

The

Please bare with me again. I need feedback. perspective. I do know I wonbt fool my self thinking there is any remenantof hope for this family.

So I add "Also Ma has been eating very poorly aso I called doctory an request ensure. Also please request a podiatry referral. I usually cut the nails when I do mine every three months. She has a lot of built up crust and need a professional clean under nails. I havent checked lately but she is due.

He responds s. Ma is eating verywell. We feed her and make sure she eats there are no issures with her diet. she goes to her apts and they always look at her feetand she gets her feet soaked in the house. You can always soak her feet on your own in rthe house,.

Whay should she need ensures when shes supposed to be eating her meals on wheels.

So now my head is pounding and I almost want to cry. I am so tired of this nonsense. I amnot perfect but I dont see anything wrong.

So I Respond. Lord have mercy. She is supporsed to be eating them and as I said wheich I thought your defective min understood iss that her appetite dwindles. I am not trying to take away, negatem anything you do. I addresss her eating everyday not when I feel like it. Daily...
Also what doses meals on wheels have to do with her getting ensure obviously if you didnt see this as an insult about. her care or revelation of lack of care you would see it as a supplement. I really dont understand this mentality. i want her to have all she can get while it seems like geeting her a service mean neglect. Wheich is why she is walkintg aroung with dementia and poor eyesight using her onwn descrecition on eating bathing and puttling all kinds of stuff awya while no one checks these bags of stuff or see the mold or its ramifications or anything else for that matterAsl long as she shakes her head Iokay yall are finde untill something happens and then there is blame.

I went on to say that neither him or his mother has to pay for ensure or a podiatrist so what is the problem with getting a pdoiatrist. and I guess that is why I am block from her care so she can't get sh*&&

then he say "You left for 30 days and didnt even tell anyone and now its all about fommunication. and you didnt even call once to see how she was doing. She was eating and doing fine the whole time now everything is aproblem all of a sudden

That was the last text from him. I dont want to overwheldm further with details but part of my reason for not leting them know how long I was going away was because of the delusion that I didnt do anything. after so many calls with no answer my sister number is not in my phone. And my nephew also just started answering recently.

I know I can be nastily sarcastic and was not nice in some parts. I also mentioned that they havent figured out a way to dismiss the mold and that her feet were fine becuase I had been clipping and digging out crust for over a year. And did he agthink that soaking is what a podiatrist do.

This is hard becuase I start out just wanting something better for my mother and end up being nasty and torn up inside trying not to become who they are to me.
Its like a viscious cycle. Was I a fool to even thing I could make a suggestion about my mothers care or needs.

I have got to come to some kind of terms here.
Here I am again, my last night of work fighting with my nephew over nonsense.
Raising my pressure, losing my motivation and ho
Id was reading this book "The Tenth Insight" a sequel lto the "Celestine Phophecy" which I found to be very helpful and spiritual. so I got to this Book and I found it difficult. I understood but some things I found to be exagerrated until I read this "Comming into awareness and breaking free of a control drama always feels anxious at first, because the compulsion has to lift before the inward solution to the lostness can by found."
So I read this and I wanted to cry deep down in side because i was wondering If my solution to my lostness wil ever be found. I even marked the page so I could discuss this with my therapisty in the morning when I get off.

Then with this sadness in my mind, I am contemplating getting the toilet fixed and maybe getting a cheap chest for my room which I had been making big stives in organizing Then I get this text from my nephew and I feel like any and every thing I have ever done is useless except for my son.

I know people get tired of reading or seeing this book of mine. I can understand it. But help is the reasoname on board here. To get help but also to help in sharing, and support of others on board here.

I am grateful for any input. Some times the themes come together and I get a light bulb. I really need a light bulb with this. Its like whats the point in everything and all things. I am fooling my self in so many ways I just dont know what ways. It hurts me to my heart to see my mother deteriorate, even if I dare fash back to the many ugly moments and deeds which are a reality,. It hurts to see this web that has been spunn and grows from the way she has raised her two daughters and from her own dyusfunction. I am trying so hard to grow out of this dysfunction and my own web. I feel like I am stuck on stupid and I dont know to get out.

Hey gang.....just flying by with a quick update.....I have been SOOOOOOO overwhelmed since mom died that I think I was barely functional. I mainly slept a lot.

The funeral was like.....there was stuff to do every single day right up to the day after. BFF came with me - I don't know what I would've done without her. We wound up taking her mini-van and basically camped (in the van) by the beach in Vancouver! (Which is something my mother would never have "allowed" while she was alive....I would have had to keep it a huge secret from her.) I didn't have money to spend on a hotel and bro's place is so tiny, I wasn't going to ask. Also we had mom's ashes with us.....so I guess I finally got my mom to go camping after all. Lol. Bro and I were going to scatter the ashes the day after, but it was too windy and the water was low. So I left them with him, like, "Ok, she's your responsibility now."

We got home Saturday night. Then I crashed for two or three days, then I finally called the lawyer. There is so much stuff to be done.....I decided and told bro I prefer the lawyer probate the will because I am NOT the right person for the job. There is already a lot of work, scanning and sending things, gathering up all the info on assets and vital statistics, freezing all her accounts and investments, land title and all that. I honestly didn't really start until yesterday.

Well, bro has been so apathetic or uninterested or whatever about everything that has to be done - the funeral, the Estate, plus dealing with mom's belongings (household goods and clothes and everything else)....I even asked him if he could get the ball rolling with mom's lawyer, since the lawyer is in the SAME CITY AS MY BROTHER. Nope, he's too busy with work. So I made ANOTHER decision that I am now contracting to BFF to help me and paying her out of the Estate. Eff this, I wouldn't have gotten this far without her help. I got her to invoice me for the Estate work she did with me yesterday, and I just have to phone that nice lady at the credit union who told me to call her any time I want a cheque to be put through (I already had that account frozen).

The other decision I made on the weekend is that I can't even tackle mom's apartment until I get my own stuff out of here and start living at home again. Yes, I'm still at mom's. BFF and I took some of my things home Sunday, and we went in today to start organizing stuff. I'm aiming to be back home permanently in a week or two at the most.

I feel like this one is kind of a metaphor for where I'm at - basically I need to untangle my life from my mother's so I can start living again. I AM buying out her apartment, with the intent to rent it out. But I have got to get the eff out of here. Really, I've spent the last 3 weeks, up until this last weekend, feeling like I'm in limbo. Like....I don't belong here but I can't go home yet. Everything I've needed for basic living is here. I can't just go back and forth with two cats - either I'm here looking after them or I'm home and they live there permanently. But my apartment is a disaster from the last year and a half of just going home to grab things I need. So I need to make it habitable first. Getting back home and getting the Estate fully into the lawyer's hands is my first priority. THEN I can start dealing with mom's belongings and her apartment, figure out what I want to keep, what I need to get rid of, and where it's going to go. I won't own the apartment till the Estate is settled anyway, so there isn't a rush to get it cleared out.

I can't believe how long it took me to figure out that plan. It seems so obvious and basic when I think about it now. I've just been overwhelmed, really since the decision to stop dialysis. But I guess you don't figure on how tangled up your life gets with the person you are caring for. It's not like you can just pick up your "real life" where you left off.

I'm running out of room again....

Miss you all, and think about you lots!

(((Dori))), it's good that you have your BFF to help you out. Sounds like you needed the camping trip just to kind of de-stress from everything. The estate stuff sounds complicated. I know what you mean about when your life gets tangled up with your parent, it feels like being on hold or on limbo in a way, like you said. Hugs, take care of you and just take things one at a time.

DDDuck, the book passage you mentioned about "breaking free of a control drama" hit home with me. That's kind of where I'm at too with mom and this whole situation. Your therapist can help you with setting boundaries with your nephew, and being able to take whatever steps you need to to help your mom. I know it gets really frustrating. My therapist has been helping me too to change the way I react to my mom's drama. But it is a process, for sure.

Golden, hope you have a safe trip back. It's good that the weather is holding up well so far. Take care of you and hope you can get some rest. Insomnia is no fun.

Ali, good to hear you are doing well and getting back on your feet. It sounds like you have some amazing and fun opportunities to do some things for you. You deserve it!

Sharyn, any more news about your brother?

I've kind of taken it easy the past couple of days as far as just letting the doctors and medical team take care of mom. I will probably go up there this evening or tomorrow during the visiting hours. Haven't heard anything from them since they started her on the Seroquel. I imagine she is probably sleeping more maybe, and busy with groups if she is participating, which they said the other day that she was going to those. I'll probably call this morning and ask how her treatment is going.

I've just been feeling tired, like blah, and I have chest congestion, probably the weather changes and maybe a little of what my son has too. I took him to the urgent care earlier because he wasn't feeling well, saying his throat was hurting. Turns out he has an ear infection. Strep test was negative but his throat was pretty inflamed. They did give him antibiotics.

Anyway, just been taking care of business around here, and having to motivate myself a little, when I really just want to be lazy and not do a darn thing lol. We'll see how things go with mom. I hope the meds they give her are helping.

Hugs to you all, hope all have a good day!

Dori, so good to hear from you. Just yesterday I was wondering how all is going for you, thanks for responding. 😉 Great that you have help. And I can sure identify with "it's a process". I am still processing three years after mom was placed, a year since she passed. Take your time. And wonderful you finally got your mom camping and it sounds like a beautiful spot!

Duck, just hang in there, I do not know how you do it. I would have been gone long ago, actually I did. After four years taking care of mom, it was the treatment I received from the twisteds that got me on the road to life reclamation.

Golden, travel safely.