notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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duck -let your therapist help you with this. If your mum was OK when you were away then maybe you can relax a bit. Sounds like it is a bit of a power struggle
fraz -I am sure you are wiped. The stress weakens our immune systems, Put yourself and your family first! Re mum - Detach, detach, detach!
heading home soon though I am tired, my sinuses are infected and my throat is sire. Have to p/u some zinc lozenges, They usually work for me.
Mother is not improved - she is crying and refusing to eat. Bunch of jerks!!!! I said again she needs to go back on the risperdal so they have left a note for the doctor to call me. Sheer incompetence!!!! I will try to be civil if he does call -or maybe not!!
Not looking forward to the drive back, but I need to get home.
Wil check in later. Have a good day everyone,
The doctor called and he is putting mother back on the risperdal, I was polite and thanked him. JERK!!! Mother has been badly off for most of this year and they had to guinea pig her with different antid's. The LPN called and was sweet and will call me as soon as she sees an improvement. The DOC is going to get an earful from me about the lack of communication. Apparently she has no information that mother has not been doing well. Where is the break down? INCOMPETENCE!!!
I could go on but i won't. I will save it for them, and I need to simmer down so I can get some sleep,
Nite all. Sweet (donut) dreams, 🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩 lol
I recall when I was in my twenties picking up a big box of donuts from Tim's and polishing them off. Not now...............I'd have to starve for a week and get on the eliptical for 10 hours a day to burn that off now.
I remember we had a potluck at work once years ago. I had brought a big loaf of garlic bread which no one touched. I took it back home that night and ate the whole loaf. Ah, those were the days.
When my Mom passed I was so drained and emotionally and physically exhausted that I passed the buck with clearing out my Mom's place. I justified it with the fact that I had pretty much done everything for the last few years of my Mom's life and arranged for her service afterward etc. But now I regret that cause once the dust had settled so to speak, I thought of certain things I would have liked to have kept. Her old Singer sewing machine, nativity scene from Christmas decorations etc. Sis hired 1-800 got Junk to cart it all away, used Mom's money at a cost of $1000 dollars to do it. Totally impersonal and quick.
So, if you have the time Dorianne, take it and possibly save yourself any regret in the future.
shame a nasty bug ruined your trip but good you've got doc's attention
I still bring the Viking donuts and she could easily have eaten 1/2 dozen a couple of years ago
there's a rather famous donut shop along Route 66 that makes 12 inch twirls and strawberry filled glazed donuts - it's open 24/7 and always has a line
maybe next time I have insomnia I'll take a drive to the donut man
Frazz, take care of you first. Stress will wear you down.
duck, I’m sorry you feel so backed against a wall with your mom. I think talking with your therapist USA good idea too
golden, home sweet home! I hope you feel better soon. Wow, finally they are putting your mom back on risperdal. Thank goodness. That med worked wonders for my dad too.
Slow progress for my brother. He is wriggling his toes now. The Ritalin is helping to stimulate him.
Im also dealing with a cold now. We went to McCall today. Very pretty, tourist area that is open year round. We had the whole lake to ourself due to time of year. That will change when the snow comes.
Good night everyone, take care xx.
madge - must be the Norwegian in us. We all have very good appetites! I am still coughing and blowing but it will pass. The trip was worthwhile in other areas. Donuts at midnight sound good,
sharyn - grief is exhausting. Glad there is more progress for your bro. and also that you had a good trip to the lake. Being outdoors does us so much good.
waterfalls you have had a lot of loss recently. People need to take as long as they need to go through the things left behind, My son died over 16 years ago and I still have a few things of his that I will keep.
Oh book. That is so terrible. I think my mum may be having delusions again since they took her off the risperdal. She was suicidal before. I am beyond enraged at their irresponsibility.
glad - I am so happy to be home. Voodoo donuts? What next? Now I think I will start making trips to the spca to visit with the cats and see if I connect with any one of them in a special way. Two I was looking at are gone this morning. 😞
Lovely fall day today, but chilly. My friend near Eton dropped off at the hotel a tea pot and a book to journal in for me. Such a nice gesture!!! When we talk on the phone we often comment we are drinking tea, so it was very fitting. She says it is one of her collection of tea pots. Really nice for me, as I did not have a tea pot. It will come with me when I move and we can have tea together. Little things mean a lot.
Have a good day everyone, Be kind to yourself. ((((( hugs)))))
My city did have flooding, but not like others closer to the coast. We have not gone home, but have been told that our house is fine and that the power never went out. I forgot one of my meds when we left that I can't get filled here because it is a controlled substance. I miss it badly.
We already had a trip planned for the 22nd through the 29th in Orlando. We are leaving our pets here and going on the trip tomorrow with my wife's identical twin sister and her husband. We will return to Greenville on October 2nd.
Golden, happy the trip went well. Gluten free donuts, never would have thought there is such a thing. Google voodoo donuts, there are definitely different! Wonder if they taste good or if they are mostly for the novelty of them.
Krispy Kreme opened near my old home, the lines, oh my gosh, when they first opened. I think they lasted a couple years before they closed. Not at all user I am remembering correctly.
Golden, I'm sorry the docs took your mom off the med that was working for her, but glad you were able to talk some sense into them to put her back on it. It's frustrating when they don't listen.
Glad you are feeling a little better too and that you had a safe trip. The teapot was a nice gesture. The little things do mean a lot. The donuts sound yummy too.
CMagnum, glad you are safe and that your home is okay as well. The trip sounds like fun.
Book, I'm sorry you went through that with your mom too. I really think dementia or some underlying cognitive disorder is definitely playing a part in mom's behavior. She has been treated for years for schizophrenia symptoms, but those started after she had two TIAs and went into a diabetic coma and was in ICU for several days 7 years ago. It's gotten progressively worse since then. She's always had the anxiety and depression, as well as the narcissistic tendencies, but the paranoia and delusional behavior the past several years was something new.
I went to see mom yesterday and she seemed calmer. Was still paranoid and thinking people were going to kill me this time, but not agitated and hysterical like she was a few days ago. They put her on Zoloft in addition to the Seroquel, which she has been taking at night, but they are going to add a small dose of Seroquel in the morning to see if it would help her during the day.
They said the day before yesterday that mom had still been suicidal and wanting to isolate in her room, so they have been having her come sit in the common area more during the day. Yesterday though the nurse said she was a little better, that she had still been paranoid but had a better day. Mom's roommate told me that mom was really nice to her and has helped her out a lot. That surprised me. Mom is usually clingy and demanding. I just wish she'd do stuff like that and get out of herself on a regular basis. It would make her feel a lot better.
The visit went well I think. I didn't know what I would run into, but I'm glad she was doing a little better. The other senior ladies in there were a hoot. I couldn't help but overhear a lengthy conversation between two of them about bra burning and sex.
Another lady (patient also) that came and sat by me and mom said, "Your mother is doing better than when I first saw her. I thought at first that she didn't have a rat's chance in hell when I got here, but I think she's going to be okay. I see a big difference."
Golden, I just don't understand why they try to improve something when it's not broken.
Frazzled, that was nice that a patient said that about your mom. It's great that she's improving.
Cmag, enjoy your family trip. That sounds like fun - Not. Sorry, I had my very first road trip - and it was from Colorado Springs to Las Vegas. Our little island (drive around it at 35mph in 1 hour) does Not have mountains like that in Colorado. Did you know that those winding two lane roads at the edge of the mountain does NOT have railings?!?@!*! And Why must those big rigs have the inner lane close to the mountain while us smaller cars have the lane close to the edge???? I looked down, waaaayyyy down and … decided to take a nap. I told my family if we're going to crash over the edge, please don't wake me up. I swore if we ever needed to take a road trip to Vegas again, I'm going to buy an airline ticket and meet the family there... However, most of my mainland family drives state-to-state to visit each other.
Back to the house. Told my contractor I would be out of town all week, next week, I thought he celebrated, he probably did. But, I did tell him it would be a great opportunity to surprise me with real close to completion on my return. Talking to the real estate agent today, it sounds like that just may be the plan.
glad -- I suspect the voodoo donuts are wanted more for their decoration than anything else. Kinnikinnick makes lots if GF DF items and mixes too. Great for those of us that need them though I am usually not much of a "sweet treat " or bread/cake eater. Hope you have a great and safe trip next week and come back to a nearly finished house. Fall colouring is so gorgeous. Great pic for your avatar!!!
fraz - awesome that your mum is better.The right meds made a huge difference . with my mother. At her last place there was one lady who made friends with me and we used to chat when ever I came. I wondered why she was in a place which specialised in mental illness. Off meds she may have been very difficult. So cute for that lady to reassure you. She may need the help to get out of her room. Her brain is definitely not right. She is in good hands. You don't have to visit often.
book - exactly. The nurse said something about not wanting to use antipsychotics as much. Give me a break, She is 106 and should not be a candidate for experimenting with meds. I gather there is a general concern for overuse of antipsychotics, but mother was on the smallest dose and not showing any side effects. What we were told is that she might sleep less and engage in activities more. Again, give me a break. At her age, you can hardly expect her to engage in many activities. She would tell them she didn't want to go as she was in pain. Well, I believe that and OK'd them increasing her pain meds. She would not lie about something like that. Grrrr!!! I don't like those roads either! 😲
Nice fall weather here still, but they had inches of snow down south. I have been sleeping a lot since I got back - catching up. Hoping to hear of an improvement in mother soon. They should have started the risperdal by now, I will breathe easier when I do hear. All we can do for her at this point is keep her comfortable and they have failed miserably at that this year.
Take care all.
I've got the chills today. More hot cups of tea and naps ahead, I think.
Glad, I am so happy for you and the new residence. I love fall scenery and it seems you are in the midst of it all.
Frazz, nice post about your mom. It is charming. She moved in a new neighborhood and fit right in. Must be something special that the roommate actually shared how helpful you mother was to her.I think its awesome.
Golden, I hope you feel better soon. I have been having bouts with something and now I have gone from runny nose to stopped up and itchy. I find very high doses of vit C helps when I get a bug. And if I get congested garlic, slivers in water does the trick. I try not to let my congestion settle, I have a bad way to go if I do and it getts scary for me. Also I take oregano oil, but slowed down becuause of my stomach but it helps also.
I think with this fall season comes a new wave of pollen. I was sitting out with neighbor weeding and planting her front yard and as I sat and smelled the green I could feel my sinuses filling up.
Cmag, wow, you are from Greenville, well my home town is right next door Little Washington. I love NC and a lot of cousins were posting damage. My son says he has leak in roof. For years it seems the storms dont hit there hard. Glad all was well enjoy your trip. You can get real busy in Orlando, Have fun and enjoy.
Sharyn I send prayers for you and your brother.
My drama continues, had a bad few days off. When guy fixed toiled tank went in basement to cut off water and it was flooded and water pouring. I told him it happens when sewer line gets backed up. My mother had been stopping up toilet and I would plounge it tthrough. Well he ran snake got nothing. says something is backed up somewhere. So he ran snake through bathroom then we went on each floor. When we get to top my sister says its in there meaning the kitchen which has no sink or stove. I couldnt believe when my mother took them out. I came by and saw the stove sitting on sidewalk. Pefectly working, clean stove. that was maybe 15 years ago.
Well anyways there was a leak in one of the kitchen pipes. He says it needed a gasket and that there was nothing more he could do. I ran into my "aunt" one of my mothers best friends in another neighbors house looking for me. She had a brithday present for me. She is the one I had tried to hire way back to mop and clean halls when I was really frutstrated. She hadnt been by to see my mother. I think it was frustrating because my mother would get really nasty with her putting her out. It seemed they riled eachother up. Its was sad and commical to see. My mother calls me by her name a lot.
So anyways I hooked up some ribs and chicken with this pecan bbq rub I ordered and was happy to have a sampler. Came out good too!! So my sister comes down asking where is this man. I forgot to mention that when I asked her how long it had been leaking she didnt answer until he did. So I started not to answer her but did. Then she demands I call him back becuase he broke the pipes that everything was okay before he came. that I am putting all kind of stuff in toilet backing up pipes. Then nephew texts me to stop pouring human waste in 2nd flor toilet its backing up pipes. Then while I am out with neighbor one of the guys who works with cole the handyman comes over and tell me he hears I am backing up the pipes. So I had a very strssful weekend. The next morning I woke up to find the water off. So many ways to turn it back on, I gave up going up and down to basement to see if I could turn on water for a shower and just did a bird bath with some babywipes and bottle water. I had to get out of the house and just walked and ended up sitting out front with neighbor. When I took my things in house, the nephew was there. And I opened my mouth to blast him about the text he sent me blaming me for the problem and ask him where elsedo you put human waste.
So when I finally came in the toilet was working and all seemed well. The next day no water and the toiled was backed up again. so I left my self out of it. Feeling that if they cut off water they are addressing issue.
Saturday I go down to wait for meals to come. Saw water was on and madea bee line to shower finding it was only hot water on. So I kept plunging and just got the toilet working on way to work today.
Bottom line is How long it took me to see the situtuation for what it is is sad. Becuase the house is falling apart and nobody seems to care and everybody blames me for everything. Its amazing. I cried saturday as I came from a nice day of shopping for my grandaughter the baby to send her something for her birthday and had a lovely time dinning alone. I just had to get away, I was so frustrated. I had mopped and clean the whole floor the day before. Got rid of a heavy wooden large fold up table that was broken and sitting for every while I had help. The guy was there originally to mop down halls and fix toiled until we found flood and leak.
When my sister came down with her bame, I felt like I flew over to her and told her in not such nice words that I would not be calling him back. Its on her floor now do something to fix something in house for a change.
Anyway the sad thing for me is that I really saw the picture that a lot of you had been seeing when I first posted. The house is falling apart. I am feeling like its a brownstone worth a lot here and a family house. But what good is it if itsnot well kept. I am the only one who seems to care about the house or my mother for that matter. I mean it took me two days to unclog the toilet and its still no running cold water to flush toilet which means I have to fill tank before I leave. Also while I was waiting for mealsto come my mother was lugging a pail of water up to top floor. she was on a mission saying to had to flush toilet. I couldnt stop her and I didnt have the energy. When I go up to give her her meal before I went shopping she is in back room by herself and my sister had herdoor closed, as usuual. Is she really planning to do the family leave and get paid to watch my mother when she does nothing. Surely there Karma or the powere that be, wont allow that.,. I hope not anyway.
But in all honesty, I finnally saw in my heart and spirt what everyone tried to tell me when I first started posting. So thank you all for being there from the beginning and the honest and truthful openess. Now I can see myself moving out and reporting all to aps. Being there to open the door for them.
In the meantime, I wait for an afordable place and stay in prayer. While I was shopping I ran into a woman who had bought her brother home from nursing home for his birthday and buying all kinds of sweets stating she hopes the nurses dont find out. He was diabetic and she was sending him home from his birhday visit with a load of sweets. We talked from there and I teared up seriously while talking to her because our situationshere the same. she said except she was the youngest and I was the oldest. After that bawl I felt awfully better. She was a Godsend, it was no coincidence.
Its the same here. I feel the same way, revealing my pain, my hurt my sorrow, and seeing some one understands and accepts my craziness, accepts me. Sometimes when this happens I feel so lonely, I get sad, I get depressed. My ex told me I could come and shower and cook anytime, day or night. The support gave me strengh even if I would not take him up on it.
I am just trying to say that all the advice I have gotten on here is genuinely true
((Golden)), I hope you are feeling better today.
Glad, good that the house is coming along. Weed patches are frustrating. We have a bare patch in our front yard where we've been trying to get good grass planted and thriving, but we haven't had luck so far. Used just seeds but probably need to re-sod. My DH did plant some seeds in the back that grew in nice and green. We have a lot of weeds here too. My flower bed looks terrible right now.
Haven't talked to mom's medical team any more since the last visit, but mom called this morning, said she was doing better - but then asked me if I was going to come pick her up once she is discharged (still no discharge date yet). I said yes that I would be there to pick her up and give her a ride back to her apartment.
She then insisted that she wanted to come home with me and that she was NOT going back there. I said, "But mom, that is where you live. All of your clothes and things and there, and the nurses there have your medicine." She said no, that she doesn't want to go back and kept insisting that she wants to come home with me.
The other day, she was asking to call the manager of the facility where she lives. I didn't have the number on me. They don't let you bring your purse or phone back in the visiting area on the psych unit. I don't know why she was wanting to call, but was thinking maybe to thank her for the flowers the facility sent to her. They have been very kind and have said they are thinking of mom and hope she feels better. The manager is very sweet.
Mom was saying the other day she just wanted to get out of the psych facility and go back home to her apt, now she's adamant that she doesn't want to. Grrr, different day, different mood, I guess. I did call a few minutes ago and left a brief message for her therapist there about some of my concerns, and asking if the psych facility provides transportation back to the senior facility. If they can provide the transportation back once she is discharged, I think that will be better.