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Sharyn, so happy that your sister is doing better!
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Update on my Mom: I was going through the endless loop in my head about my Mom, for instance, what are we going to do now? So this little voice said "get the pain addressed"

So as luck would have it, I suddenly realized that if she was taking her new pain med, then we should be close to getting it refilled. So I called up MC to find out how many pills she has left. Uh oh....I filled a prescription of 7 and she has 5 left...and they have had the prescription for over 2 weeks. No wonder she is in pain. So I called the Nurse.

Come to find out, the doctor's orders say "1/2 tablet as needed for severe pain". For those of you who have ever dealt with pain, you already know where this is going.

1. My Mom is in constant pain. She is really in pain now that we had to remove the Aleve due to the kidney issue (which is why we wanted the MRI). Yes, my Mom cannot concentrate on anything due to the pain...not even eating.
2. My Mom has moderate to severe dementia. She can't even point to where the pain is...she just knows she is in pain. Sometimes she cannot even form words. Yes, it occasionally gets worse...that is when the pain is sharp, then reduces to a dull pain, after she bends over from the pain.
3. Are you in pain? Yes On a scale from 1 to 10, what is the number of your pain? She never could answer the question due to her dementia. For those of you who know this question, only the answer of 10 will get you the pill. An answer of 12, 20, 100, or 9 will not get you the pill. Is this even a reasonable answer to ask a person with moderate dementia?

Ever since I found this out, the nurse has been willing to give her 1/2 tablet a day.

I'm working on the doctor's orders to change the directions to give 1/2 tablet every day. Its been 2 days. New prescription has the changed orders, however, I need a doctor's order in order to comply with the rules for the change in medication.

I'm starting to see the cooperative Mom returning. I don't know whether we will be able to get her to stay still long enough for the MRI, however, it is good that she is smiling now, rather than wincing and complaining about the pain.
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ChoppedLiver,

Your poor mom . I just went back to read about the MRI attempt . So sorry .
Very stressful for you as well .
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My sis has times of delirium still. As far as I know she is in rehab now to continue physical therapy. The gangrene she has is what they say is dry gangrene and will not spread While they want to remove the toe, they want her to get stronger. I have no updates today.
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Bounce, thank you. My brother had delirium for a long time and he would revert to a delirium state when he became sick or was over tired even two years later. He was told it is the brains way of coping. Y brother had a double lung transplant and unfortunately he passed last year after falling and breaking his hip and his lungs failed.
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I’d like an award please, for being a survivor of one of the most dysfunctional families in the world.

🏆🥇🏆🥇🏆🥇🏅🎖️🏅🎖️
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I agree, sounhappy.
There should be SOME reward for putting up with dysfunctional families,
SO the Oscar for best supporting role for a caregiver in a dysfunctional family goes to.........................
SOUNHAPPY.
(clap clap clap)

Sorry about the best SUPPORTING thing, but we have had to give the Oscar for Best role for caregiver with Dysfunctional Family to Midkid, because she's been here longer, and dealing with it longer. Keep working. There's always next years Oscars. Start on the gown and acceptance speech now.
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😉
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What a pity I wasn’t born into a normal family.
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I’m not so sure I would recognize what a normal family is.
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Way, “I’m not so sure I would recognize what a normal family is.”

Just stay away from my “family”.
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Looking on the BRIGHT side, Sounhappy, there IS this!
I had about the best parents in the entire world. And certainly the best bro.
I gotta say it hurt like Hades to see them go from me.
But my PARTNER???
Now he had the MOM from Hades. And when SHE went he just gave an odd kind of smile and said "Well, no more Sunday morning phone calls!", and went cheerfully on his way. Turned out he had loved Sundays, but the thought of getting through that short weekly call was so onerous it almost ruined his day. Now Sundays were HIS free and clear. And he made great use of them.

Not a lot of compensation for having had a Mom who threatened to commit suicide every day from his pre-teen years, and NEVER DID IT. But, some.................
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Hi everyone, my sis would not wake up at all today. My brother was also like this and ironically the only thing they could use to bring him around was Ritalin. He had to take Ritalin the rest of his life. My brother was at Stanford University. They had never had a situation like my brother which they consulted with drs around the country. The same is going on with my sis.

my niece is keeping me on standby because neither of us know when would be the best time for me to come. If I come out now, being at the hospital for 4 weeks where I’m there all day stimulating my sister and say it’s helps but then I have to leave. Is it best to wait until she is released to come home? We are playing it by ear.

I have decided I refuse to get a hip replacement unless they can numb me from the waist down while using a conscious sedation drug like they use with a colonoscopy. No general.

i
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Hi everyone, my sis was transferred back to the hospital. My niece is doing a great job advocating for her mom. My sis is spitting out her oral meds that don’t come in a liquid form. She refuses to eat or drink. Back at the hospital they discover my sis has a severe UTI. We all know a UT with older people means hallucinations, wild talk. I pray this is a big part of my sis’s issue
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Oh, Sharyn! I'm so glad your niece realized that and they got Sis to the hospital.
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I ignore the toxic part of the situation I'm in. I do what I need to do and have for over two decades. My peace is my gold and I cultivate it daily.
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Hi everyone, my sis is not much better. My niece wants me to come out next week. I told her of course. If I can provide emotional support and help stimulate my sisters mind,I will do it in a heart beat.

we are waiting for results from MRI and ct scan that a new hospitalist ordered.
this dr feels there is an underlying issue causing the delirium. This will be done on her legs. Keep you posted
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ChoppedLiver: "get the pain addressed"

I think about this aspect of elder care, as part of considering more overt behavioral issues in gerontology folks. I think physical discomfort (and confusion, of course, and other things... but, yes, PAIN) is a big piece of elders' noncompliance with care in general.

How do we better assess and treat pain in the elderly when they can't speak directly to their discomfort? I don't know, but I want to learn more about any research supporting improved assessments here. I think back to my time as a caregiver, both to GM, who couldn't verbalize her pain, to my dad, who could speak to his but most often it just came out as him being a big jerk and blaming everything except the pain/discomfort. lol Does that make sense? Post-surgery was always the time when he was crankiest and most likely to behave badly.

Looking back, I missed the signs in my GM, because I didn't know what I was looking for. Good on ya for picking up on it, and being an advocate for your mom.

Sharyn, I'm so sorry your sis is still doing so poorly. You already know this forum is so helpful in suggesting things to look into, so after you go there and get a better idea of what's happening, maybe start a Q&A thread about your sister's situation on AC...? I hope things turn for the better soon. (((((hugs)))))
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Hey everyone, my has had an awaking this afternoon. Very lucid aware. My niece brought in her daughter from Florida. She played beagle music while my great niece danced. My sister was laughing at her granddaughter enjoying the Beatles music. It’s a victory as we all know mornings snd evenings are the hardest times with delirium and dementia.
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That's great news, Sharyn! I hope she continues to improve this way.
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Barb, Sunday my niece has to decide on a feeding tube (peg) in my sis’s stomach. If my sis’s weight gets too low, she gets lightheaded and risk passing out especially when she stands up because her BP drops too low. This morning she was very child like and giggling. But this afternoon she took her oral meds and was coherent. Small increases as they come we will take it! Thank you everyone.
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Great news, Sharyn.
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My sis called me today. She has some confusion but she knew who I was. I pray she stays this way. My great niece is visiting her and I think this is helping my sis.
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Both my father and I in therapy. I've gotten a lot of great feedback from everyone thank u. I'm the girl with the dad getting too in my personal space. I've spaced out my days to going less often and not staying too long. He cried for days after I confronted him, so did I here from home tho. I didn't go for 5 days after "the incident". Still unsure if he gets it. Going to just keep my boundaries but had to reassure him even if he doesn't sew me everyday, I will still be here for him and I won't abandon him. His biggest fear . I just keep praying....🙏all opinions welcomed plz any help I can get for my mental health will greatly help me. He's lonely. I'm struggling to keep my own boat afloat. Some days I feel better, other days I sink. I've been on antidepressants for 18 yrs❤️to other survivors.
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Marybeths,
Sympathy out to you. My daughter, now 61, struggled with clinical depression all her life. She used both therapy when needed and medication when needed. It got a whole lot better for her post menopausal, though I would say the "anxiety" component of it all is very much still with her.

Glad you set boundaries. You can do so gently and kindly, actually, even with someone who is borderline abusive, and the perfect words are the ones you just said to US: "I won't abandon you; I know you're lonely. But I am struggling to keep my own boat afloat."
Those words are perfect. Be honest with him. Allow him his own reactions and remember they aren't aimed at YOU, really--they are "him".

And always know--engrave it on your heart--you didn't CAUSE this for him and you can't CURE this for him. You aren't a Saint and it's a bad job description anyway. You get slain and then they pray to you for eternity to "fix stuff".
Hang in there. This is what it is to be human. We hang in there.
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Greadings everyone. I have been out of touch for a while but everyone who is part of this forum is part of my heart.

Ali it's so wonderful to hear your progress towards completing your masters I wish you all the best.

It bought tears to hear about the breakthroughs during communication with your mother. Such a blessing.

Barb! I will be forever grateful for your wisdom, guidance and advice over the years. Always in my heart. I have tears remembering how you and other special angels and members in this forum helped me through one of the hardest periods in my life.

I am still a work in progress. In a better place for the most part. Still crying still tearful getting better and a tad stronger.

So much to share. I just had to reach out and wish everyone rays of love light peace and happiness especially throughout this holiday season.
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Always good to see you, Duck. Hope your holidays will be bright and merry!
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I've been caring for my mother for years through her many illnesses. My family has never helped me, now I have Caregivers burnout with extreme stress and half of my hair fell out from stress. My mother is very manipulative, she lies, she's mean to me a lot and treats me poorly. Another family member stepped up to help finally because I was starting to lose it with her failure to use the systems that we put in place to help her. She started talking bad about me to her friends and family, then took me off her banking and called and said really nasty that I don't need you anymore. She said that she was going to her friends house, I reminded her to take her phone and her reply was I forget it, and laughed like a child.
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Well Allusedup I hope you just rethink this and let her go to her friends house. I am sure they will be calling you shortly to come and get her! And with no phone she can;t call you to rescue her. I do hope someone has POA for her however. As you are not on her banking.
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Duck, Happy Thanksgiving!

"And still I rise".

Keep those words in your ❤️.
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