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This is a good one for us caregivers:

”I stopped waiting for the applause and thank you’s - and instead, gave myself a standing ovation.”
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😇
Keep calm
&
Let the idiots talk
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🥰🙂
I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am.
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...butting in to put down a little "hello friends" post.

I finished my neuropsychology class. My final project was on the effects of hemorrhagic stroke. I chose that topic because a good friend had one a year or so ago, and I hoped I'd learn something useful for him. What I learned is that the brain is incredibly complex. I guess I didn't need to pay tuition to learn that, haha. All in all, it was a great class choice for my elective.
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Hi Ali, well done for your succes on finishing your neuropsych class.

Your experience really reaffirms the truth that not so much is known about our brains as they are very complex :-)

Keep up the good work!
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Hi Ali Very well done!!! So interesting and so very complicated. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Good to hear from you as always. Awesome to think you are getting near the end of this particular phase of your education. It will continue, of course, whether formally or not. Learning is life long.

You've come a long way, baby!!! 😊😊😊
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this is a warning.
it's about the topic of mean/rude/toxic/dysfunctional people in our lives...

i want to say:
i was in a shoe shop the other day. the seller was talking about the importance of getting rid of pebbles in your shoe: "you know...if you walk for a few minutes with a pebble in your shoe, it's not that bad...2 miles later, still tolerable...10 miles later, you start feeling a lot of pain...20 miles later, intolerable...!"

but i think it's a very useful metaphor.

i started thinking about rude "friends"/acquaintances i have in my life, and other dysfunctional people...

it's true. years later, with that pebble (toxic "friend") in your life...you'll get worn down, without realizing it.

so what i'm saying is, it's good to look at one's life, and see who needs to get cut out.
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i like this quote:

🙂
"Many people would be scared
if they saw in the mirror,
not their faces...
but their character."
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🥰🙂
Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean,
but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.
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My mom nitpicks at me at times, but she doesn't like it whenever I nitpick at her. Talk about hypocrisy.

Chances are, she'd get upset with me if I ever called her out for her nitpicking. She's gotten on me for how I put paperclips on things, my handwriting a few months back, filling up her glasses a little too high with water or Coca-Cola, giving her water that wasn't warm enough when she needed to wash her hands and sometimes giving her water that was too hot, and how I put things in envelopes.

She'll label those things as providing advice, but it's nothing more than excuses to nitpick.
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That was my MIL. I never did anything right as far as she was concerned. Straw that broke the camel's back was the time she unloaded the dishwasher that I loaded after the family Sunday dinner. I was very insulted and never pitched in to help after that. She's gone now but the memory lingers on.
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Nitpicking...

I remember many times (and still now) I would see my mother, and she would assess me from head to toe and comment about things -- what I was wearing, what my hair looked like, etc. It's just her way of being curious, I think, but it always felt off-putting and isolating, like I was a specimen of some kind. She doesn't give compliments; she doesn't necessarily give insults, either -- she just overtly looks me up and down and comments on various things. lol I've gotten used to it, but it's not the way I would approach someone I love to show them affection, you know?

We all need to go easy on each other and not do those kinds of behaviors if they are of no real importance. It's rude, isn't it? I think it is. These are micro-aggressions, a way to put others down or micro-manage behaviors.
...

I have a young woman (32yo?) therapist now. This is interesting for me! It's my first venture into any ongoing therapy or counseling. The first session yesterday mainly was me bringing her "to speed" on the most significant events in my childhood/caregiving/life, and where I find myself now. I hope that she and I can really "gel." Vibe. And I hope I can learn some valuable perspectives. I'm unsure what I think of her yet, but she seems nice enough. She was pretty quiet in the first meeting. Perhaps that is normal, or maybe I talked way too much. I did arrive with notes to review, after all. Lol. I wanted to inform her of certain background information and try to give her perspective on how I've found myself in the present time with anxiety issues that really detract from my everyday quality of life, and tell her what I hope to accomplish through therapy.

I don't know. She's quiet and young. I don't know what I expected, but a bossy, opinionated therapist would be appreciated by me. 😁 Tell me to get out of my head and go to the gym! lol

Jokes aside, what a wonderful tool this is—simply having someone to tell your most troubling heart burdens to and getting (at least) some encouragement. I'll take the validation.
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I really feel for all of you still going through the emotional chaos that dysfunctional parents and family bring into our lives. Getting distance, finding some measure of acceptance... these things save my sanity. When family can't hurt me anymore, I find I'm also a better influence on them (or maybe it just feels that way because I'm not enmeshed, you know?). I can suggest behavior changes in a friendly, supportive way, and they're more receptive (I think?).

Protect your hearts, dears. You have to, or you'll go crazy.
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Hothouse, what's interesting to me about your story of MIL and the dishwasher is that there are ways to do things that don't leave lasting hurtful impressions like that. She could have said, "I know it's silly, but I have this way I load it because it acts up and doesn't clean right if I don't. Thank you for doing that." And be nice about it and acknowledge your efforts. It's never just one event, though, and I know that. It's a pattern of putting-down and being mean and fussy that goes with it.
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😇🌸
Let go or
be dragged down.
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words to live by
⭐️⭐️⭐️🍀🍀🍀

You’ve mastered surviving. It’s now time to live.
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Could say more but will only say that this written with a tad of possible wisdom, much humor, a speck of sarcasm but a lot of love.

As time draws near for my nighttime ritual, here is a timely poem from the various titles of well known and not so well known TV shows from a world far, far, away.

"Oh, how the Young and the Restless look for Another World while this one is on The Edge of Night seeking for a Guiding Light to get all of us through The Dark Shadows in hope that As The World Turns ,The Brighter Day will come even for those in The Secret Storm who are All My Children who with us all are on The Road of Life for From These Roots comes The Brighter Life in the Moment of Truth about The Days of Our Lives that Love Is a Many Splendored Thing as we have Only One Life to Live!|"

Good night! Sleep tight!
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🙂
Seeing people walk out from my life is really painful, I want them to run.
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…Many of us have lost years staying loyal to toxic people…
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bundleofjoy

"Seeing people walk out from my life is really painful, I want them to run."

One in particular whose leaving was to die for. They died for. There was no other way, but as I wrote about another: you're dying, but I'm thriving; for you it's the end, but for me, I'm gettin to begin
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🌸🥰🌸🥰🌸
May all the heavy things you’ve been carrying…
one day carry you.
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“Because I carry it well, doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.”
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🙂
“I haven’t heard from you lately, and I’ve really enjoyed it.”
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🌸🥰🌸🥰🌸
Words of wisdom:

“You’ll never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.”
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😇🌸😇🌸
It’s possible to be completely enlightened…except with your family.
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🙂
Correct me if you’re wrong.
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🙂 mistake, i meant to put that joke below (“Correct me if you’re wrong.”) in the joke section.

anyway, next time someone is being a jerk/toxic/dysfunctional to you, you can say:

"You're being you again. Stop that."
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🙂 
We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
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Most of my family and friends walked away as my husband's illness got worse. It is really hard not having a support system especially, since I am dealing with end stage renal disease and trying to get on the transplant list for the second time. My husband said when he dies with Dementia that he doesn't want a funeral. He doesn't want all the family and friends that were not there the last 6 years when we needed them gauking at his dead body and saying how sorry they are. He wants to be cremated and just have a small group of people, mainly our kids go to the ocean and scatter his ashes.
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Your “family and friends walked away as my husband's illness got worse”. Think again about what they ‘walked away’ FROM. A lot of people walk away from expectations that they will share care, and that’s perfectly reasonable. If might be worth thinking again about what you could ask for that might be easy and reasonable for them to provide. It may be too late for that to make much different to your caregiving responsibilities, but bringing them back in at the end might pay dividends for you after his death. And that would be a gift for your memories of him.

That’s not at all incompatible with a very low key ‘exit’ for him.
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