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Bundle, you are definitely on a great roll , thanks for the wisdom and joy. 😍
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words against toxic/dysfunctional people:

🙂🙂🙂
“My best attribute is being nothing like you.”
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words against toxic/dysfunctional people:

🙂🙂
“My favorite thing about your opinion is when you keep it to yourself.”
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I'm struggling. The needs my parents have haven't started suddenly, but the amount of help they needed changed drastically last month, and I'm underwater. My sister has been stirring up trouble from 3000 miles away, posting on social media about how hard it is to support aging parents from a distance (which I agree is HARD) but without asking how she actually COULD help. I'm angry that my parents are so needy when they've had a year (since we started seeing problems) to put help and care in place but didn't, I'm angry that my sister thinks a couple of phone calls a week is "helping support", and I'm angry that all I think about right now is my parents care and whether I'm doing enough. I'm afraid I will never be able to do enough for people who don't want to help themselves.
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Birdee, I understand, I have huge anger issues now because of my parents lack of planning that I will carry with me. .No legal documents, nothing until I had to get very nasty and make threats about leaving and not coming back unless they did this. Us kids lives revolved around the latest health crisis or house maintenance catastrophe. It was just awful.

Get help in. I used NextDoor and found three really great helpers. figure out what you need to do to help yourself.

you might need to place them
into a NH at some point. Don’t believe people who broad brush and tell you NHs are all bad. Have an open mind and look into what is available.

My mother died last year and my father is in a nursing home now. He’s sleeping here in the sun room as I write this. Even though he’s in a facility the work and responsibility does not end. It’s just a different set of issues.

Remember you are no good to your parents or to yourself if you burn out,

Hope you feel better.
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thanks Hothouseflower. I'm working on getting a dementia/Alzheimer's dx for mom... but we can't do that till June. I have to make it till then, as I don't really know the scope of her needs clinically.
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Birdee, I've had a lot of anger at my life also, I've been working on reinventing myself, and dealing with a lot from my past , and knowing how much I've changed especially the last 6 months or so, I've been on this journey. Very much looking forward to who I have become at the end of this awakening journey I have been on, now I'm in a bit of an exciting part of this. So we will go through all this together, and get though it together, one day at a time!!.💕💕 Your not alone.
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I am the scapegoat of the family, and as so often is the case, I am now the primary caregiver for my elderly parents. I've heard it all, "You accepted the role, you have to set up boundaries, etc." This is the situation. There is no one else willing to take care of them. I love them, but I also understand they will never love me. I have taken a personal inventory and do not believe I am trying to earn their love or make them love me. It has nothing to do with what they can or cannot do emotionally. I am called to live as closely as I can, like Jesus. I can't see Jesus saying, "They violated my boundaries. Or I can't be "codependent." I have been called to "Honor my parents, to love my enemies, and to feed, clothe, and visit others in need." I am not vying for sainthood. I am vying to survive in tribulation - which Christ told us we would encounter. Right now, though, I no longer want to beg them to let me help. Talk about no win. I just need others to pray with me and pray for me. Thanks.
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WW, you have the right to choose your own religion and your own interpretation of it, and your own care decisions. Just know that there are other options and other choices that you and other people also have the right to make.
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woman warrior,

hug & courage.

1 warning to you: PLEASE make sure they don’t screw you over financially.

sometimes the kind-sweet-scapegoat is not only helping for years, but gets totally screwed over in the end. please be careful.

bad people have no mercy, no conscience and screw other people over.
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@WomanWarrior

Fill your bathtub with some water. Now see if you can walk on it. If you can't, then don't try to live up to Jesus. You're a human being and none of us is perfect.

You don't have to be a care slave to you parents who from what you've said didn't care all that much for you. There's another line in the bible somewhere about people reaping what they sow.

There are other people available to care for your parents. These people are located in a nursing home. Put them in one and go back to your life. Let that be the boundary you set.

You deserve peace and some measure of happiness. If any other family members want to take over the caregiving for your parents, more power to them. It's time for you to walk away, guilt-free and without troubling yourself over the bible.

I once asked a rabbi if he thought that 'Honoring the Father and Mother' meant that their adult children must give up their lives and become care slaves to them. Know what he said?

The child honors his/her parents by living a good life and raising a food family. By doing mitzvahs (good deeds). Being a slave to others honors no one.
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@BOJ

Good point about the kind, sweet scapegoat/caregiver getting screwed over. The OP needs to see some things in writing about what she will get if she is her parents' caregiver.
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⭐️⭐️⭐️
Today’s words of wisdom:

“It is truly eye opening when you realize that narcissistic mothers breed narcissistic sons.”
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BOJ, absolutely!!
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⭐️⭐️⭐️
Also today’s words of wisdom:

"A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else."
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BOJ - Re narcissistic mothers breeding narcissistic sons - they also bred narcissistic daughters as evidenced by my sister, the golden child.
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@WomanWarrior - welcome to Aginc care. I hope you find the support you need here.. Other posters, including myself, are called to live like Jesus. He made the ultimate sacrifice so we could live an abundant life. No one else could make that sacrifice.
John 10:10  "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it to the full,"
The point burnt makes is a good one. We are far more limited that Jesus is. The Holy Spirit works in us to bring us to the likeness of Christ. We can't do it in our own strength nor will we reach perfection in this life.
The greatest commandment is that we love God with all our hearts and our neighbours as ourselves. In this case your neighbours are your parents. This means you count equally in the equation,
Love is seen in action. You are to do good things for yourself as much as for your parents.
If this situation is too hard on you then figure out what is loving for you as well as for your parents. They need care - it doesn't mean it has to be you doing the hands on care. If it is too hard on you it can be done by others. Jesus says his burdens are light. He does not want burdens to be too heavy for you. Yes we encounter tribulations. He also shows us the way through them. regarding boundaries. There are lots of boundaries in the bible, and consequences when they are breeched. God/Jesus is not against setting boundaries and following through with consequences, Quite the opposite. The answer is not to just tell people that they have broken your boundaries, but to then calmly to enforce the consequences. Boundaries are of no use without consequences.
All the best and prayers with and for you.🙏🙏🙏
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😉
Today’s words:

“I’m comfortable with you being my scapegoat.”
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⭐️⭐️⭐️
Today’s words of wisdom:

“The most effective way to do it, is to do it.”
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Also today’s words of wisdom:
🙂🙂🙂

“Life is too short to be normal.
Stay weird.”
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that quote i posted down below is just a warning of how toxic/narc people think:

“I’m comfortable with you being my scapegoat.”
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My mom's phone has been having issues detecting the SIM card. On some occasions, it would say no SIM card and I would have to turn it off and turn it back on.

As a result, she's been using my phone of late to text and call her friends and neighbors. She has hardly been on her own to make sure it didn't get too hot and it would cause the SIM card to move out of place just enough to cause issues.

I got her an iPhone case to see if that can help remedy the SIM card situation and it doesn't get moved out of place. I got it set up and...

...she's still using my phone.

She's currently contemplating buying a tracphone. She refuses to get another iPhone and let the current one be used as an iPod Touch, even though she won't lose her texts or pictures on it.

It only gets more ridiculous. If the case doesn't remedy the situation, then it'll be proof she's on her phone way too much and at the computer too little. She was on the computer TWICE all of last year.
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Anyone with drug problems in their family? This mornings news here says "Nitazenes found to have caused the four deaths in Melbourne were estimated to be 100 times more potent than heroin. The manufacture of nitazenes was driven by the opioid epidemic in the US, which was creating a market for the drugs even as it killed up to 90,000 Americans annually". Yuck!
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Margaret, thanks for that info. I try to keep up on that stuff, knowledge is power. I've been very lucky the drug epidemic hasn't touched my imidiate family, but I like to know what I can .
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Today’s words of wisdom:
⭐️⭐️⭐️

I don’t have a problem with those who don’t like me,
but I do have a problem with those who pretend to.
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Not good POA not paying bills sibling intercepting mail mom's requested monthly bank statements are missing

Im trying to get POA revocation ASAP () mom's rapid recliner, her lawyer is semi-retired, not available, slow to respond. Lies told to me and about me.
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Hi osmosis, welcome to are Forum, when you get time fill out you're profile. Lots of us here have had these issues, ask anything you want in questions, or vent away.
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Hi Osmosis,
I would contact APS (Adult Protective Services) about all you have told us. They can intervene to check on things for you.
I hope you will do so and let us know how that goes for you and your Mom.
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Quote for today:

“If their absence brings you peace, they were the problem.”
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Welcome, Osmosis - sorry for your dysfunctional family. It is hard to deal with. Good luck with the POA revocation. let us know what happens.

Wondering how or if I can start communication again with my dd. Her BPD has flared up with the move, she has made some unwise financial decisions which has put them under a lot of pressure (=debt) and I have bailed her and them out before but I believe that has to stop. They may as well learn better how to handle their finances now than after I and whatever money they get from me is gone.
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