
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
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“My best attribute is being nothing like you.”
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“My favorite thing about your opinion is when you keep it to yourself.”
Get help in. I used NextDoor and found three really great helpers. figure out what you need to do to help yourself.
you might need to place them
into a NH at some point. Don’t believe people who broad brush and tell you NHs are all bad. Have an open mind and look into what is available.
My mother died last year and my father is in a nursing home now. He’s sleeping here in the sun room as I write this. Even though he’s in a facility the work and responsibility does not end. It’s just a different set of issues.
Remember you are no good to your parents or to yourself if you burn out,
Hope you feel better.
hug & courage.
1 warning to you: PLEASE make sure they don’t screw you over financially.
sometimes the kind-sweet-scapegoat is not only helping for years, but gets totally screwed over in the end. please be careful.
bad people have no mercy, no conscience and screw other people over.
Fill your bathtub with some water. Now see if you can walk on it. If you can't, then don't try to live up to Jesus. You're a human being and none of us is perfect.
You don't have to be a care slave to you parents who from what you've said didn't care all that much for you. There's another line in the bible somewhere about people reaping what they sow.
There are other people available to care for your parents. These people are located in a nursing home. Put them in one and go back to your life. Let that be the boundary you set.
You deserve peace and some measure of happiness. If any other family members want to take over the caregiving for your parents, more power to them. It's time for you to walk away, guilt-free and without troubling yourself over the bible.
I once asked a rabbi if he thought that 'Honoring the Father and Mother' meant that their adult children must give up their lives and become care slaves to them. Know what he said?
The child honors his/her parents by living a good life and raising a food family. By doing mitzvahs (good deeds). Being a slave to others honors no one.
Good point about the kind, sweet scapegoat/caregiver getting screwed over. The OP needs to see some things in writing about what she will get if she is her parents' caregiver.
Today’s words of wisdom:
“It is truly eye opening when you realize that narcissistic mothers breed narcissistic sons.”
Also today’s words of wisdom:
"A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else."
John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it to the full,"
The point burnt makes is a good one. We are far more limited that Jesus is. The Holy Spirit works in us to bring us to the likeness of Christ. We can't do it in our own strength nor will we reach perfection in this life.
The greatest commandment is that we love God with all our hearts and our neighbours as ourselves. In this case your neighbours are your parents. This means you count equally in the equation,
Love is seen in action. You are to do good things for yourself as much as for your parents.
If this situation is too hard on you then figure out what is loving for you as well as for your parents. They need care - it doesn't mean it has to be you doing the hands on care. If it is too hard on you it can be done by others. Jesus says his burdens are light. He does not want burdens to be too heavy for you. Yes we encounter tribulations. He also shows us the way through them. regarding boundaries. There are lots of boundaries in the bible, and consequences when they are breeched. God/Jesus is not against setting boundaries and following through with consequences, Quite the opposite. The answer is not to just tell people that they have broken your boundaries, but to then calmly to enforce the consequences. Boundaries are of no use without consequences.
All the best and prayers with and for you.🙏🙏🙏
Today’s words:
“I’m comfortable with you being my scapegoat.”
Today’s words of wisdom:
“The most effective way to do it, is to do it.”
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“Life is too short to be normal.
Stay weird.”
“I’m comfortable with you being my scapegoat.”
As a result, she's been using my phone of late to text and call her friends and neighbors. She has hardly been on her own to make sure it didn't get too hot and it would cause the SIM card to move out of place just enough to cause issues.
I got her an iPhone case to see if that can help remedy the SIM card situation and it doesn't get moved out of place. I got it set up and...
...she's still using my phone.
She's currently contemplating buying a tracphone. She refuses to get another iPhone and let the current one be used as an iPod Touch, even though she won't lose her texts or pictures on it.
It only gets more ridiculous. If the case doesn't remedy the situation, then it'll be proof she's on her phone way too much and at the computer too little. She was on the computer TWICE all of last year.
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I don’t have a problem with those who don’t like me,
but I do have a problem with those who pretend to.
Im trying to get POA revocation ASAP () mom's rapid recliner, her lawyer is semi-retired, not available, slow to respond. Lies told to me and about me.
I would contact APS (Adult Protective Services) about all you have told us. They can intervene to check on things for you.
I hope you will do so and let us know how that goes for you and your Mom.
“If their absence brings you peace, they were the problem.”
Wondering how or if I can start communication again with my dd. Her BPD has flared up with the move, she has made some unwise financial decisions which has put them under a lot of pressure (=debt) and I have bailed her and them out before but I believe that has to stop. They may as well learn better how to handle their finances now than after I and whatever money they get from me is gone.