The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Raven1, your sister sounds like she has an undiagnosed personality disorder with probably no probability of ever seeking help for it. Earlier in this thread, emjo shared about 'detachment' which you might find helpful. Why is your sister living at home? You mention that you are the middle child. Where is the youngest sibling in this dysfunctional drama? Hugs, love and prayers for you in dealing with such a dysfunctional sister.

raven ((((((((((hugs))))))))) I agree with cmag -sounds like she has a PD. - certainly is mentally ill. Horrible situation! Is there anyway to physically separate so you don't live with he, even if it takes making some drastic changes?
sharyn I am so sorry about your son. I remember you writing about him and dil before. I know how it feels, Thankfully the dil I was estranged from has come around and is an amazing support now and we are friends. Miracles can happen!
cmag - hope things have settled down with your mum and she will be able to under the procedure now. I know your wife has surgery upcoming too - they do keep you busy!
take care all - and do something good for you today especially you today, raven
love and hugs Joan

Raven1-
I can identify with your post! However, I am the oldest of 3. I have been caring for mom for just over two years now, without assistance from two siblings that both live within 10 miles of here. They called APS on me. The day they showed up on the doorstep, I was preparing to get mom's hubby in the shower, mom was at her day program. I told the investigator he was welcome to go chat with my mom and the address of the center. At the time, I thought the nerve of the sis's to allege physical abuse, financial exploitation never even occurred to me because there absolutely has not been any and sis's know it. However, that is what the allegations are. ABSURD, VINDICTIVE, and out and out HATEFUL. APS closed the case. Then sisters tried to start another investigation of financial exploitation and were told by the investigator that there is absolutely no basis for the allegations and refused to investigate. They were also told that this mess is going to have to be settled in court. So that is where we are now. And it becomes uglier by the day. The sis with POA's is completely unreasonable so I have petitioned for third party involvement/assistance in the form of a guardian and conservator. It is really a shame to have to spend money in this way, but there is no way around it.

Good morning..

Joan, what a nitemare with mom, I would like to think that she cant just decide to stop meds but further thought is I guess she can, if that is her desire...that the problem with the M. ill...they don't see the problems. I am hoping it doesn't happen and/or the phoning dilemma does not blow up... I did take the dogs on a walk this AM around the hotel couple times..i gotta do it before the chores set in or I will be too tired to do it. It was brief but nice...I hope your eyes are doing better today and your tummy too...

Sharyn. sorry to hear about son, my bro's wife was like that and we did not see him for many years, just holidays etc... Must be heartbreaking to have someone steal your baby from you for lack of a PC or better term, i am braindead as usual! Well i do hope you get to see him!! it is amazing what power women can have over them..my bro loved a big pile of ribs or fat steak and went vegiterian cuz she was and she was mean and belittled and mocked us especially my really ill bro...used to infuriate me as she was no prize, when that bro emerged from divorce he was not same and ill as well...it runs in family but many years in that type of environment didn't help im sure. Well look forward to the trip to Idaho and hang on to that, and hope you do get some quality time with him.
CMag I may have missed the point with your dilemma I do not read well, my concentration is crap. and I don't see well so reading is difficult at times Sorry things got messed up, that just sucks!!

Margeaux....hope recovery is coming along first few days are the worst I suspect!

Raven, yes that sounds real icky situation and sis is unstable

Man we had a wicked nasty storm yesterday. The thunder was so powerful It shook the building and rattled the windows. I cant remember ever feeling it like that, I was truly scared. The good news is it brought buckets of rain, much needed to aid the firefighters and douse any lightning strikes that may have erupted. Bad news for me is it probably soaked my salvaged hardwoods I was counting on re-purposing, they are laying in the yard hope the tarp held. and the roof tarp was open as we were inspecting quoting the damage and did not expect or think of it till the storm was in full force...the insurance covered the pipe burst floor damage but would not do the roof and then they cancelled me the other day due to the roof damage... it better not interfere with this claim and that is BS cuz I am getting it fixed and had already paid a contractor to fix few years back which he apparently did not do!!! I will fight that cancellation as I must have current homeowners for mortage and for this housing rehab loan )no interest and no payback till sale) I am in process of applying for....so be my troubles for the day...not the problem family but circumstances..that family caused me to flee and isolate!

Well anyway I am going to try to get my toes painted today, soak my feet and tidy up the calluses and paint those little piggies!! and :"try' to watch this movie I wanna see on HBO here at hotel but it hard during day as I have demands on me all day. Home I can just dvr it or pause as needed. Incredibly close and extremely loud is the movie and my Breaking bad is back on today, they probably have a marathon of the first half of season I would like to catch I am checking now!!
Oh ya I guess I need to go to house n assess the storm mess if any! and I do have to review all the quotes I got from contractors and flooring co. this week and finish housing rehab loan app. just got to copy and print bunch of stuff for that but may have found a disqualifier on a document I just remembered. i am keeping fingers crossed we can get it resolved or I am screwed now that they are cancelling my insurance!

Well have the best Sunday possible everyone and always in my thoughts n prayers! Big love shout out to you all!!

Peace,
Juju

Hi glad - what a mess you are in. My sis is being reasonable at present - she knows I could dump the POA and Personal Directive on her if she gets difficult, Any criticism and I'll tell her she can do it, if she thinks she can do better. It must be very hard being caregiver and not having POA etc when sibs are antagonistic. I am expecting trouble after mother goes - like being sued for something, and am keeping an eye out for that. I am executor and I think I will give it to a lawyer to prevent any court cases. So unfortunate when it ends up in court, but that is where you have to be.

juju - hope the storm didn't cause any additional problems. You have enough as it is. Unfortunately anyone can refuse meds - even in hospital. If she acts out too much, I believe she will end up evaluated as incompetent, and in a closed unit, which she will dislike intensely - but, her choice. Glad you got out for a walk. The more you walk (within reason) the more energy you will have the rest of the day to get your chores done, and you will have burned off some stress which is good for you. The body needs exercise when you are under stress, or it is harder on you. So glad that you are going to pamper yourself today. I got my toenails "gelished" Thursday - a nice sparkly coral to match my fingernails, my hair cut Friday, and today I will finally take presents to my grandson for his 8th b'day which was Aug 1st and I was away. I upped my meds for the fungal infection and the eyes and tummy are better, than k you for asking. Have you tried that recipe for taking dead skin off your feet. I saw it on f/b and want to try it. Prayers for the insurance to work out in your favour.

alison - gardening is a great thing. Like walking, any exercise is what the body needs to respond to the stress adrenaline rush and gardening reaps rewards. I hope you are making headway at placing your dad. I used to scrub pots when I was mad. Now I protect my nails, and find other ways to burn off steam! Yes, your mum is mentally ill, and most likely will not change for the better - and in time, like mine, for the worse.

Margeaux - let us know how you are. Hope hubby is better and you both are recovering from that traumatic experience and able to relax a bit.

Sharyn - sorry that your arm is still causing you trouble. I hope you can get some treatment that is helpful. Have you had any PT?

Re mother, I have decided that I will give her a good dose of the truth, one of these phone calls. She keeps telling me I don't know what it is like because I am not there, but there are some things I do know, and one of them is that of she does not take her meds, her paranoia and agitation will get worse, and she will end up in hospital again. I will also tell her that the doctors have diagnosed her as needing it, that they are trying to help her, and if she will not cooperate/help herself, she need not expect me to come down and help her. Also she may find herself in a situation that she likes even less than the one she is in, if she keeps up the way she is. Her choice!

That's my rant for the day - now for some peace and relaxation :)

Lots of love to you all, and prayers!

Margeaux- my husband had prostate cancer and had surgery - had a catheter and when removed seemed fine until that afternoon and hadn't peed...had to rush him to the hospital - this was also not told to us that it could happen - it was the most painful experience for him - it was terrible. I think anytime a surgery is done it is a possibility as it is usually from a very small blood clot - that is all it takes. I hope he is feeling better - and since you are on this post - most likely not your only concern...hope you have a peaceful Sunday.
emjo- is the eye infection for the tattoo? Or did you not do that yet? Thanks for the advice. I did wait a few days to call my mother back- she called me 4 times in 2 days - each message more nasty than the one before. The phone call didn't go well - "where was I? You don't know what goes on here! I can go home there is someone here to help me, I want my food, I want, I want ,I want...". Never taking a breath and never listening. When I started to talk I was interrupting her again (standard statement) she never stops talking. I told her we were working on the yard while it wasn't 100 degrees for Jayme and Hannah's wedding...no response! Geez her grandson is getting married and she doesn't even care about that. I ended up just saying I would be down in a few weeks...and hung up. She was pissy the entire time, never once asked about anyone in the family - all about her. So exhausting. I need to read more to learn to diffuse some of these conversations. I just keep going back to my role of appeasing her. Ugh. She did bring up that she wants to move up here with me....need to postpone that for a few years! She will expect me there everyday.

Raven- you have found a fantastic group of people to help!

Thanks for being there everyone - so nice to know that there are others in this boat!

Happy Sunday!

Karen

Joan...would you share the FB foot scrub as I will have to do later. I spent way to much time on the puter this morning so I will try tonite or tomoro nite and maybe just go get a pedi and a haircut tomoro idk I want to then I can dye it myself it is way to long and shaggy now 2 boxes and lots of work....anyway yes share footscrub please!

Hi Karen - no I haven't had the tattoo done yet and can't till this infection is healed, It is fungal I believe. I had systemic candida after I moved mother the first time. and was quite sick, not that that slowed down her demands at all. 40-45% of people who get it die from it. My doc didn't know how to treat it and finally I convinced him to send me to a specialist last summer, after a couple of years of being pretty sick. Now I am much better, but not over it completely. It has settled in my gut, and when it flares up I get some skin involvement, and my sinuses/eyes which get quite swollen and gut pain etc. Other than the colour, I tend to look like a prize fighter who lost the match. I know how to adjust my meds, and I also have to stay away from stress which affects it. The specialist says there is no guarantee that I won't have it for life, but can keep taking the meds she gave me. I have no intention of having it for life, and am doing pretty well, having been able to reduce my meds to about 1/3 to 1/4 the original dose, though have relapses as now. Just a big nuisance!

Let your mother wait for phone calls. She won't like it but you can't please her anyway no matter what you do. Your mum is so much like my mum! No, they don't care about anyone else. You need to remember she is mentally ill, and to some extent can't help it, but you do need to protect yourself. I have held the phone away from my ear - just close enough to know she is still talking and then after an appropriate time interrupt and say, "I have to go now" and hang up. What you say to them seems to make no difference generally. Work on not trying to appease her - you can't and she just wants the attention. Don't react to FOG. Forget about moving her closer to you! Change the subject!

Have a good day everyone.

it is a foot soak, ju - you could do it when you are on the computer! I haven't tried it yet but will try it soon.

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Foot Soak

Mix 1/4 c Listerine (any kind but I like the blue), 1/4 c vinegar and 1/2 c of warm water. Soak feet for 10 minutes and when you take them out the dead skin will practically wipe off.

May have to double recipe and also do it twice
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Let me know if you try it! Haircut sounds like a good idea -easier to keep then.

Joan~Hope you are pampering yourself today! Will have to try the foot soak. I just spent 2 weeks using callous pads on a painful callous on the bottom of my foot. I have been given notice that mums the word regarding my daughter getting pregnant. Her hubby is a worrier and if he knew she has talked with me about it, he would worry even more. I am going to get some yarn to crochet a blanket, I need to start now since I am slow at crocheting....green and yellow!

Juju~That storm sounded like quiet a shaker. I hope everything is ok at your house. How can they cancel your home owners, thats crazy. Enjoy your pedi and a hair cut. I still haven't redyed my hair...hopefully on thurs. when I am off. Well gotta get ready for work and stop dreaming of grandbabies!!

Yikes Joan (emjo) that sounds horrible! I don't know if you are open to this - I have been into alternative medicines for a long time (20 years or so) and I had both viral and bacterial bronchitis years ago - dr ordered antibiotics of course - and got the yeast infection from hell - lasted on and offer for 4 months - finally went to my acupuncturist and she mixed up some Chinese herbs for it - within 2 days it was gone. They taste horrible - but are certainly worth it...and may be worth a shot - yeast is hard to get rid of in the body. Also- you can try zinc and garlic - the combo will kill yeast - especially in the stomach...that helped me 30 years ago.

My husband wants me to write my mother a letter as she reads things over and over...I am thinking about it. At least that way I can explain that moving her is not an option without interruption...Anyway - will probably write it - may not send - just therapeutic. Sorry to hear your mother is like mine - I have always been so jealous of women that get to have nice lunches with their moms - or go shopping...Funny thing is - for years she kept telling everyone we had such a great relationship - we were so close etc! LOL! Yeah -she talked - I listened.

Hope you feel better!

Karen

Sharyn-oh good it is the ducks colors and football started this week I believe of course I missed it. I don't do sports much but love watching football and an occasional Nascar race...dad loved both and I love my Ducks, U of O....reminds me of Sundays home with dad but college is Sat,,, Get that crochet hook a burning, lol!!! yes will be nice for you to have lil babies to spoil. I also have heard you should not announce until after first trimester as that is when much can go wrong, if it shall (but we wont even think that way,is my take, negative) then you wont have to deal with the public flood of response as it can be difficult to hear. that is more directed at the general public but telling Gma should be ok!!! Happy, happy, thoughts ahead!!

Emjo,

Good God! She is stopping the meds?
You really have a stubborn woman on your hands!
Hopefully you will be able to get someone to cooperate with you on this, I'm sure she would benefit, you all would from she taking her medications!

Was that ever an ordeal the other day with my husband's outpatient situation!
We got through the first day home. He was of course uncomfortable, given that he has the catheter. I situated him on our couch. He has been in some pain, but was taking the meds they gave him. But looks like the pain subsided, too.

Tomorrow I will call the Urologist who put the catheter in, and he is the one to remove it.

Other than that, I was a complete zombie. I had to keep waking up every four hrs., during the night to make sure the meds were on track. I was really feeling the stress yesterday, today is much better. Thanks for asking about him.
I'm just trying everything I know to keep him comfortable.

It is quite amazing that amidst your mom and her lack of cooperation, and you tell her about her bank account and such that she wouldn't at least acknowledge that there is something going on with her. You're doing all the necessary and right things, Emjo!

Hugs, Much Love & LIght! Margeaux

Sad1daughter,

Oh! I can really empathize with you about your husband. While the scales were tipping on the fact that they were waiting for my husband to pee/or if not, catheter they use this monitor to see how full the bladder was. It was completely full. So right after the catheter was put in, he filled up the bag! Yes, anything having to do w/the lower abdominal area or prostate, it's all about the ability to urinate.
This had to be really painful for your husband!

Well, it's now day two post surgery. He experienced pain yesterday, and took his medications. Today, he seems better but is tired. I am too, but just pacing myself.
I went and put in a load of wash. I still have yet to see what I'll prepare for dinner.
The whole ball game there, is to keep him regular, since the meds can make one constipated. Oh dear! All the particulars of a surgery. But I'm glad we are at home.
Thank you for sharing your story, and hope you are well.

Hugs, Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Emjo,

This is interesting what you wrote about your infection in the gut.
Do you think that the candida has a connection to your sinuses?
Also, I'm wondering....are your eyes feeling scratchy, red and gritty?
Last week, we went out of town, and I had my sinuses flare up badly.
Of course, when one is on the road you can't tend to the home made nutrition and are at the mercy of eating out. I'm afraid I ate lots of things that provoked my sinuses. The about a day later....my eyes were a mess w/above mentioned symptoms. I'm really trying to get in touch with this condition. I know on account of the stress involved just anticipating last Friday, did not help. My system was completely under attack. O.K., I really hope you're feeling better, and really interested to see if there are some similarities here.

When my husband is better, I'm thinking of doing some juice fasts, may even start then soon and give him some, too.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Sorry about my misspellings, you see...it's my eyes.
HAAH!
Margeaux

Hi sharyn - taking it easy. I took presents over to my grandson and they were appreciated - remote control thingies. Had a nice visit and a cuppa white tea. My daughter was good - I wonder if she has SAD as she took a dive mood wise last Christmas. Hope the foot soak works on that callous. Crocheting -I used to crochet quite a bit. Gordie's first afghan was yellow and green - though I knitted it. When I ran out of babies to crochet for I crocheted baby things and gave them to the Thrift shop. I actually crocheted sweaters for the boys when they were teens.. I should try it again. I enjoyed it and knitting.

I am open, Karen. That is my back up plan. Unfortunately we have few alternative medicine people here. The thing about the intestinal infection is that you don't want to get rid of it all, but get the gut back into a balance between bacteria and the candida. It does live there normally in a healthy person. Too little candida and you have a bacterial infection - and I have been close to that a couple of times. Kill the bacteria with antibiotics and you get a candida infection. Because of so many antibiotics for sinus infections the candida got out of control. I am so much better and have decent energy most of the time now - like walking 40 blocks, For a year or so I spent most of the time in bed and was totally exhausted and dragged myself out of bed to make supper by a sheer act of will. Had some pretty bad gut pain at times. I eat unpasteurised sauerkraut daily to help restore the bacteria as I can't eat yogurt because of allergies and the capsules are not as good. I am convinced that I will get back into balance.:) I do take zinc and garlic.
Re your mum - I think writing a letter is a good idea, and sending it if you feel like it. It will help you let off steam. Lunches with my mum are a chore, but anything public is better that being alone with her. I redirect the conversation as much as I can to stem the negativity.

Hi Margeaux - yes she has gone off the pills. Stubborn hardly describes her. her own father said she could drive a nail into a brick wall with her stubbornness. Anyone can refuse meds. You can't make her take them. If things go as I suspect she will eventually act out enough to get herself pronounced incompetent and put in a mental health facility or at least a closed unit. I don't know how they handle meds there and want to find out. She says she knows best what is good for her. and she felt fine until she took the pills, NOT!!! I guess you could call it denial. That she doesn't see any of the things I try to explain to her is because of the paranoia which is getting worse - people are plotting to send her "south", they are stealing her money, her pencils etc.

Glad you and your hubby are surviving the procedure and getting past the worst of it. These things are stressful. Hope he is up and about soon. Keeping regular after anaesthetic is always a problem. I think both of you will be tired for while.

I am convinced that sometimes I have a candida infection around my eyes/sinuses, as it flares up when my gut flares up. I did a lot of reading online when I first got this and it has been found that some sinus infections are fungal not bacterial. Mine aren't red and scratchy and gritty - more I get very swollen and can't see well - blurry vision - and a little itchy. The reason I am sure it is fungal is that when I take an antifungal meds which will reach that area, it clears up. What you describe sounds more like allergies or maybe bacterial infection. Stress will lower your immune system so allergies could flare up, and as well that could be due to eating out where you cannot altogether avoid things that you are sensitive to. If an antihistamine helps you know it is allergies.
rest to strengthen your immune system is good too. Good luck!

Love, hugs and prayers for everyone

sharynmarie: I am working up to that point although I don't know if I can evict someone over 65. I have spoken to Mom about it and of course she does not remember the abusive language and attitude for more than 15 minutes. Her answer is always, "Pray about it!" The house belongs to Mom and will be divided between her 3 children when she passes. If the house was mine her bu__ would have been gone a long time ago.

Joan- My mom was very patient teaching me and sis how to sew.embroider. and crochet. I don't know how to knit but wish I did. Mostly I have crocheted things for coffee tables. Not doilys more like runners and an Afghan or two. Mom made many matching sweater sets with booties and caps. She also crocheted stars she starch them with a string at the top for a Christmas tree ornament. Her patience at doing this always amazed me.

Juju-so green and yellow are the colors for U of O! Great...green is my daughters favorote Color. I will make something simple. My kindle keeps changfing color to Colorado.

Sharyn, that just reminded me of my momma...exactly the same. she did tons of embroidery sewing and crocheting and taught me, i never did keep up on it much after moving out tho...she was amazing some of the things she would make, yes the patients as well....
that was one of the saddest points for me when i took her on from dad..i got out her crochet stuff, figuring something for her to do, make me a scarf, she would start get a few inches into it then take it apart and start over....this would go on over n over till i could not watch her do it and just put the stuff up after a bout a week of that...broke my heart.
I wish i had kept up on my skills wasn't bad as a kid I do have a scarf somewhere i started i should find it and finish some day.
I am so blabbing this week...this last injury has really gotten to me..i am sad and miss having my parents and being stuck in this hotel....sorry i am just going on about everything!! i just get bored, no one to talk to, all day long day in n out...i mean i have business, and few friends to check in with but nothing in the room that can hold a conversation. Arranging to see BFF Thurs, if all goes well this week!!
Had a pina colada early in eve knocked me out and now i am up in middle of night wide awake, ughhhh!
Have a great week y'all, will be real busy again for me I predict!
Wishing you strength and perseverance!
Peace,
Juju

Raven~:Maybe you could bring in a social worker to help your sister find a place live.

I was thinking that too, sharyn and raven. or call your local agency on aging as your sis qualifies at 65 and see if they have any suggestions, This is not a good environment for your mum and especially for you.
I forgot about the afghans - crocheted many of them . We were taught to embroider and sew too, and I sewed quite a few outfits for myself, and embroidered small "table cloths" for trays for my aunt. I still have a cut work regular size tablecloth that I never finished. Mother was very good at all of that though she didn't crochet. My daughter is too and has done lots of beautiful embroideries which have been framed. She did a free hand embroidery of a mountain range on the back of a jean jacket. I swear she could have sold it for $100s. Got me thinking now, but any fine work is out. Even at their best the eyes are not good enough. I should be able to have cataract surgery the next year or so which will help.

That is great idea's for Raven, if sis is old enough to qualify for that! I am so fried and overloaded I cant think of great things like that...
except Joan was thinking of your Ma --can you get guardianship or have you been down that road, and does that even give you the power to make her take her meds?? or pwr to put her in a phsyc ward, that is, if at a phsyc ward they are made to take meds or is that still at will in that environment??? Idk much but just idea's.

I would like to just come on and post some good news for once but I cant believe this....The bather from home health had ma in the shower and she went over backward off built in shower bench and hit head n shoulders on the tub. bruised up her arm real good. she is not complaining of much pain anywhere but I heard the thump from the other room...If she cracked another bone or knocked her head we wont know till tomoro seems she complains day after of the aches n pains...she doesn't like to make fuss when things happen.... this built in shower chair at hotel has no back and the bather left her to get clothes and towels, you cannot do that with ma, she should have gathered everything first before starting. I was doing thngs here and did not realize she had not done that. I am praying she is ok tomoro, I cant take another round of Drs n ER's etc...I am jaw dropped that this happened again and the trained home agency would turn her back. The RN is coming first thing AM to check her out! At this point if she is not camplaining I am not rushing her to ER...but gads her bones are like toothpicks I am praying for good outcome...hate seeing the bruises tho from banging her arm against wall! what else WTF, pardon me!

Truly I need to get a life outside of mom but how? My head is going to explode!
well she is napping now and I need one....havnet slept great since here in hotel 7/19 and still don't have numbers from contractor as I need them to submit to insurance, egad, this will never end...or start I should say, no rebuild work is even close to starting.
Well I did buy a hotplate last week and grabbed camp pans and we had our first home cooked meal in weeks, that was good!

Oh ya sr companion did not show up Friday as she was supposed to and then finally talked to her today she had been told by a boss of her other job nothing to do with us that she cannot come see us, which was an error on their part but left me hanging, was ready to get out n go, nevertheless we spoke this morning finally and made appt for 2-5 so I could get out for a bit and then at 1:30 I get voicemail she will not be here she has another client 1-4, what is going on in my world lately. uggghhhh I was packing up to go to town when she called...seriously what the heck is going on and why cant I get a decent break. I have done this on my own with a handful only of days off for nine years now and I mean on my own 100% not one other person in household to support just an aid for few hours a week I must pay and 3 hrs of sr companion who doesn't do anything but sit with them and chat....when will I get some relief!!!!

so sorry for all the bitching and whining but I just cannot catch a break!

Hope you all are doing good as can be!!
Hang in there, sweet people!!
peace,
Juju

Juju~I am glad that it reminded you of your momma! I had forgotten about these memories as well. My mom was never a patient person but with these activities, she was helpful, teaching, and supportive.
Joan~I sewed a lot of outfits for my kiddos when they were little and in jr. high, made lots of clothing for myself. I wish I still had the little quit I made for my daughter when I was pregnant with her. It was a carousel with ponies...I guess more of an applique since the details where stuffed with batting. My sons favorite blanket was an orange and white crochet blanket my mom made for him with satin trim. He loved it because he would rub the satin between his thumb and index finger. I think he still has it...not to rub it, LOL!! Great memories!!

Juju~Don't worry about whether you have a happy post or not...just post what is on your mind...get it out!!! I so sorry your mother fell and I hope that bather will not be back!! I certainly would not pay her for her services today. Have you tried calling the Area Agency on Aging in your county? Your mother could qualify for programs including respite for you. I hope you have more choices of home health care than the company you are dealing with now. In Stockton, Ca, Arcadia home care is highly rated. Do you have Arcadia up north? I met an RN who works for them, she also works in some capacity with insurance companies as she is the one who was sent by mom's LTC policy to evaluate her when we moved her to AL. She told us that Arcadia is excellent and will not put up with workers who do not show up regularly. Hugs to you and hope your momma is not horribly sore tomorrow...my heart goes out to you and her.

Wow!! I just reposted a post on f/b about a woman I went through high school with...she is missing. Don't know if it is her choice to disappear or not.

Emjo,

Thanks for the explanation about your experience and your eyes, sinuses, etc.
I was so stressed last week. Even though we'd gone out of town, and the husband wanted to take advantage and squeeze some vacation time in, it just wasn't the right time for this. If I'd allowed it, he would have had me on the road up to the very day before his procedure.

So at least a week and a half past, and I hadn't done the full on sweeping i usually do. Well guess what.....I did it this a.m., and couldn't believe how dusty the apt. had become. Our landlady also had some tree cutters on the property the very day we left out of town to cut down, and do lots of garden clean up. I'm afraid that possibly the Eucalyptus leaves and dirt got all stirred up, so this doesn't help someone like moi!

I hope your eyes get better. I do compresses with chamomille tea bags.
This really relieves any eye discomfort.

All right Emjo, I also hope you can resolve you candida too.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

After I cleaned up, believe it or not, it makes a difference, I'm sure re: what I'm breathing. My eyes don't seem as miserable as they've been feeling, so goes to show you how when one gets stressed out, I start to not focus on things that are essential to keeping all this under control. I'm telling you, I was having a few rough days over here just with this. But I also notice sometimes after I've had too much foods like pasta, it also contributes to the malaise. We did have that while on the road, then when we stopped in at my sister's house. I'm wondering if somehow the gluten plays a role in all of this.

Emjo,

I don't know what happened, but my last paragraph got separated somehow from the rest of the body of text! How strange!
Margeaux

to seemeride: probably the same way I did. you were the one available. i am one of 5 and the only one without kids under the age of 18. so i moved my new husband and myself 5 hours north to stay with and take care of my mom. the challenges seem to outway the good most days. but i do my best.

Margeaux - I went gluten free about a month or so ago - and feel so much better! Discovered on vacation in Hawaii after a month of fruit and fish felt fantastic (contributed it to the vaca) but then had a waffle there - which was fantastic - but felt like the blueberry girl in Willy Wonka. so - tried it at home - takes more work - and money (crackers $4 a box) and I feel great and not so tired...worth a try - for a few weeks and see if it helps. I also don't seem to crave sweets like I used to - and lost a couple of pounds. =)