The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Wow Juju~ 11 days before they figure it is broken!! Your poor mom!! My daughter broke a bone in her foot, after diagnosing it we had to wait 3 days to get in to see the othro and then go to a medical supply business to get the walking cast. That was so strange to me because in days past if you broke a bone, they put a cast on you before they let you leave. I know everything is so specialized today, but it was nice when we could go to one dr. that did it all. Good for you for listening to your gut instinct...something I am not good at due to the dysfunctional upbringing. All I can say is your mom is so lucky to have you looking after her best interest!! Hugs to you!

Joan~I have not heard anymore about the woman I went to school with who is missing. I reread the poster the family distributed and it says they want her to know that she is missed and that she is safe. I think she left on her own free will for some reason. Hopefully she will return or there is nothing criminal going on regarding her disappearance.
Margeaux~Thank you asking, my fil is fine now. It took a week and a half but he is older than your husband. I am gearing up for my son's visits and leaving for Idaho the following week. Sis and I will have dinner tomorrow with mom. Sis is not comfortable visiting mom by herself since mom tends to make a big scene when she does visit or she calls her accusing her of things. Since we are having dinner, I can't bring Midget (I have renamed her Bridgette...I am concerned when in public someone may become offended if I call out Midget). Hopefully by keeping our visit out in public and not in her room, she won't make a scene.
There is a man who visits his mother in memory care. She is more advanced than my mother, wheelchair bond, pureed food. He just has a fit when I come in to visit and they are getting ready to serve a meal. He will interrupt my conversations with caregivers to let us all know that dogs are not allowed in the dining area during meals. I realize he is right, but sometimes it is the only time I can get the caregivers attention because they are busy and all over the place assisting residents. I could solve the problem by coming in earlier, but there are times when I can't work that out with other responsibilities in the morning. I can tell the caregivers are irritated by him, they will roll their eyes and address him by name saying "yes we are aware of that Elliot". Now i do not except them to make exceptions for me...but I can't help but think that if you want to make an issue, why not insist that they mop the dining room floor before they serve a meal because the resident dog is long haired and sheds where Bridgette does not shed....just my little vent, I know rules are rules, LOL!!
Hugs to everyone, and I hope the weekend brings time for peace and relaxation!!

Shary I am sure the other residents love seeing the dog-and since they have a resident dog there all ready it should not be a problem that man sounds like a grouch and probably no one wants to be his friend and the dog would probably stay away from him-dogs and cats are smart-a NH my aunt was in had a resident cat who had the run of the place-as long as the staff do not say anything I would not worry

Austin~Thank you!! Leo the resident dog, has the run of the place too, except during meals. He is a big dog and so friendly. You are right, the others love to see Bridgette except for one woman, she will tell me to keep the dog back from her and I do. She is nice about and she will ask questions about the dog, just doesn't want her near her. I think the next time this man interrupts me, I am going to tell him I would appreciate it if he would stop interfering with my visits with my mother. He even had a fit one day and we were not in the dining area. You know how a flower attracts bees...I think I attract narcissists, LOL!!!

I think speaking up to that rude man is a good idea-at the AL my friend is at the annoying residents are asked to leave but at a NH they can't do that.

Austin~I figure he is probably a bully and lonely at that so if I confront him he will back down. The employees can only say so much and If I allude to the fact that I think he is infatuated with me, I can shock the hell out him. I did that once before with a man who I knew was not interested in me but I alluded to that fact because he was an annoyance and he left me alone, LOL!!!

OMG (Goodness) I had a post but the website kicked me off and would not accept my password...now I start all over again...ugh!!! I will post later, have much to do!!

Well we are home and she has a big purple barney foot! it will match the ALZ Assn walk/colors! she will be more comfortable now it is stabilized...a regular cast and we see how that does in three weeks if It bothers her or sores then a boot. she is a trooper and so glad it IS a cast just for safety it had been dragging around for 2 weeks it was 15 days I counted wrong, and turns out not the ankle as they told me a spiral fracture of the tibia...fortunately it seem to be same as xray on 2nd so wasn't made worse just the pain n treating with ice n braces the wrong area etc.....another long day but called ortho and told them they need to take her today or I will have to get her in n out of car with fracture too much...so they did I got her xray and cast, (skip spinting n find ortho next week,uhum) Cat...eyes roll!!! Anyway all taken care of in 1 last visit, 2hrs south so long day and hour north to pic up cd of xray from yesterday!

I will check in later with your week!
Peace,
Juju

Wow - gone for a few days and so much has happened here - undiagnosed broken ankles, emjo falling, dogs etc! I don't know how you all keep up with all this - and truly hope all is well this evening with everyone! I got a call today from the Asst living where my mom is - she has been agitated for 3 weeks - my last visit was ugly and an ugly phone call - so giving her home. I called back - no answer (never a good sign) so had my lunch - then called again. They had to give her the meds to calm her down. It all started from a visit from her friend - my husband thinks that she got stirred up because her friend has her life - and my mother doesn't. Started the loop of the food is horrible, place is dirty, filthy, I want out etc. I think he is right. She has always gotten what she wants - and now she isn't getting it - and I haven't been on call like I have been the last 10 months. Apparently this morning the beginning of the spiral down was they were giving her a shower - which she doesn't like anyway - and the water went cold and she freaked out. Raged for hours. My daughter is going to see her tomorrow - she ignored 3 calls from her in the last week - and hasn't seen her in over 6 weeks. My fear now is that she is going to think if she throws a big enough fit - someone will come see her. Or am I just overthinking this? It has been such a long time since she has seen her, I don't want to discourage her to go tomorrow. ugh.

ok - I was giving her some space...not giving her home! geesh!

Ok, I will try to post this story and hope the internet Gods do not kick me off again.

My friend "S"...the one I posted about that got me into counceling,etc., she told me the other day that she is getting married and to come by her office and she would share her Cinderella Romance with me.

About a year and half ago a friend of "S" brought a gentleman to her office. "S" teaches bereavement classes and the gentleman "G" had just lost his wife of 50+ years. He married when he was only 18, never dated any other women prior to marriage so he was beside himself in grief. He went to the classes which helped him come to terms with his loss. BTW "G" and "S" went to high school together.

"S" did not want any romantic relationships, she lost her first husband at the age of 38, her second husband passed away 11 years ago from cancer. Here she is at the age of 73 and has been perfectly happy surrounding herself with her family and friends, and business. After months of seeing "G" and always driving separately to dinner or a movie she found herself thinking of "G" constantly. Yes of course she fell in love with him but she did not realize it was happening, was completely blind to her feelings because she had kept things very impersonal with him not even giving him her phone number and he had no idea where she lived. Anyway after going away for 3 days with her family, she discovered her feelings for him. He did not ride up on white horse, but he does drive a small white pickup truck, LOL!! She said everything with the wedding plans are just falling into place, no stress with booking the date,etc. Her message is....you are never to old to find love again, as women, we put everyone ahead of ourselves but at some point, before it is too late...put yourself first!!

Sad1~I think for your daughter to visit would be ok. Keep the visit short and don't overwhelm her. If she becomes agitated, leave at the first signs of it don't wait until it becomes full blown. Have your daughter or you call the community before she goes to find out how she is and if they think a visit would agitate her. My experience is that mornings tend to be better times to visit. When your daughter is getting ready to leave, have her get a caregiver to distract your mother...say the goodbyes...but let them lead your mother off to an activity.

Yes I am back, LOL!!!

Margeaux~I was glad to read that your hubby is recovering. My fil is doing fine, he is like a timex watch...just keeps on ticking. It took a couple weeks for him and I think the infection get had was a UTI but don't know for sure and neither does my hubby. He is 80 years old now but strong and sharp.

I hope you are recovering from the allergies and everything else you and hubby have been through with his friends passing and the surgery. It takes a lot out of you dealing with all that.

Mom is adjusting, she still asks to go home, get me out of here but she never pushes it with me. She has gained 8 lbs since being there so her appetite is good. Sis and I had dinner with her tonight...her new thing is asking us when she was born and how old she is....I see that as some progression for her. Tonight she asked me when she was born, I told her...she said so that makes me how old? I counted out the years by 10 and she said 84!!! That is old enough!!! LOL!!! We all laughed about that. Sis, I just can't help her! I think her health is bringing her down emotionally because she is very dry and sarcastic with mom...so much anger still lingering and she seems to be more irritated by mom than she was a few moms ago. She says it is the meds she is taking causing her to have zero patience....I told her that mom probably picks on it and it could be part of the reason she makes a scene with you. Now I told my hubby that I don't understand why my sister does not plan for her blood sugar issues by bringing something to snack on when she has to deal with mom. She took mom to the podiatrist yesterday afternoon, by the time she returned mom to the community, her blood sugar was falling, she became weak and had to eat a couple of mom's cookies. She laid down on mom's bed....well you know how territorial Alzheimer's patients can be!! Mom told her she can't stay there, I have to get ready for bed soon!!! Sis took it as rejection and mom not understanding her needs. I know my sis has these health issues, but I just don't understand why she doesn't plan for these episodes to happen and have a snack before she is dealing with mom, I am sure that dealing with mom effects her blood sugar. I am venting yes...I can't blame mom for this...really?? Maybe I would see it different if I were in my sister positions but mom can't mother anyone, especially now. Anyway, after dinner we went outside, talked for awhile then sis suggested I take mom back to memory care. She wouldn't go with us...so I took mom back, we sat with one of her friends talked a little and I told her I have to go now. I gave her hug, said I love you and she said it back. That is how my visits go with mom. I cried as I walked out because I wish my sister could have this same type of visit. I can't tell my sister that mom says I love you to me and why i have this relationship with mom is beyond me but I know it can change any time. When I was in the memory care with mom tonight say good bye, she said I just don't know what I am going to do....I hugged her and said, you are going to me my mom and your are going to Midget's mom that is what you are going to do. She laughed saying I miss Midget, I said I know, I will bring her in 2 days so you can see her. During dinner sis asked me if I cash to give to mom because she has been asking for money. I had $7 I gave it to mom. While sis and I finished up business in the parking lot, she said, "I should have been the one to give her the cash because now you are the good guy and I am the bad guy." I told her, "This is part of your problem, there is no good guy and bad guy, accept mom as she is, what she is capable of doing and understanding!"

Well have a good weekend Margeaux, Joan, Sad1, Juju,Cmag, Austin, Alison, Sunny and I am sorry for anyone I overlooked...you are all in my thoughts, Hugs!!

The man I am now in love with and I were in H.S. together but hardly even ever talked to each other -our 55 reunion will be next year-I called him in Jan after his wife died-my husband died 4 yrs ago and I had been looking for someone nice to spend time with-my online dating was a disaster-well we talked often and met for coffee March 2nd-which lasted about 2 hrs-I had only planned to be friends-I was not going to give my heart away any more-well now I am in love with my best friend and he with me-my marriage was not good-for the first time in my life I am really happy and so in love and we are enjoying life-both of us are 73-so it can happen-we so appreciate each other because of the life experiences we have been through-and are there for each other. That is my love story.

Thanks sharynmarie - I was going to just see what happens - but think I will call my daughter before and not let her lead mom to false hopes...like getting out of there. She unfortunately stirs the pot a little and I always end up being the bad guy. Going down at the end of the month and don't want another emotional scene. I do think I am going to scout around for another home for her as the one she is in has gotten so big. The reason we originally went with it is it was smaller and not overwhelming. But they had to change facilities and the new place is twice as big. Again though, mom is all about how things look...and most of the small places are a little funky. I'm telling you - getting old is just a complete drag! So is being the sandwich generation!

Hi all, I've been reading on our thread here, and not commenting much, as I'm taking some time to listen, learn, and try to take a step back and be able to view my Family Relationships "at a distance"... trying to get real perspective, real understanding, something I can use to affect real change going forward.

Where I'm "at" currently, with all of this, is a realization that my mother and older brother have similar personality traits that I find, in interacting with them, very hurtful and offensive at times. But these people are not my charge... so my interactions with them are sporadic, sometimes more sometimes less, and I'm trying to relax and just "trust the process" (of detachment) when dealing with them... learning to not be so fearful and full of apprehension, which just seems to make things much worse.

I tend to be a little shy, a little socially awkward, in a way that I don't completely understand. But I've learned to recognize it for what it is, because after 38 years of not having a father, and now living with my dad, I see this bit of shyness/awkwardness in him, too... much more so than me... but the point is, I now see that I've been in a constant emotionally defensive position with Family for many years. I call it "blocking emotional punches that aren't being thrown." Don't get me wrong, there is real chance that my Family WILL do something hurtful, but since I know and recognize so clearly now that all I can control is my own reaction, I see that I've been allowing myself to get REALLY demeaned, degraded, angry, hurt, resentful, etc. All these negative emotions I've allowed in myself as a result of how I'm interpreting actions of Family... and who they like to tell me, repeatedly, that I am.

Last Tuesday, my older bro, in a gossipy, accusatory way, asked me "What did you do with the $1400 you received from trust?" Its kind of a long story, but I have been running so close to empty, financially, for a long time now, as my father has required weekly doctor's appointments, and I've continued to put the priority on getting him to those appointments... not on my own employment, or welfare... and so I approached the trust to see if they would be understanding about the fact that I need gas money for these appointments... they decided to reimburse me at the rate of 56 cents per mile. I then sent over documentation of my dad's appointments, and the trust verified I did indeed provide transportation to all of these appointments, and after much drama and nickel-and-diming from them, they issued a check for about $1k. This (drop in the bucket) amount will go directly to vehicle repairs and gas money, so I can KEEP taking my dad to his doctor's appointments.

The point is, My Family doesn't seem to know how to accomplish anything without being overly Nosy, Accusatory, Gossipy, and just hurtful in general. I got pretty upset with bro when he approached me with this question, in the way that he did it. He then played his all-time (and lately, my mom's) favorite card which is to tell me that I'm basically the problem because of my reaction. My brother called my text messages to him "crazy gibberish" and told me "Thankfully I don't do that to others" (who would presumably think I was unstable??? I think this is what my bro meant by telling me this, and I have to laugh, I don't know what to do with how criticizing my Family can be at times!) I've re-read those texts, and I concisely and specifically explain What it is he's doing that causes me to be hurt, How he could approach things differently. Its absolutely not gibberish rantings... unless one doesn't want to take ANY responsibility for their actions. And so I've taken the time, over and over, to write out to family why it is that I'm displeased and hurt by their actions, why I feel they are overstepping boundaries and creating drama where there doesn't need to be any... and over and over I get this feedback/response that its simply my problem, I'm over reacting, I'm the one who needs to change.

And after experiencing all of this, again, in a concentrated way in the past year, I just come away with a sort of acceptance that I will never change them, that I must change the way I interact. So I'm very much on that path... of learning what detachment, boundaries, recognition of patterns "looks like" in a day-to-day application in my life.

Said jokingly - I sort of wonder if the Benevolent Universe doesn't make a "mistake" sometimes, grouping us with these families that we largely have nothing in common with, and can't seem to agree on much. I also believe that I have TRIED, and continue to try, to act with the greater human qualities of Patience, Kindness, Compassion, Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Love towards my Family... I feel that they either do not know how to act towards me with those emotions, or they don't want to... I don't know.

Strangely enough, my father - who was a completely absentee father, a deadbeat dad, who has subjected me to years of inappropriate sexual attention from him, and whose violent yelling is something I Hate being around - makes "more sense" to me as an individual in my Family than the mother and siblings I grew up around. His dysfunction is evident, he admits it, claims it verbally at times, knows his faults, is one who will apologize and ask forgiveness at times... I can "work" with this type of personality, know what I mean?

There are many decisions on my horizon right now. Perhaps its time for me to exit this 2+years of full time caregiving life and just take my lessons and move on... whatever that means. I simply don't know right now. I could potentially stay on at my father's house, find meaningful employment in my old career field, and continue to be involved in caring for him, but with a separate life of my own now added in. Perhaps I can be thick-skinned enough, detached enough, wise enough to allow the dysfunctional interactions to not affect me, not hurt me so much.

I think often of how relatively stable and happy my life in Los Angeles was, before returning to midwest. Of course life is never perfect, and I try hard not to be nostalgic, but I realize now I simply had NO CLUE how chaotic my life could become in such a short time. I am forever changed because of these experiences. And now, what do I do now? I just don't know. There is a plan in my family of moving my father to Indianapolis to be closer to other family who can then drop in on him, and the need for someone to live with him will be gone. I talk to my dad very openly about his future, and what his options might be, and what I think are better options for him... my dad, like most elderly, doesn't really want to move (although he waffles around this subject a lot), and I'm not interested in "forcing" him. Which means I may at some point be forced to choose between being the "enforcing arm" of older bro's plan for my father, and respecting my father's autonomous wishes to remain in this house, his home for the past 30+ years.

Anyway, this is a lengthy ramble, I think I'll stop here. The basic gist is: there are so many unknowns for me right now. And I haven't been commenting much on this thread, because this is a more difficult subject for me... I just don't have a lot of answers... BUT, I do have a lot more knowledge, awareness, and tools than I did even 2 months ago. And I have you wonderful people to thank for that.

Margeaux, Cmag, sharyn, emjo, sad1, Austin, juju, Sunny... and like sharyn said, "I am sorry for anyone I overlooked" lol... I'm always reading, always appreciating your sharing.

I REALLY like the stories of finding love in one's older years. I'm 38, never married, no children. I always thought these things would just fall into place for me at the right times. I've had a few long term relationships that just didn't lead to marriage... And it certainly isn't that I lack opportunity, lol!!! Its just a matter of trying to put everything together in the right way, truly the right way... not just band-aiding over life's problems or my own emotional issues... and I have to remind myself to be at peace with things as they are... and know that truly I am becoming such a better person through all of this "trial by fire" and, hopefully, I have greater strength to stand on my own - or - much to offer a partner. Joan, I often think of your input to me to "know my worth." That advice, and its implications, plays through my mind a lot... and I think that's a bit of timely advice for me right now... so thank you very much for giving me that bit of advice to ponder. I think about what I want my future to look like. Its almost as if I've been set back about 20 years, to that time before when I was just leaving this area, this Family, in pursuit of my own goals/life. I did it once, I can certainly do it again. Its just a matter of deciding what is the best course of action and having the guts to act on my decisions. ;D

Love you all, thanks so much for this invaluable thread, hope everyone is having a lovely Saturday!

Forgot to mention, in my last post/novella (lol!), that I met with Mr. Psychiatrist yesterday. I was able to give him a very basic rundown of my current situation, the anxiety and physical breakdown I had earlier this year, and while the appointment wasn't exactly what I had hoped for, the Doc did mention helping me to obtain some counseling, and I think this can only be helpful. He also gave me two Rx's in a way that made me feel a bit like I'd entered an assembly line for psych-medicating people: 1 for Paxil, 1 for Klonopin. Now, I don't think there is any way in Hell I'm taking the Paxil, I just don't think I need it, and that medication frightens me a little bit, based upon a friend's experience with it years ago... but I researched the Klonopin and I took 1/2 of the .5mg tablets (1/4 my prescribed dose) in the evening and it does seem to help... its rather funny/strange, in a good way: I didn't feel the least bit "medicated" but I did feel "normal"... without the overtone of this apprehension and dread that seems to color my life at times right now... so that seems good, seems promising. The Doc assured me I can step down and wean off this medication in the future, which is one of my biggest concerns when starting this type of medication.

It just seems to me... from talking with friends, reading online blogs... that many people taking these psychotropic medications never actually seem to gain relief from their symptoms...? perhaps there are many more that do gain relief, and I'm just mentally noting the exceptions... I don't know. Perhaps our individual biochemistry is just so unique that its normal to expect a great variation in dosage/results. I'm happy that a small amount of this medication makes me feel a bit clearer-headed. That's just a great result for me.

Happy Saturday, all!

No time to read the above posts....sitter is here and I have a limited time to go and do my errands. ABB - when I first started counseling, I told the counselor/therapist that I don't want any meds. I know my body. I tend to become addicted to any kinds of drugs: Tylenol, DayQuil, NyQuil, etc... Can you imagine if I was prescribed a med that IS really addictive? After my surgery, I was given that powerful painkiller that is addictive. I refused to take it. I just took Extra Strength Tylenol.

I have read so many posters here, who have prescribed meds from their therapy. I have seen how the meds no longer work, and they go back for a stronger one, etc.... It's crazy....I've also seen some who quit taking the meds, and improved. But I don't recommend doing this without checking your doc. Hate to have a major reaction due to completely stopping the meds.

You know your body/mind. If you suffer from foggy brain/tiredness/exhaustion and want a normal life, take the meds. Gotta go!

Austin~I am very happy to hear about your relationship with your gentleman. While marriage is not everyone's ultimate goal, having someone to share your golden years with maybe the goal. Congratulations to you!!

I have been thinking a lot about my friend "S". Her message has more impact on me than about a Cinderella story. Love has many faces...what about self love? I can't help but equate her story with loving self...putting physical health first, mental health first.etc. My relationship with my mother is so very different than my sister's relationship with her. I think it all goes back to my mother seeing me as helpless because I was the youngest child. My sis is my best friend and anything I say here, we have already discussed with each other. My point is that my sister's health issues are a result of alcoholism. She neglected her health for many years because she put everyone else in her life first, especially men. You who know me, know my sister's history. I really need to detach from her more because I can't help her with her issues with mom. She thinks too much like mom and when I discuss her on here, it comes across that I am dissing her. I want her to be happy, which she isn't. I don't think her depression is because of mom, I think it has to do with her health, how she sees herself, and that she wants validation from others instead of herself. She can't seem to detach from getting acceptance from mom. I will leave it at that so I don't carry on and give the wrong impression about my sister. Love yourselves, treat yourselves well first. Hugs to everyone...

I got to be the caregiver. Because me and Mom are close. Dad died in 1997 and I have been caring for Mom for 6 years. Two months ago she got very ill and had to be hospitalized. Three days later she went into short term. That was when the siblings started crawling out of the wood work I have 8 brothers and sisters but one has passed.When he died demonstrated having bad depression. I had to watch her suffer. Maybe once a year most of them would visit. One sister visited quite often. Mom lined away for them. I begged them to come but they all stayed mad about every tiny little thing. Excuses. Now the doctor has told mom she has to stay in long-term and today has been so bad for me. My sister has caused me of not as ting to care for Mom anymore and her daughter pasted in Facebook. When my daughter stood up for me, she was jumped. I have epilepsy and a bad back and they have me in a nervous wreck. Yet they will not offer to cafe for Mom, just tell me how low I am. The one sister who could not visit often lives in NC and she has my back. That leaves 6 who hate me. I am so sad. I want to go see mom but who knows what will happen. I am scared.

Shary there is only so much you can do with a person addicted to alcohol-I know from what I saw in my family and my friend that died in March-if they will not help themselves it is a losing battle-I tried to get her into AA and that did not work so all I could do was to read her emails-she did not want to see her friends she only went out to get booze-her husband allowed that-he could have disabled her car-luckily she did not have accidents after the one that got her stopped by the police and did not lose her license-I had to realize I was not able to help her-some of her friends invited her to their parties.

Hmm, cathy, I can empathize with siblings who do not seek to actually help, but don't mind criticizing every little thing from afar. It seems to be a common theme in families, actually, where siblings are quite non-supportive of the caregiver. I'm sorry you are having these hard times. Please keep posting on here, and I know you will receive some much needed emotional support, at least.

Sharyn, you mentioned your sis's need for acceptance from mom, and I had an "aha!" moment. This is what I've been looking for for 38 years from my Family - a basic acceptance. And I get none. And this is why I've heard from friends and others over the years that what I need is to believe that I'm "good enough" as I am. It just seems I can never meet whatever it is my older bro and mom are seeking in me. I just end up feeling picked apart.

I have been meaning to throw this out there, regarding permanent/tattoo makeup... in my mid 20s, I got a few things tattooed - eyebrows, full lips - I've never regretted it. It allows me to save a few extra minutes of each day and I, personally, look very "washed out" without some definition to my face. So I'm glad I did it, I think its a great thing for women to do, just seek out a reputable provider, of course.

Book, I, too, have concerns about starting some addictive medication that I really don't absolutely need, and then having difficulty withdrawing from it down the road. Certainly if someone is in pain, or discomfort, I wouldn't want them to be tortured, so by all means, take the meds, whatever they are! I dunno, I'm trying to choose what's best for myself, and not just take Doc's Rx's without my own due diligence. I think I'm on a good path with all that, right now.

Austin, I can't tell you how much I enjoy reading about your finding love. I couldn't be happier for you. Now... if you could just kindly request that the Benevolent Universe send a best friend for me, too... lol. ;D

Happy Sunday, all! Hope everyone has a great day! Its just gorgeous weather in Chicago, time to get outside.

Alison~My sister feels as you do. It breaks my heart because sis tries so hard to please mom. Mom never accepted either of us, and to be honest...I am not a threat to my mom because I am not handling her finances. The person who handles the finances is the one who gets the backlash of complaints and negativity. You are doing a great job Alison, I really don't know if I could do it. Enjoy your day outside!!

Austin~Thank God sis has been sober since 2008 but it took a toll on her health and I do think if her health had not spiraled down that year she would still be drinking. She doesn't want counseling to help her with her anger. It is an investment of not just $$$ but dealing with the emotions are hard and for her...she would rather not go through it.

Just to add...I accept that sis doesn't want to deal with her emotions which is why i can't help her by talking with her about detaching, boundaries, etc. it is something she can't get her mind around and that tells me she is not ready.

Sharynmarie,

You stated in a post something about that you didn't want to sound as if you are "dissing," your sister. I don't think you are doing that at all. Of course since you'd like for her to get it together, if she doesn't look out for her own health, how is any of this ever going to happen for her. The affected person has to be the actor here.
This situation of she not addressing her blood sugar, and relying upon sugar of all things when her body is already feeling symptoms has got to be terrible.

I really think that she also behaving slighted again by your mother, because then your mom reacts to she laying on her bed, well what does she expect? Too bad she is lost in self pity. Even though, I know you've told us how difficult your mom is, I'm sure she also picks up on this agitation, shortness in mood your sister exhibits.

Cherish the moments that your mom has shown you some kind and tender words.
Don't ever try to overanalyze, where it's coming from, nor that another doesn't get the same.
You should never have to bear the brundt of whatever it is you feel mom isn't giving sister, nor what your sister doesn't give your mom. Really, that's between them, and is there in some way for them to learn their own lessons.

I have many times felt like this, because I know what it is to be around a very competitive sister. She used to, and still at times behaves badly. But I've lost some of that feeling of always looking out to see what is going on, reasons. This of course has been me totally detaching from them. Yes, and we do have to continually remind ourselves of this fact.

Hugs, Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Austin,

What a beautiful story! I'm glad you found your Knight in Shining Armor.
You see, this is proof that there can be light at the end of the tunnel.

Much Love & lo's of Light! Margeaux

Margeaux~Thank you so much...your words touched me very deeply. I can't help but think my sister sets herself up with mom...wanting to prove to her that she does have a health issue???It is tearing me up and i have to detach. Your words about them learning the lesson...I fear it won't happen...at least I know for mom it won't because her mental capacity will only decline. I didn't say in my post...but I feel that my sister set me up to some degree by asking me to give our cash because she didn't have any ( again if she wanted to give it, she could have planned for it) then she slammed me by saying I was the good guy and she was the bad guy. This has really hurt my feelings...that is why I told her this is part of your problem. I think it will be best if I don't go to the community with my sister and let her work this out for herself. I had to do the same thing with my mother when dad was in a NH, I couldn't visit when mom was there because the visit was all about her and I wanted to spend time with my dad.Thank you Margeaux for helping me to see this more clearly. Hugs to you and I hope you and hubby are doing well!

Hello everyone, hope you had a good weekend, Mrgx...hubby doing good?
emjo...how are you doing, how did you do after the fall, you ok? I am still just exhausted from last two weeks and just been cooking a bit here in hotel with my a hot plate and turbo oven which actually works great for meat. Made baby back ribs taters n salad and nice big breakfast this morning also...been pretty lazy beside that! Catching up on some missed sleep I think, few naps today n yesterday!
Mom seems a lil worn out too...not as peppy and usual, It has been so ruff on her tho I hope just needs rest! the cast is kinda big n heavy for her maybe she not comfy either idk... Praying for her comfort and healing now!!

To everyone here....Love n...
Peace,
Juju

Just a quick one and will write more soon. I think that whack on the head gave me a mild concussion as I have been having some extreme fatigue and headaches. Nothing that an OTC couldn't deal with, but I usually don't get headaches. Feeling better today and hopefully I am nearing the end of it.

Mother is back in hospital as of last night with a temp of 37.6 and feeling nauseated and shaky. I must admit I am suspicious, as the paranoia about her ALF seems to have vanished for now, but at her age anything can happen. One of these days something serious will be wrong with her.I haven't heard from the hospital so ot can't be too bad. She was managing to send a few more emails.

Youngest grandson's b'day supper tonight. Didn't think I would be able to hack 4 kids ( because of my head) , but they were very quiet thankfully.so I stayed a decent time.

ju - glad you got your mum's leg seen to. I know they don't listen to family much,
sharyn - I agree with Margeaux you are not dissing your sis - but describing what is happening
Austin glad it is going so well with your friend
Alison I need to read the more carefully, but sounds like you are doing well
cathy I am sorry - so many stories like yours on here
cmag - glad your wife's surgery went well - hope she recovers quickly
Margeaux - sometimes I can't wait for G to leave so I know where you are coming from
everyone -hope you had a good weekend