The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Raeray so sorry you lost your Mom...

I was going to sleep but decided to check here before doing so. Sharyn, I'm really glad that you are still able to take your mom out and enjoy it. I like your idea about doing the actual shopping and not online.

Raeray, my condolence on your mom. We will look forward to any future posts when you feel the need.

Hi Shadowchild.
Sad1 - my therapist didn't mention to me anything about mourning our lost
childhood. I'm learning a lot from therapy, too. It sounds like yours is a good one, too. I hope all goes well with you.

Sis and I were talking. I told her about my therapy and what led up to it. She also have no memories of childhood. She told me that for all of us 4 girls to have no memories is BAD. Sigh.... She looked in me in the eye and asked me if it's wise to seek counseling while I'm caregiving father. She said that if I start to remember, I may end up stabbing him multiple times in my remembered anger. I have thought of this often. Months ago, last year. I think she's right. But sis also said that the therapist is right - that I need therapy in order to be free and move on in my life. But at what expense if my memories come back. I have worried about this. Even the therapist got me to promise not to hurt anyone or myself. Sis said when the memories come back - I may react in violent anger. She is right, I was right. I think I will need to stop therapy for now. I knew this could happened and thought maybe I can handle it. But sis says for all of us girls to NOT remember our childhood is BAD. Sigh... I have to heed her warning. Because that's what my guts have been telling me and I've been ignoring it because I want to get out of this rut I find myself in.

I hope you all have a better weekend than you did last week. Take care.

I never continue to be amazed in the cavalier attitude of 'it's for the children...'.. This phrase seems to be trotted out as an answer to selfish parental whims, desires, and whatnot.
I see it frequently, very frequently with parents of young children. Why should this not be regarded as the farce it is when parents become elderly and think they can totally destroy their childrens' lives in order for them to live life as they have always wanted. I see this hypocritical phrase as a horror that will encompass a childs life from infancy to the end when the parents finally are gone. I know this is a topic that can digress a bit: however, I think a child with narcissistic parents, even if they can make a good and clean break, will have problems when these parents turn elderly: so, perhaps, 'it's for the children' should be scrutinized a lot more intensely than it is ...

Twocents, it also depends on your culture. In our culture, it was ingrained in us to respect our elders - no matter what. We have also been told while growing up that we will take care of our parents when old. Still, it's a rude awakening when your parent tells you straight out that that's why they have children - to take care of them when they get old. Just a thought to your thougt....

Raeray~I am sorry for the loss of your mother. We hope to hear more from you on the thread, take care!!
Shadowchild~ It must be difficult when your family may id you on this site. You can make your wall private so your activity and the messages left for you are not visible to others. Come back and share some more when you are ready.
Book~I hope you are enjoying your time away from caregiving. Having some Hawaiian rest, a quiet walk!! I am glad to hear that you are learning a lot in therapy.
Sad1~ October can be iffy when it comes to rain, checking out tents is a good idea and smart!! Some years ago I talked my sister into going camping at Big Trees in October. Sis was hesitant, but she agreed. Yes, it ended up raining...pouring rain the whole weekend. She was so freaked out I finally had to grabbed hold of her and shake her to get her to calm down and get a grip. Sis over reacts sometimes. We got through it with hanging tarps over the table, digging a trench around the tent to drain the water away. Sis isn't much for roughing it, LOL!!

I went back to see mom again today, brought Midget with me for a visit. We walked around the park across the street, visited with everyone Midget saw. For some reason, my sis bought mom maxi pads instead of poise pads, LOL!! The maxi's just don't work in the same way as poise. I picked up some poise and took the maxi's home. I guess my daughter or dil can use them in an emergency when they visit. She asked about going home, gave her my standard response, she asked about her wedding ring set, told her it was getting cleaned at the jewelers (I won't return the set to her, I have it at my house. It is too big on her and I don't want it lost).

Mom is having a vision issue, blurred even with her glasses. The eye dr. said she has some bumps on her eye from irritation, allergies or crying too much.The only way to correct it is to use a local anesthesia and scrape them off. Mom says absolutely no!! Sis wants to do it. I am undecided because mom will have to wear an eye patch, have drops put in(the drops can be done by the med tech). My concern is mom will some discomfort and will she keep the eye patch on? After what we went through when mom had the balloon procedure done on her sinuses 1.5 years ago, she pulled all packing out of her nose causing it to hemorrhage, then spend the night in the hospital...I see mom refusing to leave the eye patch on, rubbing her eye possibly irritating it more and causing an infection. I want mom to be able to see better, but is it worth putting her through this when she is so difficult, doesn't understand what is best for herself?
Good day to everyone, enjoy the autumn season!!

Sharyn, that would be a tough one. I don't think your mom would Not touch it. If your mom doesn't want it done, then you need to accept her wishes. Having POA does not override her decisions. And you add on top of that - that she will touch it or rub it.

Book- I talked with sis a bit ago. The funny thing is sis choses not to remember things. My personal thoughts are is that it is easier for sis block out a negative experience than to learn from it and change. Shegoes through life just like mom has doing the same things over and over. I even asked her how can you not remember a bad experience,refuse to learn from it? Anyway, we agreed not to do the procedure. Time to detach from sis tonight I cant afford to bang my head on the wall,Lol!

Such a good site. I am so sorry that all of you are going through such horrific times. In my life, Mom has dementia and husband has something like dementia. Sister is a problem. I haven't been to the town where mom is for quite some time, so I guess I will go see her. When I call her, all I get is monotone. I say how are you, she says fine, how is the food, fine, how is the weather, fine. Sister told me not to say anything that might upset mom. She is good at telling me what to do. Sister has POA and so I never know what is going on. I ask the nurses and they won't tell me. I have asked sister to let me be co-POA and she won't. Meanwhile, husband displays his own brand of dementia. Are we having fun yet? Fortunately I had really good parents. They were really good to me. School was a different matter, was bullied. Years and years of counseling to get over it.

2cents-
I know about parents with cavalier attitudes, my mom displayed it plenty when I was a kid. And, bless her, she passed it on to my siblings which is where I see it nearly constantly now. However, mom, maybe partially due to AD, doesn't act that way any more. She does get into a feel sorry for her quite often.

Brandy-don't let your sister get you down-she is not the boss of you-try detaching from her-tell yourself she can not hurt you with her words -that is what I did with my Mom when staying with her on vacation-it helped me a lot.

It's difficult to tell ourselves that our siblings words cannot hurt us - when it does. I always hated it when growing up that our parents said, "Stick and stones can break my bone but names will never hurt me." I knew that was so untrue. Every time they called my rabbit teeth, or railroad track or beanpole, etc...it hurt. I cried a lot.

Older (but not wiser) now, I can see that if you don't have self esteem, if you don't value yourself or have affection for yourself, Words Will Hurt You. Therefore, the solution is to work on you loving yourself. And that, Brandy, is what I'm trying to work on. I understand that if we love ourselves, then what people say about us wouldn't hurt us because we know who we are.

Thanks, Sharyn. I'm not sure if your comment about sis was indirectly aimed to me also. =) But I thought about it. Yes, I want to ignore the past but the other part of me wants it over with. Therefore, I'm going to continue to do therapy but not sure how long since I'm not making much progress with my homework assignments. I've thought about it. I Think I can handle my anger if I do remember the past. I think. I was reading a book about the child within. It mentions that if the memories get bad, then seek professional help immediately. I guess that would be my therapist.

Hi Austin, I wasn't really shooting down your comment. It's just that I've been bullied most of my life. And I still remember the Pain of when the kids called me names in elementary and middle school. And even today, when my family says something about my body, I get hurt. I think your comment is true if one has a very good sense of who they are, what they're worth inside.

Gah, when I talk about these things I sound like some kind of hard ass.... and that's because this is one of the few things that bring out the hard ass in me...

Book, it's never enough to 'tell yourself' that siblings...or whoever's...words hurt us. The secret to avoiding hurt is to not own the bullshit. I envision in my mind someone's derogatory words as a soap bubble coming at me, with the negative names inside it. At that point, I either allow that 'soap bubble' to be absorbed and sucked into my soul and settle IN me and on me and all around me...or I flick up my hand and pop that bitch before it ever reaches me and destroy it and the ugly name right along with it. When I imagine allowing those 'soap bubbles'(other people's negativity and ugliness)to settle on me, weighing me down...no, it's unthinkable. I will not own other people's bullshit.

People, you need to reprogram your minds. If someone is nasty, ugly, says mean and hurtful things....stare at them for a few minutes after they spew that filth. What do you see? I see a poor, pathetic, sorry, lame, broken down, miserable muthah that isn't worthy of my consideration, and I'm damn sure not going to believe a word they say.

If you saw your situation on the streets, or in a store, or on TV, saw someone spewing vileness, ugly hateful words and verbal abuse at someone else, or at a child, ...what in the world would you think of that person? Would you respect them, would you respect their actions? No? Then why are some of you allowing someone like that person in the streets or store to own you, rule you, control you? As long as you guys allow, yeah, allow, people to hurt you, allow a loser's opinion to MATTER, when it really shouldn't, they WIN. THEY get what they want. They own you. They rule you. They control you. They enslave you. The day you look at these people and see them for what they really are, not as what you WANT them to be, then, and only then, will you be free of mental chains. Only then will you realize that their words just don't freaking matter. In fact, nothing they say is worth a shit. Realize that and you've stepped on the road to freedom.

If you had a friend whose husband beat the shit out of her on a regular basis, and told her daily what a lousy, ugly, fat, dumpy peice of shit she was, what would your advice be? Would you tell her that he was a great guy, that what he was doing was justified and to stand by her man, because of course, somehow, it was HER fault? If so, you're no 'friend' I'd want. Or would you tell her to run for the hills and lose the asshole, that she deserved much better? Yes, indeed...

Why in the world are you guys still allowing losers and their ugly souls to matter? They shouldn't. That's how I see it. You can still be around these types...but you just know in your heart that they're just pathetic with their lame crap, and you thank the One that YOU aren't THEM, and don't ALLOW their bullshit touch you....YOU didn't do anything to make these people the poor, sorry souls that they are...they were born that way and you damn sure didn't have anything to do with it... so why own the shit, why allow it to be absorbed inside you? Don't. Simple as that. Just...refuse. It really is that simple...at least, it is for me. And thank God for it.

My mom was a narcissist till Alz tamed that beast. When my mom was still mentally sound, I heard all the names, all the negativity...I just looked at her and thought, 'You poor, miserable sap...' Her words stayed right with HER. They didn't touch me. I didn't allow them to. I made HER own it. I damn sure wasn't going to. What, and let her win? Pffft. That'll be the day... And that goes for anyone like her, forever, until the day I die. Don't let these types win, because that's exactly what you're doing. YOU need to win, and you win by realizing that hurtful words are the property of those spewing them and puking them...step away from the mess....EWWW... would you stand there and allow someone to puke on you for real? lol No? Same concept.

The 'beanpole' name reminds me of a story I heard awhile back...

Two little boys in elementary school were passing notes. The teacher caught them and took the note away. The note said, 'Miss X is a skinny meanie'. The teacher, who had been working hard for awhile to lose weight, hugged the little boy, to his confusion. Some people would love to be called a 'beanpole', Book. lol And when/if someone makes fun of you for something, anything....just stare at them a few minutes and try to find one, just one, single thing about them that's absolutely perfect. Nothing, right? Then by what right do they have to call out any imperfection on you? Blow it off, don't own it. Listen to the good guys, the kind ones, the people that love you for you. Nobody else really matters, do they?

Book~It is not aimed at you! I am not talking about our childhood regarding my sister. I am referring to our adult lives. My sister pushes negative experiences out of her mind and when a similar situation arises again, she is ready to jump right in full force ahead without making any connections to the past experience that was similar. She only does this with our mother and with men...the two areas of her life she has not been able to have the kind of relationship that she wants. A part of the reason she has not been able to get what she wants is because she needs to change her approach to these 2 types of relationships. Book, I realize that this is easier said than done. I have not seen in anything you have ever posted about having the same experiences over and over again with certain areas of your adult life. The problem with my sister is with mom...she wants to be a hero, solve mom's issue and have mom thank her for it, have mom be grateful to her it. and be revered. Book, I would never aim something at you without addressing it to you personally by using your name. I am sorry if you felt that I did.

Standing~The journey of coming out of a dysfunctional lifestyle is not cut and dried. It is a life time of learning how to communicate effectively, changing our approaches to situations and people, learning about who we are as a person, loving ourselves and loving others. You cannot reprogram your mind overnight. Just like my sister, she is not at a place where she wants to she what her role is in these relationships that leads to negative experiences. Instead of seeing what she does, she has chosen to blame all men. There is a balance in there. We support each other, offer suggestions, but we have no cut and dried answers because what works for me, isn't necessarily going to work for someone else. It is a journey of finding balance, finding peace within ourselves and with the world we live in.

Imo, Sharyn, it is that cut and dried. For me, anyway. Everything I mention is what worked for me, the way I broke these chains, long ago as a kid. Once you know what to look out for in people, you can avoid it. People have choices. Always. In every single area of their lives. They choose, for good or ill, all the time, every single day. Even as a kid I simply chose to rebel, to fight, not to break under the weight of what my mother was dishing. I always knew she was the one with a major problem, not me. A person doesn't beat another, especially a kid, bloody and call themselves anything good in my book. My mom has always been the enemy. I never saw her as anything but. It doesn't take an adult mind to see reality, I saw my reality long ago. Sure, I wished for a warm, loving mom...I also knew I didn't have one and damn sure wasn't getting one. If my mom was 'nice' to me, I immediately became suspicious. I'm not suspicious of people in general. I don't feel others are out to get me. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and treat them with kindness...until the day they show me they aren't worthy of respect or consideration. To me, it's very simple. I like my life simple.

No, people may not be able to program their minds overnight if they've owned and accepted the fact that they deserve the blame for another's actions or verbal abuse. I never accepted that blame, even as a kid, even as my mom screamed after a beating that I deserved it, and if I hadn't been/done/said whatever it never would have happened... My reaction to that was contempt and disdain and anger, not depression and sorrow... That was the One in me and with me all the way. Something was telling me that what she was saying and doing wasn't right, and it wasn't me, and that's what I believed. You break, or you fight back. Those are the two choices that I see people having with abusers. You own it, or you don't. People that are still weighed down with this mess certainly can, starting today, decide to think differently, decide to ask themselves hard questions, decide that they aren't going to TAKE that shit anymore, decide that NO, they damn sure don't deserve it. People can make that decision right this minute. Or, they can simply wallow in negativity, believe the lie that maybe if they were just...better, smarter, prettier, nicer, more giving, more loving, more...whatever...and everything would be alright and their parent wouldn't hate them.... Lies, all lies. People can stop believing lies if they simply choose to see the writing on the wall.

I've never had, with the exception of mother, any abusive relationships. I can see a predator coming a 1000 miles away. I lived with one. They're pretty easy to spot once you start looking for the signs, and I don't allow them near me. I don't accept that I ever deserve anyone's lousy treatment of me and mine. There's nothing mystical about it. If I met someone and thought they were nice, spent some time getting to know them and they began to act in such a way that made me constantly feel bad or uncomfortable, I'd disappear out of their world like I never even existed. I'd block them out of my life with no explanation whatsoever. I'd just be gone. Poof. Why? Because I don't choose to allow people to stay in my world that do nothing but bring me down. That's a choice. It doesn't take a life time to get it. Or at least, it shouldn't. Life's too damn short. And at the end of 25 years of therapy, guess what it boils down to? Choices. And people can make those right now.

That's just me. That's just how I operate. I've never been to therapy. I don't need to spend money on a shrink to get that there are shitty people in this world that like to bring you down. Relationships are give and take, mutually respectful. I believe in compromise and negotiation to solve issues. People that do things another way, by name calling, screaming, or manipulation? I don't have time for it or them. To me, and for me, it's really that easy. I'm sorry as hell that it can't be that way for others. For me, I figured as a kid, that whatever my mom did, the opposite had to be the better road. I hope that people will simply wake up to the truth about abusers sooner rather than later. Again, life is too damn short. If you knew you only had a month to live would you live it sweating the negative opinions of others? I would hope not. Live like you've only got that month. *shrug* I'm not in mental chains. And however that happened, I'm glad I think like I do. I'd be broken if I didn't.

All I'm doing is offering a suggestion for changing your(general 'your')mind. People will do, and act, and make choices as they please. I'm never saying that my way of thinking is the right way...I'm just saying that to me, it's plain common sense, and I hope that somebody else can benefit from it. I don't blame the world for what happened to me with my mother, I don't go around treating people like crap, I don't go around disrespecting people and trying to kick them around, repeating the cycle. I put the blame on my mother. Who else? At the same time, I don't accept disrespect from people, either. Again, for ME, in my own mind, it's simplicity itself, so that's how I see it and write it.

I'm not sure if resilience is ever achieved alone. Experience allows us to learn from example. But if we have someone who loves us—I don't mean who indulges us, but who loves us enough to be on our side—then it's easier to grow resilience, to grow belief in self, to grow self-esteem. And it's self-esteem that allows a person to stand up. By Maya Angelou

Very sad day today. I met with the care planning committee which meets quarterly. They have no idea why my mother is basically sleeping all of the time, but will wake up just enough to be fed for meals which she is not doing all that great a job of eating. Today was the first time that I have visited her when she did not even know that I was in the room and could not be awakened. I came back around lunch time thinking she would be awake then. She was awake enough to eat, but not to recognize my voice or my being there. It hardly makes any sense to visit if all she is going to do is sleep.

Sharyn, got it. Must be my guilt working overtime to think you were indirectly aiming your comment to me. I am so sorry for mistakenly thinking of it. {{HUGS}}

Cmag - I'm sorry. I hope you will still visit your mom even if she's sleeping all the time. I have read over and over on this site, that when a person is sleeping all the time, it's like they're slowing shutting down. Even eating will lessen. I've also read that sometimes, they just don't have the energy to do anything, and that my include opening their eyes. I've read that their Hearing is the Last to Go. I've read how some nurses were so angry when the family of the loved one is dying, that the family is already arguing about who gets what when that person dies - in the same room as that patient!!! And the nurse was upset because the Patient's HEARING is the Last to Go. So, you may think you're mom is sleeping but maybe she is just tooooo tired to open her eyes. Just continue to visit and talk to her as if she's awake. Please don't give up on her and not visit. You never know how much it will mean to her if you continue to visit her. {{{HUGS}}}

Thanks book, I could tell that it was taking all of her energy just to eat. It was difficult to open her eyes but she never opened them wide enough to be able to see. I want give up and her and not visit. I can only imagine how hard all of this is on my step-dad who goes everyday for about 3 hours. Plus, he falls asleep in his wheel chair.

Good grief - I just wrote a ton about my day today on my ipad and it all disappeared! Ok - try again. So - it is 4:00 and I am already having a glass of wine! Never do that! Finally got my mom to the dentist - and yesterday was a fiasco because the visiting nurse screwed up the INR - and didn't do it - of course it was my fault. Told her yesterday that I would be there today at 9:20 - I was actually early - and she was at the door waiting and on fire. She immediately started being abusive in her crazy way - saying she had to get up at 1:30 to get ready - and I still don't know what she wanted from me. I told her that she wasn't going to talk that way to me today - and THEN the floodgates opened up and she started spewing the most vial talk to me ever. In a nutshell - she called me stupid, said F-you, I'm an asshole, a bitch, a stupid bitch - etc. You get the drift. Of course it was also a 20 minute drive - the first 5 minutes was her being as abusive as possible - I don't listen, I don't do this, that - whatever...I finally said yes - I am a bitch - learned from the best - and that I was not going to take it anymore (stroke or not) and proceeded to turn up the radio and stopped engaging. She talked the entire time - name calling, then throwing her head in her hands and fake cried, back to swearing....it was quite the show. Got to the dentist - and parking there of course is horrible - I again was stupid as I didn't know where I was going - so I parked far away and made her walk. As we got in front of the office - of course she was spewing insults and swearing in front of everyone in the area (got lots of looks) I just kept walking - went at first to the wrong place as I have only been there once - again - I am so stupid - then she went to hit me - I grabbed her arm and she glared at me - hit me stupid. Wow. She hasn't ever been that out of control. then she dared me to hit her. I told her she needed to get a hold of herself and behave in the office or I was going to take her home. We actually got through the office visit fairly well. On the way home it was the fake crying etc. I just ignored it. Went back to the home - got her settled in and left. Oh - and yes - started counseling last week! Yay! I did ask for the doctor to increase her Seroquel as she refuses the afternoon dosage - crushing it isn't working as she doesn't always eat. And that my friends of dysfunctional families was my day - thus the wine! Sorry - no energy to read and respond - feeling selfish - but had to vent with those who understand. Thanks for listening!

Oh - I forgot - she also accused me of spending all her money - keeping her car and house....nice!

Sad, I read your words and I read with horror. All I keep thinking about is...when father reaches that stage too. I don't know if I could handle it. The abuses, again and again and again. I don't know if sis can handle it either. He treats her worse than me. But then, I have a temper and take no bs from him. I no longer have to put up with his physical abuse because I couldn't leave poor bedridden mom to his mercy. Mom is no longer here. I no longer need to stay and take it anymore.

So I read your words and ... you definitely are one very strong woman. She's getting worse, isn't she. She's beginning to want to hit out in anger. Keep an eye out. I've found with my mom, when she was angry to want to hurt us, she had super strength. Don't underestimate them just because they look small and/or frail. Father, too, is beginning to accuse me of keeping his money....

Book - sorry to hear that your dad is similar. My dad was wonderful - gone now for 5 years - he is probably so happy now! My mom used to hit him - I didn't know that until my daughter told me - he had Parkinson's and she resented that he was "sicker" than she was. He had a fantastic attitude about it - he golfed 3 times a week - told me his T shots and drives were great - but his putting sucked! LOL! I really don't know how he did it for 55 years! Yes - she is small and frail now - and probably could pack a good punch - luckily I had 4 children that all had some kind of tantrum issues - so still have good reflexes. This is truly the craziest thing I have ever experienced! Still trying to figure out what I did in my former life to deserve such abuse! God help us all right?.

Bookluvr,

When I was a kid, and I being the eldest it was difficult for me to be the in charge person, because this is just not a strong personality trait of mine. Layer over that fact that I'm the eldest, followed by my sister a year younger. Our first younger brother is one year younger than sister, then the youngest bro, a year and a half later. Because of this step ladder type of set up, I had really not too much power anyway, say compared to someone w/at least 5 yrs. older than a sibling.

My siblings to further dis-empower me, constantly made fun of my nose, and the fact that I've always been skinny. Yes, I used to take these comments very personally when I was younger, and who wouldn't! Even now, I've a neighbor, who I've posted about, and she's made snide remarks about my weight on occassion.
It doesn't bother me anymore though.....because really we all have flaws, no one is perfect, and I'd like to know what that is anyway. Nowadays, if someone makes some personal remark that isn't favorable, I look at them, and say, "Thank you."
This sends a message to the offender.

I couldn't agree more with StandingAlone's view about how we do have to learn to realize our own inner strength that we are not ruled/controlled by people's opinion's about ourselves either. Think about it, it does sound rather infantile for people, I don't care who they are to go there. There is something to the reprogramming as to how we think about this kind of abuse. It's been put in other ways, like you are the one that has to change your reaction to it.

I remember many years ago, this was when I was temporarily living at mother's,
quite a few years ago. Now most of you know she was a narcissist, especially abused my sister and me verbally, and w/inordinate chores, we were her Cinderella's for about all the time we lived w/in the family into our late teens.
Her narcissism did change over the years, especially the verbal sort, because thank goodness our dad put a stop to it. But the Cinderella expectations, no!

Anyway, many years later....this one time I was living there after I'd lived out of the country a few years, and was re-establishing myself, financially. I started to get these horrible spots on my face. I have a rather tan color skin, but these spots were dark, and appeared overnight, on my forehead, and on one of my cheeks.
Of course, I didn't like them. They're the kind women get many times when hormones get weird. Well, mother had these same spots appear, I remember on her face, when I was a kid. Of course, I tried finding out what I could do to get rid of them. I felt awful about them for sometime. But it was interesting, as time went on,
I kind of ignored them. Suddenly my mom started to make comments about them.
They weren't really mean comments, but reminding me how she'd had them.
But then the comments started to be repeated to me over and over again.
Finally one day I told her, "Gee, the spots on my face seem to bother YOU, more than they bother me." Don't ask me, what came over me to even think of this.
But I really feel there is something very big as to what StandingAlone is talking about here. For me in this moment, it manifested in the, "I'm not going to stand for this anymore, kind of thinking." It didn't matter that I was saying this to my mother either. Well, she never brought that subject up to me ever again.

That these are pressing issues in your mind as to you growth as a person is a good sign, that you are thinking of this. I think there's another aspect to some of this too, at least in my case there was. I really believe that because I never said anything at times to offenders they viewed me as a push over, which in some way I was, which I will admit. But no more!

O.K., I guess you must be in Hawaii, by now? How cool,
have a wonderful vacation there.

Aloha,
Much Love & Light!
Margeaux

My grandmother's whole siblings 15 died with Alzheimer's.
They lived in this sleep-like state until the end and often for years.

All three that came to the US plus the other 12 including my grandmother who died in 1990, at age 83, went in this sleep-like thing, about three months into her three year stay in a nursing home.

I would still be able to wake her up by screaming granma where is _____, the name she called me as a child and she would say where is _____, I would say I am standing right here,and I love you, give me a big hug, it was sad, this disease is so sad.

Good night all and thank you! This is always the last thing I read before I sleep. It helps me get a much better nights sleep, knowing I am not alone with impossible family situations and sibs that think this is all about them. Believe me, I have heard it all which originally was quite disturbing. Now, I wait to hear what craziness they will come up with next.

ZZZZZZ

Iwentanon, now that is sad. All 16 kids got alzheimer. All. I've never read yet that they can last for months just in that sleep-like state. I know that with mom, she slept all day, but woke up at night. Towards the end, within a month of her death, she slept completely. I say slept but I think she just could no longer open her eyes. When I was arguing with father or bro was arguing with father, older sis said that mom had tears coming down her eyes. So, all this time, I thought she was sleeping. But for her to react when we were arguing shows that they may be in this sleep-like state but that they can HEAR what's happening outside. Thanks for sharing this.

Out of curiosity, did all of your grandmother's siblings children also have Alzheimer? It's so unusual that all 12 siblings get Alz.

With my family, my mom got it first in her early 50's. Then her mother got it next. So far, it's only those 2. Mom has 6 siblings and so far she's the only one who gots it.

Night Gladim! I, too read AC before going to sleep. Usually, I end up sleeping while reading it. A very good way to fall asleep! Night!