The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Margeaux - wow! So sorry to hear - well -that certainly won't be a birthday soon forgotten! She was so young to be so messed up. And she is in a better place.
Emjo - you have had a tough few months - so sorry! you need a vacation!! Yes - my daughter does have many issues and reminds me sadly of my mother - drinks too much - narcissistic is many respects - but thinks that she is a wonderful help and supporter (not). Her 3 brothers all held their breath at the reception - thinking she would get into some issue with someone - she always does. Ruined many family events! Can't talk to her either. It makes me so upset. But - she is 35 - and still thinks she knows everything. but - fortunately - there wasn't a big issue with her- the worst thing that happened is my oldest son's dog attacked our dog - which was weird. Think all the people and smelling BBQ for hours set her off. My dog is fine - just more skittish than normal!
Paula - welcome and to add to Emjo's hugs - my own! This is a wonderful group of people! They have helped me so much - it was Emjo actually who had me look up narcissistic mothers and opened my eyes to what I should have figured out 30 years ago! You will find great support and ideas here.

Welcome Paula!!! I hope to hear more from you when you are ready!!

I too worked very hard to not be like my ;mother with my children. I think I can safely say that neither one seems to have a pd. My son has some issues with communication and my daughter can be selfish in that she sees herself as being a better person than her brother. Their relationship is somewhat strained which I blame myself for that and I hope in time my daughter can learn to see her brother as being as successful as is possible for him to be. His priorities are different than hers and he has needed more help in getting him into adulthood because he tends to be a little immature for his age but I think he will get better as he gets older just like I have.

I found it odd that my sister did not recognize any of herself in the description of a BPD. I do think she may have it and that her eldest daughter may too. I could see where she latches on to a man immediately expecting a total commitment from the beginning of the relationship without getting to know the person. If she does have it, it may be a milder form than our mother...if that is possible...since I don't live with my sister as an adult, I don't know how she is in those conditions. I do know that we would not be able to live together because I do see her as controlling, but she is loving and has emotions which our never expressed love or emotions...except for the anger and more anger.

Take care everyone, I hope Joan and Margeaux...you get some rest and Sad1, when you are ready to see your mom, you will and the therapy can help prepare you for that. Glad, getnstrong, Alison, Book...hope you are all coping and Cmag, I hope all is peaceful as you go through the will and grieve your mother.
HUGS to everyone!!

emjo, there has not been any word from step-dad or step-brother. I don't like conflict and thus I find myself a bit uptight.

sharynmarie, people with borderline personality disorder often deny such a dianosis as an act of self-protection. Evidently, there are levels of bpd from high functioning to very low functioning.

So far mom's death and funeral seem like a long time ago to both me and my wife. Maybe I was ready for this or the reality of it has not hit me yet.

Hugs, prayers and love to everyone!

Cmag, sometimes I wonder if my theory is wrong.... and keep waiting for the reality of mom's death after she passed away.... sometimes I wonder that maybe I will never mourn her because I never got close to her all my life....all my siblings lives. Truthfully, she was just Mother who fed us and our basic needs and excessively punished is. I have concluded that my theory best suits MY reality. ..another major poster who recently lost his mother experienced the same kind of feelings like we did. I truly think for us caregivers deep into the trenches for years have been slowly mourning our parent's slow demise as the years go by. HUGS to you!

Hi everyone. I'm fine. Learning too many things at one time... child within..Alzheimer course...self esteem...etc...

Sorry..I was using the kindle above..."major" should be "male."...

Cmag and Book~My father also passed from Alzheimer's. I grieved all along and last week of his life was the hardest. I ended up not taking much time off when he died because I did not need it. I didn't take time off the last week either but I went to the NH in the morning before work and again in the evening. If I had it do over, I would have taken the time off the last week so I could spend more time with him even though he did not seem to aware we were there. Some may blast me for saying this...but because a long illness such as Alz/dementia allows us to grieve as our loved one progresses, when they pass (at least for me with my dad)...it was a relief.It was a heart breaking experience but I have to say with dementia, we lose our loved on twice...once to the disease and again in death. I went back to work the day after my dad's funeral....people at work thought I was heartless, but they don't know me like I know me. I worked one day and was off 1.5 weeks because I was so sick , I went to dr. on Monday after 2 days of 103 fever, he said I had bronchontis...Rx an antibiotic wanted me back in his office on Wednesday. I was not any better. I had a little cough then told him it hurt on the left side of my chest when I coughed...ordered an Xray gave me a sample of another antibiotic and told me to come back the next day...if I wasn't better, he was going to hospitalize me. My fever broke with the new antibiotic but I had pneumonia and was off work for another week. My dad's funeral was surreal to me, it was foggy, drizzling rain and so cold. I have my husband stop at our house after the grave side part of the service was over so I could change into some sweat pants before we went to my parents house. Little did I know that I was sick. The week I was home sick, my daughter moved 40 minutes away to the city she was going to College. I couldn't even help her move. Normally I don't dwell on this part of my dad's memory...I remember the camping trips, Christmas morning when he would tell me to go back to bed..."It's not Christmas Yet"...LOL!!

Getnstrong~I haven't had the failed marriages but I have failed (IMO) in the work force. Because of my upbringing, I was always intimidated my men...(that was my mom's poisoning) so I had a hard time relating to male bosses or co-workers. I am also very sensitive and can/have taken things very personally when it was not meant to be and I have a lot of trouble reading people...between the lines...I tend to want to take things literally so I will get hurt because I didn't pick up on the social clues someone was trying to tell me. This is where my interpersonal relationships become difficult.

Joan~My husband has had high blood pressure since his thirties. He was not put on BP medication until he was diagnosed with diabetes in 2004. He is about 70 lbs. over weight, smoked (but is doing good on not smoking, though I know he is chewing at work), he is not physically active and is taking meds for cholesterol. He has type 2 but is taking 1 injection a day of insulin now. He has admitted to me that he will do an extra injection after he eats a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream....not good at all. He is still getting fast food on Friday's for dinner regardless if there is something here at home he can eat. He was taught not to change anything by his mother...she always said that her way of doing things is the right way and if someone does not do as she does...they are wrong. His father told him to listen to me...when he came home from the hospital, LOL!! I was surprised his dad would tell him that! His brother was in the store a couple days ago and he is focusing more on us not smoking (which is important) but hubby's weight is a big factor as well as his portion sizes. I love tri-tip and I can cook a large tri-tip for just the two of us...normal serving sizes, it should be enough for 2 days, but it isn't. I don't buy it very often. When his brother was in the store 2 days ago, i told him I was looking for some healthy recipes for beans. He said just throw some beans in the crock pot with a couple ham hocks, what could be healthier??? Really???? The fat and salt in ham hocks is enough to cause a heart attack or stroke. This is an example of where his family and me do not see eye to eye on things and they will not encourage him to change anything. I was going to cook a tri-tip on Sunday when I am off but because hubby got Chinese food tonight instead of eating the crab salad I had made...I won't make it. The sodium in the Chinese food is off the charts...he tinks because he chose chicken as the protein he did good. I can tell you that the oils it is fried it is not healthy simply because the oil is reheated over and over again from other fries. I know this because where i work, we fry chicken in canola oil. The oil cannot be changed until after a certain # of times of reheating it and frying again...so it is change about once a week. Of course our fryer is probably a lot larger than what a Chinese restaurant uses ( ours is a deep fryer), I bet they reuse the oil just the same. We have to keep track of our fries and at 80 fries we can change the oil...disgusting...wouldn't you agree. The quality of the oil decreases each time you reheat it and fry again. We fry hand battered raw chicken, frozen battered boneless chicken breast and wings, potatoes and corn dogs all in the same oil!!! I won't eat any of this...just think of KFC....gross to say the least. Once a week of treating yourself to these foods is too often. The moral of my post...don't save the oil to use again and again just to save some money...it is not healthy. When I was growing up...my mom would save the grease from frying bacon and reuse it for eggs. Many of us did this because we didn't know how unhealthy it was. I did it too when I first got married but then I found out how unhealthy bacon grease is for our bodies.

Yes, I need to stop to smoking, the only reason I have gotten the patch is because my vacation week messed me up along with missing one day off work when hubby had the stroke so I admit....I am behind right now on my car payment which was due the 7th and tonight at midnight, my payment for the LTC policy will be deducted from my account. I am $100 short to make both. Hubby can't help me because car registrations are due and so are property taxes. However, I should get me vacation pay next week for the year and I can catch up...I am embarrassed to admit this because I usually am right on top of everything. Once I get all this taken care of, I will start on the patch...I know you are thinking that the cost of cigarettes is the same as the patch...true...but I have to be mentally prepared or I will fail. Knowing I am behind prevents me from being mentally prepared...

Hugs to all!!

Sharyn, the last time I ate at Dennys I was sooo disappointed with the food. I should have complained but I've seen enough videos on TV of what restaurant employees do when you complain. I ordered fried rice, Portuguese sausage and scrambled eggs with ham, mushrooms and jalapeno peppers. My scrambled eggs was off-colored looking and it tasted like Chorizos (red sausage that drips with oil when fried.) I Do Not Like Chorizos because it's waaay too oily. As I forced myself to eat my eggs, my poor stomach was heaving from the Chorizo taste and knowing that all that oil in my eggs. That is when I realized that they even re-use the leftover oil to scramble eggs.

Book-so gross...have you ever order French fries that taste like onion rings...

I am going to admit something else...I have heard from people in other stores where their deli manager would tell them to fry up raw hand battered chicken that turning blue/green and the smell was so strongly sulfurous. Beware of sales ladled as manager special...lol!!

In December of 2012 my mom fell in her kitchen and drug herself to her bedroom where her cell phone was. She ended up laying there for 7 hours. My brother arrived and not knowing how long she'd been laying got her to her feet, asked if she was ok, she said yes, he started to leave the room and she fell again. This time she hit her head, the end result was stitches and a brain bleed. She was 80 at the time. When she was 32 she had a stroke that caused her to loose the use of her left side. She raised 4 kids alone. I believe looking back she had some mental health issues that never were diagnosed. As kids we were verbally abused and never understood what was going to set her off. We would do something that was obviously wrong (once I cut her clothes with scissors) she would take no notice of it. But one day you might be eating supper and she'd go into a rant that we never understood.
After her fall she was put in ICU they found she had breast cancer. I was sure she was going to die. For the first time in my life she was kind to me, she was glad when I arrived at the hospital and seemed to need me. This made me feel so good about our relationship, I thought she finally wanted to be a mom and wanted to have a "normal" mother daughter relationship even though I might not have her long. The cancer is gone, she had surgery to remove it and it worked! After a brief stay in a nursing home she left without her doctors ok and with my brothers help. In the months since then I stared going to her place twice a week to take care of her needs, she said thank you to me for the first time in my life! I wash her bedding, change her diapers, wash her dishes, buy all her incontinence supplies, pick up her meds etc...
Now she's reverting back to her old self, she doesn't take meds, doesn't wash, leaves food out & many unhealthy things. She now doesn't want me to make her bed (it's always wet and smells) she cussed me out and said all those things only a mother can say to hurt you. Honestly I don't want to go back, this makes me feel guilty. I want to help her, I do not want the abuse.
So Sad,
Paula

Sharyn----I agree with you on the long illnesses giving you time to grieve all along. My Dad had Parkinson's Syndrome, caused by a mild stroke. He had no tremors, but the rigidity in the muscles, etc. He fell a lot, and became incontinent, and for a man who had always had such dignity (and patience with my mother), it was so embarrassing for him. I have to give my mother some credit for taking care of him during his final difficult years It was hard work, but like everything else she does, she was mean about it, and demeaning to him. She had no patience with him, and now when I see he having the same problems he had (like a constantly running nose) I remember the nasty things she would say to him, and wonder how she would like to be treated that way. One day I remember her saying out loud,
" why don't you die old man?" He and I just looked at each other in shock and said nothing. We were so used to taking her abuse, and sometimes it was so awful, you were just dumbfounded. Back then I had no skills to cope with her. But I digress.........the point was that when I visited them in December (he died in Feb), I asked him how he was doing, and he looked at me and said, "I'm tired, Sher." I knew he meant he was ready to go, and I just said "I understand". So when he died, I was happy for him to escape his physical suffering, the humiliation of his condition, and the mistreatment from my mother. I had already cried many tears during the years of his illness. I'm sure at the wake people must have thought I was callous. Old friends I hadn't seen since childhood came, and we were laughing and talking, and took some photos together. I also took photos of Dad in his casket, which some people find macabre, but I felt this was the last time I'd see his physical form, and I wanted to remember every minute. Now, even mother says she's glad I took the pictures. In the old days people did that all the time, and having seem photos in the family albums of ancestors in caskets, surrounded by flowers, was what gave me the idea. To me it's like recording the completion of a person's life, from baby pictures to their death.

We are expected by siblings to give up everything for nothing. I am in a very difficult financial position. I have a home equity line of credit on my home that had the balloon payment due two years ago. At that time the bank extended it for a year because I had just lost my job and started caring for mom within weeks of each other. A year ago, the bank gave me another year because at that time a caregiver agreement was being "worked on". At that time the bank told me they would not extend it as a HELOC again. So, here I am a year later, with the loan due this next week, and no way to pay it off. The bank will provide an amortized loan now but a payment that I cannot afford. The caregiver agreement has not happened and became a very ugly family situation with siblings. I don't know what I am going to do yet, but it is absolutely frightening. I am expected to give up everything I have worked for through my entire life to do this job for nothing which will benefit sibs. Just very, very, angry, frightened and frustrated this morning.

Nobody should do this job for nothing to the benefit of other beneficiaries. If my home is foreclosed on, if I decide not to take the loan, not even Medicaid will toss me out of my mother's home after successfully keeping her in her home.

Thanks again Emjo, Sharyn and Sad1daughter,
for the hugs, and advice. I just felt so shell shocked that day.
Yesterday, I still felt it.....but today Sat., it's starting to dissipate.
Yes, I know it will be hard to forget about something like this, but am going to try to.

I think what hit me hard about the situation is that other neighbor of ours, the one that used to share Vanilla the cat w/us, until last Feb. She and P were friends since they were 10 yrs. old, I learned. P, was a very tormented soul, poor thing.
So throughout the time I've lived here, going on 11 yrs., now I know they really weren't on speaking terms most of the time. Every now and again, they seemed to try to fix their friendship, but never could. However, especially the last two years......of P's life the rest of us like R, and my husband, me got it, that P aside from her very extreme health problems, had lot's of mental problems also.
Particularly, R and I had been involved w/her helping out here and there.
I just could not believe how her friend from soooooo long couldn't rise above everything, take the high road and be more concerned about P, in a genuine way. So it's interesting, that now after P died, guess who went into P's apt., to do major clean up, which I couldn't believe! The friend did. On account of the fact that I know about the lack of friendship situation, I thought: "WOW, a little TOO MUCH, too late! This friend admitted to R, that she felt guilty blah, blah, blah! Anyway, this is what for me made the situation particularly sad. Here, you supposedly have an old friend from your past who lives smack dab in front of you,
but she was so removed from anything, and real concerns about P during these last couple years, now she's jumping in.

O.K., Got lot's to catch up on today,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

God bless this site ! It is sent from heaven ! A great place to unload safely about cra families usually not the sick one , it's the siblings that come in every 3 months and tell you what your doing wrong in your own house with your dying mother, I have taken care of my mother since my dad died of cancer two years ago ( I took care of him too cuz my mother was in a wheelchair at that time! My sisters just want what little money that will be left or they would never come . Oh they act like they are concerned but they live two hours away and never come see her ! When they do they question everything I do and I'm doing my best which my mother loves I'm the baby of family and I never moved away so we are closer and my dad had papers drawn up given me dopa of both of them, which caused problems with them so they don't help me ,anyway . I love my mother and she wasn't perfect as a mother but she did her best and the more helpless she gets the more I wish I had let my childhood challenges go long ago!!! So those of you holding on to past hurts that you know thAt they did their best ! Let it go !!!! My mom is on hospice and in her last days and I see that I wasted a lot of time being angry at childhood problems( I was molested by my uncle and no charges were filed , it was blamed on me and I was 5 years old! ) it has been 42 years ago but I'm still in therapy ! But my mom just did all she knew in the 70s . Don't tell anyone wich I struggled with , I forgive her and I will lose her soon and I'm soooo sad that I wasted one day in anger . Thank you for this site 😘

dysfunctional family siblings- I had to move my older brother, 65 from Houston to Florida, to be near me, as i am the only family member left. When my mother died, he sold the house that was supposed to be for both of us, when we got older, then as executor of my trust, he also went through that money. He is disabled due to arthritis. I purchased a nice RV from him to live in, because of credit problems and background, could not get him in any apartments, etc. He just had a knee replacement, was in rehab for a month, and now he is addicted to the pain medicine. I don't have the patience to deal with him, I don't enjoy being around him, and he can be mean to me. I feel guilty when I don't due more for him, and resent it when I have to help him. There is no one else. I am at my wits end.

snorkelcat--so sorry to hear about your situation. When it's our parents we feel we owe them care in their old age. I have a brother who is in assisted living, and thank God, my oldest son takes care of him and his affairs. I hope you have friends to rely on, and from experience I can say, do what you have to, but don't feel guilty. Put yourself first, as you can't keep giving without filling up your own cup first or you'll just plain run dry. Best of luck.

Ladanak~Your message is well taken and God Bless you and your mother!

Snorkelcat~Sometimes when family members see you are willing, they take advantage. My sis and I share responsibilities taking care of our mother who is in memory care. Sis told me before we placed our mother, because of her own health problems, I will have to take of her too. Sis lives about a 45 minute drive from where I and mom live, she is five years older than me, has stage 4 type 2 diabetes, very low blood pressure that causes her fatigue, weakness and light headedness to the point that she did pass out in a store in her town. She is severely depressed and so far the psychiatrist has not found an antidepressant that helps her.She is controlling, has trouble still getting along with our mother who has Alzheimer's and prior to that were the issue with mom's personality disorder. I told sis when we moved mom into the AL that she needs to have a serious talk with her daughters about her future because I won't be able to take care of her with her living 45 minutes away while still working and taking care of mom. She admitted she would probably have to move to Kentucky to be with her daughters, yet she still has not talked with them about it. She told me this morning she is having Parkinisonism symptoms. I don't know if this is her self diagnosis, or if the dr. told her this. She said the psychiatrist upped her dosage of Wellbutrin and that is what is causing it. The dr.'s don't seem to be concerned. She said she only has the symptoms during the first couple hours upon rising in the morning. The point I am trying to make is...I would not be able to take care of my sister because she is too much like my mother without the Alzheimer's She refused to move back to our town because she doesn't want to give up her big house but she can't take care of it either. Now she is stuck due to the economy but I have a husband too. Stand your ground because you can only do so much without putting your own health, financial situation in ruin to help someone who doesn't want to see the truth.

I got off work at 9pm. saturday. Since I am off Sunday, Hubby and discussed going in the mountains. He said he would be working graveyard shift saturday and I wanted to do all the driving he would go. I told him Friday no..not a good idea since he was working graveyard shift. Then he said, I am working a regular day shift Saturday. I still said no...because he needs to have rest especially since the stroke.

After I got off work, I drove to an area here in town that is a regular residential area but only for older adults with no children. They can have grandchildren visit and stay for a couple weeks but the area does not allow adults with children living with them full time. There is a water feature with fountains and a building with lighted windows reflecting in the water. I wanted to check it out for possible pictures. I got home about 9:30 and hubby wasn't home.

I went about my business of logging on the computer, thinking hubby went somewhere...I checked my cell, the landline for messages..none. I tried to log on to google which my computer is set up to automatically go to google but it wouldn't. Xfinity, who is our internet server...kept popping up so I had to go through them to get internet service. I tried calling them for a couple hours finally got hold of someone who said their tools to help were done and wouldn't be available for about 4 hours. By this time it was 12:30am...hubby still not home. I am starting to get concerned, a little panicked.

I decided to call his work #, he answered but could not hear me. I hung up. He called back but still no connection. I called him back...this time he could hear me..I said I thought you were working a regular day shift. He said I did. I said I was getting concerned because you weren't here..he laughed. I was imaging all kinds thinks that could have gone wrong...Xfinity was p*##ing me off, he said, no... I told you I was working a regular day shift and doubling back on graveyard.

LOL...now!!! I guess I understand where my son gets his communication skills...or mine are still lacking due to dysfunction!!

Anyway a great article on here about "The Benefits Of Befriending Yourself"...check it out!!!

I'm definitely in on this thread. Coming from a home full of "heavy drinkers" with an 80 yr old father with dementia and Parkinson's, whose primary caretaker is his wife - our stepmother. She has become nasty, mean, and passive-aggressive, a real "victim" of having to take care of her husband in his decline. I would like to help out, but I am the one she hates the most. So I'm really struggling with how to be of any help here, much less how to communicate with my father anymore. His wife is doing her best to put as much distance between me and my father as possible. If I weren't in a 12 step program myself I'd have no idea of how to deal with this. I may just be powerless over parts of it, most certainly her anger. Will be good to hear from others - maybe we can help each other out.

This is a topic that hits right in my heart, I am my mother's main caretaker how I got appointed I'm not sure but it is what it is now. I'm trying to do the best I can. We are a very dysfunctional family. I thought I had a handle on it until I became her caretaker, then the mental abuse started all over again, well at least it wasn't physical this time as well. There were 4 children in all, me being the youngest. She was married like 7 times but has been single for the last 20 years, she treats me like I owe her this because she raised me. And basically tells me this. I'm not sure why or how I let her put me on such a guilty trip but I do. I want her to be safe and taken care of so that's what I try and do. Why is it the ones she thinks is perfect is the ones who arn't there taking care of her? I've been there everyday for the past 5 years straight and put off my own husband and family. All the while she expects more and more. Don't get me wrong I love my mother and I am glad I'm able to take care of her and when I start feeling this way,I feel guilty because maybe I'm not giving my all. And this is true dysfunction..... Sorry just need to vent a little.

Sorry for your loss..
The human response to others suffering, by people who care for them, is to be relieved for them (and then for us, Alzheimer's has only one conclusion, that they will have it until they die) when their journeys resolve.

Yes it is twice, once for the disease and once to death, but in dysfunctional families, you lose them three times.

Anyway, we are not in control, of the when it's the right time for anything and we always wish we had more time but the thing is...our loved ones (whether we felt loved or not, it is what it is) are inside our being, if not our genes and while they may be gone, in a weird way they are still with us...

...ugh Denny's used to be good, didn't eat there for 13 years went back about 6 months ago and I wont touch them with a ten foot pole! Ham hocks and beans are good but I would precook them to get rid of the grease (they can be roasted in the oven, while the beans are doing their hour soak while softening and put in the onion, garlic, carrots, celery black pepper bay leaf, all spice and lemon.

The bone gives it good flavor and the fat does too, but when I get done cooking I put it in the fridge and remove the fat that collects at the top. Some people use salt pork, but every meat has fat, I guess we could just use the bones.

Some people just boil the beans and use them even cold like same way you would use boiled potatoes with onions, celery (or what ever) a little olive oil and vinegar.
Greek salad dressing and house dressing are about the same.

Ifound a recipe for black eyed peas and pork chops using smoked paprika. If anyone is interested I can post it on your private wall. Much less sodium and fat.

Cool another venting thread for me.. My family once was a happy family, until $$ became the factor and importance to my parents. Sadly dad is gone and last month I lost my younger brother to Chrons, but Mom was the major Greed Hunter. Yes my parents worked hard in their lives , saved, and flourished. But at the cost of the family. Today she is alone ,beginning stages of Alzheimers and now between my other brother & his $$ eyed wife,and her the greed continues... The things I find important in for our mom my brother and wife reject because it involves $$ that doesn't belong to them and they are on a hunt to get it.. So this is a great thread to compare notes and feelings..thanks

You can paste it on my wall...

houndmother, cheawee and Floridee~Welcome!! Come back and vent, share, just join in when you are ready.

Mom was pretty upset today when I went to see her. I wasn't aware my sister told them to remove her phone again. She was crying and angry but was not yelling. My sister finally told me she had them remove the phone, she talked privately with a med tech to have them give mom a xanax to calm her down so we could take her to lunch. The longer we were there she became calmer and slowly the xanax kicked in to help too. Mom always the negative one, said "I guess I will Just live until I die!!!" So melodramatic but very funny...Of course we all will live until we die, LOL!! I think she meant I will live here until I die. We went to lunch, mom complaining about her eyes (surgery is an option but we don't want to do it), my sis told her it is only one eye affected. Mom being hard of hearing, said, "I only have one eye??" Then she covered her left eye with her left hand...removed it, then covered her right eye with her right hand, saying "I HAVE TWO EYES!" I had to turn away because I was laughing so hard.

Sad1daughter,

I really like your blatant honesty about your own daughter.
It sounds as if from your descriptions of her, you realize that there is something about an adult child taking some responsibility for THEIR own actions.
I am not just talking about somehthing such as drinking either, I'm talking about attitudes. This is refreshing to hear from a mother.

Yes, if you have humor, I say you have a lot! I try to always keep this in my bag of tricks. I've noticed that every now and again, if I've allowed life to become too heavy, because of my own perspective towards difficult issues, then if I start to feel as if I've lost my sense of humor, Im in some deep sh**t! So I get back on track, and try to see something funny in many things, which for me isn't too hard.
If it is for some of you I suggest to watch some real funny movies, or get together w/someone who can provide funny for you.

Good for you that you haven't been to mother's.
Take a break! Much deserved, might I add

Much Love & Light,
Margeaux