notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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I have spent too many hours already trying to complete the open enrollment. When nothing has changed, I don't understand why we have to do this every year. Our contract was settled in the spring, we had to do it then, the only way I was able to complete it was for them to give me a temporary password. I don't want to keep doing this every year.
Book~My sisters dr. told her to use Rogaine shampoo. It does work but you have to use it as your only shampoo and if you stop using it, the hair will fall out again.
Alison and Joan~I have not tried juicing, my hubby has but only for a short time. He did it once a day for about 2 months. I think he did it more to see if he could lose weight. I hope you both can get your energy back, having a constant level of fatigue does wear you down emotionally too. Take care of yourselves as I know you are already doing.
Hugs to everyone!!
Your sister sounds completely mixed up about the male pattern baldness and auto immune disease. I understand the as being two different things. Possibly loss of hair could be an effect of an auto immune illness.
In any case, I heard a long time ago that if the body is polluted one of the areas it will invariably affect is the hair. It's almost like the hair becomes a dumping ground.
My neighbor is in her late 70's. When I first met her one of the first things I noticed, was the fact that she had a lot of hair. At the time I thought, how lucky she being her age, and still having some nice tresses.
About two years though she fell and cracked her ribs. The doctor put her on some very strong medications, one I remember was Vicodin.
There were others. By then I also knew that she was on blood pressure medication. In a matter of two mos., I saw her hair take on a very strange look, and she was loosing a lot of it. But she is the one I've written about who drinks more than her share. She religiously dies her hair also. So I know that all of these things combined add up to becoming a candidate for bad hair.
I was doing a search and all the things I've mentioned have been studied over and over again by experts and the health of the hair.
Now of course on a more I'll call it cosmetic scale about hair......there is something to checking the ingredients in the shampoos one uses. Many made of chemicals clog the follicles. Once your follicle is clogged, hair thins or dies.
The more natural the ingredients probably the better for your hair.
Jojoba oil is great for unclogging hair follicles. I used to buy some at a local farmer's market. Someone had a business and sold very high grade oil.
Anyway there is plenty of information about this subject.
We can all find some good remedies, I'm sure.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
So about 3 mos. ago, my girlfriend came to visit. I hadn't seen her in a long time since she lives out of the city. Her hair looked unusually good.
So then a couple weeks later, she called and I told her that I needed to find a shampoo to use on my hair. The one I was using wasn't working for me.
She then started to promote a shampoo that she was using. I then told her how I'd noticed how nice her hair looked the last time I saw her. Well after much talk about this new product, I asked her what the name of the product is. She answered, "Oh it's a secret." I couldn't believe this! It really made me mad, and I found it completely immature on her part. She's had a ton of health issues these last two years. Anytime she's stressing about them, she always calls me, because she knows I've read a lot about some conditions. I've shared tons of information with her, and is why this really rubbed me the wrong way.
I'm afraid I won't be as sharing with my info in the future. She's the kind of person that likes to go on and on about what great friends we are, too.
Margeaux
Margeaux, I lol'd about your friend who wouldn't give up the name of the shampoo, but I can see how that would be irritating. If my girlfriend did that, I would be mad. It comes off as catty. The only thing I could think of is that her shampoo is something like what Sharyn mentioned - a Rogaine shampoo - and she felt slightly embarrassed?
Cmag, I feel for you, being put in the position that you're in, since your mother did not openly disclose or discuss her plans for estate while she was alive and able. I hope your step-father chooses to respond, and you can settle all of this soon.
Happy Wednesday, all.
Just want to check in and say Hi....we were without inet for almost a month, got it back last week. I could not possibly catch up with what all of you have been going thru...Just hoping we cope the best we can...
Back home and trying to get house put back together..been a wild and crazy summer.
Moms leg is still in a cast and probably go to removable device next week at her follow up....this scares me now that I know exactly how extremely weak her bones are..how easily the leg broke in the beginning. and how hard it is to get her taken care of properly! Praying for good fortune and strength in this department!
Again hope EVERYONE is doing well with our particular situations....
I did catch as I checked in Cmag lost your mom, hope you are doing OK...
Peace,
Juju
Your friend may very well be using Rogaine as Alison suggested. It is funny how people will not share something like that. Give it a try and see if it works for you.
Have a good day!!
I'm thinking that she might have tried one of those new products that they show on the TV commercial. I remembered writing it down and checking out its website. I have to spend over $100 for the initial treatment because it's an intense startup treatment. After that, you can then order the "shampoo" every once in a while to Maintain your hair. I can't remember the name. But in the commercial, the man said that his wife's hair grew back and she looks young again - with beautiful hair.
Sorry Margeaux, I can't remember the name of the new product. I have researched all kinds of women's hair loss shampoos. Googled reviews, etc. MOST do Not do as they claim. They just slow the process but not really promise to re-grow the hair. It may seem that it's re-growing but it's just expanding your existing hair's width - and hence the fuller look.
Yes, this friend gets on my nerves, because she loves to go on and on about her spirituality....but her behavior many times is low level.....selfish and she really has some real rough edges to herself. Although she would have one believe differently
Like I said, I can't tell you all the times she called me recently w/some crazy readings on her blood pressure. I would look things up for her, and send info. along to her. But the other day she made me feel as if I have stupid written on my forehead, well she's going to have some new behavior by me.
Margeaux
She had a friend over, and invited me for coffee. My neighbor has lost her sense of smell and taste due to she's rather unsure. But she's had chemo, and then she took some heavy medications a few years ago, about the time she lost these.
I know she has this condition, and believe me.....I feel badly for anyone who can't taste their food, it must be hard. So every now an again I go over to smell say things like her milk, and other juices and if they've gone bad she tosses them out.
Many times as is natural for anybody.....we end up talking about food. Sometimes if we're eating together I comment how something tastes, whether it's good or not, etc. Well, I'm noticing that she increasingly reminds me each and every time if we start to have one of the food conversations, she''ll always refer to herself, and say, "Oh well, it doesn't matter, everything tastes the same."
You just can't imagine how many times she's told me this kind of thing.
Sometimes she even brings up the food topic.
So while I was sitting there with she and her friend having coffee, I was telling then about some shi shi restaurant I had dinner in about a week ago. I told them how pricey it was, and that food quality was terrible.
Her friend started to tell me about the restaurants in her area, so yes it was all about food. As the friend and I continued our conversation, I noticed my neighbor fidgeting......as in she wasn't digging the conversation. She then interrupted, by saying, "Oh, let's talk about something else, I can't stand to hear about all this food." Her friend and I looked at one another, then I told my neighbor that the fact we were talking about this was not done with the intent to upset her. I felt very uncomfortable, and I know her friend did too, as she was doing most of the talking.
To be honest......sometimes it's made me annoyed previous to this incident when she constantly deflects to herself about the fact that she can't taste food. I sure know that 1000X's over, because she always reminds me. Anyway, since she was so vocal, I guess food as a subject will be off topic. I know her too, she'll probably start talking about food all on her own. So you see, when she brings up the topic it's o,k, But when others bring it up, it's like she takes it very personally.
Yikes, what's going on with friends right now??
Margeaux
During Mercury Retrograde, this planet being the one about communication,
it can go awry. I already feel it, HAAH! I'm so glad I can share some of this stuff w/all of you. My friends are dysfunctional, what can I say?
Margeaux
The first time I read what you wrote about M, I thought she was way out of line.
Just because your mother seems to confide in her, doesn't give her the right to start lecturing you. It's non of her business!
I don't know what to suggest you say to her, but I'll give it some thought.
Since you know this now, about her at least you could be kind of prepared.
I've been caught in a situation with my SIL, (the bigmounth) when she decided to go on a rant with me the day we lost dad......that some nurse at the hospital had told her that my mother shouldn't be left alone, because she was in such grief.
At the time, I lived with them so was constantly around any and all things concerning dad's health. I was so mad to hear something like this from her......and she's the last person who should be giving out advice,because she's always on non-speaking terms w/her own mother and sisters. How do you like that?
The trouble was then, that I was so in shock, that she totally caught me off guard.
I'm really sorry that you have been having your health issues acting up, too.
I know......I had the sinus infection, then that cleared up. Then I had a bout w/some arthritis.....the weather is changing and my body was feeling it the last two weeks.
Well, I hope you are o.k., because I know you went to the dentist today.
All right, take care of yourself,
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
You made me laugh, do you know my friend?
Yes, but you're right! I know it's not Rogaine. Actually I thought Rogaine wss only for men.
She did tell me that the product she bought cost about $25.00.
That conversation with her, ended up being rather ridiculous, if you ask me.
Margeaux
Quite the opposite with my friend. She wasn't embarrassed at all. The way she was talking about this shampoo, and the wonders it did for her hair, she sounded rather proud, kind of boastful too. She took me through the entire explanation about how DHT that builds up on the scalp is the real killer of hair, thereby causing baldness. So by this lengthy explanation she offered, then she wouldn't give up the name. HAAH! She's very insecure beneath all of it, don't you think? It's o.k.,though.......this is how one really finds out who people really are, instead of the masks they wear. It reminded me of behavior a child would employ, the not sharing. Ms spirituality, yeah right!
Oh, those supplements. I take my share too. It is a discipline. but oh boy, I sometimes forget to take my MSN, which is good for the muscles/skeletal functions. I felt it too, because it does help from having pains. I also take some a complex B, and glucosamine/chondroitin.
I tried some juicing a few weeks ago, and I loved it. I must get back to that.
Have you by any chance ever had any Kombucha. I used to have some mushrooms and would make my own brew. This is a pro-biotic also, and is great to detox the body of junk. It gives you energy also. I must get some more of that.
To all our health,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
On hair loss, I do use generic Rogaine, as a female. It doesn't work wonders, but I end up with lots of short new hairs that cover my scalp more, so I keep using it.
Jinx~thank you for sharing the info on rogaine. I read on one website that using baking soda to wash your hair is good because it removes clogging in follicles that shampoos cause, then rinse with cider vinegar to stimulate the scalp. I will let you all know if rogaine works for my sister.
Pita~I am glad you talked with an attorney. You sound more relaxed about the situation and I think your decision to just wait and see is a good one.
Hugs to all and have a good Thursday!!
I want to ask you 1) do you have a DPOA so you can make medical and financial decisions for your mother?
2) Have you called the Area Agency on Aging in your county/city. They have many programs that your mother may qualify for that will include getting respite time for you.
3) How advanced is the dementia, is mom on any medications that may help to reduce her anxiety without over sedating her, and are you living with your mother?
Big HUGS to you!!
It sounds like your mother is on Namenda too. I suggest you google daughtersofnarcissisticmothers. Many of us on here are dealing with a parent (usually a mother) with a personality disorder. If you want to walk...I can't blame you and most therapists will advice those of us who were raised with abuse to not take on the caregiving role because the issues of the past come in to play as well as present abuses. If your mother has a personality disorder (mental illness), nothing you do will make her happy, she will always find fault (none of which will her own). You say she has set it up so everyone will be against each other...that confuses me because you said you are an only child. I take it that there are other relatives involved...at least regarding her will. Taking care of this kind of parent is not a requirement to be a good person. You have to put your health first!!
If there is not current DPOA and she refuses to get one, the only choice I am aware of is to call the Area Agency on Aging and request that a social worker come and takl with your mother giving her options. Does she live with you or do you live with her? Are you financially dependent on your mother? If your mother is mentally incapacitated you can have the state take over her care...this means they will take control of her monies/assets for her care.
With the state taking over, there will be a court hearing where a guardian will be appointed by the state. If your mother needs to be place in a facility they will do it. Not a bad thing when you consider that you need to take care of yourself first before you can help someone else...this is why you are not expendable!!
Google the site I suggested, also google detaching with love and setting boundaries with toxic people. My mother has a personality disorder and Alzheimer's. It was very difficult in 2012 with her. I wanted to walk too, my sister helps also. But I totally understand someone walking. I am sure others one here will have other suggestions for you as well. Keep us posted ok!! My sister friend, you matter and don't forget it♥
The dentist changed his plan again. They only took impressions yesterday, Nov 20 I will get most of the work done, - including he tells me now a bone graft in the front before a transplant. So I will not be able to visit my sis when she is here. However I have a massive sinus headache today - had one the other day too. Maybe the weather changes. Woke up early (4:30) and baked muffins, made ratatouille, a hamburger stir fry dish and some mac cheese for G's lunches. I find I can do more in one hour early than in 2 hours later, but now I am wiped. I hate taking meds for the headache but may have to, as I need a nap to catch up and get rid of the pain. Always something!!! . Looks like my gut issues are setting down thankfully. I have been OK without meds the last couple of day - and that after 3 yrs. on meds of one sort or another!!! Unpasteurized sauerkraut is a great probiotic other than capsules, as I am allergic to dairy, and lentils and other legumes are great prebiotics .
nap is calling
And sometimes the opposite occurs, siblings think that antidepressants will help with the shock and despair of a loved one passing away. This happens with my mom, her parents passed away years ago, but because of the dementia, she does not remember. Each time it is as if it is completely new, which to her it is. There is not an antidepressant that will fix that sort of thing, only a cure for Alzheimer's.