The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Sharynmarie,

This letter is very good. The other part of they not responding, could be the fact that it really sounds as if they have been having a changing of the guard, and then you also talked about they having a split in the church. But I find it rather strange also, that if your mom was donating financially, and the amount mentioned IMO, is no chump change. How could someone as your mother not be a member? I find that very odd.

In any case, I still think that anyone no matter how many times they attended a congregation should have access if they want it, especially for elders who can no longer attend a church. I think it was Glad who suggested you look into whether there are any services in her ALF.

But your letter is very good.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Hi friends -since Mom died -it has been a year-she probably would have liked it to know Sandy complicated things getting her back to South Salem to be buried-and finally had to have the service in the church with out power-I have been thinking of her being narcisstic and having to detatch which I learned from the good folks here. Last night when I was not feeling well with a cold-my honey made sure I was comfortable and it was the first time in my life someone took care of me-I am blessed to love and be loved by him and just need to forget what I did not have the other 72 years.

A Big thank you to AC admins for removing the spam post that was placed in almost every thread on the site early this morning!!

Margeaux~I understand where you are coming from on how can a person not be a member when attending every week and contributing. It all comes down to if you are living your life as the bible directs us to and if that is reflected in the way you talk and think. I am sure you have heard this saying before,"Going to church does not make you a Christian any more than standing in the garage makes you a car." Its kind of like being part of an organization that a person attends meetings but is really only there to socialize and is not very passionate about the organizations goals and purpose.

Austin~You are so blessed and truly deserving. I hope you are feeling better!!

Austin - is it a year already? Time passes so quickly, and your life has taken such a turn. I am so glad for you and your friend. I know you are there for one another. It is great you have someone to look after you finally. ((((((((hugs)))))))

My sister likes the letter and will compose her own version of it. She would like to point out to them they have been remiss but agrees it is not the best approach.

Yesterday I took Midget and the candy spiders to the community. My mother was not receptive to me being there but was happy to see Midget which is fine with me that she focus on the dog. She just would not let it drop about going home, tried and tried to redirect her attention to no avail...heavy sigh:(!! Then she said to me that I was probably living her house and have taken everything over for myself, we don't want her around,etc. I was there maybe 40 minutes and I left when she started that kind of talk. I figured the longer I stayed the worse she would get. May need to increase the antidepressant if she keeps this up.

I did a refresh on my computer due to some issues...didn't know it would remove all my photos...over 300 photos gone...my kids wedding photos...I am sick over it. All the landscape photos I took are on flickr so no loss there. I am going to call Dell to see if the photos can be recovered.

Sharynmaire, a refresh will not delete you photos. They are on your hard drive, do a search go into windows explorer. You could also do a system restore to a point before you did the refresh. It is very hard when you go and visit and all they want to do is come home, etc. I went to see my mom today and spent a few hours with her, it was constant, I am lonely, I want to come home with me and dad, he died in 2010. She was better than the past few times, I could only stay an hour those times, she cried and cried to come home. They put her on a mild sedative, she was getting very antsy at night, she was doing much better on it, and it was a relief for me.

How am I doing today? Full of dread. Just spoke with someone at the assisted living who told me that mother got up at the resident council meeting and started going on and on about how they refuse to give her a different apartment. The employee told me that she told my mother that the meeting was for general issues which affect all residents, and that she would speak to her issue privately.
Woke up so happy today, recovering from shoulder surgery and doing well, and then I got the news that she is on a tear again........so troubling. We've been through this over and over again, and she is so nasty to everyone there.
Spoke to her only remaining sibling, who turned 96 on Monday. She said she felt very hurt by Mom who refused to tell her where she got her phone with the large numbers and lighted dial. Mom told her "she could find out for herself".
Intellectually I know I should not let her dictate my mood, but some days I just wish I could make her disappear. She has a way of constantly causing problems that I wind up dealing with. Think I'll milk this shoulder surgery thing for a while longer and avoid having to visit her. Childish? Perhaps, but there are times when I am reduced to feeling like that scared kid I used to be, and just dread being around her, as I know her vitriol will spit out at me too. Just needed to vent today. Thanks for understanding.

I so understand about staying away and about limiting visits and the dread of going to visit, and the dread of your parent causing more trouble, and being nasty to those who help them, The antipsychotic meds seem to be helping mother, if indeed she is taking them. She is not contacting me or others as she was, and that is a blessing.
getn - vent away and milk the shoulder as much as you want. Truthfully we don't need anything physical - the mental/emotional stress is enough to justify limiting visits but they accept physical limitations better. Not childish at all - self protective.
Wish she would just disappear - oh yes!
sharyn - sorry your visit with your mum did not go as well. I know if mother has to be moved again due to physical frailties, I will face the same. She seems to be reasonably content where she is now though still complains a lot. Hope you recover you photos. I would think a restore would do it, I need to download some onto DVDs and /or photobucket. I do have a backup system with an external hard drive that I was using faithfully for a while and must get back to it. The photos are the most important item for back up for me.
Grandson is house sitting and will do some jobs for me while we are away. Heading south on an hour or so. I will be in touch - the laptop goes with me everywhere. Love and hugs and have a good day - regardless!!! Joan

Joan have a good trip-enjoy.

Getnstrong~I understand what you are saying about not letting our parent dictate our emotions. It can be hard at times...depends on what else we are dealing with too. I admit, on Halloween, I was just up to dealing with the over and over again stuff with mom so I kept the visit short. You are doing a great job with your mother no matter what her mood. Take care of you.

Madeaa~Thank you, I was wondering if I did a restore if that would recover my pictures. I did find my pictures, they were not in the photo gallery. I discovered when you do a refresh, it posts on the desktop everything removed so if you want to reinstall it you can. I'm too computer literate and couldn't figure out to reinstall so I did a restore and reinstalled googled All seems to be fine!!

Joan~Enjoy your time away!! I too wish my mom and sister could be put in this space in the universe where I can just click on an icon to deal with them at my leisure...but I give a heavy sigh!!!

My brother got more good news at Stanford recently. He is doing well and they are going to wean him off the anti rejection drug with 6 month check ups. He is excited about that. He and sil are planning a trip to Arizona in the spring when the SF Giants start spring training. My sil is having depression with Thanksgiving coming because the son she lost has a birthday on the 24th and her mother (she lost in July) has a birthday on the 27th.

Have good weekend everyone!!

Brandy~how are you? Is everything going well despite your sister? Hugs to you!!

Sad1~how are things going? Therapy, and your mother? How are you? ♥

Hi Everyone.

Sharyn, a lesson learned about the thought of losing your photos. I have had TWICE my computer crash (and several times at work, too.) I learned when my laptop crashed and the tech could not retrieve my files, to download my files Externally – by CD, Flash drive and External Hard drive. I’m so paranoid – I have my files stored on all Three. You can buy at Kmart or Walmart those 3 or 5pk CD’s for about $5.00. download you photos on each one. Label the CD. Then store it in a safe place. Also, because CD’s do get damaged, also get an inexpensive flashdrive. Download your photos on that, too. The flashdrive can also get damaged. The one from my work – got fried – and these are years of our work’s data. NO other Back ups!!!

Emjo – have a safe and enjoyable trip…. I need to update my external hard drive too! My laptop is getting old. It’s about 5 years old. Better start backing it up before it crashes.

Thanks everyone, Had to travel in my dinner theatre clothes and G did a little horse stuff on the way but we got there in good shape and in time. The show was lots of fun, the meal was good and G bumped into a guy he knew years ago which was nice for both of them. I spent a very quiet day today as my guts are acting up a bit. I can see it is going to take a while before the healing is completed. I did a bit much yesterday, and am paying for it. I will call mother tonight or tomorrow and take her out for a meal. There is a snowfall and wind warning so I am not going out till we see how bad it is. It may be better to make plans tomorrow once we know. Made a lunch date with a friend for Tuesday and will see another friend one evening. Other than that it looks like quiet time is what I need. The last few weeks G has been here in E'ton on Mondays and Tuesdays with work and horse business, so I thought we would see a little of each other here and wouldn't you know it he has a meeting on Fort M early Monday, so my grandson who is house sitting will not have much time for all the jobs I gave him. He can come over and do them once I am home. If he can do a decent job of cleaning, I would rather hire him than someone else. He is willing and takes instruction well and boys need to learn how to clean as well as girls - all mine did.
I always feel some tension before I see mother - I know you understand. I will try to make a couple of visits - between the snow and my gut it is all I can handle. I get my eyebrows done Wednesday and then will take the sky shuttle out to the airport and fly home. G will be there to pick me up thankfully.
Book I got a new computer and it has Windows 8 and I don't like it,so I am using the old one still. and really need to back it up! Sharyn I gather you are getting used to Windows 8..
Take care everyone, and look after you!

Joan~ Sorry your stomach is acting up. I hope it settles down along with the snow (wow...snow already). I am getting used to windows 8. What I do not like about it is the panels when it loads up. When I set up my computer, everything was through MSN. I had to call them because I wanted google. They set it up so I have a password to get into my computer which by passes MSN and goes directly to google. The other thing I don't care for is when I am typing a post or email, if my right hand relaxes and touches a key, it either has a pop up on the bottom of the page or sometimes will take me completely off the site I am on to another page. So far I have not lost a post and can get back by clicking the arrow at the left upper corner. My problem is I don't like change, having to learn to navigate something different is frustrating to me. This why I could not have a job using computers, LOL!!

Enjoy your time away and I hope your visits with your mother are pleasant...or at least neutral!

Hawk – I had read your post several times but didn’t really get it. I re-read it again just now – twice – and I giggled. I was visioning myself with father. Your “damn well trained and be able to run around” was what made me giggle. I have such a slow reaction that father always hits his mark. I guess I should “retire” since I’m not good at it. =)

time4me. Yeah, the ups and downs of their emotions really do affect us. I hate that too. Sometimes, just a lousy word or phrase would trigger it.

getnstrong – I know about reacting to the parent as if we’re a scared child again. I’m trying to learn more on seeing father Intellectually and Not Emotionally. MAYBE if I react to him on an intellectual level, I won’t lose my temper. I’m still in the experimental stage.

Sharyn, glad that your brother had good news. They really need it in their lives. So much adversity happening to them. By the way, just reading your description of Windows 8, I am in trouble. I’m still struggling with the New Yahoo email format. I Can’t Stand It!!!! If I wanted to see an email on page 5, I would click page 5. Now, I have to scroll using the darn scroll which is soooo slow. I have to bypass all those pages before I get to what should be page 5 (there are no longer any page numbers). Very frustrating.

Joan, I guess if and when I get a new computer it’s going to be Windows 8? I don’t even know what Window I have. My laptop just says Windows Vista and using Internet 8. But IE is so slow and freezes a lot. So now I use Google Chrome.

On the online course, a poster told me that she came from a dysfunctional family and she highly recommends that I join a 12 step group for Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. If you find the link, you can check if they have meetings in your area.

Because she mentioned children with Alcoholics, I happened to mention that I ordered a book also for children of dysfunctional family of parents who are alcoholic: the book is titled: The Child Within.

When I mentioned this, another poster recommended another book that is helpful . It's by Wayne Muller: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood.... she said that you don't have to be in the least bit religious to benefit from it. She said that it's full of wisdom and comfort.

I wanted to share with those here on the DYS thread about the meeting one - in case you're interested... and the book on spiritual. The reason I bring up the spiritual is that at the moment, my therapist keeps coming back to my spiritual well-being. I am Completely Closed Off from God, the Bible, No Praying at all.. just completely shut down. I am NOT agnostic or an atheist. I just have this major guilty conscience about being a bad christian for turning my back to God when I had to obey the commandment to Honor our Parents. That was 24 years ago. Her eyes widened when she found out I have shut God out that long. I told her quickly that I am still a good person. I have not done any major sin. So I was thinking maybe it's time that I also work on my Spiritual Well-being among everything else going on in my life!

Food for thought, this is my email of Daily thoughts for Oct.30.

Nothing is Impossible to a Willing Heart.
by John Heywood

I have been so busy caregiving with my 86 year old and her dysfunctional family
that I forgot about my own...


At a recent 50th wedding anniversary party of my Aunt,
while sitting in the living room expecting to be talking with my Aunt
about her 50 years, my mother (who I haven't seen for two years) says to me,
the reason she gave me grief (and my younger sister POA) my whole life and much more than that was because I still had feelings for my father after their divorce (almost 50 years ago) and I was thinking between us two (and of course there are three of us) siblings, I would have a better memory, as I was the oldest, I guess in my family the golden children were the two youngest...now only the baby...

Why do some parents make golden children, it has to be nurture, right?????

Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood hunh,
I think I will check it out!

When I got my new computer two years ago,
thank God I still had ms windows 7 to install,
instead of ten ....
yahoo keeps on changing their format...
now they have the adds on the side which they now want you to pay for yahoo
to stop the adds...isn't that why we were promised, when we started paying for cable?
and yahoo original to me was also user friendly...

I so agree with you, Iwentanon!

Sharynmarie,

I hope the seniors enjoyed the spider Halloween candies.
I would also leave if my mother behaved this way, especially where she's using guilt. This is awful! Yes, self preservation.

I wish I were more computer literate. I know basics, but still need to learn how to load pictures up to the computer. In fact I took some yesterday, and my husband wanted for me to do this very task. But I'm afraid if I would have done it, he would end up with his lecture style of trying to teach me. He is quite an impatient person, and if I don't understand this kind of stuff, he'll make remarks to the tune of "We're in the 21st century," so we need to learn this kind of stuff. I so don't like it, when he starts to take on this kind of attitude with me. So I guess, I'll have to do some reading or take a class.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Margeaux~I laughed about your husband being inpatient! I learned from my children, my son is not patient and I would have to slow him down so I could take notes for step by step instructions for me to follow or I would forget and have to ask him AGAIN!! My son wants to show me where I am a hands on person, I learn by doing not watching. It took me a few days to figure out how to reinstall McAfee Security and Lightroom 4 but I did it and I am so proud of myself not only for doing it but for not messing things up further, LOL!!

The seniors were excited to get the spiders, and to see Midget dressed as a witch. My mom was just not in a place that day to visit...she enjoyed Midget, but as soon as she would come sit down with me she would start in again. When she started accusing me, I figured it was best to leave before things got really ugly. I am ok with it, I chock it up to all Alzheimer's and can let it go. I still know that her PD is a big part of her negativity, but I have a choice to either stay and listen to it or leave before it gets worse. I didn't go there expecting a response from my mother in regards to bringing the spider/candy. Yes, i was disappointed that we could not have spent more time together that was pleasant but this is my mom.

I chuckled a little when she told me "I hate it here!" I ask her why, she said, "It is boring." Again, I asked her why is it boring? She said, "It is the same routine everyday!" LOL!!! My mother complained about life being boring 20-30 years ago as much as she did just 9 months ago....In other words...nothing has changed in how she thinks. I am not worried or concerned that she does nothing all day because I know different. When I was running to her house 2-3 times a day she complained that she was bored. Famous last words of my mother will be "I'm bored!"

Hubby and I took a little drive up in the foothills today. It was cool and breezy but a nice few hours away from home. We went to Columbia State Park near Sonora, Ca. It is a preserved gold mining town, store employees dress for the period. We went to the candy store (a favorite of hubby's) bought some peanut brittle, almond bark, and pecan logs.

Margeaux, your camera should have a cord that attaches to the camera and other end goes into your harddrive (usually there are 2 vertical slots and you can insert the cord into either slot). I do this from my desktop, once I am connected I turn on the camera and on your desktop it should pop up asking to import pictures to your picture gallery. Just click on import or yes and wait while it loads the pictures. It will let you know when it is done and may ask if you want to erase the pictures when done. I never click to erase because I am not sure if it means erase from my camera or the computer. If you don't have a cord to attach, you should be able to remove the memory card from your camera and insert it into the slot on your hard drive.

How are you doing since your neighbor passed away. You sound better in your posts. I hope your mom, sis, nieces and babies are all good.

Take care and hugs to you!!
Sharyn

Sharynmarie,

I'll bet Midget looked real cute!

Yes, I'm better from the death. It's been two weeks now.
I saw my neighbor who unfortunately was the guy who found her. I tried talking to him about it, but here again....I'm seeing another case of a guy w/bottled up emotions. I think also, he's just private, that's o.k., just wanted to offer support if he needed it.

Oh....speaking of those babies. My sister's grandson celebrated his 2nd birthday this last Sat. His mom and dad, had a smaller party at their home for him and just invited the very close relatives. My niece has an aunt who drives in from out of the state. There seems to be some kind of competition going on between this aunt and my sister. This aunt was somewhat close to my sister's daughter, and is related through niece's dad's side of family. Well now that she has these two babies, any time there's some celebration, she wants to come down attend, but also she wants to stay at my nieces house. Niece's in-laws live in New Mex.
So they try to come down for parties or baptismal, etc. So at first the in-laws thought they weren't going to make it for this last weekend's party, but then my niece and husband found out last week they were driving down. This created a dilemma, concerning the aunt, (who is being pushy) and she was pressuring my niece as to whether she could stay at their house. Of course the in-laws stay whenever they've been in town. But it was unbelievable how this aunt kept insisting, although it didn't happen. My sister told me, she had to even call this aunt and tell her that it would be quite inconvenient for my niece and husband to have her there, because after all there is no room for all those people. Besides, my sister also told her that she thought they should have some alone time w/son, DIL, and new grandkids. Bonding time!

This aunt has been doing this ever since my niece had her baby shower.
When we had that for niece, she came into town and took over at the shower.
Here, my sister had paid for the entire event, but the aunt became like the master of ceremonies during the shower. She's so annoying this woman, and so pushy.
Anyway, it also seems to have culminated into the aunt asking my sister whether my sister wanted these grandkids to call her grandma. Then she suggested to my sis, that they could call her like a nick name in Spanish which equals grandma, and that then they could call her grandma. For crying out loud, these babies can't even talk yet. But my sister told her under no uncertain terms that there was only one grandma being herself, and that's the only person to be called grandma. What on earth kind of crazy nonsense is this?

So you can just imagine, that this aunt was not behaving very dignified, nor like a happy camper during my great nephew's birthday party. She looked mad.
To top things off, I mean I really think that under these circumstances my sister has a totally legitimate gripe......however, given that my sister is possessive and jealous.......this kind of thing is right up her alley.

This is exactly why I go with so much hesitation to these events w/in the family.
Who was it that just wrote, think it was Gettingstrong, about how people can
affect our moods. Well, this did it for me.

Nevertheless, my husband and I went. Babies were too cute.
They had two ponies for the kids to ride for an hour.
My mom showed up rather late, because when the CG was ready to bring her down, mom fell asleep. So by the time mom showed up, a few hours had passed. My sister was so fussed and full of tension from the aunt situation,
that she was blaming the CG, for mom showing up so late. I thought this was rather unfair. But here I was seeing another instance of how my sister becomes,
when there's a variance as to how she has planned something. She's very inflexible, a big problem for her.

Mom looked real cute. She was happy to see people. She was doing that, making the extra effort around people. I am glad that she can still do that.

I know this had to be my warning about the impending holidays.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Well, you never know. After many phone calls and an email to mother, none of which were answered, I called the front desk of her ALF. They called her and she did not answer, so the girl went up to mother's unit to see her and called me back. Mother does not want to see me now, she wants to see me when my sister is over. She wants what she wants!. Who knows what is going on between them, if anything, but I usually get in trouble somehow. I cannot visit when my sis is over as one of the weeks we will be in Toronto, and the other week I am having dental surgery (implants/bone graft). Sis did not consult me when she made her plans to find out if I was available when she came over. It is the old "jump and ask how high on your way up" game. I don't do that. Mother will rip a strip off me for that - too bad. Phones can be hung up, I spoke with mother a couple of times about coming down this weekend and she wanted to see me - go figure, She is creating a reason to be angry at me and to favour my sis. - an old, old game,
Can't say I am disappointed, as I don't need the stress of aa visit, but she has some nerve. Her narcissism is in full bloom and she has no concern for causing anyone else any inconvenience. Of course, she often complains that I don't come and visit her enough!!!
The weather is bad today - icy sidewalks and I am happy to stay in. The dinner theatre was good Friday, supper tomorrow with one friend, and the lunch date has changed to an early supper date Tuesday. Then I leave Wednesday after the cosmetic makeup session.
Never peaceful for long with these personality disorder narcissists.
Love and hugs to all

Margeaux - it all sounds so familiar - nothing like a family event/visit to bring out all the drama. Your aunt sounds like a real narcissist/controller too and that always brings tension -dysfunctional families indeed!
Glad you could enjoy the babies and that your mum had a good time,

Margeaux~From what you posted, I get the impression that your sister tries too hard to meet everyone's needs. I did that too between trying to please my in laws and my parents. With me, it was a need to keep some of my families traditions while my husband and his parents wanted it all their way. Because of the disrespect I felt towards my family from my in laws (which was non of their business), I chose my family. Your sister cannot please everyone. If your aunt is coming down and you know she will even if she does not tell them, , send an invitation about the event letting people know in advance that their will be no over night accommodations because of limited space and those that place to stay over night need to make their own accommodations. Or let them know in the invite that this is a one day affair only because the family will not be available the next day. It is a shame that family will impose that way with no thought to how it will affect others...it is like...the Queen is coming so move over!!

twentanon -re "golden children" -it seems to be a characteristic of a narcissists to put their children into these roles for their own unhealthy purposes. Here is a quote from the daughters of narcissistic mothers site about the golden child and the scapegoat -sometimes known as the black sheep.
Pretty well all of us on this site, as far as I can see, are the scapegoats. I certainly,and what is happening over my sis's pending visit is a typical example of the games played.
I have added a few comments in brackets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golden Child / Scapegoat

It's very common for Narcissistic Mothers to have a Golden Child / Scapegoat dynamic going on.

In short, one child in the family is the Golden Child, and one or more is the Scapegoat.

The Golden Child, as the name suggests, is the best and most wonderful - at least in the eyes of the Narcissistic Mother. It seems to be that the Narcissistic Mother picks the Golden Child to be an extension of herself, onto whom she projects all her own supposed wonderfulness.

The Golden Child can do no wrong. He or she gets given the best of everything - even apartments or houses bought for them. Their most minor achievements are celebrated and held up for admiration.

The Scapegoat on the other hand is, also as the name suggests, the person on whom all the ills of the family are projected. They can do no right. Their major achievements are dismissed. Any money spent on them is the bare minimum and is spent begrudgingly.

Growing up the Scapegoat can understandably feel very jealous of the Golden Child. ( not in my case)

This, of course, leads to friction between the children, which suits the Narcissistic Mother. Divide and conquer and all that, and lots of opportunities for Triangulation. Indeed, the Golden Child can be encouraged, either overtly or tacitly, by the Narcissistic Mother, to bully the Scapegoat which adds to the friction. (absolutely)

I'd go so far as to venture that, if you're reading this, you were more likely to have been the Scapegoat than the Golden Child.

This is because, contrary to the way it felt growing up, the Scapegoat is actually the lucky one! I mean relatively lucky, of course. No child of a narcissistic mother can be ever described as being lucky.

The Golden Child can end up very engulfed by the Narcissistic Mother, and her life can end up being emmeshed in hers too. She may well grow without proper boundaries and proper self-identity. She is likely to remain, either forever or for a long time, as a puppet of the Narcissistic Mother. ( my sis still is)

The Scapegoat on the other hand, is the independent one. She's the one who's driven to seek answers and who may well realise about NPD. She's the one who can break free from the unhealthy dynamics of the family and create a healthy life.

She really is the lucky one at the end.

Read more: daughtersofnarcissisticmothers

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

take care

Sharynmarie,

I know my post was long and maybe convoluted. Anyway, her daughter is the one having the issue with the aunt vs. in-laws and say who is higher on the totem pole in terms of who is going to stay at my nieces's place while they come to town all at the same time.

Oh....my sister as I've mentioned, is real insensed by it all, and beneath it also I know my sister.....and I'm sure it gives her doubts about her own daughter's loyalty to her. It's quite crazy if you ask me. Really though.....I'm seeing that my niece has poor boundaries, or none to say the least. She's allowing this aunt of her's to guilt trip her. Anyway I got an ear full from my sister this afternoon.
Meanwhile......my nieces left early this morning so they could get back to N.M., as nieces husbands dad has to return to work tomorrow. Apparently the aunt ended up renting a motel nearby, but she spent the entire weekend, while in-laws were there the entire time. When they left this a.m., she left the hotel, and is now staying at my nieces's until Tues. How lovely and considerate of her.

Oh well! Maybe my niece has to experience this to realize her boundaries.
But you should have seen how my sister also reacted to much of this, it was kind of comical to watch.

Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

I wish in our family they could be so upfront, by saying something like this,
"no overnighter," but this will never happen. Now I know that in the case of the in-laws, well this is an exception since they don't live in the same state, and visits are not all the time. My niece does have some very nice in-laws. There is no tension there between her and them. In this case it's more about another relative who thinks she has carte blanche to be over-bearing, and ontop of it all, during the visitation by the in-laws. She needs to bud out! But of course this will only happen as I've said once my niece realizes this and just makes it difficult for her to come on these overnighters.

Your situation with you in-laws sounds terrible.
But good you made the right choice.

Thanks for the info about how to load up the pictures. I'll see if get brave and try it, because I got some pretty nice pics.

Much Love & LIght! Margeaux