Follow
Share
Read More

34K Comments

Newest
First Oldest
First
149 150 151 152 153
Sharynmarie,

This was quite funny, your MIL cleaning your bathroom and being on the toilet taking breaks, HAAH!

I think that any time there's a middle person handling the sale, you're going to get less money. It may be easier, in the sense one gets rid of things all in one shot, but then the middle person is going to get their cut....30-50% is a lot.

It's funny......we're in need of a couch. Ours is this big one, much too big for our apt. But it does have a fold out bed, so if we have overnight guests.
Well my husband has fallen asleep almost every night while he watches TV on it.
So that half of the couches cushions are very worn, and it starting to bother our backs if we do this. We went looking the other day here locally, and we didn't like what was available, it's all this weird fuzzy kind of fabric. Then we saw some leather ones, and I don't like leather for a home. But they were all quite expensive, all over $800. So I think we're going to look out of our area where they sell at much lower prices. I also need a couch, which I can safely move when I want to sweep under and around it. There is so much dust in our apartment, especially in the are where this couch sits.

Well good luck with whatever decision you make to liquidate all the items in your mother's home, Sharynmarie.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
(0)
Report
I wear a t-shirt, that glows in the dark, that says," Normal people make me nervous," for a reason. Dysfunctional is the new normal.
(4)
Report
I spoke with my niece, sister's daughter. She's the one I wrote about in which my sister is having the "grandma war," w/my niece's aunt from her dad's side of the family.

I had called her the other day to see whether a gift I gave to her little baby girl was the proper size. So she returned my call. I asked her a few questions, I must say to see if I'd get any feelings about how she felt, or whether I noticed tension about the birthday party she had for my great nephew. I only wanted to do this, because I figured maybe I could get a gauge as to whether my sister is over dramatizing some of this, and really if it's affecting my niece. But she sounded happy to me,
and of course I didn't dwell on any of this in our conversation, it was a nice talk.

So, I must constantly remind myself not to become a party to my sister's way of perceiving things. Really, some of it is based in people overstepping boundaries,
and not being respectful. But even in my sister's case, IMO....she also doesn't know when to back off with her daughter, in the picture of these new grandchildren.

Anyway, my niece sounded great, and that made me happy.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
(3)
Report
CPEGA-
I want a t-shirt like that!!
(0)
Report
Where can I get a T-shirt like that too!

Margeaux
(0)
Report
I want one for my mother that reads Normal For Ninety for her birthday next year. She can wear it to nightclubs...
(4)
Report
My daughter wants one with "You've read my T shirt. That's enough social interaction for today." Some days that works for me too,
(2)
Report
Love it, emjo x
(2)
Report
My sister called to ask whether I could cover this weekend for a cancellation on a caregiver w/mom. She calls Thurs., w/this request, and I can't accomodate her this time as my husband and me w/be out of town working.

Apparently, my sister's oldest daughter reserved two rooms out of town for her husband, the grandkids, and the other one for my sister and her youngest daughter to celebrate her birthday out of town.

I felt awful telling, declining her request, since it is her birthday. But I can't do anything about that. So then she tells me that it's even more pressure since they'll lose the deposit for the room, blah di blah!

I think she's recruited my brother to watch her one day. But he lives about 50 miles away. Truth be told if I pushed it, because I live about 30 miles from mom, maybe I could be there Fri.-Sat., morning. The problems is though given the fact this brother is not punctual and the distance he lives I don't want to get myself in a pickle, like what if he doesn't show up for a couple of hours. Anyway it's a real time line decision on my part.

But what I don't understand, is why my sister my sister is also calling me so late in the week to inform me of this plan.

A part of me feels guilty/ and the other part, feels like I just can't do it this time.
Oh well! It also has to do w/the lack of faith in my brother. Besides, I wonder whether she'd tell either of my 2 brothers this element of they're losing a deposit,
so as to put more pressure on me. Am I off here for feeling this way?

Margeaux
(1)
Report
No, you're not in the wrong Margeaux. I feel sorry for your sister, but as you say it would have worked better all round if she'd got things together in good time. My kids tried to organise a similar thing for me this year and met exactly the same response from my sister. Can't say I was thrilled with her, but neither can I see why she should change her own plans to suit my children's.

Maybe, though, she's reluctant to ask, which is why she left it far too late, so she got a no, so next time she'll be even more reluctant etc etc etc?? Tricky to stop that cycle; only you know if it's worth a try?

Good response to emotional blackmail, there, too. The deposit is seriously not your problem. Don't feel bad xxx
(1)
Report
Did she just find out about the caregiver not being available? Wouldn't she have let you know when she did? Isn't there another caregiver that could stand in? Seems that there is plenty of time to find someone that can stay with her.
(1)
Report
Margeaux~I am glad you laughed at the post about my mil. It is a small bathroom, can't figure out how it took 3 hours to clean it but my mom and I just kept shaking our heads!!

You have no reason to feel guilty about turning your sister down. I know, it is easier to say than it is to feel. You have a life too and I am glad you and hubby are going out for the day.

Our picnic was great!! Mom enjoyed the time out, being with Midget. When we were getting ready for lunch she said she was not hungry. She ended up eating a chicken thigh and leg (which I knew she would), broccoli cashew salad. We took a walk and just talked, very relaxing. I was going to take some pics of mom playing fetch with Midget and went to the restroom before I started the pics. I pushed open the door and a big black dog came running at me. I didn't know if it was friendly or not so I tried to shut the door, but she managed to get out. She was jumping up on me like she was thanking me for freeing her. She was very friendly, but she wanted to see Midget which Midget was not happy about. Midget started growling and the black dog became more persistent which made mom nervous. I put Midget in the car while we waited to see if the park host would come back. No one else was there but us...we didn't want to just leave her there. We think she may have pushed the bathroom door open herself then got trapped inside. No evidence that she had been in there for a long time plus she looked well taken care of. Don't know if she lives in the area or if she was abandoned. We finally left and dang, if she didn't chase after my car. She finally stopped when she realized she couldn't keep up. I so hope she will be able to get back home.
(1)
Report
My family surely is dysfunctional. Visited Mom in the NH today and tried to talk to the nurse. But nurse told me she was not allowed to say anything about Mom. And that sister had specifically written that no family members were to be told anything. She was the only person to be told anything about Mom. I was very upset. Like I am the next door neighbor. Maybe I am the next door neighbor's second cousin twice removed. So the nurse still wouldn't discuss mom at all. All I can do is observe. Sister just will no bend at all. Its her way or no way. So just have to go with the flow. Bloom where I am planted. It must seem like I am a wimp. But there is no fighting her. In her mind she's right and I am not.
(1)
Report
Reading some early-on threads and couldn't help chuckling over the myriad ways our darling mothers find to be dissatisfied. Only I wonder? Last year I took mine, at her request, to visit a very old friend of hers; they were Forces' wives stationed together in the 1960s, both now widowed. 120 mile round trip. Way there, mother gets motion sickness; nothing's more fun than being parked up gesturing "we're fine thanks" to passing motorists while your mother voms into the gutter. So we arrive late to find that the friend, Sue, has made a big effort with lunch and is understandably a little uptight; but her daughter has joined us and it's soon smoothed over. Now for one thing, to be fair, mother's just being chucking up and hasn't much appetite, and for another she genuinely doesn't like any of the courses (though how was Sue to know); but couldn't she just have put the olives on the side of her plate, and stuck to ice cream for dessert instead of manfully having "a little of each" for manners and visibly disliking the cheesecake? Fortunately I long ago vowed that I would never allow my mother's behaviour to embarrass me. I was ok! - I had a lovely lunch, second helpings and everything. Mother has "forgotten" her hearing aids (i.e. taken them out of her handbag where I put them before we left our house) and can't join in the conversation. She doesn't want to join us for a walk with the dogs in the well-landscaped grounds in the crisp sunny afternoon. She gets really shirty when Sue urges her to try out the Norwegian walking poles Sue has found great for helping her balance and posture. Well before tea (and I dare say there was a cake specially made too, if we'd stuck around) it's "I want to go home," and she does look whey-faced, so ok I make our apologies, get her back into the car and trust to our hostesses' understanding. We're 40 silent miles into the journey home and I'm thinking oh boy is mother going to be down about that disaster, when she pipes up: "well that was nice, wasn't it?"

What? - what? - WHAT part of the nausea, the awkwardness, the isolation, the lunch, the feeling got at, the disappointed expectations, the total and utter failure to connect with an old friend - what part exactly did she enjoy? It just goes to show that you can never be sure of someone else's idea of fun.

And I still owe Sue and her sweet daughter a return invitation. I bet they can't wait...
(4)
Report
Countrymouse,

I'm not really sure whether my sister is reluctant to ask about covering for a caregiver. In the past. Other times she has given me more time to make a plan, or at least not call as she put it on an email to me yesterday that she was "deperate," because they were going to lose the deposit. I've gone also when I can if there's been a cancellation. She's way more reluctant w/my brothers, not me.

My work sometimes is seasonal, so I cannot afford to say no to work right now.
I know my sister has an attitude about me too, in this aspect that because I do not have a 40 hr. job, that I am always available, and that's not so. You're right, poor planning on her part.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
(1)
Report
Countrymouse,
Sorry about my misspelling of "desperate."
More coffee. HAAH!
Margeaux
(1)
Report
Gladimhere,

Yes, you bring up some interesting points.
I just wrote about how I'd had this conversation with her daughter who recently had the birthday party, where my sister and an aunt of my niece's are in a competition for the attentions of my sis's new grandchildren.

So there was so much drama re: all that. I wanted to get a feeling from my niece as to how it may be affecting her, given my sister and this aunt. They both behaved so stupidly the day of the party. During the course of this conversation with my niece, she revealed to me that she'd reserved the two rooms out of town. This was just this last Tues. of this past week. She also told me that the timeline w/the reservation, was Wed., and that my sister had not decided yet whether she was going or not. My sister doesn't know that I spoke to her daughter, either or that I knew this last fact. So if sis waited for mid-week of the same week one is to secure a CG, well what can be said of this. I mean, I can't be entirely sure, but knowing my sister, this is what I am suspecting. Anyway, if this is the case, then no.....there's no time to find a caregiver, under these circumstances.

The pool of caregivers my sister currently has at her disposal are about 3.
There is only one, that I know of that is willing to spend the night on the weekend, because she is not a CG who is there during the week. During the week she works at an AL facility.

Actually she's the nicest one, and the most professional of all the CG's I've met who have cared for mom. So weekend of that birthday party for sis's grandson,
this CG was with mom. My sister wanted to be freed up that day, because she was too busy being jealous and assuming her role at the party as Queen Bee.
The agreement w/the CG for that day was to take mom, if mom was up to it, later. Well what happened, is it sounds as if the CG got mom ready. But then mom fell asleep. Mom finally arrived while they were opening gifts.
My sister wasn't happy about this. But you see, my sister is always with her mind all convoluted with issues about something. That day, I think she took out her anger and frustrations on the poor CG. I always wonder how my sister also treats some of the CG's. She's had a few problem ones. But this one in particular.....I hope she treats w/kit gloves, as they say, because she is the only one I know for now that is available for my sister's get aways, which seem to be often.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
(0)
Report
Sharynmarie,

I'm happy that the outing with your mom went well. It's interesting that they say one thing and do another.

I wonder if this dog got left behind. Yes, I hope it finds it's owner.
Glad Midget had a good time too.

I'm assuming your sister didn't go after all?

You're right about my not feeling just a bit bad where my sister's birthday was concerned. I'll celebrate it with her later, at some point, don't know when though......as TG, is right around the corner. There hasn't been anything said about that either.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
(0)
Report
Countrymouse,

This was a great post. How wonderful that you and your mom went to see a friend of hers from the past! I'm assuming they're about the same age? Well, all I can say is that we can't always foresee how someone this age is going to handle outings. I know many times my sister tells me of the times she's taken mom for some rather long rides to see our brothers, then mother may be very alert, or sleepy. Mom nowadays also is very vocal about what she won't eat.

I also can completely understand her friend having gone through the effort of making what sounds like a very special lunch for everyone, and then having certain expectations about the visit. If it's been a long time too since they've seen one another I'm sure it was difficult in some way for the friend to see your mom, say not participating, then not conversing much, because she forgot her hearing aides.

Well it's good the daughter was there, I'm sure this buffered the visit over a bit.
Yes, and you just never know what an elderly will say.

About 8 yrs., ago we took mom to a funeral. It was mom, my sister and myself in the car. This was just prior to mom being diagnosed with ALZ. She could still read then, and I found out recently she still reads now. So we're on the freeway.
We pass a bill board that says, "Click it." You know the seat belt warning. So suddenly mom says, "Dick it." My sister and me knew she'd read that billboard, and I guess she got mixed up. Anyway, sis and me, broke out in such laughter.
It's like that show, "Kid's Say the Darnest Things." Sometimes I think this applies here.

Keep visiting, Countrymouse......I love your sense of humor!

Much Love & LIght! Margeaux
(0)
Report
Countrymouse~ I also love your sense of humor. So your mother said she had a nice visit, isn't amazing how their demeanor is saying one thing but they say the opposite,LOL!! Yes keep visiting and I am enjoying your posts!
Hugs!
Sharyn

Margeaux~Yes my sister did come with us. We actually used her car, I drove. Usually I take my car on anything that requires us to go somewhere out of town. She is always short on money and gas. I was surprised that she wanted me to drive her car...hey, saved me some gas for once. I am getting where I am short on money too since work is keeping our hours to the minimum. If mom was not with us yesterday, I would have stayed longer to wait for the host or I would have taken the dog with us to Oakdale to a shelter. Mom is afraid of big dogs especially ones like this dog who was very energetic.

We were walking on a trail that follows the river, a .5 mile walk. Sis asked mom if she was enjoying the autumn colors, getting out walking. Mom said No, I am not! I asked mom, why are you not enjoying this? Mom looked at me and said, I didn't say that. I am enjoying this walk. I quickly apologized saying, I miss understood you, LOL!! I know I heard her say she was not enjoying it at all.

Back to your sister, I know what you mean about your sister assuming you have all this time available because you don't work 40 hours. When my mom was still at home, sis was very resistant to helping with mom, especially after the holidays in 2012. She wouldn't even come down here on her weekends. Sis who is primary on the DPOA, was at the community yesterday before me. When I walked in, one of the caregiver's asked me if I had bought mom Dove body wash. My point is that my sister was there who is the primary, but because I am there more often visiting mom, they recognize me as primary for mom's care. I didn't put mom's name on the bottle of body wash so it caused some confusion. I love these caregiver's, they have been great.

Have a good weekend, even if it is working.
Hugs to you
Sharyn
(0)
Report
Problem solved....we are putting mom on the list at the community to receive communion through the Catholic Church!! Apparently she has been getting communion with the Catholic Church once in a while but she needed to be on their list to receive it every Friday.
(3)
Report
I did something dumb last night. First I took my long walk, mixing in some local grocery shopping. When I exercise.....I sleep way better.
But then after dinner, my husband offered me some ice cream, which really I try to avoid, especially this one. It's coffee flavor, so now it's no surprise I woke up at 4:00 a.m. Yikes! Oh! It's full moon tomorrow, maybe that's why I'm awake.

Margeaux
(2)
Report
A little of what you fancy..? Coffee ice cream after lunch only would be the answer I suppose - but I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted, anyway!
(1)
Report
Margeaux, I often wake up about 4 or 5 Coffee ice cream sounds great. I made some mango, pineapple, coconut ice cream, sweetened with a little honey. Mm mm good! No need for you to be guilty for not being available. We do have our own lives!!! The doves sound lovely.
Sharyn, I am glad that your outing with your mum went well and that she has communion at the ALF. I shook my head about your mil and hubby and taking breaks. Learned behaviours. You are really getting into this sale! Good luck.
Countrymouse - could be part of a movie. LOL. Not Tea with Mussolini, but Tea with Mother. Great that your mum enjoyed the visit and that you enjoyed the hospitality.
brandy - you do have to go with the flow. It is important to pick our battles, and it sounds like there is no way you could win that one. Good choice
book - the daily thoughts are great

What a day! The candida is under control, but I have IBS now the past week or so. I suppose just too much going on in there for too long. Add a needy cat who has to be by my side everywhere. Even when I am on throne, he is wanting attention. He has slept by my side all day which is unusual. His normal "perch" is on the back of the sofa where he can look out of the window, and he will lay by me for a while, but not all day. I hope he is OK

After mother refusing to see me last weekend, I was thinking of writing her a letter wishing her a good time with my sister, and also stating that I have done nothing different with her bank account. Truly, I think she knows that, but it doesn't hurt to say it. Anyway she called this evening, and I did not pick up the phone. My gut is upset and I don't need more stress. One way or another, (pseudo)nice or nasty, she will be trying to get me to visit when my sister is there - which is the next 2 weeks. Right now, I am wondering how I will manage to get through what I have to do the next two weeks, never mind going south. I suppose I can always live on Imodium.

Wondering if a letter is a good idea. I really do not want to speak to her on the phone.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Love and ((((((hugs))))))
(2)
Report
Margeaux, I rarely comment about your sister's situation. I'm just so envious that she can afford paid caregivers for several days a week. The 2 times I had hired a caregiver for a specific day, both times when they could not make it, they found someone to cover for them. I will admit that it irritated me that they could not have told me ahead of time so that I can find someone to replace them. I just don't care to have a total stranger come in and I have to go to work. It's like having blind faith on my paid caregivers - which I don't have. But, the point I'm trying to make is that atleast both caregivers did not leave me in the lurch last minute. They found someone to cover for them. One's replacement - was okay. The other replacement was a much better caregiver than my regular paid one! I asked her questions and found out that she was not interested in earning extra money to work on her days off in the weekend. Shucks.

Sharyn, glad that you and your family enjoyed the picnic. It would be nice if you did it more often before your mom progresses more into the disease.

Joan, the family dynamics is getting more and more curious. Mom doesn't want to see you but calls you. Power control. You need to do things at her convenience, etc...

I had the daily thoughts for Nov.15. After reading it the 2nd time, I laughed. I love to buy all these self-help books, read a couple of chapters, and another interesting book is recommended. I think I'm reading like 5 self-help books at one time - when i do decide to read any of it. So, when I read the daily thoughts, I guess it's Karma telling me something. =)

Thought for the day:
Don't Learn to do, But Learn in Doing.
by samuel butler
(2)
Report
Joan I think writing her a letter is a good idea-not answering her phone call was good-she sounds like my late husband. I met an old friend of my husband at our Senior's holiday party and was happy to interduce my boyfriend to him.
(1)
Report
Book~As long as the whether holds up I plan to take her out again. I wanted to get pics of her playing with Midget, have it enlarged, framed for her room. We are down in the 40's at night but it has been warming to around 72 during the day. I like your thought of the day, keep posting them!

Joan~My sister is not going to budge on having the sale so I am backing out, let her handle it. Less headaches and stress for me in the long run.

Yesterday sis rented a uhaul for all the furniture she is taking to her house. My nephews helped her (they did all the work of course), loaded up everything, drove it all to her house and unloaded it. Then they brought back sis's old couch and dinette set to sell with all of mom's stuff.

Sis and I ended up in a fight because she would not listen or accept no for an answer. Hubby came over to get the small chest freezer for our garage, logically it would have been the best opportunity for us to bring over a bed and dresser to our house too since my nephews were there and the uhaul was available...hubby did not want to bring it over to our house yesterday!!! He didn't want to deal with it. I told sis no, we would do it another time, we only live 5 minutes away. She kept saying, "I don't understand, lets just have the nephews load it up and take it over." Hubby would not have appreciated them doing than when he said he was not ready to have it brought over yet. Sis just kept on pushing it until I forcefully told her, "NOT today, another time, it's no big deal!! She looked at me saying...."Ok!! You don't have to bite my head off!" Well, geez, how many times do we have to tell her before she backs off. I wonder where she learned that behavior, LOL!!
(4)
Report
Hey there, HI to everyone....Hanging in there by a thread, overwhelmed, really need to dive back in to this site, feeling disconnected tho....just don't know what to say, day in and out by myself, I have not much to talk about.....into year 10 now of changing shitty diapers!
Well we finally got moms cast off last week, and she also had a check up and gained few pounds, I like that! I am sorry if I was bitchy or rude back in august when I was so frustrated with her Dr's getting the leg treated. it has been a long year of awful mistakes by our medical and care professionals here...rendering her wheelchair bound. Anyways...I learn with each experience I hope! Just fear the next time I need medical help for her or me for that manner...
Anyway I need to check in more often! will make a point of it!
Wishing the best to you all!
Peace,
Juju
(4)
Report
Juju do come back more often and share with us-it helps.
(1)
Report
Today was the best visit thus far with mom in her residential home. It has not been good for me with her crying and wanting to come home, if I don't go up due to weather, I ride my bike, no car, or take a cab, which I don't like to do to often, cost prohibitive, especially now with paying for her care, I call her to see how she is doing. Lots of pray and meditation on this proved a decent visit today. I brought her favourite jam donuts and made her tea in the little kitchen off one of the lounges, we watched the fish, the two parakeets and an old movie "who shot liberty valance." She was getting a kick out of Lee Marvin, John Wayne and Jimmy Stewart, seems she does not venture much into the lounge area by herself. Anyhow, her crying was on hold for a few hours, she was so happy I was there with her, and of course she had some weird things to say, but I was glad I was not being torn in pieces. So, after the movie came the rosary, that is when I kissed mom and left without her fussing since she was into the rosary. It is truly a hard thing, and caregiving just takes on a new level, it is not easy by any means, but at least I am not stressed to the point of hospitalization. One day at a time.
(4)
Report

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter