The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Joan glad to hear G is feeling better! Sharyn...ya I think that is why I am dwelling on the family thing right now, the holidays are stirring it up.....great post, good ideas.... Well I just wanted to say hi and thanks for being here and letting me get some stuff off my chest. Gotta get ready for the AA meeting!
Take care everyone!!!!
Peace,
Juju

Emjo,

You made the right call about not meeting Gary.
My neighbor cracked her ribs some years ago. She wasn't taking care of it at first, since she's a very hyper person, and probably was the cause of this accident in the first place. She's was at that time in her mid-seventies. She still thinks she can climb on ladders. This is how she took that fall.

As I've written about her in the past, she drinks too much. I believe she was using her wine to mask the pain, plus several pain killers. As I remember it took well over a month maybe seven weeks before she was able to feel like she was really better. But it does take bed rest, or at least not doing the regular physical things one does.

Glad to hear that your grandson is visiting and helping you.
Take care, and now you can get other things done,

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

Narcissists, and I'm sure from what I've learned about PD personalities,
they don't ever seem to stop and look at the bigger picture about anything, because they're too busy focusing on themselves.

I laughed, when I read about how she's basically feeling less than at her job.
It is too bad that she'd been making all those mistakes and was demoted, for sure. However, this is what happens in companies. Besides, your there because you need a job, and yes, the company needs you doing the work. But I look at this as an exchange. Really, the only people who have recognition are people in charge, or I guess professions that require lot's of study, or training.
In the beginning and the end, what you're sister is seeking is approval from outside, instead of doing the inner work. If and until she does that, she'll never be able to be content with herself, and start being authentically responsible for her choices in life. She'll continue to do the blame game.

This does seem like a bad place for your mom to have a room, by an exit.
Could get drafty also once the weather changes.

I've been taking a hiatus from my sister. The drama seemed endless in terms of her grandma wars. I still do not know what she's doing Thanksgiving, which in the past she was completely in control of by her choice. But I've decided that I'm worn out hearing her constant complaints, and dislike of this person, that person. Then knowing all this crap she wants for us to come join them for holidays amidst too much tension. It's Tues., and she called me late Sun. evening. So I have no clue what her plans are. But whatever they may be I'm not going to be part of them this year, thank you.

Well I'm very happy for you that you got Thanksgiving Day, and the day after off!
I'm sure your dinner will be absolutely wonderful.

Let us know what you're cooking, who knows maybe I'll try that black eyed peas recipe.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Juju,

I'm really sorry to hear about your mom's fragile condition.
She really is delicate, since you said she broke some bones during the transfers from her wheelchair!

Yes, being so isolated must really be difficult also. One of my best girlfriends live about 75 miles from me. We do have phone contact more than actually seeing one another these days. But it's good you have a gf with whom you can talk to, every now and again.

Well, take out one of those tote bags, and do some kind of decorating.
I was having a very low day emotionally on Sat. By Sun., I felt a bit better.....and I pushed myself to do something different I'd never done. I finally baked a pie from scratch. I did it as an exercise, to improve my mood, and self esteem. Sometimes we have to push ourselves even in our lowest of moments to get out of the funk, if you know what I mean.

Anyway do whatever you feel you need to do, and don't forget about those hot showers, burn some of your favorite incense. I burn sage when I'm feeling this way, because it really has a calming effect and clears negative energy.

Your story was so cute about your mom saying what was it, "you're beautiful."
You are inside and out!

You and mom are in my thoughts!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Emjo,

That poem is wonderful! I rarely print anything from the computer, but this one I think I will.

Thank You,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Sad1daughter,

Where are you, calling all cars!
Just wondering what is happening with you.

Miss you,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Margeaux~ I haven't heard anymore from sis regarding her job. I suspect she was panicking because of feeling insecure and the company reducing the other woman's hours to 20 hours a week. I told sis the other woman is 67, the company is probably trying to save money since she can retire plus this woman works in the moving part of the business where sis is in record storage. The moving part of the business has taken a nose dive with all the foreclosures on homes and people are not moving like they were prior to 2008.

We will go in to decorate mom's room this Friday. They will move her furniture over on the 1st. It is going to cost $400 more a month but it is still within her budget and well worth it for mom to have more privacy...they have ordered a lock for her door as well. The caregivers will have access with a universal coded key so will we.

I am cooking the tradition turkey dinner with all sides. I will be cooking less carbs, keeping it simple. I start the night before by peeling and cubing the potatoes...leave them in water so they don't turn brown. I get all the veggies ready, arranged on the stove in pots of water. It makes it easier on the day of so all I have to do is turn on the stove. I put the stuffing together the night before too, pre-moisten it and refrigerate it overnight. No stress on Thanksgiving or Christmas!

I am getting extra hours again this week as my co-worker who fell coming out of the freezer last week, is still on light duty all this week.My right knee is really protesting along with my lower back...using a lot of mineral ice with the heating pad...sucks getting older!!

Celebrated Thanksgiving Sunday w family/friends
my holiday went off without a hitch, from dysf.sib's.

Margeaux-
I'm wondering the same thing about StandingAlone.

(((((hugs))))) Sharyn - it is hard missing one's children. I have had to deal with being apart from my kids for one reason or another for quite a while and you are right - treating yourself and/or someone else is a great idea. Good for you for you. Now I am pretty content with little. As you get older you more and more realise the value of memories. I was going to cook a turkey for our Canadian Thanksgiving in October, and have Dave and Penny over, but G is away weekends, and then Penny got flu and then pneumonia - then I get something and so it goes. Eventually something will happen.
thx ju - I talked with him tonight and he comes off the Percocet tomorrow so that will tell more. He says he has had broken ribs before but not like this as the bones are still moving out of place when he breathes deep -and you have to breathe deep to avoid pneumonia. He also is having trouble sleeping as due to other injuries, in the past - broken neck etc he sleeps on his back, but that is painful now due to his ribs.

I will go to E'ton for a couple of days, when he flies back. It will keep him inactive a little longer. He needs rest to heal more than anything else and he had one more load of horses in that area to move to winter pasture. Aaaargh|! I could almost pray for a lightening bolt to strike about 100 or so of them down.
thx margeau - I need t makje the point

another oooops

margeaux - I needed to make the point that I cannot manage very last minute changes, especially without adequate communication. I know that the rib healing will take weeks, and he has not been taking the rest he needs and worse he has been shovelling snow, driving long long hours and doing other farm type work. I guess he got away with it when he was younger, but there comes a time... Took my grandson home today after feeling him a good meal which he appreciated
Dropped by my daughter's and heard about the young ones' school reports, They are doing very well - always nice to hear. I told them I was proud of them.

Since I will go south for a couple of days, I tried calling my sis at her hotel. and mother and her ALF, but no answers. In fact, I called my sis twice on Sunday, but no answer, Considering that I will be down there when she is there I feel I should (hate that word) meet with them, but who knows, maybe mother does not wan

yet another oops -I am not used to this laptop -the old one was wider so the keyboard is different.

maybe mother does not want to see me - again. Who knows?
I have been wondering where some of the others are too.

Sharyn you sound very organized about the meal - and other things. Look after those aches and pains
twentanon - so glad it went off well. That is great!!!
marg - Glad u like my little poem
ju - let us know if you got to the AA meeting and if you are putting up some of those decorations. I have some outdoor lights to give away as we are not using them
Time to pack it in for today. Can't say I have done much, shopping, cooking sweeping - the usual.
\love and hugs to everyone

Joan~Thank you. I try to fill the void of my children being gone by doing positive things.

The sciatic nerve on the right side is acting up which is causing the leg and lower back pain, but I made it through the day. Tomorrow is going to a busy busy day...and customer's tend to be grumpy with the last minute rush expecting us to perform miracles for them...we just do our very best and hope for a smile and a thank you.

It turns out on Friday, instead of getting things done here at home like getting the Christmas tree up, we will be decorating mom's new room. They are not going to give us an leeway because once we decorate the room, we have to pay for it which means we will have to move mom's furniture over the next day or pay for 2 rooms. I haven't heard back from sis as to whether our nephew can move the furniture on Saturday. The communities maintenance man is off on Friday/Saturday, it will be on us to see that it is done. We decided to take mom out for a brunch on Saturday while the furniture is being moved ( a bed, dresser, end table and a lamp). Sis and I can move over everything from her closet and bathroom when we bring mom back. Another rush job...

Joan I do hope you can connect with your mom and sis while in E'ton. I hope they are not giving you the brush off because of the PD issues, very frustrating!! Just arrange, if you can, for G to rest...easier said than done when dealing very independent people.
Blessings and Hugs to everyone!!

If you all need some lightening of your spirit, I just saw a video that's currently trending. I wasn't laughing at the actual scaring of the people but more how they jump with fear. Some of those ladies jump with agility making me think that they're dancers. And I kept laughing from the cusses that came out of their mouth.

If you want to see it, google these words: Freaky the Scary Snowman strikes fear in Boston | Daily Buzz ...

Morning all
Sharyn - sorry to hear you have sciatica. It is very painful. Hope today, with all the extra stresses, goes well. Friday - ah, reminds me of a Rabbie Burns poem - "To a Mouse" : "The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft agley." Scots for plans get scr*wed up. But it looks like you have things figured out.

I have been thinking about what you wrote re mother and sis and connecting with them vs the PD brush off. Honestly, the PD brush off is preferable to the PD raging, complaining and insults. I have no illusions that a visit with mother would go smoothly. And the more contact I have with sis the more opportunity she has to stick the knife in me - sooner or later. Your little outing with your mum went so well. If I tried the same with mine, and I have, she complains about the health care system the ALF management, home care, people who she perceives have "done her wrong" years ago and so on. It is not pleasant and is a strain to be with her. Gordie and I took her to Banff about 10 years ago as she wanted to revisit it. She complained non stop the whole trip. It was awful and I swore I would never so it again. This is not old age, but how she has been always. I don't know if I even find all these games frustrating anymore - just tiresome. I am detaching more and more. I know they will not change, and I do want to survive. I suspect the real reason my mother doesn't want to see me is that I have activated the POA. She is, as are narcissists and BPDs in general, a huge control freak. She has made her own decisions, for better or for worse, all her life. She has also forced her decisions on others at times. Now, I think, she is aware that she needs me and the POA activated, as she realises that she is declining. But, that does not mean she likes it. The old "no good deed goes unpunished." adage applies here. So, her anger at her decline and need to give up some control is coming out at me, added to the anger she has had at me since birth. Once more - or still - I am the villain and she is the victim. Whatever! I understand that having someone else in control of any of her business - even if only on paper at this point - is tremendously hard for her to swallow. Her refusing to see me and then dictating that she would see me when she knew I was not available is all part of exercising some control over me, in retaliation. I have seen her do that before Mother is very vengeful.
So I will be "punished" for exercising the POA that she wants me to have. The old lose-lose situation, you can't win, and I don't even try to. I just figure out what I think is best, all around and go from there. I know mother is thinking that at her age that any visit could be the last one and that is not unrealistic. I know that she (or part of her anyway) would like to see both me and my sister together. That is natural. I was not going to change my plans with G for that reason, but as things have happened, I can oblige to the degree that I can. So I will go down there for a few days, do my best to get into contact, and see them if it works out. That is all I can do.

Thx book, I could use a laugh, though I have enough freaky in my life right now.

Update - my sis is not answering the phone, but I did just get a hold of mother and she doesn't want to see me again - told me that, and to have fun, then she hung up! She cannot tolerate that she does not come first in my life, which I guess is part of the control issues. So be it. I have done what I can. It does hurt a bit, but I think more old hurt than present. All her life, mother's wants and needs have come first and others were to subjugate themselves to her. It has been hard.

Re G - yeah hard to get the point across. I think that he has to experience pain and difficulty for him to get it, and I am not sure that even this is enough. sigh. Just hoping and praying that eventually he does not get more seriously damaged.
Have a good day everyone. (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Unbelievable, Emjo, your mother. Just amazing. I'll share this one with you, it might give you a chuckle…

My ex ma-in-law is - how would we say? - a little solipsistic. I'm being polite. Since I divorced in 1995 she can't touch me any more so I normally find it easy to go easy on her; and she's a loving, if trying, grandmother to my kids. So. Let her do her thing, yes?

Ah ha. Mainly, this worked well. Then the year came when my son turned 21. We're a conservative kind of family, 21 is a big deal. His birthday was on the Saturday. And, as every year, my outlaws' wedding anniversary was on the following day. And that year it was their Golden Wedding. Also a very big deal, I agree.

OhnononononononoNO. Ain't nobody going to be sharing her limelight. My ma-in-law decided that a Sunday celebration did not suit her at all, she needed everyone to come to her party spread over the entire weekend - including my darling boy.
She announced this six months in advance. When I caught wind of her plans, I thought to myself: "I. don't. think. so." And narrowed my eyes.

I think she was expecting trouble; she picked her moment to get me onside by approaching me in front of the family and graciously, nay warmly, offering to invite my widowed mother to one of the events (we'd had frank exchanges of views about this point on other occasions - she was fine inviting my parents when my charming dad was alive, but she didn't like dull little old widow ladies cluttering up her glamorous ambience. I thought: "Madam, one day you will be old and on your own, and then you will see how you like being left off the guest list."). Honest, I did not say boo to this goose. All I did was open my mouth and say: "Well, there is a bit of a prob-."

She turned on her heel, left the room and didn't speak to me for three years. Most peaceful three years of my adult life so far.

So. Now she is old, and on her own. And I feel sorry for her, and it's easy for me to let her carry on doing her thing. But one of these days she will slap my sister-in-law's face (again) when I am looking, or slander her paid caregiver in her and my presence (again), or throw her toys out of the pram (again) in an NHS hospital with the exclamation "We're not paupers!" and then..? The day will dawn when I won't be answerable.

What dreams of your revenge do you harbour? But you're a kinder and better woman than I. More power to your karma.

Sorry G won't see sense - hope nothing happens to make him! Make the most of your me time x

Had my Thanksgiving early last Sunday,
dysf.sibs free, no one caught on,
and our 86 year old will be gone for 48 hrs,
sharing a Thankgiving with them.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL,

I AM SO GLAD AND GRATEFUL
I FOUND ALL OF YOU
DURING WINTER BREAK LAST YEAR

Hi all - again trying to catch up reading these posts - been gone from it for a few weeks. Hopefully cmag is still reading - so glad for you that you are able to move forward and I second (or third) thank you for starting this discussion - it has been life changing for me in a good way and I appreciate everyone here!
I went to see my mother - first time since the dentist issue where I was verbally abused for about an hour - that was in Sept - the visit went ok - I did have to start to leave a few times - she got demanding about having a cell phone - because everyone else has one. She wouldn't change the conversation - and when she did she started in accusing me of spending all her money. I packed up my things and started to walk out and she backed off. The next day I brought her a sandwich and she was dressed in a shirt I bought her and she was very nice - so it was a good note to leave on for a few weeks. Keeps handing me tho newspaper clippings for cemeteries -
I mentioned to the staff she wants a cell phone and they all look terrified! When she was in rehab a few years ago and she needed help to the toilet - when she pushed the button for someone to help her - if they didn't come fast enough she called 911. She did that about 3 times! This was before the stroke too! Where she is now - she called the Obudsmen to complain about the food. Yeah - no phone for her.
I am going to try to catch up on the posts - but in case I don't make it thorough them to see how all,of your lives are going - I hope everyone has a stress free, drama free happy Thanksgiving. Love to all!

cm - yes, unbelievable but only one example of what I have lived with all my life. At times like this, I look up BPD and narcissism on the internet and feel better when I read the symptoms. They fit her like a glove! Sis is another can of worms and according to a psychiatrist who saw all three of us, the one to be most concerned about. Mother is at least up front with her craziness, sis is underhanded.
I could see it coming when you started the birthday and wedding anniv. story. The universe must revolve around them. Three years, eh? I could only wish for such peace. Mother had to have my first wedding organized around her, and the colour scheme to what suited her.

one of these days... and then??? Not sure I would want to be around when that happens. Your ex mil is a classic narcissist. You are fortunate she is a loving, even if trying, grandmother. My mother hasn't managed the loving part, but she does the trying part very well.

I don't harbour revenge. I just want to have a decently peaceful, sane life. She has enough troubles without me adding any, BUT, I am coming closer and closer to giving up POA. That is not revenge, just for my health and survival. My sis is back up - let them hassle it out together. I will keep being Executor. It may keep sis away from whatever is left from mother's estate. In any case, I can live decently without any of it, but the grandkids should have their share.

G's dad nearly killed himself before he stopped driving a truck that was way too big for him to handle at a frail 85. The tire blew, he ended up in the ditch, pacemaker got whacked, heart rate went over 200 for days on end, they thought it was "lights out", but the old bugger recovered and now, at least, only drives the car, though we question if he should be doing even that. So if G follows suit, he will need a more serious injury, before he changes his ways, or this injury will have to get more serious. I do not look forward to that. Meeting him in E'ton for a short while. It is a ruse to keep him from the horses for one more day's healing and for us to spend a little together. I have lots of "me" time. Going out for lunch with a friend today whose common greeting re mother is "How the old bat doing?" Very appropriate. We laugh a lot when we get together. She has an outrageous sense of humor which suits me well.

twentanon - happy thanksgiving to you - sounds like you had some peace -awesome! I am glad you found us too!

sad - so happy to see you posting again. Sounds like you handled the visit to your mum well, and maintained some boundaries. Nooooooo to the cell phone. absolutely NO! Happy Thanksgiving to you too.

Time to get "gussied up" and sashay out to lunch. If the car doesn't start, I may have a hissy fit in the driveway, that the neighbours on the next block will hear ;)

Feels good to vent. Love and hugs

Countrymouse~Your ex mil sounds like a classic case of PD. I suspect my mil was as well. Mine was loving too. Glad you can keep a good distance from her now.

Joan~ Your mother sounds so much like my mother up until the Alzheimer's took over. I guess I can say (but it sounds horrible to say it), the Alz has been a good thing in regards to my relationship with my mother. My mom ruined many get togethers with her complaining...my daughter's graduation from college, my nephews wedding..on and on. With my nephews wedding, she wasn't paying for it but all she did was complain about how much money the brides parents spent, it must be nice to have that kind of money,etc. I always wondered why these things bother my mom when it is not her money, not her business. She does complain when we visit...her eyes are blurry, she wants to go home but she has never complained about the caregivers. Now...my sister is the one who really gets me angry when we are together with mom because she is always making snide remarks to mom, negative talk about the past...fortunately mom does not pick up on it.

One of our co-workers is leaving...transferred to another store and being placed back as a checker (which she has wanted for a long time) plus she is promoted to Key Carrier. We will miss her, she is such a great person but happy she is getting to be where she wants instead of bakery/deli which she absolutely hates. It was her choice to go into bakery/deli but once there, she found she hated the work.

Gotta go get ready for this busy day, then off for 2 days!!

Joan good for you sticking to your guns with both your mom and G-I am so thankful to not have the drama of the husband and my honey is so easy to get along with-we agree on most things and if need be we talk it out -he had enough drama from his late wife. I am planning a nice meal tomarrow-he did not get to have Thanksgiving at home because the wife did not like to cook. I have been cleaning for two days and have the muffins and rolls done-have wood in for the wood stove and wine ready for tonight-a simple supper -now I enjoy cooking-hated it with the husband. We had 4 inchs of rain the last 24 hrs. and the wind may keep the balloons lower for the Macy parade .

Sharyn, I could almost hope for Alz, but not quite. I don't think it is horrible to say. It is something to be thankful for even though you would not wish it on anyone. Sorry you are losing a good co worker, glad she is getting what she wants.
thx Austin - G and I can talk most things out He is a peacemaker which is such a nice change in my life. We had no conflict on the first couple of years we were together. Glad you will have a nice Thanksgiving with your man. 4 inches of rain is a lot!!!
Well, I got a phone call from my sis tonight who has ended up accusing me of not putting her high enough on my list of priorities, and of not doing anything for mother this summer. She felt that I should have been available when she came over. I told her that she booked her ticket over without finding out if I would be available. She was feeling sorry for herself as she has done a couple of things for mother and is getting a cold because it is a lot of work. I said I knew what it was like as I did a lot this summer. She asked me what I did this summer. I said I sent her many emails detailing what I had done this summer. She brushed that off and said that I did nothing about moving mother to this new place. I said that mother had decided to stay put at that time and I have already moved mother twice, in 4 years. But apparently doesn’t count. Mother has told sis that the director of the ALF has done something to mother’s credit card and sis believes her and says it is dreadful what they do to old people. They are going to the bank to sort it out! I said mother has been diagnosed with paranoia, as well as the BPD and narcissism Then sis started asking if I could justify how often I had visited mother, and I said I was not about to try to justify anything, and as mother would not see me the last 2 times I tried, perhaps it is better for sis to be POA. Of course she backed down then. But I have made a decision and will contact mother's lawyer in the morning about me dropping POA. Sis is on the document as back up. This is too much. Sis has switched from being nice to being nasty - I knew it would happen eventually, and I rather suspect her daughter will get nasty too as she did at one point in the summer. I will not be a pawn in their sick games any more.
I called my pastor and her first reaction, before I even got it all out, was that I should get out of it and let it all go.
I looked at it and thought “What am I losing?” Certainly not love. There has been no love from those two all my life, just trouble and accusations. So I will email mother’s lawyer and find out what I have to do to be released from being POA. If need be, I am sure the specialist and my latest counsellor will provide appropriate statements.
The thing I regret most is that my mother and my sister do not know me at all. They make an image of me that suits their purposes, and that is who I am to them. But I cannot change that.
Before this happened, I went for lunch with a friend and we shared and laughed. On the way there I was asking God if I was supposed to be in the middle of this. and my strong impression is “NO”. It certainly is an ungodly mess.
Prayers would be appreciated. Love and hugs to all

OMG Joan - that is horrible of your sister. I would absolutely allow her to be the primary POA and be done with the situation. Sounds like your sister is the savior type - swoops in and saves the day - and in a flash - she will be gone again. Was the dynamics of your family always like this? So sorry - and hugs and prayers to you!!

Thanks sad1 -yes it has been this way all my life. I get given the jobs to do and sis and mother gang up and criticize/ostracize me, One time during one of these episodes, they walked past me in the street and refused to acknowledge me, It is pretty sick The last couple of times mother moved, sis did zip - nothing. This is really the first time she has gotten involved in doing anything, over all the years, but she feels free to tell me that I am doing and have done nothing, or not enough. My earliest memories are preschool, of mother swooping down on me for something I had supposedly done wrong, and sis -who started it - standing by the side smiling. All I had been doing was playing with my toys. I remember it so clearly. I have emailed the lawyer about being removed from POA and EPA. Sis and mother are working on moving mother to another ALF. I have moved her 2x already in 4 years. I have said I will not help with another move and in my view it will solve nothing. As EPA it is my job to make that decision. It is being ignored. I consulted with mother's case worker and she agrees that mother is getting as good care as she will get anywhere. So if sis wants to move her - fine, she can be POA and EPA. I wash my hands of it all. Like your mum they both feel they can act however they want and be nasty and there will be no repercussions. I cannot go along with that. It is too stressful for me, This has been coming for a long time. Thank you for the hugs and prayers,

Joan~{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}!!! Wow, you have nailed it on the head...knowing this was coming!! I can't blame you for not wanting to continue being POA and EPA. Too much stress that gets piled up on top of old hurts and then the PTSD kicks in too. My sister, for a short time...was taking mom's side on arguments mom and I got into. The reason she took mom's side...because mom had given us copies of the DPOA and sis felt she had to be completely loyal to mom since she was primary. Sis and I got into several fights over it with sis telling me, "oh let mom be, she is old." Then mom and sis got into a huge fight...sis calls me crying....all I could say was, "I told you she would turn on you." I can relate so well what you are going through, you have to do what is best for you. Prayers being sent up for you!!
Love and hugs,
Sharyn

Sad1~I am so happy to hear your visit with your mom went better. You are getting good at setting boundaries!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!! I hope your day is enjoyable with family and friends.

Thankful for everyone here,
Sharyn

Emjo, help me with this. I regret that I'm not friends with my sister. I also endlessly remind myself that all I have to do for her attitude to me not to bother me is… not let it bother me. How? How, do you set about not caring?

She's got reasons for hating me. The reasons aren't my fault, but they're not exactly hers either. She hates me because I was born and she's been finding fault with me ever since. I hate her because she's such a bitch to me, even though I can see she has other admirable qualities. I don't think we'll ever cure it; we've never yet so much as addressed it. How do I just leave it be?

I admire your matter-of-fact approach to your sister. How do you avoid getting eaten up by the injustice of her and your mother's attitude?

CM-
one day your sister will do something that will cause you to throw up your hands, thinking this time she has gone too far. First happened with one sister, then the other. I am very well practiced in being attacked with vindictiveness and spite. Nothing they do phases me any longer. I have been caring for mom for more than two years now, nothing surprises me from them. Sure in the beginning it was hard, but the more I was attacked, the stronger I became. I now think that they planned these attacks to try to get me to turn tail and run. Unbelievable!

Spoiled brats they are with an incredible sense of entitlement. I do not need to spend my energy on such negativity and increased stress in my life. My energy and compassion is reserved for my mom and husband of 7 years! And I am especially thankful for him, had they not come back together after 70 years (they were high school sweethearts) mom would have been in a facility 5 or 6 years ago.