notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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I read the thread you started, I don't think you are acting too quickly in regards to legal action against your sister. In light of her suit against her own children is very revealing of what her motives are.
Well everyone, while it is cold here, it is not as cold as other parts of North America...but there is a cold snap going on in a large area of the country. Snow or sleet is predicted for late Friday night or early Saturday morning...this doesn't happen often here, and when it does, it is like a treat for us, LOL!!
Provided my leg is better on Saturday, my plan is to finish hanging up a few pictures in mom's bathroom. Sis is coming down to help mom sign Christmas cards, while they do that, I can finish in mom's room provided she hasn't taken everything down and hidden it. The things we brought over to her, she didn't recognize as being her own. We brought over a ceramic doll that mom made at a local doll shop...she said she never saw it before.
Hubby is going to a fundraiser with his father on Friday night for the Boys N Girls club. They do this once a year serving all wild game from local hunters. This will the first time hubby and his father have been able to work it out to go. I will have hubby bring me back some, if he can.
Temperatures have dipped at night around my area.
I'm pulling out the stockings, leg warmers and anything else to stay warm
Margeaux
While I agree bare bottom shots of our children is cute...however is it appropriate for facebook even though your account is private..What if a friend decides to share the pic on their new feed which isn't private. In light of the fact that predators can track cell phone pics to the exact location and addresses that were taken on a smart phone, do you feel this is appropriate? I do not even if someone could not track the pic...for family viewing is one thing...but public viewing in my opinion is exploitation of the child involved whether a boy or girl.
I agree, people need to keep in mind that anything they put on the internet, especially Facebook is for public consumption. Never, ever appropriate.
The mental health nurse is a sweetie and she encouraged me to call her if I had anything more to share. She strongly disagrees with moving mother as she said that it will increase her short term memory loss and exacerbate her paranoia, in the long run. When I mentioned that sis may try to bring a suit against me re failing to do my job, she laughed and said considering how well off mother is, that would be very hard to sell. She also said that she is trying to create a record of the cognitive, memory etc tests mother has had so we have a baseline to compare any changes with. I have been concerned about this, and am so relieved that she is taking this on. Mother has moved from one doctor to another and at present no one knows who her doc is -she will not share that with her case manager. I think she has returned to the one she "fired" in the summer. I would like to see her liver test results and also have a follow up to see at what rate it is deteriorating, if indeed it is. Better to be prepared for what lies ahead.
Snow and sleet a treat??? Oh you would love it up here lol 5 months of it gets tiresome.
Hope you get your mum settled into the new room with no major incidents. It is sad seeing her memory go. Glad your hubby can go with his dad. Those are precious times. Let me know what wild game you get,
Sharyn and glad , I agree about being careful what you post on fb, especially regarding children. Makes me very uncomfortable.
G is supposed to be home tonight. I will believe it when I see it. I haven't prepared any supper, but there is stew or he can fry up a moose steak.
I had another blessing today - had to take a cab to the dentist as my car is frozen. I forgot about the appointment till 20 mins. before so rushed around getting dressed and called a cab. He must have been new in town as he didn't know where to got, but that's OK, I guided him. Then when we got there the fare was under well $10.00 so I handed him a $20 and told him to give me a loonie ($1.00) back. He handed it to me then turned and showed me the $20, I gave him. I was in such a tizzy with being late and all this mama drama... he I wasn't thinking. He gave me a $10 to square things. I was impressed and when I called for a return cab I mentioned it to the dispatcher. Some cabbies would have kept it, I had to laugh when I called for a cab to go home, I described where I was and they didn't get it till I mentioned the pub a few doors down - then they got it. Had a very nice young cabbie then too who offered me change for my $10, but I let him keep it. On the way home he offered to house sit if I went on holidays, not that I would allow a complete stranger to do that, but I didn't get any bad vibes. Told him my grandson does and eats me out of house and home and he laughed.
Starting to relax thankfully. Think I will have a hot bath. I have air jets in my tub and they are nice - what you need, Sharyn, for your sciatica. Then a decaf and some dark choc - just a square or two, I may feel human by the end of it.
I so agree with your pet peeve! Some young parents have become, let's call it permissive, or letting their guards down.
This is exactly thee reason I didn't want my photo taken the other night at the service for the deceased neighbor. About a month ago now, when my husband and me went out of town for work.....he took some pics of me. We were headed to the swimming pool. So I had my bathing suit on, and the hotel robe over that.
On our way, he saw some mini-golf, so we decided to play a round of that.
I also had on my boots with the robe, so I know it must have looked somewhat ridiculous, this getup I was wearing. My husband took some photos of me in this robe, playing golf. Then we were at the pool, and he shot a few more while I was in the pool; one incidentally of me dog paddling, and caught my backside.
A few days later when we were home, he calls me to his computer. He'd posted these two pics of me on his FB page, with a cute few words to accompany the photos to friends. He has a private setting. I don't participate, nor do I have a FB, account. He then proceeds to show me a response by a male friend of his, who commented of course..... something about my bootie. When I came to discover that my husband had posted these two pics, and this comment.....I was mad.
He detected my distaste, for the fact that I wasn't good with these two facts,
and I can't even remember what he said to me, but it was basically something like, that his friend was giving me a compliment. I didn't say anything, again......
lately I have really been having to zip it up over here, because my husband sometimes doesn't seem to HEAR, nor understand that I find this very personal to my being. He is a big extrovert, which plays into all of this. It's never my intentions in my head that when he shoots a picture like this, it end up on any frigging social media! But you know the pick and choose battle thing? Well, keeping my mouth shut was attached to that. Yikes! Hence at the funeral, I took matters into my own hands whilst it was happening. HAAH!
O.K., got to run,
Talk soon,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Anyway, this has taught me......that we, and as in the case you've described, we do currently have to be super vigilant even when people are so eager and quick to take a photo of us or children. What a mother, or even a husband find cute, isn't necessarily for the world to see. This is the major reason, I protested about my photo being taken. Besides, I hadn't slept the night before, so I wasn't camera ready, and this to me is something I'm guarding more nowadays-image!
One just never can be as you've stated in entire control of whose hands photos may end up in.
Take care, I hope the weather is warming up in your area!!
I AM OVERWHELMED to say the least. Thank you for being here.
pst - your situation have been on my mind. I will do the happy dance with you. That is wonderful news!!!! I presume the leukemia treatment is working on the leukemia too. Oh happy day!!! Please keep us updated. Is she still undergoing treatments?
well the mamadrama continues. I have tracked down mother's doctor. She went back to the one she fired in the summer. Had a long and useful chat with the head nurse who checked her charts and said her liver is fine. Mother had written a month ago and said her liver was on the way out and she didn't have long to live, I told the nurse mother is not taking her meds but she said not much they can do about that. The best thing was talking with the ALF director again who said they can bring in a doctor to assess mother's competence, as with out a doctor's statement that she is incompetence I can do nothing about sis moving her to another facility. He said he thinks she can no longer make decisions in her best interest, and I agree. They will ramp up their observations and recordings of mother's behaviour which will help the doctor. It bothered me last summer when mother tried to fly east that the competency tests were based only on a snapshot of her at that time, as opposed to a trail. I am thankful for the director. He also offered to speak with my sis about the pros and cons of moving mother. I doubt sis is interested but worth a try. The mental health nurse stresses that a move will cause mother to deteriorate more quickly mentally,
G made it home last night very late. He worked on the car off and on, installed a trickle charger, gave it a boost and it has been running for a few hours, He had to go back to work for a training session tonight, but they provide supper so I didn't have to cook. Hopefully we will have a little down time together tomorrow before he heads off to the horses again.I hope this trickle charger will see my car operational again. It has been another frustration in my life.
have a good night all (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
margeaux -I would not at all be happy about the fb photographs you describe. Whoa - not fair not nice, But you are right we have to choose our battles,
Hi Mscello! When you feel like sharing how overwhelmed you are, please come back and get it off your chest.
Pstieg, that is great news!!! I'm so glad for both of you!
Emjo, ... {{ hugs}}
Word of the day is something that made me stop and think. It's the opposite of what we've been told. Read it and know what I mean.
Word of the day:
Knowing what you Can NOT do is more important than knowing what You Can Do.
(by lucille ball)
I really like the word of the day - it does make you stop and think and I agree with it.
Sharyn - hope the sciatica is better
getting discouraged about this whole process, but think I have done all I can for now - except write and send a family email outlining that the professional opinion is that moving mother will cause her to deteriorate more quickly. Praying that ALF are successful and quickly accomplish what they are working on -
Great that you talked with the doctor's office and it also sounds as if they and the ALF will help keep mom put.
Book-
I love the word of the day. But I can do everything and anything, can't I? ;)
I remember the stressful times that Sharyn went through waiting to get her mum deemed incapacitated. Other here have and are going through that. It is a maze for sure.
I get it that anyone, can be humiliated as a result of other's poor judgment of posting pictures of their children, but I really think this can apply to other sorts of situations also. Think about young teens who many times think nothing of taking quite provocative photos of themselves concerning sex. In many instances here.... possibly later on, these kinds of pictures can be used in the wrong way,
and again the dissemination of such can be catastrophic. I'm getting to the point that on account of all this risk of the "sharing", thus....it being available to ore sharing. Once it get's out there if it falls into the wrong hands, or for the wrong intentions, it's all over. Yes, what other's may perceive as, it's a good photo of you, (for in any instances their own legit. reasons), like "oh, but your bottom, or backside is cute, blah di blah....it's just plain inappropriate!
Before social media, I've known of some mom's showing a photo of their kids while they were very young, like these, to family or others, and the victim of the picture feeling insulted. So really this is just not right!
In my case, I felt that my husband crossed a boundary, in terms of who I am,
and also some privacy between he and myself. I wasn't posing for these pics, either, he just shot them. I figured these are pics that stay between us, no more.
Moral of the story, be careful what pictures you even become party to, and for what purpose. In the case of children......good golly, shame on these overly eager parents, and their oh so poor judgment, they're kids and need to be protected from the weirdos out there!
I am so glad your daughter is on board with your point of view!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
You can ask me this question, I'm in the room.
Why would I want to do exactly the behavior I'm criticizing?
I'm not just talking here about the actual, putting the picture on FB, but the repercussions of doing it. In my marriage, I consider this a violation of trust that between husband and wife, one partner is not checking it out first, like asking permission. By doing it this way...my case......my husband takes into consideration my feelings about sharing something so personal. It would have been a different color say, if it had been a portrait of my face. Still wouldn't like the fact the assumption that I want to be posted in public though, regardless.
One transgression doesn't merit another. The image caught through the lense of a camera is one thing. However, the image caught through one's behavior is the one I choose to focus on.
So, "No," this is not a good idea.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Thanks for asking about the sciatica. Not much better, so I will make an appt. for Monday to get an injection of cortisone. I am not looking for forward to that as the injection is very painful, but I can't stay off work any longer without pay.
Sis had mom sign Christmas cards for family and friends today while I wrote out the names and relationship to mom, placing them on all the pictures we hung.
Sis was so much better today, we could have a normal conversation!! She said she is eating peanut butter stuffed into a celery stick in the morning for the last couple days but she does not feel better. I told her to keep it up, because you are much more coherent today than last week. Sis can't get medicare until she is 61, which she will be in 2 weeks, but she still has to wait until September to apply. Her insurance will run out at the end of the month.
Margeaux~I do understand what you are saying regarding pics of adults that we do want to be public. We have the right to say no to photos being posted of us. I guess I tend to side more with children's rights because they have no voice when their parents are doing it. Humiliation can happen to all of us and it is not a fun place to be in when others are getting a good laugh at our expense. Stand your ground on it, it is a valid argument. Hugs to you!!
A big hello and shout out to Cmag, Glad, Sad1, Countrymouse, Book, Brandy, and a big warm welcome to Kitat6, PST, and MsCello. Please come back and share more when you are ready...Jinx..where are you??
Hugs to everyone!!!
Sharyn
Margeaux, I get how offended you feel by your husband posting those pictures. To you this is a betrayal. He should know how you feel, and not expose you to the public gaze like that.
As a married woman, I have to ask, are you sure he understands how you feel? He is probably the kind of person who would think it was funny to show unflattering pictures of himself. That's a problem I have over and over again in my marriage. I want my husband to say "thank you" every single time I do something. He thinks it's dumb to say thank you for minor things. I keep telling him how I feel, and he explains to me why I'm wrong!
Your situation is much more upsetting than my example. I guess my point is that in some ways husbands are like our AD loved ones. Logic and reason don't always work. Best wishes. I don't consider divorce, because I'm pretty sure my next husband wouldn't be any easier to live with than this one.