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Back to the dysfunctional families background topic, anyone got any tips on pre-empting jewellery problems? I'm already feeling miserable. My mum wanted to get my step-daughter pearls for her 30th birthday. Knew we wouldn't get that one past my sister (financial POA), and anyway thought it was sweet of her but a bit over the top for her ex-son-in-law's step-daughter; so we agreed - I ran it past sister too - that it would be nice if mother picked out a piece of her own jewellery that she likes but doesn't wear any more to give as a present-cum-keepsake instead. So far so good. Everybody happy.

Now, as a rule I keep my beaky nose out of my mother's private things, especially her jewellery; but obviously she couldn't get the boxes down from the cupboard herself so no option. Stone me! - there are cases and boxes and vanity cases and goodness knows what else - but we get it all down, I lug it and her back to her armchair, set her up so she can reach everything and leave her to enjoy looking over some old memories while I dispose of the long-expired horde of codeine, spironolactone and tramadol that I unearthed during the search…

Anyway. One hour later… She can't remember where anything came from, who gave it to her or what's important. She's got nowhere.

There was a little box with "To my Valentine, 1984" in my father's handwriting on it and a foil rose brooch inside (who knew he was such an old softie, eh?). There were my father's campaign medals. There were my grandfather's WW1 campaign medals. There was my grandmother's wedding ring. Ringing any bells? "Oh yes I know what THOSE are, don't be silly…" Anyway, so that was all a bit depressing.

Because I was thinking, earlier, that one of the smartest moves my aunt ever made was to give away her bequests before she died (she's still with us) - she was a bit sceptical about her letter of wishes being followed all that carefully, and thought she'd do a better distribution job than any executor could. Even better, she was still around to enjoy our gratitude. But it looks like I've missed the boat persuading my mother to follow her example.

The other thing that is still bugging me 20 years after the event - yes I know it shouldn't but it does - is my sister-in-law's puzzling possession of my late grandmother's sapphire eternity ring. It is a substantial piece of kit. I mean, we were all of us given keepsakes, this isn't that kind of beef - but who decided what went where? I'm pretty sure it wasn't my grandmother.

So I'm just looking ahead, and thinking that my family is composed entirely of people who can start a fight in an empty room, and wondering how I can get this in hand ahead of time so that nobody has any excuse for bitching, arguing, feeling hard done by or making snide remarks. Nothing's very valuable, no risk of troubling the tax authorities I shouldn't have thought, but when did that ever stop two dogs with a bone? Any ideas, please?
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Book,

It's anybody's guess who is actually going to respond to the question even if you ask it of other married people, here. But I just felt it be nice to be included in the question since it is my issue.

I try to resolve this kind of problem in my marriage, by not inflaming an issue.
My husband's behavior here is immature, I prefer to take another approach to the situation. One doesn't have to be in a marriage, either to be confronted with a person imposing their will on us, without consulting us for our opinions.

Thank you for the well wishes, and have a great weekend also.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Sharynmarie,

In my case, this wouldn't work for me, "doing exactly what he's done to me."
My husband has too much fire, I'm air. So in my case, not a good idea. I think it depends on what it is they are doing to you and specific personality types. Some minor things, o.k., but this could turn for me into WWIII. Sometimes, my husband argues a point, just for argument's sake.

A long time ago.......I got into a competitive argument with him. He ended up saying that we were having a "pi**" contest. So I don't want to go there, because I have other ways of getting around some of this. It may take longer but. I try my best at times to overlook some things, but I realize I do have to have my boundaries very in place when it comes to my communication with the husband.

This I guess is my dysfunction with him.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Jinx,

HAAH! I like this what you've written "divorce not being an option"
Yes, this wouldn't take me to divorce court either.

No he doesn't understand because if he did he would not do this.
At least this is my take on it. I'm aware that men do think very differently compared to women. You hear this quite often.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Countrymouse,

Sometimes people bring up different topics, but rest assured they all have to do with dysfunction. This is the reason I like this thread, I think we are pretty flexible here.

Much Love & LIght! Margeaux
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Margeaux- I am Saggittarius my hubby is Aquarius maybe that is why action worked with him where talking fell on deaf ears. He would would just walk all o er me in the early years. You are right that we all dysfunction but we do respect each other here.

Blessings and bugs to you!
Sharyn
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Oops I mean hugs not bugs...kindle dysfunction.
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I like blessings and bugs LOL :-D

book, margeaux and Sharyn - I know some people who have to have it done to them to get it. For example, I had to do that to my oldest son once when he was a kid. For others that doesn't work. We are all different.

cm - some one here, a while ago, had a great suggestion about itemizing stuff and, I think, sending a list around for people to put their names against items - or something like that - sorry to be so vague, and, no, I haven't been in the sherry. Anyway itemizing seems sensible, if it is worth it. Is your mum ready to let this stuff go??? Maybe send a generic email and ask who wants anything and what type of thing. Makes you wonder about the sapphire ring. Strange things happen when people die. Some get quite greedy about stuff. I have seen it more than once.

In my case, the problem is that nobody wants anything or not much. I have ended up sending the family silver to England. It is well travelled. Some came over from Norway in the early 1900s; The tea service was from Scotland. I got most of it by default my sis didn't want it, my kids don't want it, my sis's son and wife wanted it. So, I have been sending parcels overseas. Makes me sad, my Gordie would have valued and wanted some...

I am just sooo excited. I told G that if he wanted to stay and haul hay and horses, I understood, and that was fine with me, but that I was getting isolated and needed to and intended to go somewhere warm and where I get a break from the mamadrama, and socialize. He agreed. Then I modelled some of my "cruise wear" lol A few hours later he said he thought he would like to go on a cruise and started researching deals on line. Woo Hoo! Keep your fingers crossed. Of course, I would much rather go with him!!! I think - I hope - I think - I hope...

Trickle charger is installed, battery is charged, I might venture out tomorrow, Today was just too cold. Faucet in kitchen sink adjusted - it has been swinging around like a drunken Irishman in a high wind... I cooked a couple of hearty meals as the man did good,

Toonie is so sweet. G and I were sitting on the sofa together and Toonie lay on the back of the sofa with one paw reaching out touching Gary. He misses G when he is away. Then he reached over to touch me., then back to G. Cats have lots of feelings.

Time to pack it in for the night soon. hugs to all
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Itemising sounds good. And I could clean while I was at it, couldn't I? Don't know whether mother will be okay with letting things go, for now I'll just urge her to wear more of them! But Christmas is coming, we should get a steady trickle of young visitors, both my nephews are getting married next year and it would be a nice way for her to welcome their lovely fiancées… at least it would be an opportunity to sort the wheat from the chaff - or more accurately the gold from the old collar studs, Free Gifts from horrible catalogues and other gubbins she's shoved in there alongside her engagement ring..!

I hadn't pictured G as a cruise type - cool! Any location preferences expressed yet? Can you smuggle Toonie in as Acting Ship's Cat?

I tell myself and sincerely acknowledge that astrology is bunk. So could somebody please tell me what it is with Aquarian males and their sense of humour? All my life it's been a cross to bear…

Margeaux, I'm sorry - I didn't mean to imply I thought we'd got off topic before! I was distracted by why I couldn't just sort out my problem in the normal way - i.e. simple communication - without having to worry about people's agendas, and not concentrating properly on how I put it. Apologies.

Keep warm, stay cool everyone xxx
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cm - Yes, you could clean while you were at it. Disposing of old jewellery isn't easy. I have a few good-ish things of mother's, Celtic brooches, for example, that she must have gotten in Scotland - silver with an amethyst stone type of thing. Nobody wants them, yet I haven't been able to toss them. G is not the cruise type - one reason I am so delighted. I love being on the water. He likes to hike, go on a tour, miss the return bus and walk 10 miles back in the blazing sun, or go on a jungle trek. He must be active. I told him I miss him when he is away so much, and he said a cruise would offer me max opportunity to spend time with him. I thought that was sweet. A vacation special to Mexico would work fine for me. When we go, he takes a few days to do his extreme activity thing, and I lounge in the hotel and we do some things together. It works. BTW by cruise wear I mean a couple of on sale maxi sun dresses - best time to buy summer clothing is in the fall.

margeaux and cm - I think you both have mentioned ginger and/or mint as something settling to the stomach. I started drinking ginger tea with ginger grated into it, and also, believe it or not, a chocolate mint tea which I really like and my stomach etc is feeling better. I actually ate two decent meals with G yesterday and no ill effects so far. I have been living off soups for a while due to both the implants and digestive issues and when I am on my own I am less motivated to cook a meal, though I am careful to have decent nutrition. You are what you eat!

Sharyn, I had a cortisone shot in my right shoulder once. I didn't find it that bad, but I have heard from others who had shots in the hip/knee areas it was bad. But, it will do the trick I think.

glad - hope it is warming up for you. Bad wind chill here again. Even if the house temp looks good on the thermostat, it still feels cold. so I jacked it up again, we put on a fire and I wrapped myself in a shawl all day.

thinking of all of you - hope all is well - check in with us ((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
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Emjo-
maybe you should slow down on the moose soup. :-O.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh you got me with that one!!! I am still laughing. :-D
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Glad do you think there might be a Mrs Moose somewhere sticking pins in a wax doll..?! Emjo, glad the tea is helping. I have also heard other people recommend drinking a medium sized bottle of fizzy water straight down, but I don't really like to think about that idea too closely.

(Whisper) - is G doing this just to please you??? I am SO impressed. See if you can find a boat that offers clay pigeon shooting or fishing or something to reciprocate?

I agree with you about how difficult it is to find good homes for things. Actually it makes me quite cross, especially with furniture. You can't give decent furniture away at auctions etc., and meanwhile people are off to Ikea to spend twice as much on purest tat. I see a beautiful inlaid bureau being knocked down for pennies and I just want to weep - but, nowhere to put it. Oh, world..!
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CM,
I think there is a Mrs. Moose somewhere, wondering if Mr. Moose has wandered off again and doesn't know how or if to tell the baby mooses.
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Glad &CM~Funny about Mrs Moose!! At least it is not a reindeer, all the good boys and girls would be disappointed if Dasher or Prancer turned up in someone's soup!!

Joan~A cruise in sunny Mexico sounds wonderful!!
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You gals are the best!!! I've written about the apple family ( for the kids) - you know that sour Granny Smith, Uncle Mac(Intosh) and the vixen Apple Tart etc. Thinking about the moose family now.
cm - strangely, I find that sodas help - not sugary and preferably sweetened with stevia. I may try straight fizzy water, but not right down.
Yes G is being a sweetie, but, remember, it hasn't happened yet. He may also be motivated to stop me from going on my own. I don't think he is comfortable with me going too far on my own and I haven’t much so far. When I point out I really need something, he usually responds positively. :) He has a good sense of fairness. My nephew (sis’s estranged son) has invited me over several times. They are in Norfolk. I like spring in the UK so I am looking at May – hopefully 2014.
I am with you on the furniture. I have the family old carved dark oak and when I am done with it I don’t think anyone wants it –maybe one of the grandkids or G’s kids/g’kids
Sharyn – no reindeer, though caribou is about the best meat I have ever tasted –sort of like wild veal. Sunny anywhere would suit me.
On the famdram front, I have accepted that if the ALF does not get mother assessed incompetent in time and sis moves mother, we just have to start all over again. If the ALF does get mother assessed incompetent, you can be sure I am in for some trouble, as the paranoia will be overboard. Even in a new place that will probably happen fairly soon. I would hate to see a move bring about a quicker decline in mother’s memory/mental abilities and an increase in paranoia, but the up side is that sis may back off then – not great alternatives.
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Escaped reindeer, in Dillon, Colorado yesterday. Quite a funny spin on it on the news.
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Rocky J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle the moose are on Christmas break from What's AmatterU. Be on the look out for Rudolph, he is looking for Dancer and Comet!!
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Grandma got run over by a reindeer....

As a semi-atheist, it bothers me that the radio plays "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus" but NEVER "Silent Night!" I don't want to start believing that nonsense about the war on Christmas, but why can't they play one carol for every 5 or 10 novelty songs? They are so beautiful! I bet it has something to do with money.
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BBC news: Search for 'spooked' Whinlatter reindeer A search is under way for a reindeer that has been missing for three days from a forestry visitor centre in Cumbria after being "spooked" by a dog.

Love Grandma got run over by a reindeer....
would like to hear more of the carols too. The last couple of years it has been hard to find a show with them on. You are prob. right about the money.

Can't keep my eyes open today - must be recovering from all the stress.
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Interesting fact - The fictional Rudolph had a shiny nose to cope with winter darkness, but real-life reindeer possess some magic of their own. Part of the reindeer eye shifts from gold to winter blue, improving their ability to use light when the days become shorter...
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"Grandma got run over by a reindeer is classic!! Here in my neck of the woods, the Hallmark channel on comcast/xfinity cable, shows nothing but those sappy Christmas shows 24 hours from Thanksgiving until New Years Eve. Lifetime shows many as well. My all time favorite Christmas show is "White Christmas", just love it because when I was in jr. high/senior high and all through my 20's, it was shown every Christmas Day night on late night TV."Miracle on 34th street" is another one!! Try to find these shows on TV now is a miracle especially on Christmas Day. At work we have piped in music, they used to play nothing but Christmas carols beginning the day after Thanksgiving. The last couple years, it plays a Christmas carol maybe once every 30 minutes. I miss the season being what is has always been, Christmas carols do not get old for me. I love "Holy Night".
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The link isn't working...google Celine Dion Holy Night....beautiful!!!
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If you like the Whinlatter reindeer, google Fenton the Dog.

I used to take my dog Cindy to Richmond Park, where this happened. I feel for the man.
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It's the time of year when I especially curse "BBC balance and fairness." Lots of lovely carols and stories, but they can't go a day without giving air time to some joyless po-faced atheist - and they're always just as pious and bigoted as any old style Bible-basher - who has to lecture us on why it can't have happened. Cue: hurling of mince pies at radio.
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Back to old news. I am so tired of the pain that I have resorted to using ice today. I had a bad night last night...partly because of an ache in my left hip, and partly because Midget sleeps so tightly up against me, I can't move to find a comfortable position. I had a 2 hour nap, hopefully the ice will help so I can sleep better.
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I am going to check into getting my son/his wife and my daughter/her husband dinner theater tickets in their areas as a Christmas gift...depends on the price..just looking for something different to get them.
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I don't know where else to post this, but here goes. I went to church today at 10:45 am. They had a guest preacher, a missionary do the preaching. He droned on and on and on from 11:00 until 12:45 pm. I was almost ready to leave and I almost did. He was so boring. He told us his life story from childhood to now all the while droning. I didn't leave b/c I thought it might be rude. But a lot of people got up and left anyway. I thought I would rather go to the DDS than hear another minute of this guy. I have enough stress taking care of 2 dementia patients, even if my mom is in the NH hundreds of miles away. And it is 20 below zero here. Eery experienced things like this?
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Chance to catch up on a bit of shut-eye..?!

There's a story from Charles II's life about a preacher at St Paul's Cathedral thundering from the pulpit: "My Lord Duke, rouse yourself! You snore so loud you will wake the King…"

I should think the people who left thought it was either that or start throwing things. And you were cold too? Intolerable. Better hope they don't ask him back!
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Brandy~That is too bad...did he have a point of what he was talking about? At least if he had a message to give, one of hope, salvation? I know about the cold...it is cold here even where I am..not as cold as you are experiencing...but cold for us.
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