
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
sorry to hear about this? How old is the girl?
"I will always be your sister, open card, so you will have to wish for something else when blowing out the candles. Did not buy it, too close to home.!
Margeaux~Thank you, prayers, positive thoughts offered up to our higher power is appreciated.
We do not know the details of just how bad the cancer is, what the next step will be and how soon. The daughter went in for a procedure of hemorrhoids and this is what the dr. discovered. My brother said his step daughter's husband told them the dr. said it is bad, but not that bad...whatever that means??
Yes Margeaux and Juju, it has been very cold for us lately and using an ice pack is hard, LOL!!...but it is working wonders for me. I wish it was on my leg but it is not...I am putting it on my left hip..basically sitting on it, LOL!!
Today being a day of bad news also brought the news that my son...he is ok, Thank God!!...he got in an accident on his way to work. Most likely his little is car is totaled. The other driver, my son hit...started screaming of back spasms, pre-existing back problems. Unfortunately, we are not in a position to help them with all the medical bills coming in now from hubby's stay in the hospital. The insurance paid most of it but we still have to pay our share. The other driver may go for blood but she will have to get it from the insurance company since my son and dil don't own anything and are in debt. Hopefully the insurance won't cancel them after this.
Take care everyone!! Each day is precious.
Sharyn - my heart dropped when I read about your sil's daughter. I don't know how she will be able to deal with it all, and also how it will impact your bro, but I know they are in for a very hard time. They are in my prayers. Let us know how the visit to the neurologist went. I gather you are more assured that your husbands sleepiness is a normal part of his recovery. You absolutely cannot help anyone out financially or really any way except prayer. I am so sorry about your son's accident, but glad he wasn't hurt. He and his wife will have to figure their way through it. Gary hit a deer yesterday, with the company truck and a fair amount of damage was done. Thankfully they have to mend it and give him a substitute till it is ready.. I am just glad he was not hurt.
glad - there must be some normal families out there. ;p I think I have met one or two and there are a few on AC whose family members are supportive.
Hi josh - you have chosen a very challenging field. Glad our tales of woe are helpful. I expect you will meet some dysfunctional families in your career. We welcome you input.
ju - hope things are warming up for you, Don't worry about being supportive to others - you have a lot to deal with - just keep coming back
cm - trucking along, I see, writing some great posts. You are a caring soul. Hope mum is well.
Proud as Punch of mother, though - gosh she stood up well. She wins a small glass of wine as a nightcap (brain damage? What brain damage..?).
Tomorrow I have to explain all this to my sister. Fun. I wonder how much of it will be my fault?
I think I might actually be able to cry today! I need a good one!
Please pray for us to come up with a solution soon, I cant take this anymore!
Thanks emjo. I swear my head is so full of all this drama and all I need to do to ensure I am not homeless soon! I don't know how I can even make room for trying to build my social support system, I am such a drain in such a desperate situation and all alone! crap!!!!
Well I did manage to get a haircut yesterday to tame my shaggy mane....that was a nice moment. To relax and have someone pamper me for a bit, the blowdry felt so good! all the warm air! It was about a year and half since I had a cut! I left it long but just had her layer and shape it up a bit! The gal who cuts my hair is such a sweet lady and has had her share of heartaches this past year or two, she lost her daughter and within a year lost her husband. and a grandchild that went to prison. Due to an family squabble that resulted in assault/attempted murder charge! That poor woman has been thru a lot as well.
Well guess I gotta come up with a plan here before we freeze to death...
Take care you all and thanks for being here!
Peace,
Juju
When I was there, I unloaded something I have been carrying for years and felt it was time. It was something mother said to me when I was 17, which was so perverted I had never told anyone. Felt good to share it, though it was a bit gut wrenching. After, I managed to shelve everything and G and I had a nice evening.
This morning reality descended upon me again. I just did not want to come back to it and start dealing with the mental illnesses again, I am so tired of having this affect my life so much. It was like stepping out onto lush grass for a while, relaxing, enjoying, and then back onto crushed glass. I had a meltdown, my guts erupted, my chest congested, I started having spams of coughing which is a difficult combination with shaky guts. My ex called when I was in the middle of coping with this, and he talked me through a lot of it, and I am very thankful. He helped a lot. I took some meds and things are settling down.
I realise that while I have completely accepted my mother as she is, I have yet to do that for my sister. I know in my head that she is mentally ill too, but somehow it has not reached my heart. I need to accept it totally, which means accepting that the closest remaining members of my family of origin are mentally ill. I find myself not wanting to accept it, yet, I know I have to and grieve the loss of never having or having had a safe place in my family. I do have less than a handful of good memories of my sis, but they remain intact.
You would think that would be easy to accept with all the evidence around, but it isn't. “Hope springs eternal in the human breast; “ Alexander Pope.
However, in order to survive this and whatever the future holds as best as possible, I must. So that is my current task, as well, as finishing research on the other ALF in prep for writing my sis and the others.
Today I am planning roast beef and Yorkshire pudding for G, with candles and a fire in the fireplace and maybe a sherry before supper. Hoping to salvage part of the day.
The show must go on... love the 3 dog night version of that song, Think I will listen to it.
Baby, although I chose this lonely life
It seems it's strangling me now
All the wild men (insert women here), big cigars, gigantic cars
They're all laughing at me now
Oh, I've been used, ooh, used
I've been a fool, oh, what a fool...
ju - I hope you can have a good cry. It helps. I know your situation looks impossible. So glad you treated yourself to a haircut. Lordy, what your hairdresser has been through!!! hang in there. Praying for wisdom for you and a solution, (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))
Anyway thanks for the vent!!!
Luv you guys!
Juju
Oh.....that's good, that the director and all of you are all right telling one another about your mom's mental condition. It's confusing at times what could be legal/best interests all of that. In any case it is good that they know this information,
Oh....I can hear it in your post, Emjo what a day you have had. So sorry you had to go through that, the re-visiting part. Well, enjoy your dinner, and that fieplace sounds wonderful. I wish I had one. We'll just have to make do with our wall heater! HAAH!
Hugs,
Much Love & LIght! Margeaux
Called the adjuster back with a short precise list of questions and thoughts and made some progress and was given acceptable options to manipulate the funds n tasks a bit...means I might have to do all the final moulding/trim work myself but I would enjoy that project, I had some unique ideas I wanted to do on own anyway before all this regarding the trim, could do as time permits. Long as I have floors n heat, painted walls, and a kitchen again!
don't know yet if it will cover all the $$ issues yet but I see I could make a dent in it!
Then I headed to the fridge for this pretty blue bottle keep seeing in the back.
It was some pearl sake I got while back for special homemade dinner with friends but we never got to it. we had fresh pub growlers they brought and didn't want to wast the good sake after that. I poured a glass and relaxing a bit! I needed that, now if I just lived in a town that had a sushi bar I would get some takeout! Well its microwave dinners but pretty good ones I find in the deli.... im sure with some sleep creative planning and negotiating we will figure this out but it will take some time again. I am irked that he pulled the switcheroo on the bid but I don't want to go back to the mortgage company and say we need a third check drawn I have a new contractor, let alone have to go find and get the bid done from scratch!
K, im done with this for the nite...need to sleep on the plan!
and the micro is beeping!
Nite y'all!
Juju
Three Dog Night was a great group. I was secretly in love with Chuck Negron when I was a very young girl. HAAH! Wow, that's so many moons ago.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux........."Mama told me not to come."
As if there was a choice to be made at some point, to follow or not to follow, and you each chose opposite directions?
ju - you are sounding better. I am sure there is a way through this. Have a good night
cm - I don't know. That would work if we both had the same mentality, but we don't. I believe she has a version of the family mental illness. but I did not see that in her till much after I saw it in mother. Sis can be very charming in a way that hides her darker side. Mother is not able to do that for long. I knew since preschool that mother was ill. I did not know about sis till I was in my 20s, but I did not fully accept it. I think I hoped, despite some big indicators to the contrary, that sis and I could have a friendship. Slowly it has sunk in that that is not possible, and recent events really confirm that. There were years in between when we had little to do with one another - partly due to distance - and when we did see one another it was for short periods of time during holidays, so everyone was on their best behaviour. Learning about her taking her children to court for money shocked me - getting to know her son in the past year and hearing his account of things in his childhood and young adulthood have shocked me He revealed to me a side of my sister I did not know and I am still "absorbing" it. Her appearance is so deceiving - grey skirt, pink cardigan, white blouse, pearls.. You know the kind of thing.
It was always easy to think that mother was the main problem as she is so much "in your face". Sis and I at times commiserated. But then the dark side would come through... I have to face it, maybe write it out I knew in my heart when my father died I lost my family. In the intervening years, I tried to make family with my mother and sis, but it didn't work. Then I tried with sis and it didn't work. So I have to face I have no immediate family though two members are still alive. I am having to face something similar with my daughter for the same reasons. It is hard.
are you saying Yorkshire pudding and proposers are the same things. I have had popovers since I was a young one. Never heard them called Yorkshire pudding, which I have never had.
Popovers though have many advantages, not least predetermined portion sizes and therefore fewer fights among hungry teenage boys.
A person whom I had loved and respected once told me that the French claimed the invention for their own, and he appeared to be giving the idea some credence. Never heard anything so outrageous in my life...
Joan~When I read the subject title of my brothers email "not catching a break", I delayed opening it for fear it had to do with his health. As I read it, I just cried for them, not knowing what to say. Hopefully this will not be as advanced as the son's was when he was first diagnosed.
You have made some discoveries regarding not accepting your sister as mentally ill. It is a lot to accept when looking at our family of origin, wanting a meaningful relationship that isn't going to happen. Harder still is acknowledging your daughter, that would be the hardest. Hugs and prayers for you as you work through it.
Hubby's appointment was fine. I had to work so was not there. Hubby said the neurologist just told him to quit smoking. He has, but I still don't get why these drs never say anything to him about his weight and lack of activity. Yes, I will leave him be with no hassles regarding the amount of sleeping. He has actually been awake the last couple days when I get home, and very alert. All I can do is pray, love him and cook healthy.
Take care everyone!!
what is troublesome to me is I am past the point of crying...most times I just cant anymore, maybe a leaky tear here or there but a good cry. I wanted to so bad yesterday just to release some stress and could not!
I wonder am I so burned out/flat I just cant even cry.... I don't dream much anymore either Recently a little bit of dreaming came back but not often.
It kinda bothers me a bit, I would love to just have a cry, is to do with this CGburnout/PTSD also
Did the Dr address the sleep question?
I heard on some morning show about healthy eating habits. they said that when you make these changes for a less tasty but more healthy diet. It takes at least two weeks before eventually ones taste bud will adjust and forget the old. Curious??
Well good nite sleep and figure out our next move...an acquaintance I ran into yesterday had a contractor she used call me last night he is going to come out this afternoon and see if he can do the work for the insurance price or closer at least! he did mention when I explained the work and square footage he felt my contractor bid was not out of line so we will see!!!
Thanks everyone for letting me vent this out! love and prayers to you all!!!