The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

It takes some courage to stand up to these kinds of family members. I had that kind of a moment, with my sister recently, when I visited mom, unannounced. She obviously didn't like that, since I didn't check first w/her to relieve her w/caregiving. That was almost 3 weeks ago, and interesting how she hasn't called me. She's the type, that when she goes quiet, one can be sure she's plotting and planning something, or she's angry. This is when her dark side glows.

In the middle of what you are experiencing Emjo, I must say I sense some strength and courage coming from you. Stay with that attitude, and have faith,
that things will work themselves out.

Your in my thoughts!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Thx jinx. It is what it is, but I agree it is sad, I wish it was different especially, with my daughter. It has been better at times and maybe it will be again, but I think I always have to keep my guard up.
thx too ju. I think I have lived at the crossroads, As long as mother is alive and I can do anything positive and not damage myself permanently (BTDT - my shoulder still suffers), I will. Once mother is gone I think I have no alternative but to keep my sis out of my life. That will not be clear cut as she has a son I am very fond of and a daughter with whom I have a relationship, but, with mother is gone, it will be a lot easier. I looked up inability to cry and depression and they are linked. Quote "researchers found a correlation between the severity of depression and an inability to cry" basically the deeper the depression the less the ability to cry for those who are affected that way. Some cry more, some become unable to cry. Do you think you might be depressed situationally? You have so much to deal with, little support and a fair amount of isolation. You cope amazingly (is that a word?) but you suffer too. The right antidepressant could help. Hope the new contractor is a go at a decent price.
glad - cm put it perfectly. We used to have Yorkshire pudding the old way, cooked in a heavy pan so the bottom got all nice and crusty. Yum!!! Roasts aren't as fatty as they once were, and recipes have been morphed into popovers. The kids used to fill the leftovers with gravy and eat them in one BIG mouthful.
cm French? Not a chance! Funny, the natives here think they invented bannock. They may have invented fashioning it into thin rolls, winding it around a stick and cooking it over an open fire (to die for slathered with butter and homemade raspberry jam), but there is no doubt that the Scots brought the recipe to Canada.
Sharyn - I can imagine your heart sank. I was thinking about your brother too and even the effect of stress on him. It must worry you. Yes, my daughter is the hardest. She is perimenopausal, and has always looked very young and still does, but it is a big change for women, and I suspect it is affecting her, though that is not an excuse. One day at a time. She has invited me over for a pre Christmas supper. I am grateful. I don't understand why drs don't say anything about your hubby's weight and lack of activity either. Changes in both would help him. Pray, love and cook healthy - sounds familiar!
margeaux - "when she goes quiet, one can be sure she's plotting and planning something, or she's angry. This is when her dark side glows" Oh yes! Mother and sis are quiet towards me now so I know something is brewing. I had a call from and a good chat with mother's financial advisor this morning. He has been like family for 15 years, and he says it gets more and more difficult to be with mother as her paranoia gets worse and worse. I think he has seen that my sister is no help and, in fact, quite the opposite. I gave him a rundown of what has been happening and he agrees with what I am doing. It is nice to have his support. He is an intelligent caring man who knows mother well. Thx re my attitude. it is better again today.

On the home front - the cruise will be in February. G says he will give me 3-5 days notice so I should be prepared! He has researched the last minute deals. Dil called to other night and they want to come over here for Christmas and help me cook for us. We pretty well have the gluten free menu figured out. This is her first GF Christmas. I think double choc mousse for dessert with fresh strawberries and pineapple. We all love chocolate. Other than that it will be turkey etc. G will go to see his kids and grandkids at Christmas. As some of you know his ex will create a scene if I am around, and some of his kids basically don't acknowledge me - so I stay home. Dinner theatre and a few days holiday in E'ton around New Year for G and I. He doesn't get much time off then, as the plants run 24/7 and he is covering for someone else who will be away.
I talked to him last night about applying the safety principles he knows so well on the job to his personal life. He heard me, but I am not sure he is ready to do anything about it. The horses are so far away and need moving periodically and hay needs to be hauled, so he drives and drives and drives under very bad conditions with little sleep. To me he is an accident waiting to happen. He is a very good driver, has lots of stamina and knows to stop and take a nap when he is tired, but there are lots of bad drivers out there and he is getting older. And then there is that edge taken off your concentration when you are tired and handling horses. He has been kicked in the ribs twice in the past few months. If it had been his head he could have fallen in a pasture and frozen to death. I told him I didn't want to become a widow before I was a wife. Also told him to think of his kids and how they would be affected if something happened to him. Prayers would be appreciated. I reduced some of my stress this morning by turfing him out of bed to clean up his stuff in the front hall. He had emptied the contents of his truck into the front hall and we were supposed to work on it last night, but I wasn't up to it and he needs some "prompting" Well he got it this morning and most of it is dealt with. The rest will be soon. I had a go at the back hall closet at the same time. Started that the other day, emptied out a large plastic container to organize its contents and wouldn't ya know it, G grabbed it for his truck stuff so my stuff sat on the kitchen table. Aaaargh!. Any empty container must be filled!!! He did a good job this morning, and I got my container back. I am impressed! He is a good man!

I am the caregiver and would appreciate knowing
from the other sibs (not my family, her children)
that I have time off, since my life seems to be conjoined with my career.

I am not angry, but apparently, they do not have to give me that courtesy,
I am told, legally.

If I want to have time off, I am suppose to deposit her into a nursing home,
called respite (a sneaky way of getting used to going into a nursing home, if you ask me) which I am sure would just freak her out, my 86 year old.

About the taste buds, they work like that, when I went to a salt free diet,
it was a couple of weeks when I said, "I was tired of it, and shook the salt shaker,
instead of the comfortable taste, I had previously enjoyed...it was the taste of the ocean on a hot summers day, and I never went to the salt again.
I can taste it in every food they sneak it into.

thanks sharyn. I do want to cry tho it feels like I need to, I used to be able to, I guess that is what bothers me...I feel the need to do it. Anyway,
Well temps are finally up, yaaahhhoooo....had my couple hour respite and ran errands everything is melting and took the dogs for a nice walk in park no jacket it was beautiful! had a little incident this morning, with "Croc shoes" and slippery sno pak, taking the trash out. caught myself before I went down, close one! lesson learned! it did melt up while I was out!
20 degrees sure makes a difference. I got the living space up to a comfortable temp this morning.
Emjo- I so feel for you, you are where I was at with respect to my brothers and parents. Margeaux Is so correct. you are dealing with it gracefully and strong!
Well gotta get some bills paid now.
Have a good day all!
Peace,
Juju

Juju~You are doing such a great work of love for your mother. We tend to gain some emotional strength that keeps us going. Our temps have warmed up too, we will actually be back in the low 60's next week. Not normal and definitely looking like another drought this winter.
Joan~{{{{Praying}}}}. My hubby, I think does not take things as seriously as he should. Part of it is family influence, part of it is the North American attitude that men can be over weight....they are called "big guys". I can't help but think that drs. think that way too. A woman who is over weight is labeled very negatively. The way you describe how G's children respond to you is the same for me with my husband's family. They will acknowledge me, but there is a lot of innuendo to their remarks to me that hubby does not pick up on. That is why I limit my time with them.I think this is how they communicate with each other in general and I can't deal with it.

I had a really great day today. A co-worker and I went out shopping together. We went to Home Goods...a new store branch that opened in Tracy. It is fun to browse this store even if you don't buy anything because it gets your creative juices flowing with how to use things you already have. I did buy another pillow and a throw blanket in a soft lavender and white for my craft/office room. I didn't spend much since I did not get a pay check for this week (off last week). We then went to a consignment shop that M has previously sold some things. My hip and leg were bothering my because we were standing in one spot or walking very slow through the stores. We came back to town, then stopped at Ross. As we were heading back to M's house, we saw signs for an Estate Sale, so we followed the signs. It turned out that M knew the people, she became concerned that the Estate Sale was bad news for them as in one of them passed away. It was a aunt that passed...bad enough but not the couple M knew. It turned out that husband of this couple went to school with my brothers...this man was actually friends with my eldest brother and they were quiet the tearers with partying,etc. He told me he had talked with my brother, inviting him and his wife to come and stay with them when they had their last reunion. My brother was all for it according to this man, but backed out at the last minute saying he was going game hunting. I told him that if he wanted to see my brother, you would have to go to Montana because he won't come back here. I guess my brother just doesn't blow off family but friends as well. That is too bad. It was great talking with this man, even though our town has grown into a city, we still run into to people who have grown up here, we know each others families.

Time to start dinner, turkey sweet sausage with bell peppers, onions, celery, and mushrooms

Iwentanon~I use a different spices to cover up the lack of sodium,. hubby doesn't even miss it. As far as getting some respite time,. can a health care worker come in the home so you can leave for a few hours, lunch with friends, a movie, walking, reading at the library?

Take care, hugs to everyone!!

Juju, I have discovered that some antidepressants stop me from crying, especially Prozac.

If you can get to a private, soundproof place, you could try laughing yoga. I'm not sure of the right name. What you do is to go "Ho ho ho! Ha ha ha! Ho ho ho!" over and over until it catches on, and you are genuinely laughing. That might jump-start the tears, and at least it is a great release. I know, me and my weird ideas.

I've been dealing with depression these past few months. I know that I should go to the doctor for anti-depressants but.. I hate taking pills. I just ride along with the depression and climb out once I've hit rock bottom. I had an appointment with my therapist today at 1pm. In ALL our therapies, she is Always Late - even 1 hour later. And I suspect she forgets that we have appointment - because a lot of times, when I call her, I hear her TV on the background. Today, feeling sad, down, tired, exhausted... I waited 1 hour. This time, I did NOT call her. I got up and left the office at 2pm.

Lastnight, I was surfing Amazon looking for freebies ebook. I found a short ebook titled: Depression - A New Approach to Lasting Peace (with a free audio download). A Practical Guide to Overcoming Depression." By Josh Barrington Bowler.

He recommends reading the ebook thru first. Then go back to the beginning. That was what I was reading while waiting for my therapist. His book is giving me the option to overcome depression without using meds - in My Mind.

So far, what I've read, he makes very good sense. He has 3 methods to help us release our past (emotions) and the future (worry about our future)- and just live Now.
1. Resistance Releasing - he listed all these emotions to bring up One At A Time. To Feel it, Welcome that emotion (If you fear that emotion, then the peripheral of it, etc..) Notice what it feels like for you (tension in chest? tightness in throat?) FEEL it but don't analyze it.
And Finally - Ask yourself: Could I let it go? Would I let it go? When? NOW!!!!

2. Mindfulness
3. Obtaining Balance in Your Physical Body (as in food intake and exercise)

I'm currently reading Mindfulness....

But what really got to me is the EMOTIONS. I'm empty inside. I look within me, and I feel nothing. My therapist says it's because when I was a child, it was my defense mechanism to withdraw and lock up all emotions to protect me. And I'm still locked. We have only 1 more Free therapy and then after that.... I cannot pay for her services. So, I've been looking for something to self-help me.

As I read this ebook, I decided that I would like to do Each of those emotions. I will have to find a recorder, and record myself giving myself instructions - so that when I go into each of those emotions, my voice will help Guide Me to Find it, Welcome It and then to Release it. It's like what Cmag and others told me that helped them to release these negative emotions/thoughts. When releasing it, I can use my hands to like grabbing it from my body, and pushing it outwards away from me. The ebook said not to worry if you Don't Feel Any of the Emotions. Just do it anyway. Because it could be so locked inside that it would need repeated exercise to finally reach it. I want to give this a try. I just have to find a recorder except...my voice sounds like a high pitched little girl's voice. I would find my voice irritating. I need to see if my niece can record it with her voice.

Book, I feel so bad for you, but then I hear how you keep on fighting your way through. You probably don't feel like it, but I think you are strong and brave.

I think you have learned good stuff from your therapist, but how unprofessional!

Your plans sound good. You certainly can make good progress, but I have found medication to be so helpful. You can try it for 6 weeks, and think of it as a vitamin, and then quit if it doesn't help enough. You can decide to take it for only one year, just to get a little help while you think about things. I don't know what insurance you have, but if you have high copays, insist on starting with an older SSRI, one that is generic and therefore cheaper! I had one pill that I liked, but it was $150 a month. I went back to generic prozac, with a $3 copay, and immediately felt better!

You will do what's best for you. I just wanted to give you a few reasons to "overcome your objections" if it helps.

I easily become addicted to pills - NyQuil, Night time allergy pills, Tylenol, etc.... 3 nights in a row - 1 pill each night - and I'm hooked. It takes me several nights to Undo the craving for the NyQuil. Thanks for encouraging me about the anti-depressants. I just need to know if I can handle getting Off of it when the 6 months or 1 year is up. Let me find a female doctor first. Then go from there. Thanks!

Bookluvr, I agree with you about pills. I also feel I am a massive hypocrite about it, because I moved heaven and earth to get my mother onto a minimal-dose SSRI - and it seems to have done the trick - and I praise my daughter for using them appropriately; but when she asks me to give them a go? Ohhhhh nononononono I'm fine thanks. I know I haven't a leg to stand on, but… What? I don't know what it is. Just can't face it.

On the other hand, I did find that Bach's Night Time Rescue Remedy worked for me at a time when my eyes were snapping open every time I dropped off to sleep, and I was getting seriously exhausted. Placebo effect, no doubt, I really don't care. It's cheap, it's definitely harmless, and as I say it works for me. Just a suggestion x

PS Somebody must be paying your therapist for her time, even if it's not you. What on earth has she got to say for herself? Disgraceful.

Well I am exhausted mentally from this week but had a somewhat good meeting with a new contractor...I have met with 5 now along this path and I do like him by far the best. So we will start a new bid with him. He believes he will be close to what the insurance is paying. and understands we need to take some shortcuts and be creative, rather than trying to do more work than really nessecary for a home in this condition. I felt a great sense of relief last nite but today as I wake something he said really bothers me. He thinks by the time we get done with all the work I could actually just replace the whole home (since it is a modular) with another used home. I cant even wrap my mind around that I told him but today it is haunting me.... well my headache is back I think cuz I was out of drinking water and wont use the tap water makes me gag, lil dehydrated. So I will have to catch up later, not a good time to read for me. chugging some water now and try for a nap if I can, those are hard too!
Take care everyone!
Peace,
Juju

Book~The therapist not showing up and being late is really unprofessional of her. I would leave to, but I would call her to let her know she missed the appointment and if you are planning on not going back, let her know you need a therapist who is going to show up for appointments. She is getting paid from some source even though not from you directly.

As you know, I took Prozac for many years, I had no problem stopping them, but I have heard some people can not stop cold turkey like I did and some even have trouble during the weaning off process. I work with at least 3 ladies that I know of, that take meds for either depression or anxiety. Two of these ladies take meds for both conditions. The young woman in her thirties, her mother is the person I posted who committed suicide by standing in front of a train.She has a lot of anxiety and panic attacks, sometimes they happen at work and the only thing that helps her is standing in the freezer....why, I don't know but it helps to calm her down so we will sit her on a stool in front of the open freezer door...this is a walk in freezer. She needs to go Christmas shopping and her husband is a real loser (does not work, parties, leaves her at home with no car with the 3 kids). He won't take her out to get the Christmas shopping done, she can't go by herself because of anxiety in the stores with a lot of people. A couple of us at work have offered to take her out when we have a day off together.

I have a lot of things to get done today, Christmas tree, some cleaning, and I am going to buy a little live tree (the 6-8 inch trees in a foil pot that have tiny bulbs on them) for my mom's room. My sister, brother and I are putting in money to buy a stuffed life like black poodle for mom. We are hoping this will help her to not miss Midget so much in between visits. I will order it through Amazon and put a red collar on it like she had on Midget. Actually mom had a red harness on her, but Midget chews on it so I replaced it with a purple one...it was the color available that fit her.

One more thing as I ramble on here, LOL!! A past friend who I am friends with on facebook, private messaged me (she is the ex sil to my husband's sister) wanting to know if I knew anyone who would house sit and care for 3 dogs for her son and dil so they could come to Washington State for Christmas. She asked my husband's sister if either of her 2 kids could do it, my husband's sister told her they were busy. I am sure this is not the truth since the person would not have to actually stay at this house, just go over feed the dogs and check on things. Anyway, she wanted to know if she asked our mutual nephew directly if he would do it for her. My sister in law already told her they were not available....do you really think I am going to support you going behind her back to ask her son directly??? I told her I have no "ins" with the family which is true, do what you want but leave me out of it.

Joan - Let’s hope that sis and mom behave for now until after the holidays (as in next year.) Too much is happening in your home front, and it will give you more time to strategize when they make their move. A cruise… I hope it meets your expectations. I took the Barrier Reef boat tour in Cairns, Australia. I’ve never been past the reef so I wasn’t sure if I would get seasick. So, before the ride, I took ginger pills. Didn’t Work At All. I was miserable and cold the whole ride to the Reef. Every time I looked up, my stomach started heaving. I couldn’t even stand up to go use the restroom. I spent the whole time, reading my book – shivering, wet, and needing to pee soooo badly. On the return, this time, I went below deck. That helped a lot with the seasickness. I still had to read the whole time but it wasn’t as bad as the outgoing ride. After that ride, I have sworn off any boat/ship ride that goes past the reef. A cruise was one of my “to do list” which I happily decided to strike it out. =)

Iwentanon – siblings are willing to delude themselves into thinking that we CHOSE to caregive the parents from the bottom of our heart. They do not see it as a chore, or stress or anything that is Not from our heart. Therefore, we do not need a break or vacation from our caregiving. I think deep inside they know this but … they are just as glad that it’s us and not them.

Juju, I think you cried yourself dry. I have reached that point before. It’s like a numbness within. Life becomes faded, laughter is difficult, humor is gone. Hmmm… sounds like depression, doesn’t it?

Sharyn, sneaky friend of yours. She should have approached the son first instead of the mother. Your young co-worker.. here on island, among the females, it is a known fact that husbands/boyfriends who are jealous – likes to keep a tight rein on their wives/gf without it being so obvious. (1). If the wife works, the bf keeps track either by texting, phone calls, etc… (2) They get the wife pregnant with several kids so that she’s busy raising them and has no time to spend with her girlfriends. (3) One car (4) Wife stays home while the bf is off with friends partying, bowling, etc… I’m not sure if this is the case with your coworker, but this sure is prevalent here on island! The scary part is when the wife/gf gets a backbone, the abuse worsens…to the point that they kill the woman.

Book~It is pretty much the case with this young woman. He controls the car even though she paid for it, everything is in both their names even though he does not work...will not work. She did leave him once but she turned up pregnant with their 3rd child...the first 2 are twin girls. He will watch the kids while she is at work, but he texts her, calls her, if she has to go over her time assigned he calls her accusing her of staying because she does want to take care of the children. The problem with this is that she leaves work and puts responsibilities on to us to cover for her...I get tired of it because....guess what...I want to go home too. So i just deal with it because out of the other 2 stores I worked at, I fit more with store. I feel bad for her and other co-workers have told her to get rid of him. She is second in command....

Book~ Yes, this sneaky friend of the past...is a friend of the past because she is what I call a user. She only contacts you when she needs something. When she lived here in town, I refused to answer the phone, my hubby would tell her I was not home because all she wanted from me was to watch her kids so she and hubby or she and a "friend" wanted to go somewhere.

With regards to co-worker, I'd leave things "as is." If hubby thinks that work is responsible for her being "late", he will take out his frustrations on the work place - after he has killed her. Too much in the news of someone going to the wive's workplace and killing everyone indiscriminately - at the same time their wife. The salon, the mall place, etc... She's also in a scary position. If she complains, he goes after her. She's most likely trying to keep the workplace as neutral as possible with him. If I were you, in any work place situation, I will have an emergency plan. If someone enters here, where can I run for safety? Is it a trap? I would not want to run into the restroom - no window to escape out of. Is the emergency door in the back, uncluttered where you can have easy access? Is it padlocked? (Against federal safety regulations).

We had on island, a man who went after his wife. She worked at the clinic. He walked in - in the daytime - and started shooting everyone he met - looking for her. She died and some others. Now, when i go to places, I always keep in mind all the exits. Hopefully, I will remember where it is - when I start to panic with fear.

Book~That is a scary thought...fortunately, I don't work with her too often, she is usually scheduled earlier in the day.I worked with another young woman in the Tracy store, her husband came in on Christmas Day, she was working but she was seeing another man on the side,....her man found out the other man was going to be in store at a certain time, he came in and started a physical fight with the other man. She was not legally married and her main man was also a loser...I am so glad I was not there that day.

Book~the being late off work issue...that is a guilt trip her husband is using. She is second in command which means she has to pick up the slack when the dept. managers are not there. If it means working over her scheduled shift.. so be it.

Re anti-depressants...I have been on them pretty much full time since 1972, other than breaks when I was pregnant or nursing my three kids. My therapist said if I had diabetes would I reject insulin? My problem is probably a chemical imbalance caused when mom was pregnant with me (she had just lost her first child to polio, got pregnant so she would have someone to "take care of her in her old age" her sister and one brother at least accused her of being disloyal to her first child. When she got ready to move out (she was at home because dad was in California in the air force and traveling a lot) the therapist my aunt was seeing convinced her to stay so my aunt would not be institutionalized. Lots of drama and pressure the whole pregnancy so my poor developing nervous system probably never had a chance between that and an apparent family tendency to depression. I've taken most of the antidepressants with varying results, but have finally quit feeling like a failure for "needing medicine to be normal". I take blood pressure meds and thyroid meds without feeling guilty, why should the other stuff. Mom was having a pity party a month or two ago going on about how she was 96, what was the point of living she wished she could just die... after about a week of it I just turned and said, welcome to my world, now you know how I have felt at least 55 of my 60 years. left her speachless for a while...

too late, book. Got a phone call this morning about another supposed incident where someone replaced her scooter battery with an old one. None of the incidents that I or others have investigated have been true. Then she told me, in an unpleasant voice, that I was not doing my job, as I was supposed to be looking after these things for her. Hmmm, that was the tone of the last phone call I had from my sister. I guess when I email the family I will include a brief definition of my job as EPA which does not include trying to resolve mother's paranoid .delusions.
I am more and more wondering about my sister who goes along with all of these. - either she actually believes then or she is going along with them for her own dark purposes, but I am more and more thinking she believes them. She has made up a few real doozies about me over the years.

Not good for much today - a bit of fibromyalgia - fatigue and a little muscle pain. I take a small dose of antidepressant which helps with the muscle pain. I stopped taking it for a while last year and had a dreadful winter. The cold is bad for FM pain,

cm you sound like mother when it comes to taking an antidepressant lol
ju replacing it - that's a thought. Let us know what you decide.
book you are making great strides. but your therapist not showing - baaaad
Sharyn -the lady with the abusive man needs to go to a women's shelter IMO -you are right to stay out of the other drama, re G's kids. I have never even met them. His ex rules the kids still and she has said :No. I am hoping, but not holding my breath, that one day one of them will stand on their hind legs and go against her. It is so disrespectful to him, never mind me.
twentanon -hope you get a break somehow. Those people are very inconsiderate.
lastresort - good for you. Hit a button in your mother somewhere. . I feel that same about the antid's. and about counselling for that matter - you take pills and go for help for physical issues, why not for emotional ones. I think depression is chemical imbalance - either something you are born with and/or something developed due to circumstances - both resulting in an imbalance in neurotransmitters - like what's the shame in that?

I know mother will do her best spoil Christmas for me as she did last year, and holidays etc. etc. etc. I am contemplating just deleting voice mail without listening to it. There hasn't been anything other that abuse/manipulation/emotional blackmail and the ALF will call if there are any real problems. I need a break at Christmas and some time with G over New Years without mamadrama, We are going to E'ton to see a couple of shows. Last year it was 16 abusive emails when we arrived in the hotel. At least this year she is not using her computer and we will not be at home to hear any voice mails.

going to bed early tonight. Hopefully tomorrow will be better
Nite all, sleep well

I too have been struggling with depression. Twice this week I have gone for a 20 minute walk, and it helps so much. The problem is I have anxiety attacks about going outside to walk alone, so I have to wait until someone will go with me. I am hoping that talking about my anxiety will help me let go of the fear and start walking more. Any suggestions?

Envisionnow-when I had severe depression., I could not get myself to go to the fro wry store by myself. I never told anyone, my hubby, children or any other family for fear they would not understand. I would wait until my kids were home. I still have social anxiety and have to prepare myself in advance ..a lot of self talking before the event and on my way there. Maybe you could start small. Taking very short walks increasing how long you are out as time goes by. Or drive to a park and walk around the park a couple times. If you have a dog take the dog with you. If toy know the route you will be walking...visualize it seeing yourself walking, drive the route before hand...visualization is very powerful in helping yourself to move forward, take baby steps...it works. Good luck and hugs!!

Sharynmarie, I like your advice about taking one little step, and visualizing to overcome anxiety.

All you guys who don't want to take antidepressants have an exaggerated idea of how good they feel! I enjoy the lovely high feeling one gets from a painkiller, or from a few drinks, but the anti-d's aren't like that. You would hardly even know you are taking them, except for the hand tremor that becomes more pronounced on Prozac. Most of the others' side effects were minimal, and go away after a while.

They don't make you feel good, or high, or happy.

They make you feel "not bad." They create a bottom for your mood that is not as low as it can get when you are depressed.

Prozac is pretty easy to quit, because it stays in your system for longer. and fades out gradually. Zoloft is a bit harder, but if you give yourself a few weeks and taper off by cutting the dose and eventually taking it every other day, it's fine.

Hey, I'm turning into a drug pusher! lol.

Jinx-i agree..jinx ...there is no high type effect.the only thing I had with prozac was an energizing feeling in the beginning..same as if you drank coffee. I never felt high or like I was floating g on a cloud. Paxil did not help me. Wellbutrin worked great too.

I think you all by now have seen the video going viral by WestJet? I envy those people. I tried to imagine myself checking in. Would I have stopped to do the Santa Ho-Ho thingy? I most likely would NOT. So, I would have missed out on the surprise upon arrival to my destination. I watched that video over and over. I just loved watching the people's reactions. One lady looked like she was crying (she got the camera), and the couple actually got a Big TV!

If you haven't seen it, Google: Westjet surprises passengers with christmas gifts upon arrival.

Emjo that was not even slightly funny!!!!!!!!!! Ohmygod give me the pills now...

I am finally going to Alzheimer's Association meeting in my area,
despite our 86 year old having a guardian, information is scarce.
Because they sold her residence/building to have access to the money (the court)
programs like cash and counseling do not apply because she has liquid money.

Other things are considered private pay, more money than if you were to get someone from the state and since our money was exhausted long ago, we do not have the option for private pay, and the guardian keeps throwing in the stay at the nursing home as our only bet and we keep thinking it will hit her psychologically to the point of no return. We do not want to do that to her. I think she has always had undiagnosed autism, she gets very nervous, she shakes and turns her body cold, when in unfamiliar places, distraught like surviving during war time...

i have gone the natural route, I use "RestZZZ" sleep support from Life Seasons(brand), it contains, GABA Melatonin, Passion Flower and Chamomile.
The other is Ashwaghanda from Gaia (brand) confers immune system protection
combats the effects of stress, improves learning, memory, and reaction time
reduces anxiety and depression without causing drowsiness.

Looked it up, the last is from the list of the Chopra center. I take it because it because it is adaptive and only goes to what you need it for...that being said, my doctors know I am taking them.

Ashwaghanda stabilizes blood sugar, lowers cholesterol, reduces brain-cell degeneration, contains anti-malarial properties (of course I do not need that)offers anti-inflammatory benefits, (and is being considered as potentially one to fight Alzheimer's) but seriously, I felt weak, and it helps with that, and is one month on, one month off.
So I will see what information my Alz.A has in store for me on Wed.

By the way there was no update, about my case, the GAL went into emergency surgery, over Thanksgiving weekend, you know above the law, within the law type and hope he received the eye opening he needed to understand cases better, some things in life just can't be planned for...

Emjo,

You are a great partner to G. He sounds like a great guy too!
The fact that you're trying to get him to realize that he overdoes it, with the driving.
This is dangerous. How is he doing with the rib injury?
Your request is granted.

This is difficult being in the place you're in regarding his ex, and his kids.
I know what I go through w/my husband's friends. They are all from the same culture, not mine. So when I've been invited over the years to their holiday dinners, they're nice to a point with me. But I feel the exclusion, especially when they all start speaking only in their language, that I don't speak. They all speak English too.

Seeing what my sister goes through in her family since she's been divorced, is just stressful for me to be around, and then hear about it too. Yikes! Exactly, why I didn't have the desire to see any of then during TG!
I'm very happy for you that you'll be cooking up this delicious dinner w/your DIL.
I'll bet the two of you are great cooks, too! Can I come up for some moose, I've never tasted that.

Hugs,
Much Love & LIght! Margeaux

My sister called me a day ago. She was telling me that her boyfriend, who has diabetes started to lose vision in one eye. He went to the doctor, and they immediately sent him to the hospital for surgery. Apparently, the retina became detached. So he is recovering now, and has to lie face down for another week. This part of the recovery is so that hopefully the retina will re-attach.
I would appreciate any and all good thoughts for him to this end.

Poor guy....., I did feel bad for my sister also. Her boyfriend doesn't watch his diabetes, either. He likes to drink large size cokes, and other foods he should avoid altogether.

Other than that....she also told me she and her daughter had caught the flu last week. She also followed by saying that she didn't want to go to her boyfriend's house right after the surgery, because he was probably in a bad state having to be lying face down. But another part of her told me, that she wanted to be there.
So I reminded her, that if she'd had a flu bug, this is definitely not the time for her to be going there. My sister at times seems to fluff of having flu bugs, and thinks nothing of exposing others What kind of thinking is this?
But at my mom's they have the, "take your shoes off rule." They're very strict about that also. They do this now, since they installed a new carpet some mos., ago. But also, since the oldest grandkid crawls on the floor, so they don't want him being exposed to germs.

So let's see what the holidays will be like this year, given these recent developments.

O.K., hope you are all having a good weekend.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux