notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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Parisians also have rules for their underground system. However, these have been distributed with a little more sophistication – via an online ‘politeness’ manual released by the Paris transport authority to ensure civility prevails at all times.
Called the ‘Manuel du savoir-vivre à l’usage du voyageur moderne’ – or ‘politeness manual for the modern traveler’ - it lists 12 ‘commandments’ for Parisians to abide by and comes complete with quaint sketches to illustrate the points.
The online guide, which was drawn up using suggestions from the public, is split into four categories – ‘helpfulness’, ‘courtesy’, ‘manners’ and ‘politeness’.
The rules insist that Parisians must offer help to tourists ‘in Bermuda shirts with a metro map in one hand and the other hand in their hair’, hold the door open for passengers behind them – and greet the driver.
Travelers should also understand, the guide states, that ‘the huge crossed out cigarette on the platform is not a work of art but a ban on smoking’.
‘It's worth losing two minutes of your time for a good cause if only to hear the [foreign] passenger struggle to pronounce [the metro stops] 'Trinité d'Estienne d'Orves' or 'La Motte Piquet-Grenelle', it says.
The key no-nos are not playing music too loudly through headphones, resisting the temptation to stare for a long time at beautiful women and holding back from starting a fight with someone who’s just stepped on your toes.
Loud phone conversations should also be avoided, old lady’s bags should be carried up stairs, armpits should be covered by arms and not exposed to the carriage – and handkerchiefs not just used to wave someone off with, but to sneeze into (“keep our germs to ourself”.)
Last but not least – the Metro is not to be mistaken for a lavatory.
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IMPORTANT: Before supplementing with curcumin, talk to your doctor to make sure it WON'T INTERACT with any of your current medications, ESPECIALLY if you are taking a BLOOD THINNER.
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My mom died Dec 20th. Before she died I always wondered how I'd feel when she was gone. Our 'relationship' was anything but loving. And yet I loved her. My feelings toward my mom are so complicated and twisted up that I don't know what I feel when I think of her sometimes... I've always known there was something seriously wrong with my mom but until I found this site I had no idea exactly what it was. I knew about some forms of mental illness but I'd never heard the word narcissist. When I read about narcissism here for the first time I could literally feel the bells clanging in my head. Finally, I had the answer. That was profound for me. All my life I'd wondered what in the hell my mom's problem was and there it was, right in front of me. Every sign. Every symptom. Knowing that there was a name to the kind of craziness I've dealt with was the biggest relief, the most crushing weight off that you can imagine. The day I read about narcissism and could tell someone, anyone, in all honesty what my mom was REALLY like and have them just get it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me in my whole life. The second that I read about narcissism I realized for probably the first time in my life that I wasn't crazy. It felt like I hadn't taken a breath in 48 years and now I finally could. Lawd, finally there's proof that I'm not imagining things...
Trying to describe to anyone what my mom was really like was almost impossible. It's not that I couldn't find words to describe her, it's that nobody believed me. They looked at me like I was crazy. My mom was always on her best behavior in front of other's. Always. So nice. So sweet. So cuddly. Yeah. Sometimes, people talking to me about how 'nice' my mom was drove me bat shit crazy. I'd just have to grit my teeth most of the time and keep my mouth shut, but a few times I did try and tell friends. Unfortunately for my mom though, she messed up and let her mask slip a couple of times in front of close family friends. They got it then. They were shocked to see my mom truly in action. And by the looks on their faces as my mom was literally having me for dinner in front of them they were embarrassed for me. The fact that my mom would degrade me so badly in front of others was embarrassing to them, too, but my mom didn't get that. It was awkward for one of our friends to come here, she used the word 'ugly' when describing how my mom had verbally shredded me in front of her one day. Indeed.
As a kid it came to me somehow that my mom was setting me up to fail. I knew it in my gut, I knew there was something seriously wrong with this concept and in that moment of knowing, like I knew the sun would rise, I just quit caring. I didn't give a tinker's damn about pleasing my mom anymore and I let it be known. I knew I was going to be in for war, but war be damned. This woman wasn't going to rule me anymore.
In order to 'escape' my mother I knew I was going to be in for one hell of a mental joyride through hell. Nobody tells my mom 'NO' when she wants something. She's like a pit bull with a t bone. She won't let loose. My mom, when thwarted, went into seek and destroy mode. At that point, I didn't give a shit. I was geared for battle. I had my own trusty weapon. Anger.
As a kid I knew my mom's standards were so impossibly high that there was no hope of me even coming close to reaching them so I just quit bothering. Unfortunately my mom could make me do things as a kid, but I wondered the lengths she'd go to to keep her hooks in me now that I was an adult. .
My mom treated me like the hired help. She'd say 'Get up and...' (usually something involving scrubbing or cleaning)and her tone was so commanding that it left no room for doubt that she expected you to jump and drop everything right then and there to do her bidding... I used to resent the hell out of being ordered all the time, having someone lord it over me with an iron fist, trying to dictate and dominate my every move and annihilate my every thought. I was sick to death at my mom requiring me to be something else, somebody else, just to please her and have peace. I decided I wouldn't lift a single finger as long as she talked to me like that and I told her that one day. She wanted me to do something and I wasn't feeling well. I told her I'd get to it the next day. No, that wasn't good enough. She wanted it done now. I told her, again, that I wasn't feeling great and I really just didn't feel up to housework at the moment. Then the screeching and yelling and screaming and name calling would begin... It was like a torrent, an avalanche, of anger that she hit me with just for simply telling her that she'd have to wait a day for me to get that work. She would literally scream 'I want it done NOW!!' like a 2 year old having a hissy fit. It was insane.
Well, I thought, fuck it. I was so angry at her at that point in time that I was more merciless than she was and I gave it back to her in spades. I yelled and screamed right back, something I usually tried to avoid doing. Most of the time I simply walked away or left the house. Not this time. This time I knew that to grab some dignity back from my mom I was going to have to turn into a bigger devil than she was, a stronger devil, a more relentless devil. My mom was relentless. If she got pissed off about something she'd gnaw on it for sometimes mere days, sometimes mere weeks, and sometimes endless months..... And the whole time her mouth is going. She's raising hell morning noon and night. She's yelling at me every single time she see's me. She bangs on my door calling me all kinds of vile names. She'd follow me hurling abuse. All day. All night. Every day. Every night. She just wouldn't stop. She harped. She badgered. She threw things. She sometimes got physically abusive. It always amazed me how much energy my mom seemed to possess when she was in a rage and wanting her way... It amazed me that she was willing to expend so damn much of it trying to keep me in a strangle hold. Trying to break away from a narcissist is going to be the biggest battle you'll ever fight and you best be ready mentally. It can get really ugly. If I simply wanted to go somewhere and my mom didn't want me to she'd utterly lose her mind. I was astounded, blown away, every single time I thought about just what lengths my mom was willing to go to to keep me under lock and key, to keep me in her shadow the rest of my life. I just didn't, couldn't, get the kind of mentality that needed so much control that they'd be willing to HURT you to maintain it. God, I felt so much anger myself by the time I decided my mom was going to cut loose come hell or high water. One way or the other, she would shut the fuck up. I was going to shut her up no matter what it took for me to do it.
This sounds weird, but I've always thought that when it came to me my mom acted like those crazy boyfriends and girlfriends, the stalkers, you see on tv, not like a mother. For every single millimeter of freedom I gained I had to fight a long and bloody war. I had to resort to threats of bodily harm, I had to literally get in my mom's face and threaten to kick her ass seven ways to Sunday if she didn't back off me, if she didn't learn about a thing called 'boundaries' real quick.
I like to think I'm an ok person. I like to think I'm possessed of at least some intelligence and common sense. But what I had to turn into to deal with my mom, to deal with such a controlling personality and try and get free of it will haunt me the rest of my days. I turned into as much of an abuser as I mom. I became an even bigger abuser. I had to. I had to beat my mom at her own game somehow, and all my mom ever understood was anger. If you wanted her to hear a thing you said you had to scream louder. God, I've hated myself for that. I hated for having to stoop to my mom's level. But you poke a tiger in a cage long enough it's just a matter of time before it tries to bite your head off. That's what it always felt like with my mom. Like she had the stick and she took great pleasure out of jabbing me with it on a daily basis. To break out of that cage she insisted I live in with her I had to fight her like a caged animal. That's what being around my mom always made me feel like. A beast willing to gnaw it's on leg off to be free of the trap.
Yeah, getting free of someone controlling like that isn't easy. I'm not sure if what I've said makes any sense. I know people would probably have expected me to 'talk' to my mom, 'reason' with her, say nice, polite things...you know, just like everyone says it should be to play well with others in this life. Unfortunately, 'talking' and 'reasoning' didn't work with my mom. She didn't understand the concept. Try reasoning with a run away bull dozer while you're standing in front of it.
My mom's crazy personality attracted every predator within a hundred mile radius. It's like the word 'SUCKER' was glowing in bright neon to every taker around. If you told her what she wanted to hear she liked and trusted you. Immediately. On the spot. Unfortunately for me I was the only one that told her what she never wanted to hear...the truth. The one she should have trusted, me, she didn't. The ones she never should have trusted, she did. I've had to stand by and watch my mom get taken advantage of by these blood suckers and there was nothing I could do about it. My mom was very fond of telling me that I was a mental case with no friends, that I 'never got along' with anyone and of course I would never have all the 'good friends' like she had. Yeah, well, I'd rather be alone than be surrounded by grinning wolves any day of the week. I've had to go up against some seriously hard core takers to STOP them from conning my mom. I'm not inclined to be very friendly toward people that I know are throwing out stupid sob stories for sympathy when it comes to the rent. Sometimes the same renter, month after month, would come to the house AGAIN with some lame excuse as to why they couldn't pay the rent or all of the rent, and my mom would say OF COURSE she understood. Of course, it was FINE. No problem. :D Um...what? By the 2nd month of seeing these losers I already had their number and I made no bones about it to my mom. I told my mom she was being taken for a ride, that going 3-4 months without paying what you owe in rent every month was NOT ok. She would say that I was just a miserable bitch that didn't like anyone. These people were so NICE, and I was just jealous that people loved her and that I was a loner that 'couldn't get along' with people. I'd listen to her talk to me like that and I'd seethe. I mean, really? How would anyone react to a con artist in their midst? I can see a taker coming from a thousand miles away. My mom was blind to them and she wasn't about to listen to the advice of someone as 'worthless' as myself. I just remember thinking sometimes, 'You poor, clueless bitch...' I couldn't make my mom listen, and these people had woken the dragon... lol I got to the point dealing with people taking advantage of my mom (which started happening more and more often as time went on) that I literally confronted them about it and made it very clear that I didn't want them in my house and that they were no longer welcome to set foot through my door. I refused to let these people see my mom anymore. I made it very clear that from now on, they'd deal with me when it came to the rent, that my mom was no longer available. Ever. And since they were 3 months behind on the rent, I wanted the full amount due within the week or I wanted them off the property. Any questions? My mom raged. She screamed because I did that. Told me it was none of my gd business what she did or who she saw or who she talked to... I had to make it my business. What else? Stand by and watch someone else walk away with a check? The day I found out she had co-signed a fat 5 digit check for some loser bitch, her days of handling the money were over. And there was hell to pay. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to protect the elderly from themselves. It burned that she was so good, so understanding, so kind and compassionate toward these morons but treated her own daughter like something you wipe off the bottom of your shoe... My mom should have been thanking God she had people around that cared about her, had her back, looked out for her. Had someone talked her into signing her properties away it wouldn't have surprised me. She would give her credit card number to strangers who called, not really knowing much about who they were, if they were legit, etc. She didn't ask questions, she just believed what someone said and got into some major credit card trouble where fraud was involved...it was unreal. Dealing with my mom's crazy personality and ways has worn me the hell out. I need some good in my life. Peace. Tranquility. Quiet.
Through these years I've come to really distrust people as a whole. Dealing with my mom's personality and the types of people she'd attract drove me mad. My instinct for losers is so strong at this point that nobody could con me if they wanted to. I can see a con artist coming a long way off and I have nothing for them. If I'm forced to be around people that give me really bad vibes and forced to endure their presence for long I can become physically ill in a very short period of time. Some people give off such a strong, toxic vibe that I literally feel squirmy and queasy when I'm around them. I hate that feeling so much that I will be mean and rude to such people. I will tell such people that they really shouldn't come around me anymore. I am merciless with such people, that's how badly I want those types the hell out of my world...
I'm babbling. I'm weary and tired almost all the time. To gain even a tiny inch with my mom meant playing major hardball sometimes. I'm glad I don't have to play anymore. I know who I am and who and what kind of person I want to be. That person is nothing at all like my mom. Dealing with a narcissistic personality is always an uphill battle. There's always a war going on. It's always something with a narcissist.
Solitude, aloneness, is sweet right now. .
My, that did get long...
Curcumin is a very powerful herb. It contains anti-inflammatory properties,
hence is very good for those kinds of conditions. I drink it in hot water,and you don't have to put too much in there, either. I do this when I run out of my green tea, (reminds me have to go to Chinatown) for that. Cinnamon can bring your blood pressure down. Yes, there are some good things out there, we just have to find them.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I'm glad that you read about Narcissism. When I first joined this thread, I sure needed it too. Mother's sister, (who I named the battle ax), could sound somewhat like your mom. She throughout her lifetime was always present in our lives w/in our family because she and mom shared a very co-dependent relationship between themselves, then she didn't have any children. Mother was a narcissist too, but of a different variety. Mom and dad too for the enabling allowed our aunt to do her psychological abuse on we, her nephews and nieces. Of course on account of the gender biases in our family, and expectations by the two elder daughters (first me, then sis), we got the brundt of our aunt's wrath.
Oh boy....did she ever take us for a ride.
Of course, when I was younger.....I was quite the obedient and people pleaser.
That changed in terms of how I eventually related to both mother as an adult,
and definitely our aunt. I lived at mom's years ago, while dad was suffering with cancer. The battle ax lived there too, at the time. She was always being very opinionated about different things, many to do w/my parents. She had this terrible habit of snickering behind my dad's back, and trying to make fun of him. Well,
she tried erroneously to say some things to me in this vein too many times, and she really started to get on my nerves, and basically I wasn't having any more of her piss poor behavior anymore. Mind you she lived there, for free, and pretty much dad (because he loved to cook), enjoyed of the benefits of having most of her food taken care of. But of course I think sometimes she was poking fun at some of the things dad had made for dinner. I thought...."Gee, lucky her, if she doesn't like it, why doesn't she make her own food." But because mother seemed to feel oh so sorry for her sister. Dad too, some of her behavior was so in his face and abusive......he'd always make excuses and allowances for it. This was big part of the reason she turned into such a monster. This is where I started to draw the line. I was tired of the enabling by both mom and dad. But of course when I started to stand up to her, oh were we in for some battles. She even was lying/turning the tables as to what was going on. If you can believe it.....here I was helping out w/dad's cancer issues, like docs appointments, and some caregiving especially towards the end of his life, and having to put up w/her.
Some fights got so bad between her and myself, that one time she threatened to call the authorities on me, and later much to my total disappointment.....mom I found was in her camp!
After dad died, I moved the heck out of that house. Basically I told mother, who was now 80 yrs. old, I just wasn't going to live there.....because I wasn't going to tolerate the battle ax's abuse anymore.
She's dead now, 2 yrs. But my sister is the one who moved into mother's home,
to do the caregiving. They never ever got along, way back from childhood.
But my sister was more the appointed one in terms of the POA. Besides, I feel like my sister felt like she owed our aunt something. Even though my aunt was this horrible individual......I must credit her w/doing things too especially for my sister and her two kids. Previous to living w/mom & battle ax, had rented a small house from the battle ax, for way below market value. Our aunt had also babysat my sister's daughters when they were of school age. But of course the other factor is also that this aunt was living w/mother. So in essence if sis moved in w/mom, well she'd have to deal w/her too.
Caring for the two elders, wasn't an easy task for my sister, of which she did get help. But no less, the behavior problems w/our aunt you can imagine got very bad. She was never diagnosed for any mental disorders either.
In essence......when I came to this forum.....I felt kind of beat up, because even though I didn't live in that household I did do some CG relief for my sister.
I also was hearing about every kind of abuse committed by our aunt, and how she eventually was doing divide and conquer w/in the family to we siblings, via inheritance, and all of that. It felt awful my knowing, this lady isn't right from the head, but not knowing what to call it. I did suggest to my sister to try to see how we could get her evaluated, but unfortunately instead of really hearing what I was saying, my sister was too bonded to acting out and either fighting w/her, or fanning flames. At some point in that game, I would just listen to the complaints, and that was that.
I know you did a very long haul with your mom, what was it 10 yrs.?
Despite whatever, I'm sure you did a good job, there's no question about that.
It's normal to feel some of what you are feeling too. Even when my dad passed,
as much as I loved him......there were some anger issues I experienced, too.
Well what I can offer is keep reading up about the Narcissism.
At the very least we end up knowing that we're not the ones just behaving badly.
Yes, it's crazy making stuff, too.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
So yesterday, upon feeling this way....I was in a garden supply store w/my husband. I was looking at a display. A store employee walks past me accompanied by this woman talking very loudly. I could hear her asking him questions before they happened upon me. When she saw me, she says, "Oh,
you need to comb your hair." Ouch, I thought! I of course was quite surprised at this remark.
Yes it was rude, and all you want to call it. But because of my small triumph I'd described w/volume......I felt deflated at hearing this. Well, obviously there was something wrong w/this woman, because she continued to make remarks to this employee of the store about, "why do people let their hair get so dry, blah di blah!" The were long past me too, in the store and I could still hear her. I just laughed, but this didn't do a thing for my deflated ego. I came home later, and put some hair oil on the ends. So I'm not sure about this product yet, but I always have had thin, flyaway hair. I don't think the weather is helping either.
As we were leaving the store, some other employees got our attention....as we heard her asking someone questions a few isles away. One of them made a remark about how he wished the lady would shut up, make her purchase and leave. Anyway, speaking of dysfunction, I wonder what mental disorder she has.
BTW, her hair looked like it had been died so many times it had that green hue to it. She was no Lady Godiva in terms of hair.
Margeaux
As for your hair, buy a chic hat and then let your hair be its natural lovely self. Cosy in this cold weather, too! - you lose a lot of heat through your head.
The elder abuse, emotional, ex: threatening abandoment if her mother talked to her ex-husband. Slapping her hand if she touched the thermostat at her daughters home (after her mother paid to fill her oil tank so she would not be cold there). Neglecting to provide medical care when she was ill at her daughters home. Having her mother pay for her daughters groceries, her childrens (3) school clothes, and electric bills and many restaurant bills paying for family of 5.
As my MIL's dementia worsened to moderate Alzheimers my husband, POA took over the finances which stopped the daughter's gravy train.
The daughter went from calling her mother "mother" and now calls her Mommy. So strange!
When my MIL went to rehab after fractured hip I went into therapy room to see how she was doing. My MIL had high heeled shoes on. I asked the PT workers why, They said her daughter took her sneakers home. When it was found my MIL's blood count was critically low, my husband had to authorize her to go to hospital. He texted his sister who texted back....and said he was torturing her.....why not let her go home and let nature take its course, all i want is money left over! She did not care her mother was bleeding!
There has been many instances of her selfishness..... but I cringe at all the things we don't know for the things we do know are sickening. It is obvious she is trying to hasten her demise! Presently refuses to follow schedule (which is best for a dementia patient to have a schedule) for my MIL. She is 94 and keeps her up until 11:00 pm when her regular time is 8:00 pm. Refuses to follow the doctor prescibed diet and encourages her to use salt. This makes her short of breath, gain weight, and tired. The live in care giver was so worried about her care from her daughter she stayed over night on her time off just to see what was going on. The boyfriend and daughter drank gin and tonic (many). She did not do anything to adhere to her schedule.
Now she is calling her mother at times when she knows she would be asleep. 7:15 am,and 8:30 pm. The daughter constantly says caregivers say things they don't. The latest thing is her and boyfriend have exploited her mother of valuables, which a lawyer is now handling. My husband did not want to have to deal with his sister, really had dragged his feet because he knows dealing with this narcissist is a no win situation. We can't have a restraining order to keep daughter from her, her mother would never understand that. She actually needs supervised visitation.
I feel my concerns to her doctors and mom's pastor really fall on deaf ears. I realize there is little they can do. One doctor said the daughter is only there 1 weekend/ month and we have to deal with it. By the time the caregiver comes back from her weekend off my MIL is exhausted. I know someday soon, after my MIL is gone I will have the opportunity to confront my SIL.
Just a plain service and lunch in the basement. That was it. That was enough with Hurricane Ruth (my mother) around throwing up everywhere and in hysterics with anybody who had the misfortune of sitting near her. There was one contingent who preferred to stand in the kitchen than come out and have to sit near her. Can you blame them? I can laugh at it now because it was just so outrageous, but it was not funny at the time! And guess who was mad as a snake when she was put in a hotel room instead of staying in our apartment for the wedding night! Ha! We should have let her stay and embarrassed the snot out of her that night with newlywed antics.
Has anyone talked to mom to find out what SHE wants? Is she able to communicate her opinion?
But seriously now, your mother thought she should be staying in your apartment -on your wedding night??? Did she think she'd forgotten to tell you some of the key facts or something?!
I forgot to mention that I knit for sanity. I also crochet, tatt, sew, spin, and play the accordion. Not all at the same time (ha ha ha). I love my spinning wheel. It's very soothing and zen to get it going in a rhythm and see the fibers twisting into something vaguely yarn-like.
@Norestforweary - wow. She needs a court-appointed guardian. Greed sure does terrible things to people. I am so sorry. I'd still make the vulnerable adult report just to give that SIL something to be concerned about, especially since MIL isn't able to fend for herself. This is when I really hope that guardian angel thing is real.
SA - Barb Happy to see you here. I know some people in my generation in the family don't get it. Her generation all got it. I hear you about being exhausted. I am so weary of it all. As you say, there is always something. Mother had this crazy energy when she was on a rant which was often. The rest of us would be wiped out by the ranting and fighting and she was still blazing. I can identify with much of what you write, ((((((hugs)))))
Margeaux - yes, crazy-making stuff, I had to stand up to it. I just could not swallow the garbage, the put downs to other people behind their backs etc. The lady who commented about your hair obviously has a problem!!!
noresstfortheweary - nasty situation with your sil. She obviously has many problems. Good thing it is only one weekend a month, but even then I can see why it worries you. You are right about the supervised visitation. Hope you can address some of those issues.
sandwich Hah - my father booked us into an exclusive place as part of the wedding present (first marriage). We were delighted until we saw the room - 2 single beds! Message???? Mother was throwing fits so we moved the wedding up 5 months. Had it been as originally set I probably would not have married him - not a good choice as it turned out. Mother insisted that she had to wear a certain colour and that my future mil had to find something that went with that. It was all about mother. Spinning - cool!
Quiet day here thankfully. My oldest grandson dropped by and stayed for tea and cookies. I offered him my father's old binoculars and he was happy to take them. One more item out of the house. Think I have someone to help with the housework - my ex's cousin's daughter. His cuz stayed with us a short while when she had that daughter as she lived in the north where there was no hospital. I have known her off and on a long time. I know I can trust her in the house and to do a decent job.
And spring is just around the corner!!! - well almost...
Goodnight all
norestforweary~Can you and your husband remove all valuables from your mil's home so the daughter does not have access to the?. All important papers and info, even if you have to put them in a strong box or safe...even a safe deposit box. Just don't put valuable watches in a safe deposit box, it does something to them so the don't work. If she and her boyfriend are drinking large amounts while caregiving for her, I would document it even if you have to have the paid caregiver (Pay her extra for doing it) video it on her cell phone and send it to you. Yes reporting it to APS and informing them of the weekend she is there so maybe they can pay a visit during that time.
Sandwich~You sound like you do a lot of crafts to relax, create and enjoy yourself...glad you don't do all at the same time, LOL!! Yes, overly expensive weddings are the norm and only for show...it does not reflect the love or reality of the peoples lives. My dil's dress was custom made and so was her mother's. Now granted , my dil is obese, so I can see where that may have been necessary. Her mother wanted the best, it is shame to spend beyond your budget, then pay for it for next few years.
Margeaux~HOW RUDE, indeed!! Something is not right with that woman. I see all types of rude with my job...I am still amazed at just how rude some people can be.
Joan~Two single beds, LOL!! Get real!! When hubby and i went on our honeymoon (Carmel, CA) we went on the 17 mile drive, a very scenic drive with beautiful homes, Pebble Beach,etc...as we were driving along, there was a car behind us that looked like my parents, LOL!! I joked with my husband, I wouldn't be surprised if it was my mom. Of course it wasn't, but I wouldn't put it past her to do something like that. Glad you had a quiet day for a change.
Sis is going to meet our brother around 10am tomorrow so I won't be able to take mom to lunch. Instead I will bring her some treats, bring Midget and just visit, take a walk. My daughter has calmed down after talking with St. Luke's in Boise. They reassured her that her dr is experienced with multiple births and is very good at referring patients to them when she foresees problems. She has to consume 200 gms of protein a day...having some problems trying to do that, plus has to take extra vitamins like iron and folic acid because of twins. All bases are covered. Gotta go, gonna make some enchiladas tonight so we have those to eat the next couple days.
Good night all, take care!!
Benign neglect might be the intention, but its effects are not often benign in fact. At the other extreme there is insane, controlling possessiveness and exploitation. Respect to those parents who manage to find exactly the right balance - I'm sure most of us are slightly off-centre one way or the other.
Namaste...oliveoyl
they only see this stuff as word against word and
it is only the caregivers who notice the creeps, after the people die, that we caregive for, we will be bittersweet, but one of the perks(if you can call it that) is that we will never have to deal with the A-------, ever again, I look forward to it.
So this post is kind of random, but open for comments if you guys care to. My goal is to work my way back into finding my voice again among you kind people who understand about what I'm going through.
I've been little-girl-lost for past many months. Skipped the entire holidays, even. Spent them in bed, just glad for the break that my father wasn't here for a few days.
Whether physical illness (recovering from toxic mold environment I lived in for past couple years) or mental distress (from yet more unforeseen chaos and problems, which has been THEE common theme of caregiving for me thus far - that is to say, there is always something really sh*tty just around the corner, its bad and I'm going to be completely unprepared for it), it just became a miserable existence for several months. But I feel hope again and THAT is really good, really promising. But I swear, if the house burns down or I break my leg or something, I'm gonna lose my ever-loving mind. I just need things to be "normal crazy" for awhile. I'm a wimp, what can I say.
I've been reading here and there. I've learned a lot about dealing with "less than" family relationships. I thank you all for continuing to bravely share the ugly side of all this.
(((HUGS))) I had a decent day today, hurrah!!!
It's been a long time coming! Great news, indeed.
I hope for everyone's sake, especially you.....she can get the medication, or other attentions she needs. About the phone......so glad on that front.
Big Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux