The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Sharyn I really enjoy my craft group some of the women are so talented -I just plug along with my Charlie Brown laprobes using donated yarn all colors-the group donates to many places.

Austin~a craft group would be fun. I am always amazed at how talented some people are, they can make up their own patterns and just make an afghan in 3-5 days where it takes me a couple months to make an afghan. Hopefully a baby blanket won't take me that long, it only needs to be 45 inches, LOL!!

Jesus, Emjo - Do you like babies?

Poached or chilled…?

would post more but not good day today. Keep well everyone xxx

cm - love babies the right temperature. Look after you.

reduced the antid for the fibro and OK so far. I was getting side effects - funny heads and tired all day - just useless. Love no phone calls!!! What a relief! The old cat has a some deep breathing but no difference in him otherwise. I will watch him and see if I want to take him to the vet this week. He doesn't act or look like he is in any distress. Better get some shopping down - didn't want to drive with the side effects.

Take care all

Sharyn, Emjo, Book, and all,
I am certainly looking forward to what all is gleaned from third parties, FINALLY!
I appreciate your comments!

glad - can you explain more...

Glad, did you post something since I last came online like 13 hours ago? It's now 8pm, and the last time I looked in my Kindle it was 7am.

Glad-You must feel relief knowing 3rd parties are following up on the IRA...hopefully it wool be resolved soo

Sunday and Monday were very painful days at work. Today my back feels really good. Hoping the pain is gone..tired of being grumpy.

ah the IRA - it all is coming out in the wash. Who is going to look bad now? I hope they ding it to her!!!

sharyn - hope your back stays well. Very thankful I don't have that issue.

Got a bit more done today - life is looking up! :D

The pulled muscle triggered the sciatica, how I don't know but it hurt enough yesterday, I was weepy at times and felt put upon when asked to do additional duties. Hopefully tonight will be better, only work a 5 hour shift the next 3 days.

aw, Sharon. I'm sorry. I find Robaxin helps my fibro muscle issues, It tends to relax the muscle. There are different forms combined with ibuprofen, or acetaminophen, or aspirin, or plain. Do you do any exercises to strengthen your back? That is supposed to help, but not when the pain is acute. Time off should help. This problem seems to be getting worse and worse for you.

Book, probably. I spend so much time here, except for this crazy day. It is hard to keep track. When I have my wall private do my comments sho up in your profile? The profile section is very useful to try to track discussions.

And I have been wondering what the heck is the difference between others finding a post helpful vs. Like. At the risk of sounding stupid, I think I finally figured it out. Helpful is in the question portion of the site, and likes are from the discussion portion.

Conservator is looking very closely at actions of sis. She did not tell them about mom's IRA. She knew about long term care policy lapsing and did nothing... Oh yea, you bet, she took care of mom and assets for years and years. Makes me I'll to think about. The strangest thing that the conservator has requested from me is a pay stub from my last job three years ago. I had explained the impact all of this has has on me financially and told her how much I made which was pretty darn good! I think she asked for it to establish my credibility and to show I am not a liar which is fine, I HAVE NOT LIED TO ANYBODY ABOUT ANYTHING! I would never have done that in this situation because it could easily come back to haunt me. I still had a stub that I was able to find, scanned and sent it to conservator. I would really hate to be in their position and try to figure out who is hiding what from whom, and who can you trust in this mess anyway?!

Joan~It does seem like since December my sciatic issues have been getting worse. In Dec. it was my left side which never happens, it is usually the right side. I was in a car accident in the early 90's that brought it all on. A Chiropractor told me my lower back is swayed more than normal which is going to cause me lower back issues. I do stretches for my lower back but I am going to have to look on the net for some exercises to strengthen it as well. I am closing the bakery more often now which requires more lifting of boxes with frozen dough loaves of french bread,etc so it thaws out over night in the fridge so it can be baked in the morning.In addition to this, I have been closing a combination of both bakery and deli because the woman I posted about who refused to learn to put a supply load away...was transferred. They hired a new girl without posting for an opening in bakery/deli which means the new girl does not get training hours. She has just been thrown in...she is only 19 yrs old, and after 4 weeks she still can't close on time. Now the pressure is on us because we are expecting an inspection any day now which means everything must have a date on it, nothing can be out of code, and super clean. Plus they don't want us working past our scheduled time. Well, good luck on that...it is not happening. Enough venting about that, LOL!!

Our real estate agent came in the store tonight, he said he cannot locate a phone number or address for my mother's next door neighbor. He moved out over a year ago. The fence between his house and mom's is missing some planks, we have the planks but since it has to be fixed on the neighbors side...we have not fixed it. Andrew said he will fix it for us, either jump the fence or see if his gate to the backyard is not locked. This neighbor lost his wife to ovarian cancer about 5 years ago, what we did find out is that he owes around $350,000.00 on the house...more than he originally paid for it, we think he took out loans against the house because of medical expenses with his wife. Very said situation.

I am going to have to contact my sister, unfortunately. 1) I have a rebate credit card from the security company (mom's security on the house), it expires next month. It is for $100, I would like to use that to get a curtain rod and curtains on the sliding glass door. With my back issues, there is no way I am going to attempt taking down the vertical blinds for repair. 2) I need an update regarding the estate liquidators and if the estate is going as planned on March 1-2. I doubt my sister has made any effort to keep in touch with them.

Sorry for such a long post and rambling on...Have a good night...2 more days then I am off Fri/Sat. Can't wait!!!

Glad, thanks for explaining more on this. It just soooo interesting. Much more than a soap opera. Because this is Real Life events – 100% (and not just based on 3% of a true event with Lots of Embellishment.) I don’t even keep my check stubs. I have all of my tax returns since I started working. It’s filed somewhere in this house… I think.

Sharyn, I agree with Emjo. Your sciatic issues have been increasing. The key is stretching and also building up strength with the muscles – especially if you’re lifting stuff. Would it also help if you use those back protectors that I see Kmart stockers using? I know that the person I spoke to you about had to wear a back brace for a while. Then she weaned herself off it because the doctor said that if you use the brace too much, it weakens your muscle due to not using your muscles.

Glad, when you put everything private, it's private. I cannot see any of your posts or Hugs given to you. Only thing we can see is all about you info (profile). BUT, if someone started "Following" you Before you went All Private, then they can keep track of ALL of your comments on the Public threads. They cannot see the Hugs you give to others.

Book, now, if people started following me I would really become paranoid, don't they call that stalking?! LOL!

I really love my friends on this site and appreciate their kind words and understanding always.

Glad-I received the biofeeze yesterday. Am liking it very deep penetrating cold. No oder so I can take it to work too. Thanks for the info on this product.

Book-i found some exercises. I will check them out more later this morning.

Sharyn-
I'm glad you are happy with it, so far. I love the stuff! Hope it helps.

Glad,

Your recent posts, are definitely Karma.
When Golden Boy was POA, he too had a very greedy outlook about anything that had to do with mother's and her sister's financial assets. It's really interesting, because now that I know more about mental conditions, e.g., ADHD, and other personality disorders......I've told my sister many times I do suspect he has ADHD. Since my parents invested so much hope, and pumping him up because they thought this was going to make him responsible, instead of showing him some kind of discipline about things in life. He's younger that both my sister and myself, too. So when he finally failed to take care of business, and mom's sister got wind of that.....plus the fact she was a narcissist, of course these two had a fight, which is when the POA was switched over to my sister and our youngest brother. In essence he's always been very irresponsible. But I do remember the day when Golden Boy used to go around with a bully attitude, and was also quite rogue as to his approach about mom and our aunt. But never did their care as they became older ever get addressed. He was just parading around giving the false impression he was some kind of empressario w/in our family. Well, no more!
He's had some serious health problems, and guess what? He doesn't have support from his wife.....because she got thrown out by him almost two years, ago. So when the s**t has hit the fan, and he needed moral support, guess who came to the rescue on several occasions now, we, his sisters.

Anyway, I really feel that when people think they're manipulating, trying to get over on people, at some point the truth comes out. I'm very happy for you, that this is what is happening. Wow, allowing a long term policy to lapse, brilliant!
Yes, Golden Boy, didn't pay mom's car insurance while he was still POA.
This was at the very time when mom got diagnosed for ALZ, and really shouldn't have been driving anymore, but was for errands. My sister discovered this fact, when she was named POA. We both agreed we were fortunate that for that last year, mom didn't get into a car accident, because that would have spelled disaster on different levels!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Sharynmarie,
I had a job many years ago, which involved lots of lifting boxes.
We were taught to use our knees, bending them to accomplish the lift action.
But also, this is a good idea.....looking into some exercises to strengthen that area. Your stomach muscles do help the lower back, as has been noted.
But believe it or not, the Gluteous Maximus muscles also come into play here.
Sounds to me like you'd do good acqainting yourself with some kind of pelvic tilt exercise. This is a floor exercise, where one presses the small of the back into the floor and alternates pushing that area toward the ceiling. Doing some hip rotations, (put your hands on your hips, and balance the weight between the feet)
and do a full 360 rotation with emphasis on the hip area. Of course start out slow if you're having trouble getting down on the floor, too.
My back pain subsided, but I'll have to look into this Biofreeze product, sounds good!

Happy crocheting!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Received Sacro Wedgy today. Laid on it for 10 mins. I think it will help me, again, it seems to help open up the area where I tend to have trouble. Teacher in gym class has us arch our backs and I realized by back does NOT arch, lol, its very much locked in place. I think I liked the male version better, it was slightly thinner and longer, I think was better fit for me but this female version is just fine, too.

Ok, just wanted to throw in an update on Sacro Wedgy. Hope everyone is having good Wednesday, hugs all around!

Margeaux~The exercises I found are "strengthen the lower back" it is on the real the website simple. They target the deep lower back muscles, obliques, hips and legs. There are 4 exercises and it says about 15 minutes a day. Gonna start next week after hubby goes back to work (he is on vaca this week).

When I get paid on Friday, will order the Sacro Wedgy. I am leaning toward the male version too. Well Alison, your back doesn't arch, mine is swayed too much...at least we don't walk hunched over, LOL!!

Well my sis vetoed the curtains and rod idea which I knew she would. Her response...Where? $100 for drapes? $100 will barely cover the rod. Oh well, my idea isn't highbrow enough for her...not my problem.

I should order some biofreeze for Gary. He has lots of aches and pains from past broken bones.

Sharyn, I am glad it is helping. Exercise is a must for bad backs and abdominal muscle exercise very much so. A major cause of back pain is weak abdominal muscles. Mother has several deteriorated discs, but because her core torso muscle tone is good she doesn't have back trouble. Too bad about her curtains -her problem!

glad - it must feel very good seeing the chickens coming home to roost. Your sibs have put you through a lot. I hope it all comes out and those that should,
pay the penalties. Then you can sit back and gloat! Will they ever speak to you again?

alison - happy for you that you found the sacro wedgy and it is helping. Woo hoo!!! Any word when your dad is returning?

Austin - you asked about low fat food a while ago for your bf. Any lean cut of meat, foul, fish and veggies with no butter is good. Home made soups are good. Legumes are good - split pea soup , or chili if you pour off the fat after browning the meat. Cut out cheese - very high fat, and stick to fruit desserts. I am sure you can find lots of low fat recipes on line.

The social worker called to ask me if it was OK for her to spend some of mother's money on getting her hearing aids cleaned and getting new batteries. Mother asked for this to be done. Since mother is competent, I don't understand why they have to ask me. I guess I will find out when I see them. I asked how mother was and she said about the same. I mentioned that I thought a higher dose of antipsychotic was probably needed as the paranoia is much worse than when she was on it before. She has been on it for about 1 1/2 weeks now and I would have expected to see a little difference. If go to see her it will be to assess how she is, as I would probably pick up subtle differences faster than they do.

Perennially tired! Saw an article which said that people with an abusive background are more likely to have chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia. Makes sense to me. You can't live with that kind of stress without it having some effect on your health. Lost 3 lbs this week - hope for at least another 5 before we go on holiday.

I thought I was depressed again, but got up early and did stuff around the house which doesn't fit the picture. I think maybe I am just sad and facing that I have to withdraw more from family for my health. It is a form of loss, which as been ongoing for a while. I don't know how I will handle mother when (if) she is released but I know I have to protect myself. Also, I am still grieving the loss of my girlfriend. My ex sounds tired and has a flu which won't go away, and lots of job stress. Gary is stressed out about the horse case coming up and his lawyer loses things and cancels things... my confidence in that man is lower than ever.

A good thing this week - I had a nice surprise when I heard from the gal who I knew over 50 years ago. She gave me some compliments and reflected back to me how she saw me those many years ago and now. I compared that and the feedback I get from here and other places with the image of myself that the mother and sister always portray to me. It is like black and white. They do give me that I am intelligent, or at least mother does, but that I am lacking in the looks department compared to my sister, and lacking in many other qualities, like getting along with people. This because I will not swallow the garage mother comes out with. The yardstick always has been that if you get along with mother you are good with people. That's a laugh (said wryly). Unfortunately these things hang on as they are imprinted on us at such a young and vulnerable age. I will never forget an uncle saying to me at my sister's wedding, that he thought I looked better than the bride. Up until then, I had accepted that she was the better looking one. Foolish to dwell on these things, I suppose. It is all part of being in a dysfunctional family.

Time for a hot bath to soak out the aches. Have a good day everyone and do something good for you. Getting nails done tomorrow!

Emjo You certainly get on with people here. You are kind compassionate and thoughtful. if I had your mother I would have moved far away and not left a forwarding address. As to your looks who am I to judge but you look fine to me. Gary obviously does not think you are an ugly old witch. Anyway you are going to look ravishing in your bikini on the cruise. Sorry you don't know where you are going. A friend of mine has a husband who pulls those stunts, tells her the night before what to pack. Before they were married he took her to Vegus and one morning told her to put on walking shoes and a good supporting bar as they were going hiking in the mountains. When they walked out of the hotel there was a limo waiting and she was whisked off to rent her bridal attire and off to a little chapel to get married then on to a lovely diner. She was absolutely entranced by the whole affair and proudly emailed the pictures to everyone. Personally I would have been pissed but this guy treats her like a princess and her first two husbands were s***s so there you have it.
Austin if you read this tell C not to get any ideas! Love you all

Joan~ I can understand your sadness. Accepting the emotional losses with family takes time to work through and with the situation with your mother...wondering how to deal with her when she is released, only compounds the stress.

I knew my sis would veto the curtains as only custom made is good enough for her and my mother. Sis will be still be in her element as long as she has someone to do her bidding and calling to get the blinds repaired...my nephews. Eventually they will get tired of being her knights.

I am looking at possibly getting a Teeter Turn Over table. Costco has them for $299. Laying at a 60 degree angle is enough to relieve the compression on the lower back, stretching out the muscles and vertebrae for maximum pain relief.

My niece went to Urgent Care the other day because of severe pain from sores due to radiation. She said next week is her last week of radiation. Praying for a big enough reduction in tumor size so drs can remove it.

Take care everyone, off tomorrow and Sat. Haircut tomorrow...deep breathes and hugs to everyone.

Correction....it is called Teeter Hang Up...also available through Wal-Mart.

I agree with Veronica. Our family members (dysfunctional family members) can be so cruel with the labeling.

thx Veronica - I get along with most people just not my mother and my sister. Believe me. I am still thinking about cutting contact altogether. This last round has been too much. I look at least fine to most people, and myself - Gary loves my looks, but not to mother. The feedback you get as a child helps to form your self image and I did not have good feedback. Intellectually I know my looks are fine or better from the comments/reactions I get from people, never had trouble attracting men, but that labelling sticks in your heart. Getting the heart healing is harder than getting the objective view.

Actually, Gary said we are going to the Bahamas for half the trip and Florida the other half. I don't know the dates, but better start packing when I get back from E'ton. He is wheeling and dealing to get last minute bargains, not that we can't afford it, but that is his thing. I think then you boast to the guys about the deal you got or something. Don't have a bikini, but do have a great bathing suit which is very flattering. I would have been pissed off if G did what your friends husband-to-be did. I told him never to surprise me about a trip as the answer will be "No". He wanted to surprise me about going to his daughter's wedding - that fell through anyway because of his angry super-controlling ex, but he would have only given me about 1 1/2 weeks notice I told him it can take that long to get an appointment to get my nails done!!! I need time to plan and get ready. And at this age I need to be sure have enough pills for the trip - hate that.

Thx Sharyn - labeling is the word and it s hard to shake the labels. I am a bit disappointed that they are not seeing any change in mother, but it is early yet. I guess next week we will have to talk about what to do if the meds don't work.
Oh, custom made - the elitism of the personality disorder. Everything has to be special. I remember mother giving me a potato peeler once - one of the ones with the cushioned handle good for people with arthritis, I guess, and being told that it was a very special one. It didn't last as long as the plain ones I usually bought at the grocery store. Do you know someone who has benefitted from an inversion table? It seems to make sense especially when combined with exercises. Hope your niece gets some relief and tumor reduction. Thanks for updating us.

I don't fancy the teeter hang up. I think being upside down would give terrible acid reflux and make the blood rush to my head and make me feel uncomfortable. There is a traction device that hooks over a door It has a kind of bridle that goes round the head and the traction is counter weighted by a bag of water. I think it needs to be set up by a PT but after that you do it at home. The traction allows the vertibrae to slightly seperate and relieve pressure of the discs and the trapped nerves.
As far as the fat potato peelers go I like anything fat so I can comfortably grip it.

My husband's grandmother always had to have the best of everything or at least said everything she had was of the very best quality and dropped hints that her goods came from the same stores that the Royal family used.

I usually decribe my furnishing style as Early Salvation Army. Actually it has greatly improved since my oldest gave me her caste offs. She can afford the best but does not boast about it.

her ex mother in law who thought she was better than she was when first grandbaby was expected called me and told me how daughter was suffering. I soon deflated her when I said she would survive because she came from good pheasant stock. there was a stunned silence from the phone