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Sharyn, CHF...I had to google that to find out what it is. Well, your sister needs to figure out what's her priority. Keep the house, continue to work fulltime and have a heart attack.... Or sell the house, move closer to her daughter and watch her spending, find a part-time stressless, job. It's her decision to make.
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ABB-You need to see a rheumatologist he or she is a specialist who will be able to do the test needed to determine what kind of arthritis you have there are 100 types of arthritis I have 4 types myself-there are great meds available now and arthritis can be controlled-it is scary at first -it does not mean you will be confined to a wheelchair-it may take a while until you find a rheumatologist that you can work with-it took me a while but am doing good being diagnosed 30 yrs. ago.
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POA sister might be here b/c she usually wants to feel "above" people. She considers herself above most people. It all started when she was in school and was in 99.9% above the kids in the Iowa Basics tests. She is very computer savvy.
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brandy, There is absolutely no correlation between IQ and common sense. The phone company would hire Summa Cum Laude college graduates who were completely doe-eyed. We would call them "fast trackers" and "all sheepskin but no grey matter" and "Put a set of (climbing) hooks on 'em and we'll see what they're really made of" They were hired instantly as management, whilst us working slobs had to tie their shoes and button their shirts for them every morning.
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Brandy If POA is stalking so be it as someone else said snoopers don't hear good of themslves. I would suggest you stop mentioning it and if 1949 is the year of your birth change that. On your profile make it public but put different location age of person you are caring for maybe add an ailment they don't have and a few other mistruths to through sis off the scent. if all hell breaks loose can she actually DO anything to you, Hugs
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is back and you are busy again. Hope the appointments go well. Yes, everything is still in the air but we are moving forward - well put. I couldn't find the supplements and neither could the staff where she is. I don't know where she got them, so I will not go back out there, but will mail them a cheque for her in-trust account there for incidentals. Glad the lunch angel touched you too. One impression that remains from it was the warmth between us - not extraordinary, but nice human warmth. G says he met someone who used to see angels regularly and said they looked like ordinary people. The last time she saw them they were sitting n a beam near the ceiling in a new log house, and they told her everything was going to be OK and she never saw them again. Your forays to the gym sounds good. Re the arthritis, hope you see a doc about it - nothing to fool around with. What comes to mind is a lady who told me that who about 6 months after a divorce she got a terrible bout of arthritis, which eventually subsided. She attributed it to stress. I would not be surprised of stress in one form and another has caused this flare up in you. It is another reminder to do what is good for you and put your welfare before that of others. The weight gain can be related to stress too whether it be from the mold and or emotional stress. Have you had a check-up recently?

book - you are a tiny thing and lifting your dad has to take a toll on you. have you been tested for RA? It can be done with a blood test.

Austin - agreed - the test need to be done. I am sorry you have so much arthritis, but glad you have it treated and are not immobilized by it. great that you can still crochet etc.

brandy - some good suggestions. Personally I could care a R*** A** and I don't mean arthritis if my sis comes on here. Would she cause a fuss - probably but she does that anyway and would love to think that she can terrorize me, and tries to. I am not agreeing to being terrorized. I will not give her that much power over me. Last time she tried and asked (demanded) me if I could justify whatever, I told her I had no intention of justifying anything to anyone and she backed down. She is a bully and it sounds like yours is too. The best defense is to not let them alarm you. As Veronica says, what can she do anyway. You can always walk away, hang up or delete the emails. I know it is hard when you have been terrorized from childhood, but you can get past it. "They cannot hurt me any more!" is my mantra.

pst - have seen many in academia -

time for breakfast with my man :)
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Brandy you made me laugh with the test results. Reminded me of when we moved into our house. My daughters and my younger daughter's boyfriend helpfully set about reassembling our large dining table - it had had its legs taken off for the move. So there they were, kneeling on the kitchen floor, spanners at the ready, confidently setting about this exciting practical project - what a novelty for two Oxford undergraduates and a medical student, to get their hands dirty for a change.

The removals men had a lad with them, boy of about sixteen, whose job was to make tea, fetch and carry. He paused en route through the kitchen, visibly dithered about whether to speak up, then blurted out "er, you're doing that all wrong." Because he was a kind-hearted lad he even showed them how they had managed to get the legs on back to front, then left them to it. Very quiet little trio they made, too, for the next couple of hours. I never think that sort of lesson does an intellectual type any harm at all.
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Alison, does the swelling itch? I'm wondering about chilblains, if your hands are regularly getting cold. They itch, but they also can hurt like billy-o so you wouldn't notice the itching so much.
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another oops -my last post should have started "Alison, I see that your dad is back..."

cm - made me laugh -a girlfriend has an engineer husband. She lets him and his engineer buddies try to do certain things with measurements, slide rules etc. and then steps with common sense and gets the job done.

Have a good day everyone! Home tonight!
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The fun doesn't stop, does it?

Sitting in the lobby of the hotel and stomach flu - the big D - hit with a vengeance. It was bad and don't know what I would have done if it had been worse. I cancelled my flight and rescheduled for tomorrow night and rebooked the same room for tonight. Hopefully by then the worse will have passed so to speak. I took two Imodium. Have only taken one before. On one of my rushed trips to the washroom I think someone stole my mouse, as I can't find it, but thankfully not the computer which was out in the open as I was using it.

Think I will have a nap - this is NOT what I had hoped for, but better it hit me there, than on the sky shuttle or the airplane or... or... I can't even imagine how I would have coped.
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Oh no Emjo, where did that spring from? Dodgy airline meal or something? Virus doing the rounds? Don't forget to drink plenty of water. Wish you better, hope it's over quickly x
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Flight too short for meals. Would a glass of water do it? Did ex a favour - he picked me up Monday and we did some business. Next day he told me he had it. I didn't think we had had enough contact for him to pass it on, but I guess I was wrong. Those bugs usually don't last too long for me so I will return tomorrow, hopefully without incident. I think have enough Imodium to see me through. If not the grocery store 1 1/2 blocks away has it and I can pick some up in the morning. This on top of everything else. Temps at home minus 27C (minus 17F) feels like minus 36C (minus 33F) tomorrow with wind chill alerts! All I need!

Did have a lovely supper Tuesday evening with the new friends and we will do it again.
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Sounds viral, then; and it probably wasn't connected with the ex himself - just floating around waiting to strike. Sleep well, hope it passes off as quickly as it arrived x
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He said he knew someone who had it for 2 weeks. I trust not for me. You have no idea how close I was to having a major disaster in the hotel lobby. Scary!!! I may buy some depends for the trip home.
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Oh Emjo watch that big D. It happened to me in the Fall and I spent two weeks in the hospital. never did find out what it was.A little kidney failure then A fib and a pleural effusion were added to the mix then a cardioversion and the last three nights in ICU being monitored while a new drug was started. No pain but it was violent so definitely get the Depends and extra Imodium. Try not to drive if you can help it. that much Imodium makes you very drowsy. Check with the ex and see if he is recovering otherwise plan a trip to the ER if you are still bad. Us tough old birds are getting a bit fragile these days. Hope you feel better but take it easy and get help fast if you have had it three days. i lost 6 pounds in the hosp if that is any comfort.
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Emjo-- get some Black Berry Brandy. An old Irish cure for the Trots.
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Joan hope you get better fast -get as much sleep as you are able to get.
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thx had a great sleep and am craving my home made chicken soup. I actually don't feel sick other than a little tenderness in the tummy area. Peppermint tea will have to do it for now. Pretty mild out so am going to chance it to the grocery store while the Imodium is still acting, buy some more and see if there is something I feel like eating - a few bananas maybe. Tomorrow morning will be the test once it has worn off and I want to have enough on hand to deal with whatever comes. Brandy sounds great but doubt they have it. Sleep is good for me for whatever ails.
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Is it terrible to love and hate your Mother at the same time? Right now I would just as soon dump her on my sisters door step and tell sister to keep her because I'm done with both of you two and your BS.
These two women just won't let up on what it is I'm suppose to be doing for my Mom. I'm the one with the POA, I'm the one who is the caregiver yet they treat me like I'm a second hand citizens sometimes. I'm tired, I'm sick, I have no more vacation time and I've lost 24 hours of sick time. I've lost 20 pounds since October but they still call me fat. My mother turned the furnace up so high this winter she caused all the snow to melt right into the ceiling now we have black mold growing on the ceiling and the paneling is starting to worp. I called the insurance company to find out how much the deductible was and got in trouble from my Mother because that isn't my business.Well crap she wouldn't call them and this is serious. But lets not forget that I live here to. OOP's I think she forgot.
Mold is not good for my asthma nor is it good for Mother either. She has dementia but in total denial long with my sister. Sorry I think I just needed to vent but right now I hate my life.
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taheil, I feel you, and the answer is no, it's not terrible to love and hate your mom and the same time. I felt the exact same way. But I never liked my mom. I loved her, but I never liked her. Sad.

Honestly, if I were you I'd have completely lost it by now. And I wouldn't hesitate to drop this on your sister since she's clearly so superior and wiser and isn't happy with the job you're doing. By all means, let her have at it. Go on a nice, quiet vacation. It'll do your health a world of good and I bet you'll find that you haven't felt that good in a long time. When care giving starts making you physically ill from stress, anxiety, whatever, changes are in order, imo, asap. Hang in there..
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No it is not terrible, it is very understandable. agree with SA, it looks like time to make some changes. Certainly you need to draw some boundaries for your own health. Did you get that web cam? The mold is not good for anyone. Might be an idea to talk to your doctor and your mum's doctor about it. People can give up being POA and I still retain the right to do that if it gets too bad for my health. Are any of your siblings supportive? You mention on your profile that your parents decided that you would be the one to help whoever survived. Seems to me that the final decision should be made by you not by someone else. Since your mother has dementia, it will only get worse, and she will need more care. Have you thought ahead about what that means to you? Please keep your job and your health safe. Make yourself and your needs a priority. It sounds like a very toxic environment for you in more ways than one. Look after you, whatever it takes.
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I got the cam and the you know what hit the fan because I have no right to spy on my mother. So took it back to the store. I seriously do not want to do this anymore. I was informed by my sister that she would be going to all mothers dr appt's and if I went I had better keep my mouth shut.
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I hear you. To drop the POA, I believe that all you have to do is write a letter to your mum and probably send copies to sibs saying you are not doing it any more or whatever wording suits you. There are sites on the internet that can give you examples. As things stand, your sis has no right to do that, but that is not stopping her and puts you in an impossible situation. I think if I were you, as Jeanne says on one of your other threads, I would step away from it. Your sis is taking over more and more, so let her have it. It is affecting you negatively in several ways. The thing that has changed in my situation is that the health system has pretty well taken charge of my mother. I can OK or veto their decisions, but she is hospitalized and they are making the moves and recognize me as POA so sis cannot interfere. Your mum is probably nowhere near that. Can you get your own place and detach from your toxic family? Ideally you could give them a date that you would leave, so they can arrange the care your mother needs. You are being treated very badly.(((((((hugs))))))
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Taheil, you know what? You're heading towards a pretty stark decision to make, by the sound of it. You either a) stay as your mother's primary caregiver and start calling the shots, using your POA when the time comes; or b) you walk. What you can't go on doing, without risking your health and sanity, is look after your mother, put up with your sister, and allow your mother and sister to countermand and undermine you.

As you said, this is your home too. Take charge of it, or find another.
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I agree set boundaries decide what is best for you and inform the rest of the family-maybe it is time for placement in a nursing home.
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(((((((hugs)))))) Tracy (Taheil) I know you are facing some very difficult decisions and just wanted to let you know that my prayers are with you.
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On the stomach bug front, Imodium is doing its job, thankfully. I have been able to eat with no ill effects so far, but I am terribly tired and my gut is a little sore. These things don't usually last more than a day or two for me. Travelling home tonight and loafing in the hotel till the shuttle gets here. I will take another Imodium or two as the day progresses to be sure I can get home without an accident. Missing my man...
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Jan I am glad you are feeling better-know what you mean about missing your man-Sun is year since I have been dating my honey and could not imagine life without him-h even went out into our freezing weather last night to get wood and bring it over for my son who is having heat problems -that is love.
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That is very good of C, Austin. He sounds like a very kind man. Happy one year anniversary!
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Taheil black mold is so bad for anyone's health that I think you should immediately move your Mom to your sisters and find somewhere else to go yourself. Hand over POA and refuse to go back. End of story. Good luck to you.
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