The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Glad, with my father's last doctor's visit, he said to avoid dairy products. Sis told him about the Almond milk chocolate that dad drinks. The doc said that it doesn't have dairy, so it's okay. Prior to his doctor's visit, I've been buying this for several months. Only recently, when I looked at the label, that I discovered that it's name is very deceiving. It says "milk" but there's no milk product And NO Calcium.

For the past couple of days, he's been getting watery stool. Needless to say, it doesn't just stay in the butt, but tends to move ALL over the pampers, front included. I was commenting on his watery BM, and sis said that it's from the apple juice. When I found out that he likes apple juice, I've been buying a lot of it - so he's been drinking it daily.

Now to your question...I can Test to see if the Almond chocolate milk has lactose by drinking it daily. If it does have lactose, after several days, I should have some kind of reaction. Except, I tried that drink and don't like it. I'll buy some tomorrow and give it a taste test.

Alison - hope your big D is over. Some of us have touchy guts. Share what you wish to :) pity parties included. I agree there is nothing you can do about the weather, you can tend to your dad's medical issues which you are -and you can and are doing something about your joblessness and dating status. Not the your efforts have born fruit yet, but keep trying. Today is a new day. Learning to be a better partner is great. It isn't easy.

Glad - the social worker is from the hospital mother is in. We don't pay as it is through the Alberta Health System. If you are eliminating, a couple of weeks is generally recommended. As Veronica says you would have to eliminate all dairy which includes for example any casein, or whey which are found in many products. I have been/am going through this and you have to read labels all the time as ingredients can change. For example, most margs have whey in them so will trigger any dairy allergy, There is one Becel that doesn't and Earth Balance that I have found. No dairy means no butter, cheese, yogurt, milk, cream or any product with any dairy in it. Be on the lookout for -- and avoid -- these common dairy-derived ingredients: casein, whey, ghee, lactic acid, lactalbumin, lactoglobulin, lactose, milk sugar and recaldent (found in dental products). Anything marked vegan will be dairy free. Check out the internet for things to avoid. The same when you try the avoid gluten. Many people get D from gluten. Most processed foods like soups, frozen dinners, of course all breads and crackers, cereals - even rice crispies because it is contaminated in the factory. You need to buy food that are labelled gluten free - or check the labels for the allergens. Even a little contamination makes a difference. I, for example, only buy nuts that have the allergens noted. Almond milk does not have gluten or dairy. It is made from almonds and apparently you can make it yourself. Check the labels - some of the flavoured ones may have an allergen. You do have some big obstacles to overcome. $9000 wow, unbelievable. I would be up the creek without a special diet, as I get sinus infections and massive headaches from eating the wrong things. Good luck! I don't envy the position you are in. Oh, BTW there is lactose intolerance and also an allergy to the milk protein casein - two different conditions. Typically lactose intolerance gives the big D. Casein reaction is the same as other allergies. You have to aim at 100% elimination of the substances people are sensitive to.

SA - I know what you are trying to say and you are right - Guard your heart.

book - don't bother - it is lactose free. You are right it is not a "milk" at all and only has calcium if it is added. You can make you own almond milk with a blender and almonds. Hope you find the source of your dad's D.

Haven't accomplished much these days, but started walking around the house to get some exercise as it is too cold and windy outside still. My chest hurt a bit the next day just from going from the airport to the car - mind you with wind chill in the minus 30s. Walked 10 minutes briskly or about 1/2 mile or more. Recent research shows that 10 mins exercise a day brings benefits. Will try to do it twice a day, then ramp up and include the stairs as I used to do. I cooled off on the exercycle. Need to get in shape for our holiday and sightseeing, whenever G decides we are going!!!
Have a good day everyone and do something good for you. (((((((((hugs)))))))))

Thanks for the advice and warnings about the dating… Veronica, I especially liked your cynical take on it. The only reason I was even THAT disappointed is because I lumped the cancellation in with every other reason my life stinks right now. And that's what constitutes the proper pity party, isn't it? Just saying to yourself "NOBODY likes me, EVERYBODY hates me, I'll go eat worms"? Its ridiculous to think so broad about your WHOLE life being negative but caregiving life brings lots of dreary days… for me, anyway… so something minor happens and I just feel the weight of things in a way I shouldn't. I need to get tougher, I think. Thanks for all the support. (((hugs)))

Wow! Emjo! What have I gotten myself into? Gluten free? OMG!

It is a deal - gluten or dairy free. Check online for lists of allowable GF or DF foods. I am both. It seemed insurmountable to begin with, but really pays off in health and you get used to shopping that way. There are so many more products that are GF and/or DF now, and you are safe with fresh foods like fruits, veggies and meat, rice. Lots of GF pastas, cereals, crackers, cookies, and even DF ice cream - not as bad as it sounds. No point in doing it unless you do it properly. Wouldn't it be great to stop your mum's D? My dil had pretty bad D and tried gluten free and it worked for her. Good luck and let me know if you have any questions. I thought I did not have to be that careful, but find I do.

Emjo-
Years ago my mom had an illectomy, removal of 12-18 inches of intestine because of damage to it from years of D. There must be much more damage now, I suspect regardless of what we do, it will not help. Thank you for all the info!

Glad - Oh yeah, that would do it. Does her doc have any suggestions?

Alison - maybe not tougher, but kinder to yourself. let go of the "shoulds" and "should nots"

The only suggestions are first the dairy free then gluten free then Imodium. I am not hopeful that anything will work. I remember she used to take Lomotil probably 40 or 50 years ago I but don't think it did much good.

I think it is worth a try. Do your research and a week should show some difference if it is going to work. Imodium does a great job and as far as I know it is pretty harmless and can be taken indefinitely. It has a different mode of action to Lomotil and may well be more effective. It slows down the movement of the gut and allows for more fluid reabsorption. It did a great job for me last week. Let us know if anything works.

At least I have a few days to plan what the heck she is going to eat! I may become quite the chef like JeanneGibbs and be posting all sorts of wonderful sounding meals. Maybe I will start feeling better too.

You never know. You can get substitutes for a lot of things like gluten free bread, muffins and so on. It is not that difficult, but takes a bit of getting used to. There are soy cheeses, cream cheese, and sour cream Tofutti brand. You may be able to get others. Daiya makes a decent cheese substitute. I found frozen coconut milk bars in Safeways that even Gary likes. Also they have a section of GF baked goods. My recipes are all GFDF. Lots of recipes are available online too. Good luck.

I have purchased the coconut milk bars for mom. She likes them too.

They are great! You can cook with almond milk, or also rice milk is good for making white sauce - not much flavour of its own. Nutritional yeast works for making a cheesy sauce. Cook up some GF pasta and you have a pasta and cheesey dish. I have made lasagna GF noodles, and tofu instead of cottage cheese and soya cheese slices on top. The rest is normal. It is not the same exactly, but is good, and there are so many variations of lasagnas these days anyway. GF spaghetti works - finding a pasta sauce without wheat or dairy is easy. Stir fries are good and easy to make. You can find soy sauce without wheat in it. Most of them have wheat - just read the ingredients. The only canned soups I have found without wheat are some pea soups and a chicken and rice/wild rice. I found only one frozen entrée without wheat - a chicken n rice one sweet n sour I think. Haven't bothered for a while. Picture me standing over the frozen food bin reading ingredients while my fingers got chilled.

Alison - you have a weight of things - caregiving a parent, who has been abusive, is very stressful. You are doing it without any family support -rather the opposite, and they are putting you down. All of that is very hard. Please give yourself credit.

Margeaux -haven't heard from you in a while.

Hoping everyone is OK. and not snowed in. I know book isn't anyway. It is finally warming up a bit here. Have a good one and do something good for you today. ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

I have heard that if you are going glutin free it is very easy to contaminate glutin free foods with those containing the naughty glutin. Do we have a Dietition who can advise

Book-
It looks as if it is an ad for hair care products, I prefer to think of my situation as flying by the seat of my pants! LOL!

Since I have to be somewhat circumspect on this site, I will just say that things are not good here. I wish to be anonymous, so I may be taking care of my step mother, my mother, my brother, my cousin or someone else. This person def has dementia and has it a long time. This person might most recently had a stroke, or another disease or a heart attack. He or she may be in the NH or may not. It might be in my town or it may be far away. I may be taking care of this person in my home. But all I know is that I am stressed out to the max by the POA and by the situation whatever it is. My cousin says I should be more assertive with the POA. Have you ever tried being assertive with a person who knows it all and has a mean temper? I feel like a wimp for not being assertive, but I don't like confrontation and I must keep my blood pressure low. Don't want to have a heart attack over being assertive with the POA. POA wins all the time anyway so just let them. Won't say if the POA is a man or a woman. Said too much already. If he/she gets wind of this posting, they will set off WW3. And the fur will fly.

For those you looking for companionship via the net...I really have no experience with it but I wish you the best in your search. I think there are enlightened people who are out there for you.

Estate sale will be the weekend of 15-16 of March as we have had too much intermittent rain since the end of February and the estate liquidators do not want want to have the sale if it is raining for obvious reasons.

i am keeping a low profile because I have much to do that I have placed as priority.

Blessings to everyone...I need some space right now.

Brandywine, the WW3 will start, the fur will fly, and then..?

The trouble with avoiding confrontation is that you get backed closer and closer to the wall until eventually you're so squished you can't breathe. And then, instead of being able to conduct reasonable, practical negotiations, you lash out and the whole thing goes to pot. And then, somehow, most unfairly, you end up in the wrong!

Assuming that the person with a mean temper is mainly bark and not so much of the biting, what is there to be afraid of? More barking?

I totally agree that the POA being wielded by the non-caregiver is a recipe for maximum stress - I'm in the same situation, it is the world's biggest pain in the bum. If my mother and her solicitor had tried to come up with a more conflict-laden arrangement they couldn't have made a better job of it. But we're getting there, bit by bit, treading on eggshells; and if there is a plus side it's that it's cured me of giving a monkey's about what my sister says. Let her. I can always come here and b**** about it!

I think I might actually be a bit ill.

The highlight of every day M-F is my 55 minute gym class just up the street. I take my stress there and leave feeling so much better. Today, I only was able to do about 2 songs and I had to leave… just not feeling well at all. That's never happened before, so leads me to think I'm just a bit sick. Bad news is that tomorrow is all day affair of taking my father to downtown VA med facility for a variety of appointments… NOT looking forward to it, but hopefully will get through it ok.

I need to get heater core flushed in my truck. I don't have any heat in the vehicle to speak of, and since I mostly run errands in the neighborhood, I've managed to get by. But tomorrow is long trip, with my elderly father. It IS warming up here, will likely be mid 30's temp tomorrow, thankfully. I haven't done the repair to vehicle because I just really didn't have the money. It frustrates me to no end that my family is so against me taking any money at all from my father… yet he wastes his money on frivolous stuff… he bought yet another $200 watch from one of those seriously overpriced catalogs just in the past month... and in the couple of years I've been here, since I pay for everything, he has saved about $7k… and he only gets about $450 per month… If I bring up issue of him contributing financially, he balks. Family says I'm not to touch his money, as well. Geesh, I just really resent this entire situation of volunteer slave labor I've put myself in. I hope there are positive changes coming this Spring/Summer.

On Sunday, I'm meeting a gentleman in the city and we're going to see a show - Chelsea Handler: Uganda Be Kidding Me - in a theater. I'm not a big fan of Chelsea Handler but she is always interesting if not downright controversial. I hope I'm "all better" by then. It would be so nice just to get out and have a nice evening. Its not really a "date," just an outing.

Hope everyone is doing well? Maybe your area is warming up a little bit, too? :D Everyone who's ready for Spring, raise your hand! Me, me, me! (((hugs)))

Sharyn, best of luck getting your priorities accomplished. Hope things go even better than expected.

I wish there was a way to delete out own posts on this site!

Glad, I have often wished for that capability, especially when something - a topic on here - touches me in an emotional place and I kind of "go off" a little… We should get a "redo" option, lol.

I think we worry about our posts more than anyone else does.

Sad day - had to put down my old tabby. Guess we caught him at the right time - the vet said he would have been in distress within hours. Miss him, but glad he did not suffer. He is my last et -no sense t

oops - last pet. No sense to get another at my age. He was a real sweetheart.

Oh, emjo, I'm sorry that you lost your pet. Never say never? Lots of pets are older in age, already fully mellowed, and in shelters… if you ever reconsider… I hope you don't miss him too much in coming weeks/months.

Oh emjo so sorry about your kitty. As Allison said there are lots of older pets in a shelter who would enjoy their golden years with you. And what is this about your age. Your Mum is almost 102 thats a long time to be without a fur ball to purr you to sleep

What happens if the fur flys? I get terribly upset. I have a panic attack, I shake, blood pressure rises, I cry, I can't function. I shake very badly. I can't get over the attack. Yes, I am in counseling. Afraid of a heart attack or stroke. In other words, it is very stressful for me.

Emjo so sorry about your cat...... you have had a rough time lately..... please take care of yourself......

Joan-so sorry about your cat. They are our friends and their loss is deeply felt. Take care of yourself.

Brandy – why don’t you go to your Profile Account and make EVERYTHING PRIVATE. It’s okay that you do that. Gladimhere and sharyn has theirs in Private and I still send them HUGS and vice versa. When I closed my other account, I just made it completely Private. Trust me, if you make it private, no one can follow ALL your responses. They would have to do the SEARCH with your name on it. Very time consuming. I know – I tried it on my old name – to see how private it is.

Gee, whiz, Glad, now you have me curious on what you wrote that you regretted posting!

ABB, I wish you could speak to someone who deals with elderlies and see what rights you have in helping your father. I believe that fixing the car can be paid by your father because he’s riding it. It’s your only transportation and you need to keep it running. If you can persuade your father to spend the money (and forget about your siblings), have father sign a note saying that he authorizes you to spend this $$$ much for the car repair.

Emjo, so sorry about your pet tabby. It’s good that you got him in time to avoid unnecessary pain. I like ABB’s suggestion, if you ever feel the need for feline companionship.

Hi Sharyn! =)