The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

((((brandy)))) hope the therapy is helping you. It is terrible when some one abusive has such power over you, You must have suffered a lot of trauma from her. I keep repeating to myself, "They can't hurt me anymore." You don't have to care give anyone you don't want to. You can say "No"

thx everyone. The house feels strange without him...

Brandy, how DARE members of your family treat you like this? Time to get angry. xxx

Emjo, poor puss :-( But well done for spotting that it was time to intervene. Do you have cat rescue organisations nearby? Because older, bereaved cats need loving homes too; just a thought...

Oh Emjo so sorry about your cat. I just cant imagine life without "My little furry friend". "cats make paw prints on your heart" and thats so true!!
Oh poor you but we do give them a great life and thats something to help ease the pain. I ask my moggy everyday if hes happy? i know? but they understand he just looks at me and "purrs" when im down he wants to be on my knee when im ok he just ignores me. They are wonderful little creatures i wish i had the "tact" of a cat! So independent and self-centred we could learn alot from them!!
Hugs xx

I'm going to hitting the sack soon. I was watching 2 YouTube videos by Jeff Gordon. I think he must a race driver because the way he drives those cars is a race driver's moves. I saw a snippet of video 2 on HLN when the reporter said that the video 1 was a fake. So, it was a challenge that Jeff could not deny. And he took the unsuspecting reporter on a "fake" drive.

If you Google this, please watch video 1 first. "Pepsi Maxx & Jeff Gordon presents: "test drive" ..... (salesman lets the customer test drive the car)

Video 2: "Pepsi Maxx & Jeff Gordon presents Test Drive 2 .... (now the reporter's turn.)

Joan, sorry bout the kitty...that is so hard, but glad he did not suffer. I had to do that in sept with my 17yo cat, broke my heart. Take care of yourself and if you were meant to have another pet, it will happen, it will play out as it should.
XOXO
Juju

Book yes Jeff Gorden is a race car driver. He was taking the salesman for a ride rather than the other way around!

thx cm, kazzaa and ju - In a way I am glad I didn't take him to the vet sooner as it was just a waiting game anyway. I think if you know your pet you spot the differences. As long as he was eating and behaving as normal - not in distress - I didn't feel the need to intervene. But that morning there was a difference and I knew I had to take him. They are wonderful little creatures. At the end at the vet's he was calm, wrapped in a nice fleecy blanket, and enjoying being cuddled. I feel good about that.

Thx Alison, Veronica and cm for the suggestion about a rescue cat. For now we will not get another one as we travel a bit and having a pet is limiting and as they get older they miss you more if you have bonded well. Maybe in time... Most of my pets have been rescues in one sense or another. For now, I can enjoy not having to clean out the litter box and carry boxes of canned cat food home from the grocery store. I will give the remaining cat food etc. to my kids who all have cats.

I feel like my life is getting ready for a change - losing a couple of girl friends and now the cat. Mother in hospital, without long distance phone access and with someone else doing the running around for her. Gary will lose some horses, just a matter of how many. Not that the reasons are valid, but there is no justice, we know that. Lots of changes, and good will come out of it. That I know.

Have a good day everyone and do something good for you. (((((((((((hugs)))))))))

Book-you made me giggle with Hi Sharyn. I am having some anger issues...it is frustrating to me because logically I know it is petty of me. Take care.

Sharyn - feelings are feelings - they don't have to be logical, just have to be felt. Acting on them is another thing!!! Glad the estate sale is shaping up.

Joan- I am takings things too personal which is casing my feelings to get hurt by me! I don't won't to hurt someone. It is in all areas of my life. I need to work through this so I don't make enemies.

(((((Sharyn))))) I wonder if it is due to so many illnesses etc. in your family and the sale of the family home. They do affect us and are losses of one kind or another. Loss lowers our self esteem and we get touchier and also causes anger. Working through this stuff isn't easy. I have experienced touchiness from grief. Hope this helps, if not ignore! You have been going through so much recently. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

I posted this under a different topic and then saw this group. My mother-in-law is a danger to herself and a danger to others. How can we get her committed to a nursing home when she is unwilling to go?
My mother-in-law is a danger to herself and to others, how do we get her committed if she is unwilling to go?
Asked by fedupcaregiver | 6 mins ago

My mother-in-law is mean and hard to deal with and she is a fall risk. She screams and argues with us about everything.
She is on dialysis treatment 3 days a week for 4 hour treatments and when she is home she tries to walk and falls.
She has bumped into the knobs on the gas stove 2 separate times now since last July and turned the gas on accidentally. Once we smelled the gas, we immediately turned off the stove and opened all the doors and windows. She has lost her sense of smell and can not smell anything anymore. She refuses to acknowledge that she has bumped it by accident and both times we called the fire department to come out and check the house for safety.
I have moved out of the house for fear for my own safety because she still tried to turn on the gas stove after we turned off everything, wanting to cook something, with her oxygen on, arguing with us that it was not dangerous because she couldn't smell anything and we were exaggerating. I am afraid that she is going to accidentally turn on the gas on the stove again while everyone is asleep and end up killing everyone in the house. My husband has had to stay to take care of her and I am worried about his safety.
She also can only see out of one eye and in her unsteady state, she has sneaked out of the house and gotten into her car three times and drove somewhere risking the safety of others.
She also fights taking her medication. She has a lot of medication to take and she is tired of the dialysis and medication so it is a constant battle to get her to do what she is supposed to do.
She has gone to a nursing home 2 times from the hospital after a fall and both times she would not stay in the nursing home and left without the doctor's consent. So there are now 2 nursing homes that she cannot return to.
I am racking my brain trying to figure out what to do here. Can someone please help us?

You DO have a situation, don't you. Has she been evaluates by social services as being suited to stay at home? I believe you can call them and request an evaluation. Another resource is you local Agency on Aging. They may have some ideas.

Now for some specifics. Does she still have a licence to drive? can you alerts the DMV and the police that she is not safe to drive. Has her doctor cleared her for driving? This is not an unusual problem. Some people move the car i.e, take it away, some take the keys, or disable the car in some way so it is not drivable. She is a risk to herself and others. Please do something to stop the driving before she hurts herself or worse - hurts someone else. I see t

You DO have a situation, don't you. Has she been evaluated by social services as being suited to stay at home? I believe you can call them and request an evaluation. Another resource is your local Agency on Aging. They may have some ideas.

Now for some specifics. Does she still have a licence to drive? Has her doctor cleared her for driving? Can you alert the DMV and the police that she is not safe to drive. This is not an unusual problem. Some people move the car i.e, take it away, some take the keys, or disable the car in some way so it is not drivable. She is a risk to herself and others. Please do something to stop the driving before she hurts herself or worse - hurts someone else. I see this as a priority as well as doing something about the gas in her house. Can it us turned off at

sorry - Can it be t

here we go again - Can it be turned off at the main or close to the stove by a professional so she cannot turn it on?

It sounds to me like she needs a psychiatric evaluation and medication. She also needs t

sorry about this but this websit

unstable sometimes - Does she have dementia? If so some meds will help her behaviour. She may have a persinait

personality disorder or something like that that meds would help. Going to stop now before this thing acts up again. Drugs were t

Fedupcaregiver, I wish I had some suggestions for you. I don't, but likely others here will.

Sharyn, I can so relate to the anger that builds, and stays - even though I don't WANT it to - and also how I feel somehow a bit guilty about that anger, and like I must reign it in and just not feel it… or I'm somehow a lesser person if I do feel it. Well, hell. Guess what? I got a lot of anger. I try to take it to the gym and get rid of most of my stress there. For me, it does help. But its not a complete fix, of course. Today was spent in infuriating, maddening, stop and go traffic on the Interstate as I take my father to the main Chicago VA med facility to begin again with getting some baselines established for his medical care. The days at the VA are long and tedious for me, I leave with my blood pressure up and a headache every single visit there. BUT… I got it done. There's only a couple more appointments needed to get him "in the system" again, then the home nurses can largely manage his care from there.

Found out today that my older bro did absolutely nothing to help facilitate my dad's relocation to senior apartment in Indy while he was at bro's house for months/weeks (dad was at bros house for couple months in Fall '13, while I returned to try to help get mold remediation done at house, then more recently dad was at bros for several weeks). I get a little miffed that my bro approaches me with this attitude of "why haven't you relocated dad already, gotten this done, what else do you do all day" when bro isn't even willing to take him to see some places while he has him in the same city. I provided bro with short list of properties I thought looked good. My father says topic of relocation never came up while he stayed with my bro. Sheesh, at the very least, my bro could help by talking to my dad about why relocating is good idea. Everything is being left to me - the one that's unemployed, homeless, and doing this constantly for almost 3 years now… but of course, the reasoning in their minds is "well, you don't have a job, you have the time." I don't have a job because I spend all my time doing this kind of stuff… its a big, thankless Catch 22.

Today, my father did agree to help financially with household and vehicle expenses. Yay! That is helpful and a step in good direction.

My head wanted to explode at a few different times today, but it didn't explode and now I'm home and in bed very early… have to take truck into shop first thing tomorrow morning, something is definitely wrong with it. I just hope its an easy fix.

Hope you all had good days or at least "ok" days, lol.

Margeaux, I echo Joan's comment that we haven't seen post from you in a bit. Hope all is well with you.

Book, I did send an email to Trust about unacceptable level of "repair" in the basement. There is someone coming Monday to look at it. Yes, I'm taking pictures of it, too. But thanks for the good ideas. I was just wrestling with whether or not I could live with the lousy repair job… decided, no, I can't, not without making a stink and at least trying to get them to redo properly. Sigh, what would my life be without endless VA trips, the Trust not fixing the house right (if at all), and my vehicle needing something or other fixed every few weeks? I sure hope I get the chance to find out someday! ; )

Did I mention I'm going to a proper nice dinner out in city on Sunday, then to a proper show at a theater? :D I think one nice evening out will tide me over for a month, at least.

(((hugs)))

I wish I understood what causes some of you - emjo - to have problems posting. I don't seem to have any problems, none that I notice anyway. Hope the site gets it fixed soon.

I wonder if I am hitting a combination of keys somehow that submits, but have no idea what those keys would be. I tend to type fast and seems to be worse then, but I have no idea how that first post posted twice. I couldn't do it if I tried. I will try slowing down - works sometimes but not always. I should type in Word and then cut and paste. I think that works.

Emjo I'm sorry about the loss of your kitty, they give us so much love and enrich our lives the loss is very hard.

Sharyn, I mentioned my anger, but went back and re read your posts. You say you're taking things too personally, causing your feelings to be hurt. I made the leap to anger, because I think I do this, too. Take things personally, get my feelings hurt, then overtime leads to anger because it doesn't resolve. Then I just end up with this deep down smoldering anger and resentment that will bubble over when something pushes my buttons.

I hope you're able to work through some of these deep emotional feelings and come out feeling better about yourself and the situations. I hope the same thing for myself. (((hugs)))

Hello everyone,I haven't been up to date on what everyone is up to lately and I'm sorry. Life has taken some strange turns as of late and not for the good I'm afraid. At Mothers last check up with her Dr. my sister actually hit me in the waiting room while we were waiting to be called. The last time I talked on here was wondering if I should give up caring for my Mother or not. Last week my decision was made in the waiting room. Later that night my wonderful Mother told me the Dr had asked her and my brother if I was taking money from my Mom. Now my Mother still has all her ducks in a row and she could have said something to anyone and that got back to the Dr. I don't know but I've had all the back stabbing and untruths I can take. Today I got a nasty email from my sister about yelling at Mother and I don't know what she is talking about. Plus she threatened me if I yelled at Mom for her writing the email. I'm leaving and going somewhere no one in my family can call me when Mother truly does need help. They can figure it out. I got to thinking about just how long I have been taking care of both of my parents without any help and it has been 14 years. I think I've done my part now its someone else's turn. I done know where I'm going but my God will show me the way. May God bless and keep you safe tonight

Tracy..... you are in a bad place...... what can I do?

Please pray for me. If you all go to church put in a pray request for my safe journey to find me. Sounds weird to say that but it is true. Somewhere I lost Tracy.

Tracy... I can do that..... sounds like you are having a bad day......... You have done a good job. I hope you feel better!

Emjo, sorry to hear about your kitty. I would think about adopting an older cat for the company alone. I have had the problem with comments posting twice. I have found when the site seems to be running slow, if I hit submit a second time the comment will post twice. Your problem with posting too soon is very odd. I wonder if there is a function button on your computer that might be doing it, or a combination of keys that you hit that is being interpreted as submit. I really have no idea, just guessing.