The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Sharynmarie,

This is great advice you gave Sandwich. I still feel that possibly for her.....right now even if as you've said she's not ready for recovery, which truth be told this is an ongoing process. Anyone of us, including myself have come here very angry.
Maybe for her in the "right now," this is the only place for her to come and just let it all hang out. I've read many posts using this tone before, and the only thing I can say....especially for engaged caregivers such as herself, they are putting up w/the most trying aspects of caregiving......so this I hope still provides for her a safe place to vent away. We know that at the bottom of it......no matter if some of our stories even may sound rather shocking especially when we are telling the unsavory truths about a narcissistic parent, she's who is still doing the do, and caring for them has got to have that person's concern in the middle of it.
I have hopes that people in this situation will work through whatever it is, be it anger, resentment and the like. Anyway, In essence your goals are good, and I know they're genuine. The rest of us here, should also be willing to really listen, and be truly empathetic.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

Wow! Your niece is really going through a difficult time, as well as the whole family. So they did a hysterectomy? Mother had one, and it really messed or brought the Menopause on, I'm sure earlier. That was nightmare time for dad, my sister and me.

Poor woman, the doctor telling her something like this. Maybe this should be a question, such as a family decision. But for a bafoon Dr. just to say this,
for crying out loud. What hope they give someone such as your niece. She really does not need to hear this. Then, to top things off the husband, oh dear!

I realize how radical the treatment is for colon cancer, since my dad had it.
He was in his 80's. Well, who knows......but let's hold out some hope, too.
I just don't think it's right for anyone, be it a doctor, or other's to deprive someone in your niece's condition some hope. I think in these circumstances, silence is golden, too, just being there w/that person.
Oh, my sister, you know I have come to the realization, that for me......there's no truly working w/her. I'm working around her, that moves things along for me, and I don't get caught in her cobweb. I refuse to become one of her flies, she thinks she's going to trap. HAAH!

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Hubba that was a wonderful post. You are such a brave woman going forward and learning to deal with your life. You have not wasted a second on self pity,but have used your past awful experiences to give you the strength to build your own life without abandoning your Mom. Thank you for posting something so inspirational.
I learn so much every day on this site that I wish I had known earlier in life. Maybe there is an advatage in aging after all.
Today is one of the most if not the most sacred days of the Christian Year so let us remember the reason we remember it and celebrate Easter.
Holidays are just that not Holy Days. We are driven by commercialism to spend a lot of money and have extravagent feasst but my feeling is not to open old wounds or indeed inflict fresh ones. I feel we should do things our own way not what others expect of us and enjoy the peace. Of course the children need to celebrate and if you are the granparents that is good reason to hang the decorations but if you are going to be away with family why do it if it brings back bad memories. far better to volunteer your time to help others have a good time. No offence to anyone of a non Christian faith who may be reading this because I am ignorant of your traditions. Make new memories and new traditions. Don't invite those who share your DNA but not your outlook on life. If you must visit the narcissist in your life get it over with early in the day and spend the rest of the time pleasing you. Use your senses they are free. Go to a garden center and smell the flowers. Walk the dog across the fields and smell the fresh air (take your allergy meds first) Read a good book - even if it is a trashy novel - this is about relaxation. Turn off the TV. Play some music (I won't be doing that as I hate music) Buy a scented candle and light that.
Make yourself a meal and eat it in the sun - even if it is a TV dinne,. do a good deed. it is your time to do what pleases you not work your self into a frenzy. Take a pill if you have too - mental pain needs soothing too. Hugs and blessings

Sharynmarie,

On my post about great advice to Sandwich, I wrote something about, "an engaged caregiver," this doesn't mean that you are not an engaged one either, nor anyone else. I just wanted to be clear about that.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Myname,

Whenever I've read a post such as your's, it has got to be one of the most difficult situations a woman has lived through. I'm honestly at a loss about what to say to you in your circumstance. But I would encourage you to seek out some professional help, concerning the sexual abuse. It sounds as if you have been carrying this around for a very long time. There are professionals who could help you with this.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Im 36 yrs old but I feel like Ive aged 10 years since August of last year. I was raising my children, trying to find a job and struggling to pay back school grants so I could return and graduate. I get a phone call that I need to come to grandmothers due to her behaviors. So I did just that not knowing it would be indefinitely. Im still here caring for her 24/7, without any type of relief. Its hard and at times very frustrating. My three brothers decided that being I was the only girl, I should be the caregiver. I was struggling inside with that decision until my grandmother begged me not to place her in a home. She wanted to live out the remainder of her life in the home that contained 5 generations of memories. I could understand that and I made her a promise...she would remain at home. I have battled each stage of the alzheimers with her, learning the procedures as I go. The Alzheimers Association became my best friend-calling them for constant support. All of this was foreign to me so I gave 100% in committing myself to her well-being. I never know how each day will be. It is a journey. Yes I wish the family would help but their lives seem to be more important. One thing is for sure...we may all need someone to help us before the end. And even though my body seems run down and I feel tired and sad and lonely; I know that my Father in heaven has and will strenghthen me. I am here for a reason so I can either accept that or walk out. I have chosen to accept it. In any situation we must continue to push forward, relying not on our own strength but of Jesus Christ. Do you honestly want to spend needed energy on what the other person(s) are or are not doing?? You will be blessed for being compassionate and loving towards that person who needs you. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. May God bless you and keep you in good health.

Margeaux-i agree this thread is for people to come and vent their anger. Maybe I didn't state that clearly. For many who are caregiving 24/7 going to couseling is not an option. I hope sandwich comes back as venting here and getting support is the first step. I didn't read anything in your post that would have upset me ..so no worries. I too have come here in anger venting about my mother and my sis. I would never tell someone they have no right to their anger.

My niece has more surgery in the future as they plan to hopefully reattach the intestines if there is enough tissue.


Your words of getting caught in your sister's web and not being one of her flies ga e me a chuckle as I know what mean.


Have a good weekend!

Alison,

It must be the time of the season.....because this week, I was under sinus attack.
Mine gets aggravated when we have cloud cover, which we've had.
A few years ago, I was using some aromatherapy oils. I need to get back to this,
but have you ever used an atomizer? I never have, but had a friend who had mold issues and would use high grade oils. Some were anti-fungal, one of the oils was
Lemon Verbena, and a wide variety of others.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Joan I am happy for you-I always thought I would NEVER remarry but with my great guy it would not be impossible-it does get complicated at my age-one of my friends from HS was married to a fellow in our class and a few years after he died she met a nice man and is engaged for many years but is not going to get married.

Thanks for the good wishes all. G and I decided very early on that we were headed for marriage, but we had to be sure we could make it work, as neither of us want another disaster. We feel that we have that confidence now. It has progressed to us actually looking at ring sets - in rose gold. I am not going with
diamonds except maybe as an accent. They are supposed to last forever, but that hasn't worked for me We will not be too traditional, but do what we want.

Glad - dysfun fams - likely none of Gary's kids will come as it would upset their mother!!! We will have a good time anyway. Happy you got vindicated in this whole process. There is some satisfaction in that.

Austin - it sure could happen to you and your guy!!!

lynnstrong - be sure to look after you.. Caregivers can acquire health issues if they do not look after themselves as it is such a demanding job.

myname - I am so sorry for all you have gone through. Did you ever charge your brother? I hope you get some help for all the trauma you have been through (((((hugs)))))

Alison - it does seem that detachment is the only answer. I wish it were otherwise, but have not managed anything else. Are you any closer to getting out of that house to a healthy environment?

Margeaux - you find that aromatic oils help the sinuses. I must try some.

Sharyn - prayers for your niece and family. I hope she can have some quality of life restored. So much more difficult when she had problems that were untreated in the past. What a roller-coaster with your daughter and new babies coming and your niece and her health issues.

veronica - so hard to know the right thing to say when a patient is that ill. There are few absolutes and it seems wrong not to leave some hope, yet there are times when the truth is kinder in the long run. I would not like a surprise like your friend got - no way!!! G and I will work it out together. Re new traditions - absolutely - one way to survive.

juddha - I am glad you are getting to a place of detachment. Keep your distance, and build your own life separate from hers. What I have always said about mother is, "Give her an inch and she will take a mile". I can't afford to any more as the encroachment is too stressful. My love for my mother is being expressed by me taking care of her medical and financial affairs. I may visit her next week, but reserve the right to not do that to protect myself. My well being is as important as hers. Glad counselling is helping.

bunny (sharron) -what a horror having your bro given POA and executor. Bet it makes you fee like washing your hands of it all. Wealthy and she won't pay for a meal she planned. Being sarcastic here- maybe that is how she got wealthy. Is it time for you to step back for your own good? It all sounds pretty
dysfunctional and NOT fun!

book - take care - hope father is not getting more difficult

Making raw veg and raw fruit smoothies - tasty and very filling. I feel I need an internal freshener. I have added celery and spinach soup to my veg soup repertoire. Still too windy to walk much outside, so I do 30 mins around the house at a decent speed. It does make me feel brighter.

Hi to anyone missed

Take care all and do something good for you today!

Lynn I am sorry you are going through so much-I hope your caregiving days are over soon. I had it rough with my late husband -4 yrs. after he died I saw online that his wife had died. I called him to say I was sorry and two months later we went out for coffee and soon after we were in a relationship-that was a year ago March He's so nice and kind-my husband was very abusive-I took care of him 16 years -while he was very disabled. There is life aftercargiving

To correct above it is a classmate from HS who's wife died that I called on the phone -we are having our 55th HS reunion this year - we only knew each other by sight in HS and it is so great to be in love with a nice man I never expected to be happy ever again-after being miserable for so many years.

Lynn,

I feel that with some caregivers there's certainly an amount of resignation,
and if you are o.k., with it....more power to you, and whatever your belief system is to assist you. But don't hesitate either to seek out some help. Often caregivers believe that they are the only ones who can do the job, and there can be burn out. If you still have children to raise, you must think of them also in this.
Time passes quickly, and parents can't recapture those years.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Emjo,

How exciting! It gives me butterflies. about you and Gary!

The oils are good. I was using high grade oils, too. When I get some extra money I want to buy a kit, which contains some basic ones that address different conditions. The ones I used are Young Living Oils. They seem to be the top of the line as far as oils are concerned, and smell wonderful. You can even learn to make mixtures,, tailor them to your needs.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Emjo,

About the oils, you can look them up on the internet.
The founder of the company, had serious problems and it helped him.
So he devoted his life to this company.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Sharyn, thinking about you niece. The cancer had obviously got so bad she had to have the extensive surgery she underwent and it would be nice to get rid of the colostomy and they do take a while dietry experiementation to stabilize but are not impossible to live with once you get the hang of it. Some people manage to get a good bowel movement by massaging their bellys in the morning and are not bothered all day. i don't know where you are but there areclinics in many places with specially traine nurses who can help her manage it. She will of course have a surgically induced menopause if her ovaries were also removed and it was probably too risky to leave them. I also don't think they would want to give HRT because that will encourage further cancer growth. There is also the risk of early osteporosis. My feeling is that she should be seen by an experienced Oncolgist so that all the risks and prognosis can be explained having been told the cancer will return before she has another major abdominal sugery for the hit and miss possibility that the colostomy could be removed and normal function resumed. this is very much a time to assess the quality of life that she may have left rather than fruitlesss treatment making her remaining time miserable rather than having some quality time before the inevitable happens. It may already be time for hospice assuming you have a good one locally. She poor girl has only been told half the truth and it is only fair to her to be given the whole story. The surgeon was in there only he knows how much he was able to remove. These cancers are very gressive especially the younger you are. You said it was a rectal cancer but it had already spread to the uterus. Is her bladder still uninvolved. I think you said she was going to convalesce with your sister and BIL can they intervene to help her get the right treatment. I would be "off" that surgeon. Has she considered Cancer Treatment Centers of America? No personal experience there but anything is worth a try as she is so ill. Blessings

margeaux - thanks - Just spoke to one son and dil and they are willing to put their differences aside so we all can be together on the day. Now to speak to my daughter about it. What a relief. Hope daughter is OK with it.

On another note, their grandmother on their father's side just died. She had Alz for over 20 years. and did very well until a couple of years ago. Recently she developed gangrene in her legs and was in pain, despite medication, so her passing is a blessing. Their dad has Alz too, but is responding very well to meds.
I will look for the living oils

Have a good day everyone.

I want to thank everyone who sent hugs and kind notes to me. I really do appreciate it. Yes, this is really the only place to safely vent. Honestly, anyone else is either totally inappropriate, can't do anything to help me, or it would soon become quite boring to hear because they don't understand what this is like.
The other ones jump in with judgmental finger wagging, prescriptions for how I ought to be handling everything, and highly confident solutions, after maybe knowing me 5 minutes. These are the folks that always tick me off and push a trigger because it's unfounded and extremely unwelcome criticism, which is what my mom does.

This venue is specifically for shared experiences, happy, sad, tragic, funny, personal, victorious, everything, even weaknesses. Without judgement, which is the most important part because all of us have to put on a happy face and stiff upper lip for so much of the rest of the time. This is the only place to really tell it like it is with half a hope somebody else is in the same boat.

The part that is unfair is that there will never by any psychological satisfaction for me. No justice, no fairness, no reciprocation. And that is simply the way it is. There are people who die too soon every day, who would have given anything for just one more day to be a blessing to someone, and there my mother sits, resentful to face another sunrise, full of vinegar and bile, pre-pickled in her own anger and hate.

My capacity to unconditionally forgive is pretty limited right now, but I try not to dwell on it. I love my family, my kids, my friends, lots of hobbies. I have worked to make myself and life as different from my mom's as humanly possible. It's sad that any sort of positive qualities she had once upon a time, long, long ago, and far, far away are completely gone forever. I can think of maybe 3 times I remember her being kind.

I do a lot of meditation and consciously choose to have a positive outlook about life, even though some really sh___y things have happened. Buddhist Boot Camp has helped significantly, as have some counselors over time. As well as good anti-depressants and a good doctor.

I seek the happiness in small moments with people every day. I look for the positive, and make sure I don't get bogged down in my own head, like mom always has. I volunteer, I do a lot with my husband's family, our friends. Life is too short to sit around and be mean, hateful, and a dried up old piece of buffalo jerky.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))) sandwich. I know it is hard."No justice, no fairness, no reciprocation. And that is simply the way it is." Yes, it is. If I am present when my mother dies, I fully expect to hear the sharp side of her tongue before she goes. It s the way she is. It sounds like you have built a good life, which I know from personal experience, takes work. I forgive my mother regularly, but I don't forget. I think I can't forget and I believe that I need to remember some things in order to try to avoid them in future - to protect myself. I try not to dwell on them, but sometimes life triggers some ugly memories. The loss is ongoing.
Looks like you are looking after you - keep it up!

Hugs and blessings

Lynn~Blessings to you as you journey through this rough time. It is a difficult situation especially when others in the family won't help. You sound like you have a good attitude...just make sure you can take some respite time if possible...Hope to hear more from you.

Sandwich~I am glad you came back. I agree with emjo, some things remembered helps us to avoid the pit fall again. Keep taking care of yourself as a priority.

Joan~ Such happy news about looking for rings and getting married. Working through the difficulties as you and G have is great. His children won't be present, that is sad but hopefully they will come around in time.

Veronia~I hope my niece can have as normal a life as possible under the circumstances. Her bladder was not involved...but my concern is it will return in the liver as it did with her brother. She will be following up with chemo again which her brother did not do after his first surgery because the drs were so sure they got it all, they did not recommend it. She is being treated out of Stanford University, even though they "are the experts here in Cali" it doesn't mean they are right all the time. She is suppose to be released tomorrow and will be staying with my brother and "sil who is her biological mother". My brother has been married to sil for 27 years, so her children are his own as well.

My daughter's pregnancy is the highlight of my life right now and I don't want to bore everyone with constant details.

Today was a sucky day at work as I literally "hate" this store I am working at. This is the 4th store I have worked at...and they don't do anything like what we are really suppose to do...I know every work site is different. I am so angry that I will be calling the union again on Monday. The store manager was in our dept. and he asked me where I live, I told him...then I said and...I want to go back there. His response...you don't like us? I said no, that is not it, my mother has Alz and I need to be in my home city to help her. He said, I get it. Then about 30 minutes later, he told someone else, well, Sharyn doesn't like us so she doesn't want to be here. It really p!$$ed me off, and before I could tell the little B@$t@rd off, a co-worker said, that is not true, she just wants to be closer to her mother to be able to help her...again, he said, I get it. Really? Do you get it or is it just something for you to jest about because that is your personality? The district manager was suppose to come in today but didn't show up. I was really disappointed because I wanted to talk with her about getting me back to my city. Last week when i was working at my old store, she was in and the deli manager talked with her...I heard my name mentioned 2 times and the word permanent. I will still be calling the union on Monday as next week i only get 28 hours with 5 hours commute time; Not gonna work. I am off tuesday and am thinking of calling in sick on wednesday then I am off again on thursday. I am tired of the young woman who has 10 years seniority and all she does is complain, I am tired of having to go everything around here and no one helps me. Well speak up girl, what do you want me to do to help you..I have told her that...then she says, it is not your fault. Go figure!!! My rant after a bad day...

Have a good Sunday, whether it be Easter services, family get together's or friend get together's ....enjoy some peace and don't knock yourself out for those who will never appreciate it in the long run.

Sandwich,

I really understand what you're saying, re: "there's no reciprocation, and about your level of forgiveness being low." Not forgetting is paramount, for we.....who have to think on our feet when it comes to dealing w/narcissists, or other mental diseases.

Well, I'm very happy to see you back here. Yes, you're so right about people who just don't understand. Why should they, too? Many of them have not experienced what you are going through! Trying to share some of the struggles of a caregiver,
w/the general population.......I've learned that it just doesn't go over well w/many people. Actually, this is why I come here too.
Good for you, focus on the good things in your own life. Often I think that people, just have to be so mindful of not getting sucked into other people's bad vibes, anger and the pickle juice. I used to confide to a cousin about some of the bitterness, anger I had w/in my household, w/mother, my sister, and mother's sister. He'd say, "They had such bad moods, if we didn't watch out, they were contagious." I took this as his beautiful words of wisdom, and use it as my inspiration, of what not to get sucked into. Bottom line......these are our own decisions about how we want to view, the difficult people in our lives.

Hope your day is peaceful!
Magical Bunnies,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Margeaux,
I think it all comes under the heading of "people just don't want to know" you know how people disappear when someone suffers a loss or maybe a serious illness. They may visit once or go to a funeral but after that they simply disappear or avoid the person. it seems to be part of our culture not to get involved because people feel it might in some way be contageuos.
I don't know how people in other or more simple cultures behave towards those who are in distress
In our modern society everyone is so busy they rarely have the time or the inclination to remain in contact with someone who is suffering. I believe the peole who come here as in particular those who stay are a different sub group and maybe of an older generation in general so have more life experience. that is not to say our younger caregivers do not have the empathing to take on the care of a loved one. The feeling we share here are very personal and we don't expose these to healthcare professionals in general. We may talk to therapist and devulge more information because ths professional has the training and hopefully the experience to ask the difficult questions and provide a safe environment to share.
I find more and more that when I visit my PCG I first have to tell the receptionist why I need a appointment then the nurse maybe more these days some sort of medical aide. I don't want to tell the world that I am having sexual difficulties so I will say my haemorroids are painful. if I have a cold that of course would be a different matter. (Examples only please) But you get my point about communication and the reasons we don't want to share and the empathy we crave is with held. many times your pain brings back bad memories for others or they are fearful one of their family member is in danger of dying the same way.
People are not totally bad and have demonstrated the ability to help others when there is a major catastrphy and there are others to join so it feels that there is safety in numbers. Did anyone else see the video of the rat on the NY subway. Everyone was screaming and jumping on the seats no one man or woman yelled some one kill it. if that thing had bitten anyone they would have been in extreme danger of very serious illnesses from rabies down. no everyone folled the hysterics. I may add that I would have been up on a seat with the rest of them.
Maybe I should just erase this it does not seem very helpful to those who feel others can't feel their pain and maybe they are right

Hi. I am new at this. I will try not to ramble. Reading, I found familiarity. I used to be nice, lately I find I am becoming - bitter and hopeless. I tried therapy but it made me feel guiltier. I speak when I should not, then I feel even worse. I feel I am not a very good person, I want to be. I cry a lot. I don't even want to take my own mom to dinner anymore. I am scared she'll “loudly” say something derogatory about the other customers. My mom is prone to tantrums: throwing things, screaming, hitting, lying, etc. Things like that can be confusing for autistic children. My daughter has worked long and hard to get where she is today. Hard as the last 13 years have been for her, she is the most remarkable child. As are my sons who have been the best brothers any sister could hope for. Even though they have their own lives to lead, they are there for each other, and for me, which is why I found my way here today.
Reading the posts by "Sandwich" was like reading excerpts from my own life, with slight differences. My dad mostly stayed gone. My mom isn’t in a Care facility. I took care of my drug addicted brother even after he robbed us multiple times, and ruined me financially. The end came when he threatened to harm my, then infant, daughter. At the same time I kept being there for mom, and working 40 hours a week.
She is now 75, I have never known another way of life. The worse thing she can say about her family isn't bad enough. Mom has real trials & tribulations with health, yet drinks beer with her meds, over takes her meds & gets loopy. She doesn’t take care of what she does have. She continues to make up new things. Several doctors have told her she needs psychiatric care. She won’t go and insists she is “not crazy”, and that they are; if her family would leave her alone she’d be okay. So we give her some space and BAM that is wrong too.
I sit for hours sometimes everyday listening to her yell and hate everybody. It has been like this for years. For 2 months I get in a place and can’t focus on helping my daughter with school, I get short tempered and frustrated with her instead of being supportive. I snap at my son for no reason causing him to feel bad about himself. I’m a 2 time cancer survivor, going on 4 years. I used to bounce back and now I haven’t been able to. Thanks I just wanted I don’t want to end up behaving like my mom. It is wrong.

Buggamom,
Welcome to the loving arms of AC. There are so many hugs here it seems as though they breed like rabbits.
You have survived so much already and are indeed a wonderful person. There is No way you will end up like your mother,so put that thought right out of your head.
Rule #1 on AC is take care of yourself and loose the guilt. The counciller you saw made you feel worse so find another one and keep looking till you find someone who can help you. You are paying the bill you deserve quality care.
Look at your priorities. There is you then there is your daughter, your sons and way down the list is your Mom. I am assuming you are a single Mom so hubby is not on that list. Have you talked to your Dr about medications for your depression? Visit often this group really cares. Blessings.

Margeaux, I love that word, "pickle juice"!

Buggamom~Your therapist should not make you feel guilty, either get another person who is more compassionate or see your PCP for an antidepressant. You didn't say what your mother's ailments are but the drinking with meds is a disaster waiting to happen. Many hugs to you as the bitterness and hopelessness is overwhelming. Come here as you will get support, hoping to read more from you.

Margeaux~I am thinking my niece asked these hard questions regarding her prognosis as she has a 13 year old daughter's future to think about. Since her husband is not willing to work, what happens to her? My brother and sil are in a tough situation because if they tell their son-in-law how they really feel, they may loose all contact with their granddaughter. Even though my sil has been providing financial support for them, her husband still seems to think that he has the right to decide how their support is used..such as the care they gave them for my nieces dr appointments. Instead he took the car to see to his father's needs instead of his wife's needs. My niece is not without blame here as she never learned to drive nor has she worked. It is a tough situation and one I hope I never have to face with either of my children.

I'm glad to see this topic....a place to get all this frustration out. I'm trying to make careful and thoughtful decisions for my father and his care but I feel like my aunts don't trust me to make the "right" decisions for him and all we end up doing is getting upset with each other when we disagree.

Today his sisters had a hospice nurse talk to me, which would have been fine if they hadn't surprised me with it and acted like the decision for hospice was already made and I was crazy when I became upset and wanted a chance to think about the details and to talk to Dad to see how he feels about hospice. He is of sound mind, he should have input on that decision.

I know it's ridiculous to be upset at them when they are trying to give us support and Lord knows I need it, but all it ends up seeming like is a fight for control. And then it all stresses dad out...I never had a ton of interaction with his sisters until now and it is obvious our personalities are clashing. By tomorrow I will have put on my big girl pants and sorted out how I will handle this, I'm just glad a place like this exists for the moments when I can't.

Your aunts may have thought they were doing their best to help you but you should have been informed before hospice just showed up. Both you and dad certainly need to discuss this and if he is still making his own decisions this is one he should make. Can you tell us a little more about his condition? Many people who often don't know a lot about hospice become very fearful when the subject is mentioned. Do not be afaid they are very supportive and will provide a lot of help with equipment and nurses and volunteers who can give you some free time. If you are not happy with the care they are providing you always have the option of discharging dad and possibly going back if he declines further. One major benefit is that you have 24 hour support from a RN for advice and a visit which can be very comforting. You are clearly very upset at this time and it is difficult to think clearly when things are rushing at at you in all directions. Take a deep breath. i don't think it is a case of big girl pants yet you know what you are doing you just need time. If you don't have POA for Dad get it immediately Without further information it is difficult to see if the aunties are trying to take control or be helpful. Other people will have a lot of input. There is nothing that others have not faced,
Blessings

Juddabudda,

Hi, how are you?
Well.....I cannot take credit for that word, "pickle juice," that belongs to Sandwich. It's great! I certainly remember mother, her sister, (the battle ax),
reason I came here over 2 yrs., ago. Current day, my sisters in the pickle jar, too!
HAAH!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux