The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Yeah - lots of it happening here right now. The city arrived - it is their problem. The lads are mopping up. The insurance company can pay for their time and any work they so and the use of their trailer to store stuff. The adjuster comes on Monday. Fortunately it wasn't high enough to affect the dry wall, I think, A little seeped into the bedrooms where there is carpet. If they need to replace that, so be it. Good opportunity to clear out the laundry room and the main room in the basement! I have a bit of work ahead of me.

Hi everyone,
Still alive here, plugging along! Joan, you are in my boat, pun intended, but worse as it is "grey water" as they call it here. oh what a mess. So sorry!
Just want to say hi to everyone. Been working very hard at pulling this house and our life back together! Making a bit of progress here n there, seeing a light at the end of the tunnel!!
I sure would love to catch up but so much is past! Hope everyone is coping well with all the drama and stress of caregiving life!
Peace,
Juju

EMJO,
Sewage backup? Been there, done that numerous times, probably 40 years ago in Mom's house. As it turned out, the city had leased excess flow area in sanitary, to neighboring suburb. Well, too much development upstream overloaded the the system for a number of years until suburb constructed their own system to handle their own household waste.

In this area grey water is sewage that has been treated, I'll be it minimally, for irrigation systems to golf courses, parks and large commercial developments.

Camaryllis, this is probably a stupid question, but if it's FIL who is having trouble settling is it not FIL's son who should be doing the soothing, some of it at least? Tell me what I've missed?

Hi Countrymouse,
Yes, he is doing it too...we work opposite shifts so I am home with them in the evenings and he is here in the mornings. So it is up to both of us.

Better day today. I made a point of asking him about his earlier life, and got him talking, that was good and it worked. Fingers crossed.
Hugs
Christine

Hi Margeaux,
Thank you. I know, I don't want to engage and have to find a way to take myself out of the equation in my mind, at least. Today I tried something different, I engaged him in a conversation about his past life. He had fun talking about his glory days. And probably, I can do the same thing tomorrow, as he will not recall that we had the conversation. If it makes him happy I will be glad.
Thanks for caring
Christine

juju - glad to see you back and hope things are progressing. Grey water???

This was brown water. It has affected the whole block. We are sorting and the lads are carrying stuff out into a trailer in the driveway for temporary storage. It means I am throwing things out too, which is good. Found some old cards and pics I want to keep, but lots are getting tossed. The next room to be sorted is the laundry room. If I do too much, I will be out for the count for up to a week with the fibro. The lads are doing most of it, but I have to check for things that need to be kept as one of them tossed a $1000 Persian rug of mine 5 yrs ago when he was working here. He travels very light.

With this and moving mother, I won't want to pack up anything for a long time.

On top of it all I can't find my good camera and am afraid I have lost it. Another aaaargh!

Marg - that is my sister and my family experience with her pretty well exactly. I really understand now why the psychiatrist from years ago said he was more concerned about my sister than my mother. Sis used mother all these years. Lordy, I am blessed to not be a worse mess than I am with all that dysfunction. My father was alcoholic but he was kind and affectionate a lot of the time which helped enormously.

glad - TWO sisters -oh my goodness - well I have a mother and a sister and they play off against one another. How do we survive???

Extra laundry to do now - and I am behind from my last trip. Oh well, this too shall pass.

Have a good day everyone. I am taking a break as the fibro fatigue is coming on. (((((((hugs))))))) to all

Bookluvr and other daughters of Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi-Polar, Narcistic, and other craziness which involved abuse in your childhood: I totally have gone through all the childhood hurt, anger, tears, helplessness, rage, etc with my mother. First year: shocked to see Mom had regressed to her early abusive self. Me: confused, hurt, shaky, and feeling regressive myself. Second year of care giving: Me: resentful, on strike, F.U attitude, trying to correct her,
trying to make her see I have my own needs and don't exist for her control. I listened to my friends and saw a social worker counselor. Third year: learned to control my mouth, my anger, and to let things go. Think of Japanese wrestlers: take opponent's energy and firmly but without anger or attachment set it aside.
Meditate, walk in nature, make phone calls to friends, and learn to emotionally detach: I am letting go of having a mother. I am letting go of the good times I had with her in the not too distant past. I am setting boundaries without fights. I am not someone she can lean on emotionally now. I support her needs as necessary and find others who can take my place. I have more of a life than in the beginning. Mom's behavior is improving: more respectful, more detached, often puts me down but I don't allow her to have power over me anymore.

Ask yourself: do I love myself? How can I give love to myself when someone else is putting me down or trying to hurt me? Can Mom really help her actions and words? But wait, does it matter? Nothing can change really except how I feel inside.

After a while I have begun to feel more compassion for Mom but I still must keep my distance. She tells me she appreciates things I am doing for her now.

Best wishes for healing. I know how tough it is.

Judda - really touching post, to me. I guess I see myself reflected in your words. The struggle to not allow dysfunctional parents to keep reaching in and tearing you apart. That just isn't an option. Hugs.

Emjo - you are experiencing the kinds of things that can really throw me off track in life. The dog presumably eats some of your rings, you've lost your good camera, and your house is flooded with sewage. Yikes! I'm just very sympathetic and hope you get through these bumps sooner rather than later. Yes, this too shall pass, but not before it has its way with you and causes lots of grumpy chaos. ;-) Hugs. Please do remember to take care of yourself and not do too much.

Camryllis - I'm reading and sympathizing but don't have much to offer in way of advice. I've yet to care for a combative elder thats going through dementia. My grandma would get fussy at times but was pretty easily soothed. My dad does get rageful (is that a proper word? lol) at times and I do exit stage right, like you said. But he doesn't have dementia, really, so its different. Its just a temper tantrum and I feel absolutely zero obligation to entertain him when he gets like that. Good luck with sorting out your household. I'm glad you're here and getting some support.

Juju - nice to see a post from you. Its been awhile. Hope you and mom are as well as can be expected.

Glad - can relate to feeling like you are seeing sibs true colors coming through… its not a good feeling. I try to have kind and harmonious relationships with my brothers, however the reality has been quite different. The only "good thing" (if you want to call it that) is that older bro and I seem to agree to disagree more and more - meaning we will both just STOP interacting/conversing and "walk away" when we start to get into it. I honestly see that as a positive step for our relationship, as it has been really ugly between us, at times, in the past. I don't want to engage in a destructive way with anyone, least of all my family, if I can at all help it. Good luck with your sisters.

Hugs to everybody else!!! Its Saturday night, I've considered going out to meet friends in the city. I'm definitely more social lately than in a long time… that's a good thing. :-)

Judda - you hit it in a nutshell - on the timeline and my reactions. I'm going thru your 2nd year. I am actively "can't stand him" stage. Not hate. Just can't stand him or his voice. He's a good detective, we're stealing from him, I'm doing 'lousy service' on him, etc....

I'm about to vent about sis. Please skip the next paragraph if my venting irritates you because I refuse to do something about it.
I've just posted a long vent about sis. I didn't hit the Submit button. I just needed to write down all my pissed off, angry words of all the things she's Not doing and how I have to do it, on top of changing his darn pampers, full time job, etc... Today, I cleaned the toilet, unclogged the bathroom sink and cleaned a filthy kitchen sink (for a month) waiting for sis to maybe say, "hmmmm. the toilet is filthy (cuz She made the mess, not me), I should clean it." Or...."hmmm... I'm clogging up the bathroom sink from food (throwing up????), I will unclog it since I made the mess." Or... "hmmmm, instead of me dumping all the opened small milk cartons for K to clean up, I will just quickly do a rinse and dump it in the recycle pile." Or... "the sink is getting black and moldy, and since I'm home all day, and K is doing all the filthy caregiving stuff, the least I can do is clean the kitchen sink and clear out all those expired foods that K keeps trying to throw out but I keep telling her to leave it in since I will eat it ...eventually." Which - she does NOT!!!! This is a much tamer version of what I originally was going to post. I am so tired today. I cleaned the toilet, the bathroom sink, and the kitchen sink, cleared out the fridge... If I don't do it, it can get really really gross. Trust me. I've seen the apartment where she used to live. VENTING... I cannot confront sis. I tried therapy on this and I just cannot go there. Therapist cannot force me. One day, hopefully, I will reach the stage. .. I try really really hard not to vent about sis, here on AC. But, I cannot keep holding it in. Because I'm seriously struggling with "death" in my mind. And so I need to vent it out. Gosh, I'm crying... I close now. I hate crying. It makes my sinus clog up my face, and I can't breathe thru the nose. Later.

Book, relax, you are doing a wonderful job with your Dad. I was talking with the SW yesterday. She has now been in the picture for six months. Initially, she came in expecting me to be the wacky one. But, now she sees the situation and sisters behaviors so now understands what has been occurring for almost three years now. She told me to try to detach myself from sisters, which I am able to do part of the time, but geez sometimes I feel like I am going to lose it. She told me to concentrate on all of the people that are supportive of me and know what I do for mom, and deal with me all the time. And that includes everyone here. Don't know what I would do without these people! So, book, try to use your energy to remember all the people that KNOW and understand, that offer you emotional support.

judda -well said. We have to detach and care for self. Build your life separate from the dysfunction. Yes, you have to keep your distance.

Alison - glad your bro and you are managing better. Getting through it. The rings and camera will either be found or they won't. If they are not found I will buy another camera and say good bye to the rings. I don't need them anyway. The lads have moved much stuff from the basement into a trailer for storage and cleaned up and bleached the floor in the basement. The insurance adjuster comes Monday. He will be busy in this street, and I will find out what they will cover. Some drywall is wet too. It could have been worse. I have been going through photos etc. we found in the basement - something I needed to do in any case. In some ways it is a blessing in disguise. All is well with my soul!

book - BIG ((((((((Hugs)))))))) You have so much to deal with. I don't know how you do it, but you are doing a great job. As far as I am concerned vent about your sis here all you want to. It is part of the caregiving package.

glad - wonderful that the sw sees how things are and knows what a good job you are doing. Detaching is the only way to go. I can't do it all the time either, but keep working on it.

Good night all -hope tomorrow is a good day.

Will I be able to see Dad today? Just got a call from Mom: she has blood in her urine today! Help! What does that mean?

Judda-most com.only it is a UTI which requires a tibiotics. Have her checked at ER. Hugs!!

Judda, it happens a lot and needs to be checked out but unless mom is in pain or has a high fever it can probably wait till the dr's office is open in the morning.
She may have passed a tiny kidney stone or "gravel". A little blood goes a long way in the toilet so unless she really passes a lot it is not an emergency. Has she had this before? is she sure it is from her bladder and not vagina? Has she been having sharp pains recently in the kidney area just above her hips. If you are really worried by all means go to the ER. save a specimen at home before you go. Wash out a clean jar and rinse with boiling water and after it has cooled have her pee in that. make sure she washes her genital area well first and then use a wipe before she collects the specimen. label with her name ,date of birth and the date and time collected.

When my mom had the UTI's, she did not have a fever, or pain. The first one exhibited as a backache, another sent her to the hospital with stroke symptoms, couldn't walk and speech was garbled.

I did learn a lot from the DO and Don't Do. I've learned not to argue with him. He saw a mouse in ICU, I just assured him they would catch it. That seem to put him at ease. Thanks for the lessons you posted

What a week! I feel like I was sucked into an alternate timeline on another planet. I need to go back & read posts to catch up.

Last Friday mom was sent to the ER for suicidal ideation with a plan but was discharged because there were no beds for psych patients with dementia. While I was trying to find a geriatric psych nearby, an oral glucose lowering drug was added to her long list of pills. She won't/can't comply with insulin, so we all thought an oral med would be better. One of the med nurses/health aids can give it to her.

Great, except she wouldn't eat after. No food reason, probably because she knew she had to eat. Mom's been like that forever. This pill wasn't playing games with mom (and hadn't gotten the memo that mom knows better!!) and she had a couple days of very low readings where staff had to give her OJ and a sandwich. Wednesday she actually blacked out, fell, and hit her head. Good thing the med nurse found her. Glucose level was 29.

So it was back to the ER. They did CAT scan, ultrasound, chest xray, and a ton of bloodwork on her. In addition to the many other problems, she sounded like she was coming down with bronchitis too. She was admitted, and I finally got to speak to a doctor who was appalled she had been dismissed after the suicide thing. Ultimately, mom was put on the neuro unit. She couldn't "pass" the psych eval or the OT eval for tasks of daily living. As bad as this sounds, I am over the moon that these problems are FINALLY getting the right professional attention.

They had her work with a respiratory therapist to learn to take deep breaths again. OT, PT, and getting her up and into the restroom to toilet. Sitting in the dark 23 hours a day, in a chair with your feet dangling down is apparently bad. (I say that facetiously.) She won't get up & walk around just to see what's going on no matter how we try. She doesn't believe that everybody there gets lost, and staff will take you back to your apartment.

She's being moved to rehab (TCU is the term now I guess) today. She probably won't ever go back to her apartment. She did really well while people were bringing her 3 low salt, low fat meals a day, actually putting it in her face, and while PT was taking her on what I call "forced marches". Go figure! The swelling in her legs went away, the color came back into her face. They jacked up her anxiety meds, and for a couple days, she was a lovely and polite person. The nurses would also rub her down with lotion for this mystery itch she has, so the contact and endorphins helped her a lot. If I tried to do it, she would jerk away from me and howl, so I'm off that duty I guess.

Every person that saw her noticed her scratching, and I would explain we have explored dermatology already, and we don't know where it's coming from. Side effects, an unfound allergy, OCD. Nobody knows yet. Her other problems demand more urgent attention.

She is still super confused and is probably going to stay like that. But the old mom is emerging from the shell because I got 2 phone calls within a few minutes of each other this morning to rip me a new one over the fact she can't find the bathrobe or her comb that I brought her. She is confabulating too. She swears somebody stole her robe and was eating food off her tray at mealtime.

I thought I'd go over for a short visit in her new room this afternoon, after they get her settled in some. And maybe begin the boxing up process in her apartment of stuff she won't notice if it's gone.

Oof. It's a step, but how to know in what direction? It will be good her for her to be in rehab. It's also a very outward sign of some decline and the future inevitable. All I can hope for is a gentle landing, whenever that is to be.

Bookluvr,

I agree that it must be hard to as you've put it, "getting up close and personal,"
w/someone such as your dad. But......this is where detachment comes in.
In other words, you have to become the observer of your dad so to say, and really try to refrain from losing your temper w/him. I saw this happen time and time again through the stories my sister recanted to me about the battle ax, (our aunt).

Our aunt's mobility was very compromised, because of diabetes and major heart problems. She walked (very little) if that....w/use of walker. At mother's home,
where my aunt resided w/my sister, there are some huge Italian dining room table chairs. that are very heavy. When the battle ax was worked up, in a bad mood.....she'd get up w/the walker ahead of her. She'd attempt to plow through the kitchen and behave as if she could just push those chairs out of her way w/her weakened body and the walker. It was so ridiculous to watch, and pathetic. My sister's reaction was getting very angry, and I'll call it what she does......."infuriated." My aunt knew this, thereby got her jollies each and every time my sister would succumb to this reaction. It fell upon deaf ears, when I'd make suggestions to my sister that instead of going that route......to just move the dog gone chairs. She lives there,
I thought suggested to her, "get rid of those chairs." For crying out loud....this would be a way to minimize the problem. Duhhhhh!

There are psychologists who have studied the topic of people being addicted to the emotional feeling of anger. My sister is definitely in that camp. Anyway, my point is that I in no way am assuming your situation is just like my sister's.
However, maybe we can look at it as homework as to how we react to it.
When I was visiting......and my aunt tried busting loose w/her walker,
I would get up and push the chair out of the way. Of course she'd manage to say some sarcasm to me, because she noticed I was ruining her opportunity to drag me into her muck. When she'd start to say things, my response in my situation was, "You can injure yourself by trying to do this." I'll never forget the look on the battle axe's face the first time I tried this. Believe me too, don't go thinking that this didn't yank my chain whilst she attempted this. But that day I tried this approach......I can say, I had an AHA!!!! moment. It stopped her dead in her tracks, because I turned the tables on her pointing out some kind of concern, which was she not get hurt. At the same time, I detached and became the observer of the situation, and honestly I did notice a change about the tricks this sick woman would at least try to play on me. There came a moment in that she knew that I was on to her game.

You will find your own ways that suit your situation.
I also want to add, that you do a more than A+ job with the challenges I know you face, and you have my highest respect, too.

You're in my thoughts!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Camaryllis,

Bless your heart. This kind of engaging I always think is wonderful.
It's good you are trying some approach, so that your FIL feels good about something, and the two of you can find some meeting point in the midst of the caregiving. It doesn't have to all be doom and gloom, is what I say.
We just have to really be aware when to pull back and not allow it to affect our emotional state, or have uncontrolled reactions to the drama.
We can feel bad for our elders, and everything that that stirs up to a point.
But when we need to make decisions and be involved in the daily care of them,
the roles do change. You really demonstrate fairness. That''s a good thing!

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

sandwich - I am so glad you are getting some positive action from the professionals. Hurrah for the doctor who was horrified your mum had been released after her suicide ideation. Sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better. I do hope that she does not go back to her apartment. Like mother, it sounds as if she is past a point where she can care for herself or even take proper advantage of the care that is available. Mother really needs nurses around keeping a eye on her all the time, and as far as I understand, that is the case where she will be sent. Sounds like your mum needs the same - and tat includes nurses trained in dealing with mentally ill patients. I hope they come up with a plan soon. They found vascular dementia in mother and even though she still tests pretty well - she was/is very bright - there is a disease process that won't stop, but is gradually bringing her down. Finally the professionals are recognizing this. They will try to give her antianxiety meds, which I doubt she will take, but it makes sense to try.

Marg - mother is one who is definitely addicted to raging -and the adrenaline rush of that. Everyone else would be wiped by her rages -she was energized.

Book - how are you??? Know you are loved and appreciated here.

Sharyn -reveal time soon I believe, or was it yesterday. I have lost track. How are you doing?

judda - hope your mum is OK. UTIs are pretty common

hi sweetness -sounds like you are on the right track with your dad

Christine -reminiscing was a great idea. Distraction from whatever is bothering him may work, if not just removing yourself, or coming up with an explanation/comment that satisfies him - like you can go home when the doctors OKs it, as Sharyn suggested

Stiff legs from going up and down the basement stairs so often, and a bit tired, but nothing else so far. A good soak in the air jet tub will help that. I don't want to think about the repair work that has yet to be done in the basement, but the results will be good. Loads of laundry to do today, and sorting some photos if I can get myself together enough.

Have a good day everyone and do something good for you. (((((((((hugs)))))))

Ok...I have a question.

What do you do with siblings that just won't help....but offer to "pray for you, because you have so much on your plate caring for Mom by yourself"??

I almost threw my computer through a window when I got that message on Facebook today from one of my siblings. I guess I should be happy she offered to pray for me, because that's more than the other 2 offer to do. Brother will occasionally help get Mom in/out of the van when we meet for breakfast - but usually doesn't, and when he does, I'm supposed to be appropriately grateful for his help (!?!) - yet he can haul his MIL all over town for her appointments, snowblow her driveway & shovel her sidewalks, make home repairs for her, etc. I have to PAY someone to make repairs to Mom's home. Yes, I live here too, and the house will eventually be mine, but why shouldn't someone else help too?

I guess today was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back, when sister told me she asked their pastor to pray for both Mom and me. You've GOT to be kidding me. Not that I don't appreciate or believe in prayer - of course I do - but I don't need your prayers, I need your HELP.

Our family dynamic is anything but normal - there's sexual abuse in our past by our father and 2 other male relatives, and our mother stayed with our father, even after I told her what was going on (and I was the youngest, so at that point, it had been going on for years, and the others were too scared to speak up). So I totally understand that there's probably some deep-seated resentment, etc. towards Mom ....but they can act all loving and kind to her at breakfast or on holidays....but if I need help, it's not there. It's like she doesn't exist outside of those Sunday breakfasts or holidays. It's like they're just waiting for her to die so they don't have to deal with her anymore. (Wow, that was hard to type...that thought just hit me and it was like a sledgehammer.)

Not sure what I'm looking for here...I guess just needed to vent/rant. Some days I'm so tired of acting like our family is "normal" when we're anything but. Unfortunately, that's the position our mother put us in when she chose to stay with the man who abused her children. I've tried so hard to understand why she did it - but I simply can't. She tells me one time she did it so he would know she was always watching, and he would never have the opportunity to do that again - to anyone - and another time she says she was simply fighting to keep her family together.

Ugh. Not a great day. I'm going to escape for a couple of hours tonight to get groceries....yay.

Hi everyone!

Joan~Thanks for asking. I am doing ok. Not drinking!!
The reveal is next Saturday. My daughter arrives on Tuesday. I am stressing today because I am trying to order the cribs for her, but the color she wanted has increased to over $500 a crib. Wow, oh she said to order expresso which was her first choice, Thank God. I am breathing normal again, LOL!!

I ordered the cakes yesterday, costco doesn't make fruit or veggie trays so I will probably have to make my own. I am looking forward to seeing my daughter, but I will be glad when the reveal is over. Too much with everything else going on. It looks like we will have around 30-35 people with 7 of them being children under 10 years.

Have a good day everyone.

Some other company bought all the black cribs that were priced at $175.99. Since they bought them all, they are charging $503.99. Seems like scalping to me and should be illegal.

Good grief, Sharyn, for that difference in price, buy any color that's cheaper, take into back yard, and spray paint any color you like! :-) I painted so many pieces for grandma's house that I picked up at thrift stores or give-aways, and they turned out nicely. But a new baby deserves a fresh new crib, glad you can buy one for the MUCH less expensive price.

SusanA43, can you tell your sister what you just said here? "Thank you for your prayers, but I could use your earthly assistance more." Will your direct request get you anywhere? I'm sorry there is much abuse and dysfunction in your family. Have you ever sought any counseling/therapy to help you deal with those things? And you can always just rant/vent away if it helps you… :-) That's allowed here, encouraged even.

Emjo, was happy to read that you are not terribly upset about jewelry/camera. I was thinking that this jewelry had more meaning to you, and losing the rings would be very hurtful. I've only lost a few pieces of jewelry in my life but they were some of my most sentimental pieces. I still have regret that they are gone because they were heirlooms. So, I think I was projecting a bit, haha. Yes, things are just things. Hope you are getting through it all ok.

Happy Sunday! Until next time. (((hugs)))

Susan I wish I had an answer for you but I don't. This is so common in many famillies one is left wondering just how many children are affected and why the other parent either does not know or chooses to ignore it. Can't believe it is love for the other parent. Fear probably plays a very large part but I simply don't know enough about the psychology to offer insight.
As far as the uninvolvement of siblings that seems to be rampant and your sister asking her pastor to pray for you and Mom took the biscuit. Maybe you should contact her pastor and request that prayers be offered up for your sister in her ignorance and any other non caregiving siblings in the congregation. Perhaps he could even base a sermon on it.
On a different subject has the house actually been signed over to you? Make sure you keep detailed records and bills for every expense you incurr if not. When mom dies siblings may not be so inclined to be praying for you. Now you have got that off your chest have a good evening. Don't sacrifice the computer we will never hear from you again.

Thanks, Veronica -

No, the computer isn't going anywhere - I need it to work the 60+ hrs a week that I do for my freelance business to keep us afloat and to pay for the work on the house!

Good idea on the pastor - not sure he'd be open to that idea, but I'd sure like to tell him. I'm in agreement with you - it really took the biscuit. I was floored when she said it and all I could respond with was, "thanks....".

I am in the process of having a Lady Bird Deed drawn up to handle the house issue - siblings are all in agreement that it should come to me, and none of them wants it anyway. They see it as the place where they were abused and could never live here without having flashbacks. I see it as 4 walls and a roof. I have flashbacks and dreams, but I can deal with them. It's over, he's gone, and the house is no more defined by what happened within its walls than I am.

Alison-I got in over my head on the crib situation because when I offered to get a crib...we didn't know she was having twins.

Sharyn-
In the good old days, families expecting twins were able to get a second matching of whatever free from various stores. I know Penney's used to do that, wonder if anyone still does...

Sharyn - one of my friends had twins. Far as I know, nobody gave them any second item for free. The diaper companies run a program for parents of multiples, but nothing is free. My friends have a teeny weeny itty bitty house that's crowded with two people in it, and one crib barely fit. They had to put it in the den, as that was the only place that could hold it! The babies slept in their car seats anyway, to keep their head elevated for gastric reflux. Both car seats fit in one crib. Then as they got bigger, they just slept in the same crib, or one in the crib, another somewhere else like a pack & play. My friends only had two car seats, and two clip-on high chairs instead of the free-standing ones.

My only demands for new baby items were car seat and crib to make sure we had the ones meeting newest safety standards. Our crib ended up being a great place to store diapers, onesies, and towels. My son and daughter slept in the swing more than the crib! God bless battery operated swings or I would not have had a shower for a couple years. At one point, I started to wonder why we had a crib in the first place. It just seemed like one of those things we just do. Same for a bassinette & cradle. I had all 3 and it was all just in the way. I got babies that would only be put down for the swing I guess! If I had it to do again, I'd get one of those cribs that converts to a toddler bed.