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Sandwich, absolutely! - so I must be the tarty sister..???!
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Sharyn, Book is blunt but correct. Things may not be going well at work at least partly because things that need your concentration are escaping you. And the thing is, this is one area in life where there IS a solution. It will take effort, I'm not pretending it's easy, but if you can find a little extra in yourself to get a grip on these communication and detail issues then work will turn around and start going well - which will make you feel very good indeed.

I did a job as a receptionist once on a non-stop 12 line 128 extension switchboard that literally gave me nightmares - the only way I could manage the non-call tasks was to write everything down and not cross it off until it was done. And I did get very good at it, though I say it myself. From which I learned that even if the job itself is a pain, being good at the job is very satisfying.

Whatever works for you - reporter's notebook, post it notes, memos to self on your cell phone.

Also, if you really focus on concentrating on work at work, then at least you get a break from worrying about home and family! Win win..?
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I found a great website this morning when searching for states that permit family caregivers being paid. This link will take you to a document that provides contacts within states that permit the payment for family caregivers.

http://www.pascenter.org/documents/paid_family_caregiver_programs.pdf
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Some places do require that the caregiver gets certified yearly in order to qualify for being paid. Don't recall much of the details.
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Book, you are correct, some states require some sort of certification.
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Sharynmarie,

I sure hope for your sake at the job.....that there's something on the video camera.
It's terrible, that a store would run out of precisely, an item that people come into to either order, or buy because of the convenience of it all. This is really a management problem. In the first place, why is it they need to get their employees to cover on account of no merchandise. Then, if an employee in a bakery is delivered the chickens, no communication with you, since you are the person who is going to probably cook them up, etc. I find this interesting when there are serious management problems, it usually will trickle down to the employees, (I don't mean you). I really know that by what you have already gone through at your job, you are quite the responsible one there. Well, good for you, you are union, and I hope your rep can do something for you. I wouldn't sign anything. I hope this is resolved in your favor.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Camaryllis,

Oh my! Well, I could tell by your first descriptions of the situation with both your FIL, and MIL....this wasn't going to be easy. I agree with other posters that you are going to have to take a very firm stance as to the outcome of what you and your husband need in the situation with your FIL. If you're saying it's becoming extremely unsafe for his wife, and him also.....sounds like it's time to look for a NH for him if this is a possibility.

This is exactly what happened when mother's very difficult sister, (you FIL sound just like her) landed in the hospital because of issues she was having with her feet (diabetic). On the back of this mother was taking some falls.
She was taken to ER, and they discovered she needed a heart pacer, which was placed. At the time.....they lived independently in mom's home. Mom being the more mobile of the two, was trying her best w/ALZ to be in charge. POA brother....the one having job issues right now lives 70 miles away and isn't the responsible type. But as the POA, the doctors wouldn't release them before my brother agreed to either set up caregiving in the home, or be in charge. To their detriment he took them w/him, and that turned into a fiasco, they being neglected. Anyway, in this circumstance it was terrible, because mother's sister
always maintained medical power over herself. My brother, nor my sister (who eventually took over their care, and POA), never saw to it my aunt was placed in a home since they feared breaking up the two co-dependent sisters. Our aunt unfortunately held too much psychological power over my siblings. I saw this play out for the next five years (aunt died in 2012), and my sister the main live-in CG of both mom and the sister become unbearable. I am so happy for you that it sounds as if you have your husband in and your MIL in your camp, where it concerns your FIL.

Stay strong!
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Book,

It takes guts for someone to bare their soul, about an issue they are having.
But I don't feel that by bringing that issue up in an insensitive manner, and also attach it to each future post by Sharynmarie serves any purpose. I hope we are all here to support one an another in a kind spirit.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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I have errands to run...when I get back I will address some things. Please no hurt feelings ...I have none regarding what has been posted to me.
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Margeaux, and that is why people who have problems continue to have problems. Because everyone in the family pretends everything is okay. They see their child is acting up and refuse to acknowledge that they have a drug problem. They see that their wives are sneaking pain pills even though they are no longer in pain, and refuse to admit that their wives are addicted to painkillers. We see this all the time here when families just refuse not to see that their parent has dementia.

Well, when I read Sharyn's first post, I just figured it was mix ups. Then when I read her other posts, I got very concerned. Concerned enough to bring up several things. I can be like most people and pretend it's ALL her coworkers fault and commiserate with her. Or I tell her what I see. She IS distracted. And if she continues to be distracted, things Will continue to go wrong. In the work place, there's only so much 'it's not me' before the higher ups will see that it doesn't matter. What matters to them is that she should have caught it but didn't. What I'm worried about is if this continues, they will find a reason to let her go. I like Sharyn and I'm very very worried about her from ALL fronts.

Sharyn, I'm sorry if I was too blunt. But I'm not going to pussyfoot around something that I'm worried about. If I didn't care for you, I'd just kept silent. I think if I was in your shoes, I would be feeling scared and no one to turn to. Too many things happening at one time. Sigh... {{{HUGS}}}
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Well said both of you. Book meant to be helpful and Sharyn understood that - all good.
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Thank YOU CM!!!!

Now one to other things, I drove out in the country today and noticed the almonds and walnuts look like a good crop this year. It was very relaxing and soothing to see the rural area.

I appreciate you all HUGS!!!
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I would lose my mind without lists and rituals. Like where I put my keys and purse has to be the same every single day. If I mess up and put my keys down somewhere else, I am hosed, especially if I was on the phone or talking to somebody here in the house when I did it. It's like my hands have a mind of their own and they don't leave notes for my brain.

I will probably be that senile woman at Shady Pines, making list after list after list of gibberish.

1. Make a
2. L
3. I
4. S
5. T

:-D
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Mom's crazy calling tonight. I have her phone directories, so I don't think she has anybody else's phone number in the family.

Tonight's hits included:

1. Come get me out of this H-LL hole
2. They are starving me to death. I haven't eaten all day.
3. I have pulled out my intestines when I go to the bathroom.
4. They are giving me someone else's meds.
5. You wouldn't treat a dog this way. (True. I would have put a rabid dog down by now. No, I didn't say that out loud.)
6. This is a H_ll hole part 2
7. If you bury me here I will walk all over you every night of your life. (as a ghost)
8. They are going to serve me for dinner here.
9. I heard these N-----s talking about getting ready to kill me.
10. Come and get me right this minute (extended remix).

Ultimately, I just decided she wasn't going to run out of steam and was agitating herself more, so I told her to calm down, good night, and I hung up.
I have to turn it into something humorous because it is so outlandish, and I know she is not the only one behaving this way. I hope nobody is offended.
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Sandwich~Hilarious!!! My son has always teased me...Ma Shady Pines!!! I took out a Long Term Care Policy to protect myself, LOL!!!
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Book~I want you to know that you have done nothing wrong. You brought up some very valid points for me to thing about. I know you and everyone else cares about me and I value that more than you all may know. Hugs to you!!
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I am have some internet issues...all sites are very slow and I cannot connect easily. Hugs to everyone!
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Sandwich, well if she's pulled out her intestines it's probably just as well they haven't given her anything to eat…???

Oh Lordy I don't know what you do about the, um, how can we put it, toe-curling vocabulary. One of those situations when even though you know you're not responsible for it you still wish the ground would open up and swallow you.

Do they do aversion therapy for dementia sufferers? Just a forlorn thought...
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Sandwich, CM did an astounding job of reminding me we need to try, as hard as it is at times, to keep a sense of humor. Though it is increasingly difficult especially in the midst of the never ending voice mail messages that continuously remind us of what this disease has done to our loved one.

I apologize if this seems callous. I really did think it clever of CM to say it is a good thing they are not feeding her, no intestine and all. LOL! If only I could remember to just agree with what my mom tells me then try to find the humor in it. If we all practiced this our jobs would become less stressful!
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Good morning,
I am with you on trying to find the humor at times, Glad! Whew. I have to keep reminding myself that my FIL can't help it, that he isn't doing this on purpose to make my life h*ll. And also realizing that he wasn't a very nice person to begin with, he was an abusive bully, and as is often the case this was kept as a 'family secret' so not known to the outside world. I keep seeing the photos on this and other websites of happy older people with their kids hugging them. And I wish that could be the picture here. So I have to do a little 'mental photoshopping' every now and then and just remember to be kind. He doesn't know who I am, but I am kind to him, and as his wife is mad at him and he doesn't know who Charles is and thinks he is my MIL's boyfriend he feels that I am the only one he can trust, in a weird way. So I guess that gives me a way to get through to him, for whatever small bit gets through. As I told him yesterday, you can sit around and think of all the choices you regret or mistakes you made and be mad and miserable. Or you can think about the great things that you did or that happened, and feel a sense of accomplishment. I need to listen to my own advice. :)
Thanks for listening
Christine
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I just about said the same thing to mom - if you've pulled your innards out, then you probably shouldn't eat anymore! What the what? The weird part of this is (is there a not weird part?) she was mad, not freaking out or distressed as I would be should that really happen. She was mad nobody was helping her push her guts back in. As if that is the most logical course of action. Duh. I'm sure there's a lot more of this kind of thing coming over the next weeks, months, whatever.

I erased my cell phone number off the whiteboard in her room, so I haven't had any more calls to it thankfully.

She said she was going to fight the "little split tails" as she likes to call other younger women (PT, OT, nurses mostly) who came in to test her blood glucose or make her move her legs. Good luck with that. I am waiting on the call to be told they've had to put her in restraints. I really am.
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Thanks camaryllis for your wisdom. You described my family situation too. When I wonder if I am saying or doing the right thing I just think, "Well what if my Mom or sister were in my shoes? How would THEY do? Ha!! yo! I feel ever so much better now!
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Let me add to my own comment, part 2. Call it: Instant Sainthood. Picture dysfunctional family member (now or from past) in your shoes as care giver. Don't you love it?
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Sandwich - that was hilarious! Sorry I have been gone for a bit - again. Honestly I got a little annoyed by a comment and needed a break. I must be " TOO SENSITIVE!" But I missed everyone and the antics of our.....parental units! Must be from outer space right? So my break from mom is coming to an end soon - going next week - it has been since January. I get about 5 emails a day that are getting more difficult to decipher. One thing is clear though...still no apology and it's all about the golden brother! You know - the one who hasn't seen her in over 2 years and has made 3 phone calls to her - and the one who calls me to see if she's still alive....think we all have one of these. So I haven't talked to him since January - he finally is going down to see her Thursday - and his phone call consisted of asking me to borrow $15,000 from the trust....after all - he says - it is our money right?? Um - no - she's still alive and her expenses are quite high - I reply. Wow - soooooo surprising! So I can't get my lawyer to call me back, called another one...no call back. My concern is the money is needed for his money grubbing wife to finish law school! Yikes! Red flags! Plus - she is older than I am - close to 60....nothing about this feels good. Thoughts anyone?
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Btw sandwich- I read the list you had written about the phone call...a few posts back.
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phone calls - how about 3 am. "I looked in the freezer and can see what is coming. God will punish you for this" Huh?????

I ended up not answering t
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I have been MIA -between the sewer back up and moving mother and trying to enjoy a little of this pre engagement/wedding time, my thyroid went whacky and I was hyper for a hwile, so I stopped
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computer acting up again - I stopped taking my thyroid meds and feel better than I have in quite a while - a little hyper if anything.. Seeing the doc today. I have Hashimoto's (hypo)and you can have Grave's disease (hyper) at the same time, both are autoimmune diseases, or you can heal -both are not common but possible. I am believing for the healing so prayers are welcome.

Getting mother's move organised, mail redirected etc. I will make 2 trips to Eton re the move. This weekend G and I will get started getting boxes and putting stuff into the unit I have booked. The following weekend we will complete it. I have bought mother some new clothing that is washable and will pass it on to the SW for her. Her 102nd birthday was yesterday. She wants no one to know where she is. O- kay! I have started sor
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sorting her tax stuff. That will get done after the move.

Still waiting on the insurance company aaaargh. They have not had a report from the adjuster. Gary can give a quote and so can the lads in the basement. so I guess we will go that way.

To do something good for me, I got some undies for under my wedding dress, and some shoes - haven't had fun shopping for a while. Got a pair with HIGH heels. Gary is tall and the dress is long -may have to have it taken up a bit in front. This is a nice break from the other stuff and something just for me!
Do something good for you today
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Sandwich,
WOW! She says all that? Mondo bizzaro.
Good that you're keeping the sense of humor about it.

Much Love & Lilght! Margeaux
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