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I am only posting this because it affects my son in law and his family...very removed from me personally. My son in laws grandfather lives around the corner from us...he has been getting treatment for colon cancer. He recently had surgery that resulted in complications. Not eating...not drinking...kidneys shutting down. A radiation bead was administered directly to the cancer. He has been readmitted to hospital but because he is not stable they cant do surgery to remove an obstruction to the bowel. He has been given 1 month...very sad for my son in laws family...cancer is worse than dementia.
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SM, it has been coming your way lately, hasn't it? Monday we got disturbing new that Mom's Hubby's PSA is 93.68 a 80 point increase from where he was just under a year ago. Bone scan on Friday, CT with contrast on Monday.

The worst thing about this is he should have been called for an appointment with this doc 6 months ago. But they changed their computer system and lost the callbacks. Instead he got a certified letter in February telling him he had not made the appointment! Geez, what next?!
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Glad- I am sorry. How can they try to turn it around on the patient when it is a oversight on their end? We must be very vigilant infollowi g through onourend. I have come to realize just hard cancer is on a family. I am not down playing dementia...it is very hard too...I guess I am thinking more of the patient...with dementia, the patient is not necessarily aware of what is happening at the end or how much it affect ts their loved ones. I think of how I would be so consumed with trying to keep up my loved ones spirits while dealing with my own demise.....dementia seems an easier way to go for the patient...selfish. I guess.
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We must follow through on bloodwork and recalls...never leave it in the the hands of the Dr office...mistakes happen, not just little things. I don't k ow much about prostrate cancer and I hope there is treatment for him...hugs to your family Glad.
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That's sad news, Sharyn, about your SonIL's grandfather. You don't have to know the person well to feel sorrow for his family. Hope your daughter is managing ok, it must have quite an impact on her household. Hug.
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Glad, sorry to hear about your M's b/f, and especially the snarl up with communications. We're going through a similar with my ex-b/f (still very much part of the family) right now, surgery coming up in 3 weeks. There are LOTS of treatment options, Veronica can talk you through it brilliantly if you've got questions. Don't despair!
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Sharyn, I had to smile when I read your comment about eldest daughter and her mom complaining about her daughter calling her about taking the pills. Sorry about your SOL’s grandfather. I, too, hate cancer.

Brenda, I work full time and was still able to caregive 2 bedridden parents – just the 3 of us in this house. I “paid” oldest sis to come Monday-Fridays to babysit (she doesn’t do pampers, or clean the house), on Saturdays (I also work in the mornings) 2 of my siblings paid for the caregiver. Money was and still is tight. When mom was first diagnosed with dementia, my dad retired to be a fulltime caregiver. But he had worked for the federal govt and his retirement money was sufficient to live on. Still, he made phone calls. He was able to get a 4-hr a week caregiver’s respite services. What he did was fought for it to be a one-hour increment a day – for them to shower mom. This way, mom showered 4 x a week. He also got for mom the Meals on Wheels. Then he fought for them to include him since he was mom’s FT caregiver. He also found another program that sold supplies at a discount. So, a big box (100 ct?) of liners in the store was $85.00, he got it at a discount of $60.00.

But I think first thing to do is figure out if your mom can live by herself. Maybe try those retirement communities. Or even Assisted Living…if your mom has money.

Glad – sorry about your mom’s bf. I hope it’s not as bad as you think. How will your mom handle this? I think my dad is terrified to find out if he has prostate cancer or not. He just absolutely refuses to see the urologist on his prostate.

Sharyn, I’m not sure if you downloaded some music in your kindle. But, today, while I was playing dad’s Used-To-Be-Favorite-Song and singer, my kindle wouldn’t let me play it without going on the wi-fi. When I did, I Think it updated the music. Because some of the newer songs have captions now. Neat! I find myself singing along very off-tune.
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Countrymouse,

This must be a difficult position for your sister to be in concerning your brother.
If your saying that she either rips into people, or holds grudges.......this style does not appear to be the best manner of trying to communicate with someone either.
I do realize there has to be plenty of frustration on her part. Is there some way you can get the solicitor to be the intermediary?

Your brother sounds very emotionally disconnected, too and then given his own health and his wife's I'm sure he has his hands full. This still however should not be an excuse as to why he doesn't communicate.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Thank you for the understanding, Margeaux - it is difficult for my sister. She is a forceful and blunt person most of the time; but she has a soft spot for my brother (they're close in age) and I think feels very hurt when he won't communicate even with her.

I know there is something going on with him, I just don't know what it is. We're ten years apart: there's been no huge falling-out, but we're not close. From my point of view he is just being a pain in the behind! - but of course there will be more to it than that. It's a shame he won't share it so that I have something to tell mother about what he's up to, is all.

I was hoping the solicitor would have some bright ideas about how to make everything work more smoothly; but as I suspected the choices are extremely limited. If the Enduring POA gets wound up, we'll be in a proper pickle and have to start new applications for guardianship - which takes forever, costs a mint and is a pain to operate. This whole thing is such a lesson in life: Think Things Through before you sign them!!!
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Countrymouse,

My sister is like this relative to our youngest brother who is the 2nd in line as far as POA is concerned. She doesn't need my brother's participation as far as I know when it comes to signatures. Thank the cosmos for that, because he has helped out when there needs to be repairs done on mother's rental properties. He does drag his feet about this, though. But once he starts the job, does get it done.
I realize in his case, he does have great responsibilities at work, and he lives probably 75 miles from mom and my sister.

In any case, we can see how important it is for POA's to stay on top of their responsibility's. Well, we can be thankful that at least there is some sort of POA in place. It's very difficult when there is nothing to this end, as we know all too well.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Sharynmarie,

I'm really sorry to hear about this news concerning you son in law's grandfather.
As you know, my dad had this. He was about 81 when diagnosed. They immediately did surgery on him, the colorectal. After that it was rounds of chemo, then localized radiation. As a result of what I witnessed dad go through, I just hope for this man's sake, given his age, he and the entire family consider how much of the aggressive treatment he's willing to endure. Besides, I've been reading lately about aggressive treatment for colon cancer in the elderly. Some researcher's are of the opinion that by the very fact they get lots of toxins via the chemo and radiation, according to statistics it just makes better sense to leave it be. In other words....not so much invasive treatment for an elderly patient.

Well, your son in law is having some new babies soon, so hopefully in the midst of all this it will give him hope, dreams in the midst of some difficult challenges!

You and your's are in my thoughts!
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Thank you everyone. My son in law will be co

ming out week after next to say good bye. His grandfather was diagnosed last Sept and it had already spread to the lymph nodes. My daughter will keep me updated.

CM- that is very frustrating when 2 signatures are needed. How do you deal with someone who is unresponsive to emails or phone calls? Other than your brother signing the checks and returning them to your sister...I hope something can be worked out. We agree to do these things for our parents and think it will not come to the point where we actually have to do it. Think hard about it before you agree to it...especially when when 2 signitures are required.
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Exactly, Sharyn. My mother set this thing up with my brother and sister ten years ago - I don't suppose anybody really thought it would ever be needed, let alone about how it would work in practice. I don't even get to say "I told you so" - because I didn't! We live and learn...
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Thank you everybody! Book you raised a very good point about how mom will deal with it. He would have to go somewhere for hospice if it comes to that, mom just would not be able to handle it emotionally. It was hard enough three years ago after he had the hip replacement. She was an emotional wreck, he looked next to death.
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Margeaux~Thank you regarding my son'il's grandfather. It will be hard for him to come out here to say his goodbyes as his grandfather has always kept to himself, never talked much, so very hard to have a relationship with someone like that, but I know it still affects him.
Cm~Thank you as well. My daughter has already made arrangements so she can take a day or 2 off work to help her hubby through it when the inevitable happens. His parents are in North Dakota and his mother will be coming out here as well, she is having a bit of a hard time with it....losing parents is not easy.

My daughter has approximately 10 weeks till delivery of those 2 beautiful baby boys. Coming up too fast, I am not ready, LOL!! She informed me that hubby and I must get vaccinated for Whopping Cough next month so it is effective when we get to Idaho, LOL!! No problem here, we will do it!!! She also said we need to make sure we get a flu shot...Hahaha!! I told her the flu shot will probably not be available until Sept. She said as long as we had the flu shot last year, we will be ok. I am getting a big kick out her motherly instincts kicking in as she always struck me as the type who would just grab up a baby and throw it over her shoulder and keep on going, LOL!!
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More venting ahead...
Another trip to the ER last night. FIL fell, again, third time in two weeks, and did the same thing MIL did last time she fell, peeled a whole chunk of skin off the top of his hand. My house looks like the set from a slasher movie, he was bleeding everywhere. I panicked, and got them into the car and halfway to the ER when I remembered that I had put a pie in the oven before this happened. So we had to turn around and go back, because I figured the way things are going I would burn the house down. Back to the ER, and MIL started getting belligerent as it was taking 'too long' and she was tired. It is always all about her, and she gets cranky when anyone else gets attention much. Charles met us at the ER, and took over his dad, and I took MIL home. They got home at 1 am. I get up for work at 5:30 am. Not much sleep last night, I feel like Zombie Caretaker. At least neither of them broke anything.
Today Charles is supposed to take them to an elder law attorney, to see what can be done about a POA or guardianship. He wanted me to go, but I got all the paperwork filled out and got their papers together for the attorney, and I think that is all I can handle today.

I am determined to disconnect from all this stuff this weekend. I am going to a meetup on Saturday night, 4 women and dinner at a restaurant. I am shy and not that social, but i do know one of the women so will manage. Anything not connected with the inlaws or work is what I need right now. Wah.

Thanks for listening,
Christine Amaryllis
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Camaryllis,

WOW! Your in laws are certainly the restless type!
You may have to pad the inside of your house at the rate they're going.
Yikes! I hope you don't mind the humor, just trying to make you laugh.

I'm so happy for you that you will be getting together w/your friends for dinner,
for a much needed night out! You deserve it, have fun!

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Thanks Margeaux,
Yes, was thinking about that. Also thinking about football helmet and body padding! Thanks for the smile...
Christine
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Hey!! Where is everyone?...I know it's Saturday. Kinda of humid and overcast here today.

Picking up some extra hours at my old store tomorrow 12-3, then heading to Tracy to work 4-9. On the 29th I work again at my old store. One of the ladies I work with at Tracy was bent out of shape on Thursday saying she was calling the union and complaining because my old store had called the Tracy store 3 times this week asking for help next week...the tracy store cut her hours and only let her have one day at my old store. Her complaint is that there are people working at my old store who have less seniority than she does who are getting more hours than she is and because they called asking for help....she is entitled to make a complaint and the union has to issue her a check. Well, she was encouraging me to do the same...my hours were cut too, most likely because they hired a new cake decorator. Anyway, I chose to stay out of that drama and my old bakery manager called me asking if I could work tomorrow 12-3. So what the heck, I have to work anyway so why not get 8 hours out of it.
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SM, I am here, also wondering where the heck everybody is, just when I am at my height of dysfunction, almost like going through withdrawal.
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Glad~It tends to slow down on this site over the weekends. I hope you are ok...I am thinking about you!!
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I'm ok, just kind of kidding, but it was a ROUGH week!
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Hi everyone, maybe most of you are enjoying some peace and quiet? I just got back from my 3 hr. Drive to my mother's. I broke the news to her that her driver's license was revoked (I told her I had not such great news, but it wasn't the end of the world), and gave her a copy of the notice. She was upset of course, but since she's in complete denial about her dementia, she thought it was "outrageous." I stayed calm and remained the impartial messenger, but left after an hour. She goes round and round anyway with her comments and questions, and this was no exception. After the first 30 minutes, I realized that she was trying to pull me into "fixing" it for her. I practically bolted out the door. Have to come back on Tuesday though to deal w/the home care assessment, which she will flip out over.
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Looloo-when my got got notice of her license being revoked, she was angry...actually shedding tears which is unusal for my mom. She want to fight it but I knew she would not do it on her own. My sis and I are responsible for reporting her and I dont regret it. My mom did spiral downward with the dementiaafter losing her license so be aware of decline over the next month.
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Glad-sorry you had a rough week...I hope you have some relaxing times at least this weekend....caregiving can suck...hang in there!
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Cam, I hope that when your hubby goes to the lawyer, that his parents are willing to sign whatever documents are required. It would make caregiving soooo much easier. The only reason you would go to the lawyer is if they need your signature. But if it's not needed, I would be like you - stay home or do some me-thing day off.

Sharyn, office politics are terrible. I still see it as a way of edging out the older employees, and hiring younger new ones who would be working at Minimum Wage. Bottom line for most companies: profits and loss. We see it a lot here - in hotels, restaurants, etc... I think you made the right decision to just not get involved and take whatever extra hours being offered.

Glad.. {{HUGS}}
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Today was pleasant: took Mom food shopping. Everything goes fine if I just let her talk on and on. I started to share some of my week with her when she asked, but she cuts me off. I can't tell if she can't hear, can't process, or is just so self-centered that she isn't interested in anything but her own monologue with an audience: any audience. I never feel anymore that she is happy to share something with me. She is also reluctant to because she's been so mean and nasty and bossy to me over the last 4 years that I have given up being totally present for her when she is talking to me.

I try to make my voice sound convincing: "yeah, that's nice. No, I am listening.." I see that it is a struggle for both of us. If I try to be real I get hurt, manipulated or used up. If I am with her and try to be neutral she gets like a drama queen, makes sarcastic comments, puts me down while I am there to others, and so on. I don't enjoy being with her anymore at all. I still love her and know she may not live like she is now much longer, but it is heart breaking no matter what I do.

I try to enjoy myself while we are driving, or shopping: tune her out, enjoy the weather, and so on. This is not a satisfying relationship and it is sad: because for about 2 decades she was my best friend. It kills me inside to not have that anymore, not expect it anymore, and to struggle how to be with her.

Anyone else have this?
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Sharynmarie, I let my mother's doc know I was concerned about her driving, and he followed through with the DMV, which I was very appreciative of. My mother is so difficult. I feel badly for her but do not want her driving. I came home so fried and exhausted. She kept saying "maybe I'll get an attorney...do you think I should find an attorney? What do you suggest? Any suggestions? You'll help me with a letter."
more to come on Tuesday. I anticipate real fireworks if/when she realizes that they'll be looking out for her safety and welfare at home, not just providing transportation. I think I'll commit to myself to make no more visits until her birthday in August after this last round of developments.
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Go to shoeloverscare to vote for DSW Shoes to donate $75,000.00 to the Alzheimer's Association. Voting end tonight.
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Boy, Looloo you have tough situation. Does she blame and attack you for her lack of abilities during this time? Is that what makes it hard?

My mom bought a brand new car in Florida on her own. She kept telling me it would be mine when she dies. Two weeks later she totaled it and she realized that she didn't even have insurance! At least no one was seriously hurt and Mom volunteered never to drive again.

When she was in her 80's she insisted on driving my sister and I somewhere instead of letting me drive for her. She drove the wrong way, and ended up on a median! We were terrified. Thank God for her subsequent accident and came to the conclusion herself not to drive.

My Dad finally stopped driving at 92. His step daughter convinced him to sell his house and move into an independent living place, which was great!
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