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My daughter was ruled out for gestatilnal diabetes and liver function is normal..
however her bo is up and her last text to me over an hour ago was that they are sending her to the hospital to monitor her bp. I am assuming they are admitting her...preeclampsia (toxsemia) I am just waiting to hear more from her...I bate being so far away, not that I can do much except support her...settle for doing it from a distance.
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Thx Sharyn. I was wondering if I was being too rigid. I will leave an open mind about it and contact her to find out what happened. I will also call the hearing aid person and tell them that since the sw arranged it, she can pay for it. I do not pay for anything that I have not okayed. Unfortunately, it has ramifications. I have not had an answer to the last questions I sent the sw. Nor have I had an email from the lady who contacted my sister to do get things for mother, though she is supposed to work through me.

Mother's new Visa card arrived in the mail. I will keep it until I establish that she is still able to use it. Since, as far as I know, she is going into a closed unit, I wonder if she will have any use for it. I am hoping that where she goes will have accounts for their residents for incidentals, like the hospital does.

The neighbours 2 doors up already had contractors in doing repairs. I think I will door knock (haven't met them) and ask who their insurance agent is. This is ridiculous.

so glad, sharyn that your dd has no diabetes and her liver is OK, and also that they are admitting her to monitor her bp. Better not to wait till later, especially with twins. Are twins are considered a high risk pregnancy? I would think that plus her size and pre-existing bp issues would be matters of concern. ((((((hugs)))) at least you know she is getting excellent care. I can understand it is hard being so far away.
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Joan-i think you have every reason to be concerned about the sw. You are the DPOA and I would think she needs to honor that because these are not life and death decisions she is making because she cannot reach you.

I would be careful of giving your mother a credit card. If the closed unit is like a memory care, they do not recommend it due to theft or losing it. Hang in there and ((((hugs back to you))))!
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Joan can you contact whoever supervises this sw. She is far too free and easy with ignoring your instructions. I would definitely not let mother's credit card anywhere near the hospital especially with that sw in the picture and the other lady ready to take her shopping. I would agree that if she is going to be moved on there is no reason to delay especially if they are giving in to her manipulations.
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Looloo,

Thanks so much! Those are exactly my sentiments.
The last time this girl tried to do her supposed re-entry into our family lives
was 12 yrs., ago when dad ( her grandfather) died. At the time, her own father was cool as a cucumber w/her, this is how he's always been. But my sister and golden boy, boy did they ever try to make everything in the family look as if......oh, we are this loving family and let's let the prodical niece back in. Never, ever has any adult in the family confronted her for her behavior. So this is an old pattern as far as I can see. I expressed my distaste, and really opposition at some point about how she just thought she was back in with the family. How opportunist of her to do this at the time of dad's death. She's always been a manipulator to the max.

I'm glad to hear you are sticking to your boundaries, that's what I'm doing.
I don't have room in my life for these people, related or not!

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Veronica,

I like this, "A leopard can't change it's spots."

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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My daughter is getting steroids injection and has a 50/50 chance of delivering this weekend.
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Hi there. Any of you ever had your elder parent literally give you BACK all the gifts you have given them over the years? My Narc mother is doing this now. She is moving to independent town senior housing and maybe she is downsizing but this hurts my feelings. I feel like it's some kind of dirty trick, guilt generating manipulation, or at best defeatism that she is going to die soon. Gosh who knows. Her actions are baffling and painful to me. If I ask her why she could unleash a cloud of crap I don't have time to deal with or want to. UGH.
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Don't you think she has a great mind, she may think that you picked those items because you liked them yourself, when my mother sold the gifts I gave her and everybody else too, at a garage sale, I would say to you, do not give it another thought!
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Thanks Iwentanon. Something rankles about it. There was no kindly explanation like,
"I really love your poetry but since I won't have room and I read it, would you like to have these back?" Well, that's my idea of what I would have said, or maybe the mother I wished she had been would have said.
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judda - saw another post by you on this on a different thread I think it is just part of their distorted personality. What is it about the old stockings anyway? Mother had packed hers and I came upon them when going through box from her first move. I tossed them. Mother returned to me a picture I had given her of my youngest son after he died. I guess she couldn't stand looking at it. Your mother, for whatever reason, doesn't want your poetry books. I don't know if they know it is hurtful. But it is. I think you just have to let it go as best you can. ((((((hugs)))))
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Sharyn and Veronica - thx for the feedback. I will hang onto the credit card. I realise that as mother gets worse, it is more and more of a liability to her. I can use it the cc for purchases for her. She doesn't use her debit card as she forgets her pin number. I should probably get it from her or have the bank cancel it.

I need to push for them to get mother on a wait list for a permanent placement. This isn't solving anything. The hearing aid guy originally said he would invoice me by email and now wants to do it over the phone. I need it by email so I have a copy. On thinking about it, It may be he is referring to the last time he went and not a new visit. I hope so, but I thought the sw had paid for that. Got a call from an insurance co. re sending them a copy of the POA document. I recently filled out a form re an annuity mother has with them and before I sent it called and asked if they needed a copy of the POA. The girl said no. Now this guy says yes. I wish the right hand knew what the left hand was doing. On the other hand, I made adjustments to mother's contents insurance to cover her furniture in storage. The young man was most accommodating, which was helpful. I think that is all that is pressing except taxes. I have gathered up all the tax documents and will combine that with the meeting at the hospital and maybe work in more eyeliner tat. :)

Christine - sounds like you are making progress!!! Great! So many issues with looking after oldsters.

Sharyn - the babies may come soon????? Oh my gosh. Such excitement!!!!

Lovely weather here finally The rose bushes in the back are covered with blooms. Buds are forming in the front. I want to get a white rose of the same type as the pink ones as they do so well here and another red leaf flowering crab at the end of one bed. It would balance off the other trees.

Having to replan storage sheds since I talked with the city about regulations. Oh well, better find out now than later.

Have a good evening everyone.
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Thanks Joan! I am excited to be a grandmother, but concerned about their weight being only 2lb 10oz.The steroids are to make their lungs stronger so they can survive outside the womb.

Have a good weekend everyone!
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My daughter stopped communicating to me because I private messaged her friend who is also pregnant. Her friend must have texted her, LOL!! So my daughter texted me that she wanted it kept private and no put on f/b. She told my hubby her bp is down (not normal yet) . She told my hubby to keep me claim because she and her hubby can make good decisions. I am partly hurt that she thinks I don't know that and that she thinks I am hysterical, LOL!! Just had to vent this because I don't want to say it to my daughter, LOL!!
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Sharyn, are you getting any sleep?! I'm just looking at the times of your posts and trying to calculate 5 hours back from British Summer Time..?

Fingers crossed that all will go well with the new grand babies. Sounds like the neonatal people have everything under control.
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Sharyn, breathe, and young couples often feel parents will step in an take over. We need to learn to step back and wait to offer help only if asked. Some parents are inclined to take over every situation, these are the nightmare in-laws that we all hear so much about.

Recently my uncle was hurt badly falling from a roof. Daughter posted on Facebook about the accident. The phone was then ringing off the hook. When there is any sort of medical issue, Facebook is not the place for the announcement unless the person does it themselves!
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Cm- I am a night owl...didn't get off work until 10pm. I was up tip about 1:30am.
it is 7am.

Glad I am calm. Nothing is on f/b..wouldn't do that without her permission.
I am not planning on flying out to Idaho even if she has the babies this weekend
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Judda,

I have read some of your posts too, and I get the feeling you go back and forth about the feelings concerning your mom. Remind me......does your mom suffer from Dementia, or ALZ? In any case.....although I agree giving you every gift you've given her is hurtful to you. But you have admitted that she is a narc.
Anyway, if both these ingredients are in the mix concerning your mother's behavior, what can one expect? Even before my mom was diagnosed with ALZ,
she would always make very upfront, frank, and many times very distasteful comments to people.

So although I feel for you, since you feel hurt by this, but be realistic in this picture to my dear. This will invariably take the pressure off you, and believe me, it will ease up on some of the energy spent about you looking for the mommy who cares, or is considerate of your feelings. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm being some stone a**. But this is what I had to resort to eventually, for some kind of protection for myself, many years ago.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Judda, I understand how you feel, mom has given me back a lot of what I made for her...unused. She and her sister, my aunt were so cold last winter I bought both of them some nice fluffy shawl kinda things. Mom said it was the softest thing she ever felt and then hid both of them in her room. My aunt is the one with dementia...I get so tired of trying to be nice and getting slapped back for it.
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Helloooo,
Thanks Susan, I tried that this morning. He would not let me help him get to the bathroom or change his clothes, but I called MIL and she helped him. This morning he woke up sobbing and screaming. Having a bad dream maybe, hallucinating. I went and sat with him and reassured him that everyone is okay.

Deck was finished yesterday, yay. MIL has been out there most of the time since then. FIL has been up all night for the past few nights talking at the top of his lungs. Now the problems are spreading to the night,I want to scream. I need sleep. Not likely though. I made an appt with his new dr., who can't see him for two weeks. I never go to the doctor myself, so am unfamiliar with this constant waiting for appointments. The nurse said to take him to the ER if he kept being too weak to walk. So go there and wait for eight hours to see a dr? I don't think so. He will have to be okay till I can get him to the dr. There is a nurse coming every week to see about him,. so he is getting some kind of medical attention. And a SW called me the other day, and wants to come talk about programs he might be qualified for. Charles will handle that. He is taking a week off in two weeks, to do the lawyer thing and to get the shed built. It is so hard to do this and work too.

Anyway, enough whining. The deck is like an outdoor room, we are moving the canopy we bought onto one side of it, so the old ones have a shaded place to sit. Fingers crossed that this helps.

Another lovely day,
Thanks for listening, and I hope everyone is having a peaceful day.
Christine
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Would anyone like to comment on that ? - two week wait for an appointment, with those symptoms, in that patient? Is this normal?
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I am now the subject of narc sissy's wrath. She just found out that SD (stepdad's, though I have a very hard time thinking of him that way) daughter, granddaughter and two great granddaughters were here for the week. She is angry that she had "NO" idea they were here. Why didn't I have a gathering of some sort? She and her son would have loved to see them. Doesn't even think that maybe that is the way SD wanted it?! Four extra for dinner each night wore him land mom out completely, with two very energetic little ones. He was very ready for them to leave after being at the house for a couple of hours each night. One night while they were still there, getting mom ready to go to bed, she actually said "I hope they never come back!". All he would have needed on top of that was a guffawing narc sister! She even copied SW, guardian for Mom on the e-mail, which is wonderful! Now SW can tell her, yet again, that it is not about her, rather the comfort of he and my mom!

Then followed it up with another e-mail about July birthday party. I am trying to get together with my children and grandchildren, three of the birthdays in July, one in August. But, you guessed it, narc sister is also July. Funny thing the e-mail that I received so far all it said was "hi". Guess she screwed up the e-mail, the one that she is also concerned that when each replies, please "reply all so everyone knows what you are bringing".

UFFDA!
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Christine-
A two week wait for seeing a new doc is probably somewhat standard, though not acceptable in your case. Is this a geriatric specialist of some sort? Think about calling the office to see if they have any cancellations each day. Maybe the constant reminder from you will help. But, the ER is a good idea, you would not have to take him, since he cannot walk call an ambulance, and if you tell them you think it may be a stroke, which it might be, he should get immediate attention from the ER staff to figure out what is wrong. It could very well be a stroke, the Alzheimer's brain processes soooo differently.
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Arriving at the ER by ambulance ensures that you are taken straight in rather than have to sit and wait. With luck they will admit him and and he can be properly evaluated and possibly placed at this time especially if they can afford to private pay.
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Hi CM, I guess it is normal here. The dr. is on vacation, and apparently no one else had any free time. Makes me want to change dr.'s, but it would probably not be any better. I could take him to the ER, but that would mean waiting forever to be seen, and he gets really upset when he has to wait. Been there a couple of weeks ago...I am trying to maintain... :-}
Thanks for listening,
Christine
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Glad, you might be right...that would explain some things. But the nurses didn't say anything about that...I am way "out of my pay grade" here. I can't get upset and worried that things are happening to him when it seems to be a somewhat normal part of the disease? I would think confusion and weakness are normal for this stage? He has been hallucinating too, between sundown and the change in shadows he gets really confused and frightened.
Trying to manage...
Thanks for listening
Christine
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Christine you may be way out of your pay grade which a nurse on a brief visit may not have appreciated if no one told her. But the fact is he has had some dramatic changes in his condition and it is not a kindness to him to wait another two weeks to be evaluated. It is also distressing for his wife to witness these dramatic changes which may or may not be expected at this stage of his disease. You have been doing a wonderful job taking care of them both but the time has come for you to consider the immediate future. There is no way you can continue to go to work and come home to a restless night. So are you or Charles prepared to give up their day job. You have learnt a great deal about dementia from your research and probably know more than the visiting nurses but now FIL needs a professional evaluation and probably medication while he is sailing these stormy waters. if you can manage him till Monday morning that would be best because the kinds of Drs you need tend not to be available over the weekend. Then call the ambulance and take him to the ER. Unless MIL really wants to be with him leave her at home and probably you should stay with her but if you manage FIL better then have Charles stay with his mother. Discuss this with her before you transport him. come back and ask any questions you have we know how worried you are. Don't hesitate to call 911 anytime if things are getting out of control. Make full use of any medications he may be on.
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Camaryllis,

I completely agree with Veronica's last post.
There doe come a time when he needs to be evaluated by professionals.
If these events are getting too challenging for you, do call 911, it will get him in quicker, this is what my sister has told me about the times she tried taking mother, who's 93 and quite immobile to ER, when later she was diagnosed w/UTI. She had to take her a second time w/in only 3 days of the first visit. The second time, she called the paramedics, so she could go straight in....without all the waiting time. Hopefully they can give him something, for the current changes.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Camaryllis,

I'm just wondering. Are you still giving you in laws a lot of sugar.
I'd been wanting to comment on this and forgot to. I realize you wanted for them to gain weight, etc. But......the bad news about sugar, is that it can make people very hyper, agitated. A little is o.k., but not all the time. Besides, another down side about sugar, is that it lowers the defenses of the immune system.

Just my two cents about sugar.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Glad,

WOW! How did you manage all these people coming by and having them for dinner.
I would think all your mom's husband and even she could handle for now is his daughter's presence. This must have been hard on you also.
I'll bet you are happy they've gone home!

Your sister reminds me of my sister, in that they think that forever and a day
when family shows up it's always an opportunity to have something inappropriate,
no less a gathering of sorts. I mean do any of these people understand, that your mom's husband is really having a delicate situation with his prostate? Unbelievable!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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