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Ask someone to disable the garage door, make it so it will not open. If it is an automatic door, they can pull the safety release on the chain drive. That should keep her grounded until you get there.
A flat tire may not stop her, if she doesn't notice it, she will drive anyway.
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That's a good idea too, Pam. It's just that my mother will not let ANYONE do anything. At this point, she has no comprehension whatsoever, and she's the most controlling, obstinate person you can imagine. Someone would have to physically move her out of the way, and no one would do that. On Saturday, my husband and I will need to rehearse how to distract her so that one of us can get her keys, because she will NOT hand them over.
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My MIL is just as obstinate, but she loaned her car to #1 son because his was in the shop. We just never brought it back. Sure she was mad, but she was an extreme risk to other people on the road. Do what you have to. Hmmm have
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Have a pallet of garden stones delivered, about a ton, and make sure they off load it in front of the garage door. LOL
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Haha, I should do that!
I was a chump to believe that she understood the situation and the consequences. She said all the right things to me, after several conversations where I thought it finally clicked for her. I thought she would know not to drive and that, in a few weeks, I'd donate the car. But she probably doesn't understand, and doesn't care. She's outraged and feels like she's the victim.
I wonder what will come next, once we're finally done with "car-gate"? (Watergate, get it? Lol...)
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There will always be something. Car, cooking, cleaning, hygiene, not being able to live alone, not being able to be at home, not having any control anymore over anything really.

I don't know when my mom drove last, but I'm sure it was mid October 2013. She did not care one whit if she killed somebody in an accident. I lost it once and told her that if she killed somebody because she's so stubborn too stupid to quit driving, that I would NOT bail her out of jail and I would NOT pay for a court attorney, and I would NOT visit her in prison. That shut her up for a couple weeks.

By then, we had gotten there to do the move, and she never got behind the wheel of a car again. The good people of Stanly County NC will never know what I saved them from. Of course, there was a month or so of rage about me not letting her drive my car. I told her she wasn't covered on my insurance and hers had been cancelled.
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Looloo, when you say mom won't let anyone help, what does she do?

Mine would be verbally abusive, yell, and use loud anger to try to control the situation and people. Loud angry old women should be used as a national defense weapon.
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sandwich, hehe I have this mental image of some terrorists accidentally taking over a nursing home and being bludgeoned to death with walkers....
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Sandwich, you GO GIRL! Hee hee. I may quote you word for word on Saturday, when we go down to get her car. I hope, I pray, that SOON she goes into AL. I really don't think I can handle crisis after crisis after crisis. All I do is put out one fire after another, and it's been this way for the past year and a half.
What does she do to reject help? You name it. Anything from putting me (or others) off by saying, "I'll have to think about that." Translation--"not gonna happen." I've become a master at sneaking around her to get information and put some arrangements in place.
She will lie, make up stories (that unravel because her memory is so bad), bad mouth me to her neighbors, and so on. I've managed to maintain a fairly functional relationship with them, but still need to do a lot of explaining and air-clearing, and it's exhausting and infuriating.
And then, as things ramp up, she will REFUSE to let whoever is there to help, actually HELP. She will hover, micro-manage, claim she doesn't need/want the help, and then eventually alienate the person. I've walked a very tough line, trying to do what I can and not get shut out. But I have been shut out a bit, and anticipate more of it to come.
I don't doubt that with her, it could get to the point where she would need to be physically removed. I'll need my husband to distract her so that i can get her car keys, for instance. I think it was Pamsregman who suggested that a neighbor disconnect her garage door, and she would stand in his way to prevent it.
So, it's tough. She's her own worst enemy.
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Loud angry old women should be used as a national defense weapon. LOVE IT!!!

Hang in loo - you are getting there. Last year was like that for me -better now with mother in hospital - not great, but better and more manageable.

Hi ziggy - glad a couple of your sibs are helping you. Good for you re keeping records and letting the have it.

Iwent - vent away. It won't get easier. Hope you get some breaks.

hi everyone - crawling out of the "too tired to do anything" hole. Actually cleaned a couple of bathrooms and grocery shopped yesterday. Got some things sorted with the insurance adjuster today, so we should be able to move ahead shortly. Yay!!! Tomorrow I tackle the social worker and then get my nails done. Wed. another dental appointment, and need to get to the dr. for new prescriptions. In between, I tend to nap but that's OK.

Have a good one and do something good for you.
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Rough couple of days here. Ex MIL, a very sweet woman, did all she could to help me with my kids so I could get my BA at the ripe old age of 35, lived in independent living. She had a stroke and a heart attack on Saturday afternoon from what she can tell them, they did not find her for about 18 hours. She has now been put on hospice and they are saying 3 to 10 days. Her aeorta has somewhat collapsed and she is having a hard time breathing. I am trying to get down to see her tomorrow but cannot get dysfunctional family members to respond to a request for help tomorrow. No surprise there, and I would do anything I could to help them in a similar situation. :=&&*:!! Will call care agency in the morning if ex will let me see her. I think he will.

And wouldn't you know it, first thing this morning dys counselor sis sends an email about HER July birthday party that she wants to celebrate with my kids. Though she did not know about MIL yet, just terrible timing. Course I don't think she ever has good timing.

I want to go tomorrow since I have to take L to urologist on Wednesday for his second hormone injection. Just very cruddy day!
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((((((hugs))))) glad - am sorry about your mil. That has happened so fast. It must be quite a shock. Hope you get to see her. Sis's timing is awful. Let us know how it goes.
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She is such a strong woman! Fell and broke a hip 10 years ago, had double mastectomy 5 years ago, couldn't walk because of too much calcium two years ago, yet walked again and returned to independent living. When I met her she was probably 4 foot 8, and that is generous, but weighed 175 pounds, the same I weighed with my last pregnancy and I am 5 foot 9. She is now 93 and it is amazing she has lasted this long, and survived that 18 hours on the floor. Though I have this nagging, why hadn't someone checked on her?!
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sounds like a real fighter.

you do wonder why no one checked. I gather she didn't have one of those alert thingies
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Nope, no alert thingy. Thank Emjo, nighty night. Very late for me tonight!
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Glad~ So sorry about ex mil. I do hope you can see her, she sounds like a great person and one who supported you emotionally.

Loo, Sandwich~glad you had some laughs to relieve the stress...

It has been a day of disappointments. I put in my vacation request only to be told they can't approve it unless they can get someone to cover me....AND...all the other stores are short on employees!! Not only does this company transfer me to another city knowing I am responsible for my mother's care...now they want to deny me my vacation to help out my daughter who is having twins in another state with no other family around to help her!!! Great....just GREAT!!!
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ouch, sm, no fair!!!!
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No, I am not done venting, LOL!!! If this company keeps it up...there will definitely be a strike when our contract comes up again. I know I am not entitled to anything...but when did compassion for your workers go out the window? Lets see, during the Reagan administration when they stomped out unions, or maybe during Clinton's administration when you smile a wide toothy grin saying, I did not have sex with that woman....or G W Bush's admin of don't ask and don't tell!! I won't even go into Obama because then I would be a biget!!
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Do you know that the US is one of the only countries that does not have federal paid maternity leave for women? My daughter, who lives in Idaho, is on FMLA leave because they do not have state disability for maternity leave. She is getting paid through a benefit from her employer, however, if the boys have to be in NICU for an extended period time, once they are born, she has a limited time to recover and go back to work....no bonding time is extended once the boys are sent home.
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So let me see if this sounds just a little dysfunctional... Dad (which passed away when i was 11) beat My Mother and my sister. He was an alcoholic. He treated me as if I were an angel that could do no wrong. This scenario built up resentment and a lot of it. Mother says that I was always Daddies girl but this was because she pushed me off on him out of resentment. It's a natural feeling. My older sister (passed away in 97) resented me as well. I mean who wouldn't when they are getting beaten with wire ends of fly swatters and your little sister is getting new bikes and days out of school? I always felt from as far back as I can remember that Mom amd Sis didn't want me around and they didn't but then I didn't see why. Long story short Mother and Sister were like the best of friends, two peas in a pod for years and years. I was bipolar, undiagnosed and Daddy was all i had then he was taken away and Here i was left with the two people who resented me most. I always assumed it would be sister who took care of Mother but she passed away. I was a drug addict for 11 years after that and Mother took care of my 15 yr old daughter for 2 years. I wasn't absent but i had no home or stable enviroment for her. Well to sum it up here i am , i lost my husband, my job, and everything to move in here to take care of Mother and as long as she breathes I will NEVER be good enough! I have no help from anywhere . Noone to give me an outlet of any kind and no money to pay for a sitter. But I am blessed to be able to care for her and will do it to the best of my ability. If i don't lose my mind first.
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Sharyn I don't see how you can be bigoted when you despise all parties equally! Thank you for making me smile - I share your frustrations with the political classes. Not enough of them have done a day's work or worried about an electricity bill, if you ask me.

My son did his degree thesis on democracy in America. When I told my young American cousin about it he said drily: "did he find any?" :-0

I don't like the way your company is making excuses about your vacation. Is there anyone you can say to: "I feel I am being taken advantage of. Please make sure that cover is arranged and approve my request for leave." Otherwise they'll sit on their hands and do nothing about it.

It's very hard! Especially for conscientious women. I try not to make things worse for my daughter, so I don't generally say anything, but the hoops she has to jump through to take the leave she's entitled to are just ridiculous. HR sit on their fat behinds whining about how stressed they are and expect her to make all the arrangements, then turn round and say she can't take x days whenever because it interferes with their payroll systems or something stupid. I wish I knew where their office is so I could go and slap somebody. Hope you manage to get something sorted out, hugs.
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Got an 'ok' night's sleep, and am figuring out my game plan for today. Reminding myself that all I can do is my best, and the chips will fall where they fall. I'll call the home care agency and schedule my mother's aid three times a week, up from twice a week. I also need to talk to them about how the aid is intimidated by my mother and needs to be more assertive and take-charge with her. And if this person can't do it, then they need to find someone who can.
I might try calling my mother, but am not sure right now. It might be best not to, but if I can get any info at all, even if it's not fact, but just her perceptions at the moment...I really don't know at this point if it's worth it to call her. I feel like she's really pushing my efforts aside, and the tough love part of me thinks it might be beneficial in the long run to just let her fall on her face--figuratively or literally, at this point I am not able to clean up every mess she gets herself into.
Also not sure if I should even mention that we're coming on Saturday (to get her car). She will probably not register the information anyway. And I know that all this drama and excitement is very fulfilling for her, in her twisted way. She's loving the attention and seeing everyone get upset. She's always been that way.
Anyway, hope everyone has a good day today. Hugs...
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CM-I am glad you got a chuckle...I am on a roll..maybe I will go back to the Roosevelt admin and work forward.
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My brother and I went to see mom today. It has been a while since my brother saw her but he did notice the decline. Mom is much more quiet as she can;t follow any of the conversation. When I first arrived, they had all the residents sitting in a circle with a person in charge doing different body movements such as lifting your arms or legs, etc. I joined in doing the exercises along with the residents.

My brother said he could take care of Midget during the week of August 18...if and only if my vacation is approved. He is hanging in there as his wife is still having lots of emotional downs with losing her son and her mother within 2 months. Their daughter who had radical surgery due to cancer is holding her own right now...set backs have been having to have surgery due to intestinal blockage.

Just trying to keep positive right now in spite of everything going on.
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Went to see MIL today and am very happy I did! It was a wonderful visit, my ex (a very kind man), his brother also a very kind man, my three children, and a cousin of ex were all there. It was absolutely heartwarming to be in such an atmosphere of love, support and respect for one another! I was very proud of my three, and the love that they show for their grandma! They have been fortunate to get to know grandma all their lives! They are all in the same town and get together frequently.

I am so glad I went! Grandma was moved to hospice this afternoon, ex had to find her advance directives and he was quite busy dealing with everything else for the last two days. Now just uncertain what to do with my three day weekend.
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Oh, and ex's gold digging wife! She is something to behold!

It was refreshing to be there to just see how families can cooperate with each other. I didn't even feel uncomfortable, instead welcome.
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Glad, that's so nice, that you felt welcomed and not uncomfortable - in what most people usually do in that situation with the ex. They are obviously a very kind family to let bygones be bygones and still accept you within their circle.
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I would rather spend time with ex's family than my own. Posted about my pride in my children on their Facebook pages so they know. Also wanted sibs to see how families should be. They would not have seen it on my page as they unfriended me two years ago, almost. Because they are friends with my kids they saw it. Brats!!
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Sharynmarie - I hope your time off request gets approved. Sometimes these companies act like we're their property (and first priority). I'm of the mindset that who do these people think they are making employees ask for time off like it's a gift from the company, when it's not.

My husband & I have had some spectacularly callous and clueless bosses over time. One of them wouldn't give my husband time off when our son was born. It was a long, difficult delivery, lost a lot of blood, and our baby had feeding issues. We had to go into the hospital to be seen and this jack*ss wouldn't let my husband take me - as if it was his decision whether we go to the hospital or not! My husband took us in anyway, since this was a baby emergency bordering on failure to thrive. Years pass, and we find out this jerk boss & his wife ended up having a special needs baby of their own. Maybe he finally understood.
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Sandwich-somehow I don't think people like that ever understand. He probably treated his wife like he owned her too.

I will go ask at other stores myself.. I know if I got hurt and was off for a couple months, they would get someone to cover me.
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