notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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Anyway for my day today - I made a post the other day on if I should cancel on my grandpas appts because I cant handle my son there with grandpa.( Been asking him for 2 weeks for someone else to take him. ) Son is hard to handle alone. I got great advice what to do, and I told my grandfather that a volunteer there would have to help him or a nurse there. Well, he got upset and my dad talked to him again and he agreed to ask his old caretaker for a favor. She agreed and they went this morning. The two appts and getting a prescript would be almost 4 hours and grandpa called right after his first one ..from home!! What???
I got blamed from both her and grandpa for having the wrong date for the appt! Umm excuse me, but I was there when that appt was made and called in on the first he had. They got a printout and they "heard he had no appt". Well, while Im being blamed I read the printout and showed them where it said his appt was today at 9:45am for the one I said he had!!!! THEY were SPEECHLESS!!! No apologies were made to me, and they left again.
Wow, always my fault even when its not. Thats why I have no confidence! Yes, people make mistakes and I read things wrong too, but it ALWAYS happens to me. So, thats why I always say Im sorry even when its not my fault :) GRRRR
Ok, thanks for the vent!!! I am feeling a little better now!!!
Who's in charge of your grandpa's appointments diary? If it's not you, this is not your problem.
Who was in charge of collecting and chauffeuring him today? Not you, not your problem.
Who was in charge of making sure he was wearing his glasses so he could read straight, and his hearing aid so that he could communicate with the hospital clerk? Not you? Then guess what?
So this, any of it, was your fault how? Oh that's right, it wasn't.
And anyway they got it wrong, and yes too bloody right an apology was in order. So what happened there?
I'm glad the vent has helped, but oh boy. I think I'd still have steam coming out of my ears if it were me. And that's not even counting the point that they're acting like they were doing you a big favour not expecting you to drag your son to a four hour session at the hospital - er, NO. You were quite reasonably declining to something that was hugely impractical. Not imposing on you beyond reason is not the same thing as doing you a service. Sheesh. Big hug.
Well, went to look at a NH today for FIL. It looks nice, but has a waiting list. Only three people but it might be a while. Still have to go through the hoops of hospitalization then Medicare then Medicaid, I guess. POA in process. And we put his bed and box spring on the floor, and he has fallen out of it even more than when it was on the frame. Banging himself up in the process. How does he manage it in less than a foot with nothing sharp or hard on the way down?? He is all over bandages right now. Aaahh. I ordered a bedrail kind of thing like you would use on a toddler bed, that might keep him in the bed. Also got a gate for the hallway, to keep him from wandering at night, but Charles thought it was too much so we made duct tape strips to go across the doorway to the kitchen from that hall. That might be working, he hasn't wandered out, which is safer. I also got some babyproofing baffles for the doorknobs to outside, because I caught him trying to go out the front door the other night. So things seem safer, except the falling out of bed thing. As soon as we get the rail in I am sure it will be something else. He has been saying he can't swallow lately too, but has no trouble swallowing things he wants to eat, like little sugar donuts. So might be he is not interested in the food on his plate sometimes. I am trying different things. Poor thing, he looked at me the other day and said I'm crazy. And I reassured him that we were all crazy at this address and not to worry about it. Haha. So true.
Also heard that Medicare is not going to pay for the home health nurse after mid August. Not sure what that is about. I don't have the energy to figure it out right now though.
Thanks for listening,
Christine
1) I am in charge of the Dr Diary, which I put it in the book when we got settled in from the previous Dr. Plus I reminded grandpa for two weeks off on and ( sometimes he asked to double check) AND I wrote a note to the lady picking him up the times and which place and even what to ask at the one that was at 9:45am.
2) My grandfather is blind with blurred vision in one eye, so he gets verbal reminders from myself, dad and the call system. But yes, they should of doubled checked with the clerk what they heard when she signed him in. They give a print out with his appts on file when signing in..which listed it!
Yup so they came home and called after the appt for me to come down because she needed to ask me some questions. I was in the middle of an acid reflux attack and couldn't go down, my grandpa got upset with me. My dad can answer her or his questions, why me? I love that lady, I really do, and she has been wonderful all these years and would still welcome her back if she came back to work for him. She is actually my first choice to come back once he hires someone again.. if he does. She has health issues and couldn't keep up with all the appts either.
Countrymouse all I want to do is cry Im so burnt out..well. then again Im too tired to cry. Between my sons all day tantrum today, my grandfather, my acid reflux and no news from any potential employers yet.. ugggh! Im to the point because Im at grandpas usually 12 hours a night, I love him but thats it.. I cant give no more than that.. 8 hours a day is more like it because my kids need me and I need me!! Yes I said It I NEED ME!!! I know my extreme overweight is slowing me down too, Im trying to lose it tho.
Thank you and hugs back.
Medicaid is a long process for any type of service, any government help overall I guess. On his foods, Im sure there will be something besides Donuts he will eat. His taste buds are changing, but definitely double check with his Dr.
You had the perfect reply to him when you said "we were all crazy at this address and not to worry about it. " I think that was a perfect answer!
Get some rest today and try to clear your head. Tomorrow you can get back to Medicaid. Hugs
Yesterday my oldest grandson called me to take him and my daughter's cat to the vet.. Daughter and fam. are on holiday. Rocky the cat seems to have eaten poison and they were not sure he would make it through the night - kidney damage. His kidneys are performing better today but he is still not out of the woods. Grandson was feeling so bad. Daughter is trying to change flights to get them back by tomorrow. Vet is doing all she can to keep the cat going, yet we may have to "make the decision" that we made for my youngest son 12 years ago. Somehow it doesn't seem fair - but then, life isn't fair.
Put my old cat down a few months ago - surely not another one so soon...
Had to change my profile name to emjo23. They needed a number. That was my son's age when he left us. I changed my avatar to a pic of him. Some days life is harder than other days.
I'll get back to normal posting and avatar soon. Got to honour my feelings right now.
I hoping good things for Rocky. Wish we could just think it and he would be all better. We can try!
Im also sorry about your loss of your cat and I will keep you and Rocky in my thoughts.
His doctor said he can eat ice cream for every meal if he wants, doesn't matter as long as he eats. I wish someone would say that to me! :) I offer three healthy meals a day and snacks, but he eats or he doesn't, no way to make him. The other thing he will eat is hard boiled eggs. I make them twice a week and always have a bowl in the frig. Sent the baby gate back, apparently the duct tape strips are working...he hasn't been out wandering around all week. Which means Charles and I have gotten some sleep in the past couple of nights. Yay.
Went to visit one of the NHs yesterday. It was really nice. I observed one of the aides redirecting a lady and she did it with firm kindness. This was not part of the 'official' tour, just something I noticed. So that was good. And there was no smell of pee, for which I was grateful. They have some kind of bracelet that alerts the nursing station if a patient gets near a door to the outside, and we will need this to prevent FIL from trying to escape. Anyway, there is a short waiting list and we will put him on it. We can bring the dog to visit him too, which will make him feel better I am sure.
Onward...
Christine
I work 6 days next week with only weds. Off which is filled with appts for me and mom. 2 people will be taking some much needed time off. It looks like they will approve my vacation, YAY!!
So, after a week of quiet -- no phone calls, no crises -- I had been debating whether to risk breaking the spell, and giving my mother a call. I knew I would need to eventually. We will be selling her car tonight, and although it's no longer relevant to my mother's well-being, I felt badly knowing that we were doing something like this without her knowledge/acceptance. Which is of course, hard to predict, and very hard to measure. I don't know from day to day how much she really understands, and depending on her mood, she could either seem accepting, or very defiant.
But I had to call her, in order to let her know of a second home care person who'll be coming on Saturdays (so she'll have transportation 3 days a week -- not too shabby).
She acted like this was the first she'd hear about losing her license. I was nervous that I'd have to rehash the whole 2 months over again, but this time at least, she seemed accepting, when I told her her car 'would go to a good home.' I felt much better after telling her -- like I could sell it now with a clearer conscience. It's silly-like I said, these things are no longer relevant, but old habits die hard.
Oh--And I have to smile at her b.s. comment -- when she realized it was me on the phone, she said "I've been thinking about you! Where's MY CAR??" Thanks, Mom! I know how often you 'think of me.' (eye roll).
Loo, funny, when I have thought of you recently I wonder how that car challenge is coming.
We have one woman out right now...don't know for how long. "A" was so stressed out again today because she had been working by herself for 4 hours before I came in at 12:30. I was thinking, why stress...I am by myself from 4:00 pm until 9:00pm everyday I work. But we are all different in how we deal with it. 1) I learned a long time ago that I am only one person with 2 hands, 2) I am working as fast as I can and doing as much as I can 3) I am not responsible for filling in the gaps that management does not want to fill. The only thing I am concerned about....is if corporate is planning on closing this store. There is no guarantee we can all be placed in others stores. When I first started with this company 6 years ago, I started at another Tracy store. I worked there for 3 1/2 years...the rumor was that if any Tracy store was closed, it would be the one I am at now. Time will tell.
Today the lad downstairs was doing a job we asked him to complete. I haven't seen any rent money yet, but seeing the end of him will be a big relief. He has been moving his stuff out.
I had ordered clothing for mother and one lot is on the way and the other lot was delayed, but now in transit. Got to send her tax documents soon and do mine.
Hope life will get back to whatever normal is soon. G is still away and that is good for me. I have been doing very little (except the cat stuff) and am getting past the tired.
Have a good one everyone,
I got an email from a distant relative who said she was thinking about me because of the "rough day I must have had." I though "Oh, no, what did she hear?" Her husband happened to call my mother that afternoon, and I assume she threw herself quite a pity party. I spent the evening dodging her phone calls and messages, frantically asking me WHEN I'd be bringing the car back because she NEEDS it. Sigh. I know her confusion is the disease, but her opposition and defiance is not. I'm going to continue to avoid, avoid, avoid, and keep doing what I need to do. What a GRIND.
sharynmarie- Pharmacies sometimes confuse me too! Its taking forever it seems for my sons meds!( two weeks so far) Anyways, Im glad your vacation should be approved, sounds wonderful, have lots of fun!! Plus I hope your store stays open for you :)
looloo, well, at least your mom will be safe now and am also glad you have another home care worker coming in.
emjo23- Im glad the cat is doing better today and Im sending lots of birthday wishes for your grandson!!
Anyway, they've been doing long distance care-giving as well. They live in Ohio, and cousin's mother/my mother's sister/my aunt lives in Florida.
I'd love to be able to talk with them more, commiserate a bit, but except for some brief, occasional emails, that's about the extent of our correspondence. We had one phone call a few months ago when they thought my aunt might be close to death, and it was awkward. They were extremely anxious, unhappy, and unprepared about having to deal with things. Which I understand to some extent, but I don't have patience for people who don't 'man up' and handle things when things NEED to be done, and my own situation with my mother just seemed to put them over the edge, anxiety-wise. We weren't much comfort to each other, I'm afraid. So I appreciate their thoughts, and send them mine, and that's about it.
Congratulations about your vacation. Sometimes, if we give it a little time, maybe things just work themselves out. Try not to stress about feeling guilty about your mom. When there is only one other person, such as yourself stepping in at the level you do, give yourself some slack, or you'll drive yourself nuts.
Yes, my sister has co-dependency written on her forehead! She has it w/the beau, also w/her daughers, and mother. Another feature with her is the fact that eventually she bad mouths everyone to one another. Then somehow.....she expects everyone to be a big happy family. How does that happen, when she does this?
I'm sorry that your mom's mini evaluation was hard for you.
My sister and brother recently took mom to our childhood home.
She didn't remember the house whatsoever. They had to explain where they were. When my sister told her that's where she lived with my dad and us, she had to remind her who dad was. There's no memory about him.
But........later they took her to lunch. As they were eating, mom said, "This used to be one of your aunt's favorite restaurant's," even mentioned her by name,
(the battle ax). I told my sister, "Wow, a bad weed never dies." HAAH!
O.K., take a breather, those babies are around the bend.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
So I was diagnosed with HPV cancer strain and haven't been back since. Now, Im bleeding in between mother nature and am panicking. So besides that stress, Im having my son being wild, kids are fighting and my grandpa is upset Im not running down. Well, Im having another or the same acid reflux attack too and I told my dad unless my grandpa falls, he needs to keep popping in on him until I go down for the night. I have to breathe- have to rest. Im making calls for a Dr for me as we speak.
So, I just needed to chat and really need to take my mind off of me and see what I can do to help anyone here. I hope everyone is doing well.