
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
sandwich42plus- No ots not that I need that feeling to be a rescuer, I have always wanted to help and chat with people and make people laugh and be happy. I felt sad when I see people who are sad or those in need of help-family or non. Idk if I feel like " hey pat on the back Me because I need a good thing etc" honestly I dont think that or feel that, I just want to help. Of course a little of it with grandpa goes to me wanting to give back to him for all he has done for us as well. My sis used to call me a kiss a&* because I was this way, always wanted to be with people, new people, old friends and family, always wanted to be interacting with them and yes helping. It was automatic for me to help others. This is the old me who could handle it all. Of course handling it all as a child or young adult doesnt have the responsibilities as an adult and what all of us caregivers do. So balancing everything is hard. I dont mind helping, I want to be there, just less time so I can work and have some time with my dad and kids too. I have always been walked on too because of by attitude I think.. not sure. I have changes through bad relationships and family issues, loss of my first son ( miscarriage) and I am stressed because now I force myself to smile in public and talk back when they talk to me, no I force myself to go in public.. of couses its been this way even before I was full time caretaker for granpa, but its gotten worse since after full time. I see what you all are saying... Im working on my house today full force and will send my dad down until a certain time unless an emergency. I am not feeling well either ( darn colds!!)
emjo23- Im glad you had a nice lunch at quality time with your grandson and daughter for tea! Make sure you rest though and get well soon :)
gladimhere- Hang in there, many more hugs your way!
sharynmarie- I hope you can see them before you go!! Good luck to you all :)
It's good to hear from you!
I really understand......when one just doesn't want to post, too.
It's difficult also, when you're just not feeling your best.
But I'm happy you had that day with your grandson, it must have been lots of fun.
All right, feel better.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Sorry to hear about her BP being so high.
This must be very stressful for you and her, and of course her husband.
I'm keeping all of you in my thoughts.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Kazza-Ibet twins are fun, once they can sit up in the bath..LOL!! Boys are so fun in general anyway...rocks in their pockets and who know what else may be found.
Joan- hope you are feeling better soon. I like the day you had with your grandson...so cute.
Thank you Glad, Margeaux and Me1000.
Glad-hope you are getting things worked out with insurance and are able to breathe some as the shock wears off.
GOOD LUCK and we'll be waiting for baby stories when you have time.
I second Kazzaa's probiotics suggestion - it's those lactobacilli making everything a bit more acidic, isn't it? Something like that. And at the very least, palatable. Wish you better x
cm - that was my busy day and was a bit too much. Usually I am much quieter. G was delayed again yesterday, so we are looking at beef tonight, but I am not putting it in the oven till I know when he is coming home. It is a small roast.We may end up cutting it into steaks - they cook faster. ;p
Sharyn - it was a lovely day, As we sat sharing fries over lunch, Joel told me he wanted to be a biochemical engineer. He could do it, and he wouldn't be the first one in the extended family. Praying for your daughter and the twins.
glad - hope you are getting your head around the fire etc. Very scary!
sandwich - my water broke before each of my labors, but the babies all came fast.
Me - you mention having been taken advantage of for years. I have tended to be a little like that and still am to a smaller extent. No one can change that but you. Life has piled more and more on you - now your sis as well, and you are the one who has to say no and set your own priorities and boundaries. As I get older, I have to adjust what I will and will not do. It is ongoing. How about setting yourself as a priority sometimes - not doing something because it pleases others, so they are happy, which makes you happy. It never works well relying on others feelings to make you happy. You have to be able to be happy/content, regardless if how others feel. Gpa is guilting you with the "see what I do for you". Remember that FOG - fear obligation and guilt is used by people to manipulate others. It seems to me that you are being jerked around by all three if these. Mother used to pull that too. I took my daughter and family in when they needed a place and didn't ask much of them at all, nor did I throw it in their face all the time, or ever for that matter. I lived in the basement and gave them the rest of the house. It was a gift to them with no strings attached.
Margeaux - wow - that sis of yours and your ex friend. The nerve of both of them!!! Talk about manipulation!
No word from G yet, so I think I will head off to the store. I dare not drive when I have brain fog, but am OK now :). He spends more and more time in the office in the south, I would move there if it were not for the kids and grandkids here. But the winters get harder to take as I get older. Another trade off. One of these years we will move...
Have a good evening and do something good for you.
Now on to my rant. Went down to my house today to tag things to be thrown out. I am looking at it as downsizing and a good thing in general. That is probably what has kept me sane, at least this far.
So on to narc sisters, yes I have now decided there are two of them. Though POA sis not quite as bad but much more self absorbed! Tuesday night when she was here she was explaining to a friend of mine how terribly busy she is. PLEASE! I REALLY DONT GIVE A RAT'S PATOOT! Today I emailed both sissies to ask if I could get help getting mom picked up from daycare, about 9:30 am. Well, by 2 I had not received any sort of response so emailed them again to let them know I had it managed and would get there to pick up mom. Oh and by the way #1 narc sis has not responded to anything this week. Self-centered Bi%$#!
Well POA sis called the house about 4:45 to tell L that she had just received my e-mail (LIAR!) then asked who picked mom up. CHICKEN SH%%! I used to think that I would do anything for my sissies that they needed. Not any longer, that is for sure. So this nonsense of theirs got me riled up tonight, then L decided to stay up an hour later! Old fart! (typing this is at least making me feel better). Then mom's guardian emails me to tell me about the email nonsense that I just need to lower my expectations! I don't have any whatsoever! And DA%%, if my mom understood any of this she would have disinherited both brats a long time ago!
Well, all for tonight, maybe. Thank you all for being so understanding I appreciate you all!
Oh and fire investigators changed the classification of fire to explosion. The place is such a mess, unbelievable!
When siblings do this it is often to justify their behavior so their level of guilt is decreased. If you think about it I think when sibs do this they hope that a problem is found, then they can say they did everything they could possibly do to keep parents safe. Now they can relieve their guilt since calling APS was an effort to help, or correct a situation that they think is inappropriate, unsafe or any number of other possible things.
emjo23- Im sorry your going through such a bad infection. Your in my thoughts to heal faster and feel better! Its hard not to be walked on isnt it? Sorry you are too.
You did a wonderful thing for your daughter and how nice of you not to throw it in her face! Thats what I feel family should do, help and just be there because they want to not because they have to give guilt trips! Good luck if you move too!
gladimhere- Im so sorry about all your going through and its a shame your sisters wouldnt help. You dont need anymore stress! Im so sorry about your house, I couldnt even imagine. Hopefully they can get everything cleaned up and rebuilt quickly. ( Also sorry about you going through the false accusations too) Your in my thoughts hugs
micheledigi- Thats so sad what your sister did to you and your husband! Its horrible when people make false accusations and start drama and pain for their own reasons. You and your husband are wonderful to have taken care of your mom for so long and still are even though shes in a secured unit. Im not your sis but thank you for being caring :) Hugs
**** Well over 4 hours of homework last night only with my son. Spelling he did quickly but was behind on his reading for a book report.. 90 easy easy pages which he had week to read it in, but couldnt sit still long enough to read it! And was only 20 minutes a day and start writing each day! The more work it is its harder for him to do it. This morning another hr but still only half done poor baby. He is now on 15mg of Daytrana Patch for his adhd and clonidine for sleep and anger and adhd its suppose to help but not sure about the dose yet. Granpa and I fought this morning at 5am because he says theres no such thing as ADHD no mental disorder other then schizophrenia, downs syndrome and autism where the child cant function. My daughter is undiagnosed High Functioning Asperger ( mainly no facial expression, lack social skills, and hygiene) son as you know with all his issues but again my daughter doesnt have it or she couldnt be passing! Uggh there's different types and severity! Also Im yelled at because I have a cold and sent my dad yesterday who also has a cold and is preparing for heart surgery ( well once the cold is gone anyways) And Im there all night grandpa just cant or wont see it!!! Im so tired havent slept good in a few days and when I try to sleep Im not allowed!!! Blah.. its only 7:18am!!! Long day ahead! At least Im getting a good old strawberry shake from whaterburger!!! Yeah me! And I read my sons book helping him lastnight.. ok, a kids book but yeah I read a whole book!! Oh add to my Aunt is demanding a copy of the will because its changed but believe me really its better for her! She didnt have the last copy and she has to come here to put it through probate anyways! Why does she need a copy of it ? Why a copy of this one? Im also down to put it through probate if she cant but I dont want a copy its safe with grandpa where it belongs..sealed!!! Am I wrong?
Dr broke water for baby a...very slow progress through. The night. I went home about 1:30am as daughter seemed annoyed with me so I thought best to go get some sleep. Will pop in around 10 for a short visit.
GOOD FOR YOU spending time with your kids! Does your son have an IEP or 504 plan at school, so he can get more time on assignments, alternative test taking, and a set of class books at home? If not, you can by law get those things for him at no cost to you.
gladimhere- I agree with you oh and he does believe in "going senile" he even told me to ground my son and keep in in all day today because he didnt want to finish his work! Ok yes he gets lazy or puts off, I do to, and my son could put more effort in too ( its not all about the meds) but overall in my heart I feel he just couldnt do it on time but yet he got a 90 on his spelling test today!!! Hes smart just has to have the right balance and techniques to guide him besides med. Oh thats true about medicaid. But how come they dont request payback for kids on medicaid and only the adults esp for a nursing home? I didnt know that they charged differently like depending on mental or physical status. Hopefully things will improve.
We've tried really hard to keep our son from thinking his ADHD & Aspergers are disabilities. It's not mental illness either. His brain is just wired differently, and he has a hard time with certain executive functions like planning work. You have to be super explicit with him on what you mean and not leave anything up to him filling in the blanks with assumptions. You also have to tell him why he has to do everything because it's not obvious to him. Some fool put him in AP English for 10th grade, because he's in an AP math class. Oh lordy help me now. That is going to frustrate him to no end, having to dissect literature and write essays. If it's subjective, he hates it. What are literature classes? Totally subjective.
For some reason I have had a REALLY hard time getting a 504 for my son. My mistake was letting them remove his IEP and not have a 504 to replace it immediately. I should not have agreed to do that until the 504 had been completed. Now I know..some good it does me.
It's a delicate thing though. It's not something the 504-owner should bring up with at a job interview! Places won't hire people who might need accommodation that costs money or sounds like trouble, but they will never tell you that's why they didn't hire because that's illegal too.