The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Sharyn, if it were the fryer, I would think you would have noticed that immediately. Shingles, I think usually started on the belly and back, I think. Thanks for the reminder, I am definitely going to get that shot.

Shingles folllows any nerve pathway on the body...face.arms legs...most commonly the back/belly.

Emjo (whispering behind my hand) have you ever thought 'just a little push…'?

You know I don't mean it!

Wouldn't Jenners send nighties? Last I heard they'd really got techie with their mail order (not that we ever bother them because you can't expect them to deliver a quarter pound of Edinburgh rock 450 miles away). Otherwise I'm pretty sure the White Company does ship overseas; also Bonsoir (if your mother has money to burn, but their stuff is gorgeous). If you get stuck and I can help, let me know.

Oh crumbs have to go. Hugs to all

How does it work, if you have someone in the States to act as a middle man? Place the order, then have it either directly to Canada, or delivered to us here in the States, then send it on to you?

Or Guam?

Things are going well for Mom and I since she moved 10 miles down the road into a new senior Indep housing. She only pays $927 a month and has a lot of social opportunities, plus a senior bus that goes a few blocks down the road to shopping plazas. She is much happier and needs me less. I am thrilled and relieved. It's easier to detach with her not living next door! So the queen has a new castle and I am getting more business, less poverty, less stress and more time for me. Yay! Taking yoga classes and opportunities to advance in different areas.
Today I had a great time in a seaside town in Massachusetts: I presented one of my movies to a retirement home, had a great time entertaining people, they enjoyed the show and I had plenty of time to walk around town and eat out. Lovely day. I am slowly feeling more and more happy. The last 3 years of stress will eventually recede.

Judd~That is great news. It does take a while for you body and mind to switch to a less stressful and demanding life. So happy things are working out for you business wise as well.

Book and Joan~It must be frustrating when you can't order from certain countries. Book, you have some sibs here in the mainland that hopefully will help you with that issue.

Alison~Happy to hear your depression is gone. You will know what direction to take when the time comes.

Got everything squared away with my mom re her scripts so all is good there. My sweet son sent an email to us with a slide show he put together of all the pics we sent him via cell phone....from the baby shower to the baby pics from the last 1 1/2 weeks. He is so good about doing things like that for us and without asking.

Gonna keep this short as possible and then taking a break as my arm is very sore/achy from shingles. Taking Valtrex and Prednisone. Got flu shot but can't get pneumonia shot again until I'm 65. Can;t get Shingles until 60.

Have a good weekend..enjoy some fresh air!!

sharyn and all, just an FYI - my insurance wouldn't ok my getting the shingles vac because I was 57. My primary got it approved after I explained that I needed to be healthy due to family responsibilities (husband with PD,MIL in hospice, FIL at home, not sturdy, Mom in NH).

Linda~I figured the insurance would refuse to pay it. Glad you got it worked out and thank you for passing on that info for everyone. Hugs!!

Linda~dr said I have a live virus so have to wait to clear up before I can get it. Last post, I promise, LOL!!

Shingles, Sharyn? Oh no! Wish you better - and chicken soup may not have specific antiviral properties but at least it's a comfort. I won't hug you in case I pick a sore bit!

Sharyn,
I asked at the pharmacy when I was just there that they need a doctor's prescription to give shingles shot if a person is under 50. Over 50, a prescription is not needed. I was very concerned about this last year, but thought you COULD NOT get it until 60. I just do not understand the different information out there. How in the world is anyone supposed to know what is or is not allowed. I will be getting shingles shot this weekend.

Sharyn, live virus? something other than shingles? What live virus?

Here is the scoop, at least in my area. Called Rite Aid, they will do the injection for shingles if over 50. But insurance will not cover until over 60.

King Soopers will not do the injection without a doctor's prescription unless you are 60. Confusing, you bet.

Emjo,

Wow, my question is......how much clothes does your mother need?
I remember you writing that you'd sent other clothes in the not too distant past.
Of course, if your sister sent something so transparent, what is she thinking.
That story about she showing up at your house, and your sons seeing her in something like that.....what was she thinking!!

My sister's daughter (tremendously overweight), puts on these outfits that leave nothing to the imagination, at times. I mean do these people also realize, that maybe some of us would rather not see certain body parts? This says a lot about their egos.

Glad to hear you're feeling better. I guess those carbs make us feel sluggish.

O.K., Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

I received a phone call from my sister this morning. Her daughter gave birth to a very cute little girl, my sister sent me a picture on my emeil. So I'm a happy great auntie, again. So that makes her a Virgo.

Happy!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

My dr is very conservative so I would have to push the issue. plus am not primary on mom's DOPA so not considered . He said I can work because only a very few have not had chicken pox and I am only contagious when the blisters break and some comes in contact with the fluid.

I said wouldn't post but CM made me laugh...no hugs dear!!! Here it is age 60 for shingle vaccine.

Congrats Margeaux~~ Just love the children and babies!!

Thank you Sharynmarie!
I agree.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Anyone can get shingles if they had chicken pox. I don't know why the medical community (or shall we say the insurance) put an age requirement for coverage. I've heard of 2 people here who had shingles. Both were females. I swear from all the news I've heard with regards to shingles - it seems prevalent among women. One person had the shingles and she said it was so painful she was crying out loud in pain. My younger sister had the shingles at age ...45. That was just last year. She had these rashes on her upper torso. She ignored it and the pain. I think she finally couldn't handle the pain and went to the ER. And found out it was shingles. I didn't even know that there's an age limit before the insurance would cover it.

Book, here in the UK the NHS is vaccinating people by age cohort, so they've started with 77, 78 and 79 year olds - humph! I was grumbling about it to my scientist brother yesterday, and he paused for thought then said they were probably aiming to get the people with the greatest vulnerability PLUS the least exposure - so the older you are, the more likely you are to have encountered it before and have your own antibodies, and the younger you are the less likely you are to suffer the worst effects, and they've jumped into the middle of the intersection between those groups - it's a complicated cost/benefit analysis, they're not just doing it to annoy me! It makes sense, but I'm still grumpy.

The other thing I've noticed over time is that shingles often seems to erupt in people who've recently had an injury or surgery. Presumably it's got something to do with your immune system being too busy to keep on top of your resident subclinical infections. A multivitamin to cover any gaps, plenty of gentle indoor exercise and as much laughter as possible - get some old favourite comedy shows on DVD or something - is about all you can do in the way of prevention, I think. That, and cross your fingers. And get enough sleep (ha!).

I loathe shingles like I loathe cockroaches - there's something particularly sinister and nasty about it, lurking around and kicking you when you're down. And it's *weird* - it doesn't follow any rules. My littlest got it when she was four, my SIL when she was in her fifties, and my dad after a motorbike accident in his sixties - he thought it was his broken ribs hurting and he couldn't understand why nothing eased the pain - and then the rash came out… Thank God, none of them got the post-herpetic neuralgia that can drive some people to suicide; but my neighbour did, and had to have steroid injections. Sorry Sharyn, don't mean to depress you - all the more reason to down tools and TAKE SPECIAL CARE of yourself.

Sharyn - happy your daughter is doing well. Her hubs IS attentive. Is the pic posted in your page? Hope your hubs is feeling better. Shingles ouch! They can give an antiviral is it is bad enough Sounds like yours isn't. Hope you heal quickly.

book - ordering from the US is a pain sometimes Amazon. com will send us some things and not others. Amazon.ca does not have the same items as .com and you don't know till you have gone through most of the ordering process what they will or will not send. Over all it is a benefit but not without hitches. Health is improving. I just have to catch this infection earlier when it flares up. The signals are fatigue, which could be thyroid, and sweats which pretty well are only the infection, so have to start meds when I start sweats.

Alison you do sound perkier which is great. I expect the hormones were part of it. If you can't make a plan can you set some goals - specific ones - for yourself? That is a healthy thing to do and then you know what your plan has to accomplish. Sounds like too many appointments to me.

Michelle - what a jerk! Lots of us here would believe as we have "evil" sibs too. Just keep reading. I am POA for my mother and my sis accused me of having a vested interest in mother's demise, I am the one who does things for mother, sis won't lift a finger. I doubt he will change much if at all. Look after you.

veronica - good sense.

will start another post so I don't lose this one

cm - tut tut lol. No, I have never thought of that, I would probably fall before she did. In any case she has very solid bones and wouldn't break anything even if she did fall. Aged 90, she tripped on a tree root when out for a walk, went down like a log, hit her head on a gravel path and didn't suffer anything except her head felt a little funny for a while. Last year she tipped her chair over, said it was her fault, banged her head, went to the ER - no injuries. Thanks for the offer. I think I have found some nighties that can be sent here. HER money - all this is MY money!!! Why? Because I don't know what she will or will not wear, and I will give away what she doesn't wear. At present, I can only write cheques off her account and that doesn't work for online. Yes, I could reimburse myself, but my book keeping/receipt system is not properly set up for mother. The basement flood, then moving mother out of her apartment then me getting the infection flareup really knocked out my plans. Also my sib is waiting in the wings to pounce on any real or imagined indiscretion by me. I think I can use mother's Visa card, but want to wait till she is declared incompetent, and get her ATM card as well. This should happen before Christmas. I am considering this clothing gifts for this year and a few years ahead.

glad - once I asked a friend in the US if I could have something delivered to her and if she would pass it on to me. It worked fine, then I sent her the cost of postage by money order. She didn't mind doing it, but I hesitate to lean on people for that. As I said, I think I have found a place that will ship to Canada. I have to find out if they accept Canadian Visa - most do but the odd one doesn't. Guam????

judd - that is awesome!!! Hope it continues it work well. Sounds like you had a lovely day. :) The stress does slowly decrease.

Everyone is getting the shingles shot. I better ask my doc for it. Never had a doc suggest it yet and I am certainly old enough!!!

Margeaux - they want 7 outfits washable in hot washer and hot dryer. Nothing she brought with her fits that. I don't know what she is wearing of what I have sent so far. They keep asking me for this and that. The other day I talked with the social worker and she said with what I am sending, mother should have enough for a while. A while???? I would have thought a number of years. She will get her regular clothes out of storage when she moves. I suppose the hot washer and dryer wrecks your clothing, so it will not last as long. I always use warm/cool or cool/cool when I am washing. My sons did NOT see my sis in that nighty. I made sure they did not!!! Yeah, carbs do make me sluggish. I have put on a few lbs. with the infection, as the coconut milk yogurt which has a good probiotic has sugar in it and I can't get a sugarless version here. Happened before from change of diet and lack of exercise. I have to take the lbs. off now, and get some walking in. Need to get my thyroid checked again too as that could be part of it. Margeaux - so nice about a new baby. They always cheer a person up.

cm - shingles is very nasty. I think stress may bring it on sometimes, though on that account I could have gotten it by now. I know a couple of people who got the neuralgia - it was awful.

Another call from the SW. Mother was taken shopping and bought herself a few things. Yay!!! Mother wanted to talk to my sis, so the SW called sis and asked her to call mother. Sis was hesitant. The nursing unit allowed mother to call sis overseas from there, so who knows what games will transpire now. I appreciate the "heads up" from the SW on that.

Here we are having lovely fall weather - cool, lots of sunshine and a little rain. We have booked a couple of extra days in the east and will drive around close to my old stamping grounds to see the fall colouring. I am really looking forward to that. Next week I have to get stuff ready and book my grandson to come over and collect the mail, water the plants and clean out my frig. Middle son came over and got the stuff for the garage sale. I even gave him my sewing machine. Haven't used it in years and someone one may as well. G wanted to keep it to hem his pants. I said forget it - take them to the cleaners. All this is spurring G on to clean out the garage and organize his things. I am not holding my breath, but am hopeful.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. ((((((((Hugs))))))) and do something god for you.

My husband and I have been having a very stressful time in our lives recently! His mother, who is 91, is in an assisted living facility and his sister has been interfering with her care! She is mentally ill and is very difficult to get along with! We're not quite sure what kind of mental illness that my husband's sister has, but she was diagnosed with a personality disorder when she was younger. If she does anything wrong to anyone, she doesn't take the responsibility to admit that she was at fault. Instead she blames the other person she has wronged, even though they are innocent! She has recently accused the assisted living facility where her mother is residing, of elder abuse. She has even reported them to the elder abuse agency! So in response to that the assisted living facility has hired a lawyer and my husband and his brother and I have had some meetings with this lawyer to possibly get a restraining order against my sister-in-law. We don't know how much longer my mother-in-law is going to be with us, but I feel that at this stage of her life she shouldn't have to experience anything that would disrupt her peace and cause her any stress. What I have observed everytime I've visited my mother-in-law, is that she has been getting very good care! I guess eventually the whole truth will come out. Right now it's just my sister-in-law's word against theirs! She does have a tendency to go over board! I do understand her concern for her mother's care. We have even discussed the possibility of having supervised visits with her where her mother is residing! I hope and pray that everything will work out for the best for everyone concerned! From, Mary

Carring, the description of your SIL fits the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder very well. She can't be changed except for going through years of therapy, and that consistently which many don't do. However, you can set boundaries with her which includes concrete consequences for when they break those boundaries.

There are many on this site who are dealing with a relative who has borderline personality disorder. I recommend to you and your husband the book, Stop Walking on Eggshells and its workbook.

If you do a search of the site using the word borderline, you will find a list that might be helpful.

I pray that everything does work out for the best.

Sharynmarie,

I'm so sorry about the Shingles. I've known people from various age groups that have had them. Yes, and it's correct, I can't remember who wrote exactly the fact they can affect anyone, of course whose had the chicken pox, after and injury or infection, when the body goes into overdrive concerning the immune system.
It is apparently a nerve type of affliction. I had a friend in her mid 30's have them two years ago. I don't think she had had a vaccination. But her doctor ordered her to some very specific nutrition, such as cooking her own food, high vitamin B's, and C's, and getting on a regular sleep regimen. I believe even though people get a vac., we should also be insuring that our bodies don't become so stressed, that it still may become so depleted, where immunity is very low, hence people can get them. I have heard of a couple people, that despite having had a vaccine, later got them, too. I know you have been under quite a bit of stress these past mos., and have had some very big events in your life.
You're in my thoughts for a good recovery.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

I went for a physical about mid-summer. It was my first time seeing this doctor, actually first time seeing a doctor in awhile, since I was just recently inscribed into my husband's insurance. They did some blood work, blood pressure, etc.
Then this doctor says to me that she could give me the flu shot, etc. She then told me they had what she referred to as a cocktail shot, which was the flu,
shingles, and one more that I don't even remember. That freaked me out, and I told her that I'd never ever heard of this, and I preferred to do some research regarding this. It sounded to me like something out of science fiction.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

I am even wondering if I really have singles. The bigger of the 2 spots is already healed over. My arm does not hurt today and not taking prednisone.

The pic is on my profile page from about sept.4th.

Margeaux, congratulations on having a new member to the family, a pretty niece. I always tend to 'borrow' my nieces/nephews when they're past the terrible twos. I take them out to do some light shopping (toy store or clothing store) and then to the children's playroom and lunch. Once they begin to get restless, it's time to drop them back home. =)

Emjo, what really bugs me about Amazon is that these sellers would say "international" shipping. Then when I get to processing the order, I find out: 1. They do not actually do international shipping or.. 2. They charge like over $30 or $40 shipping! What a rip-off! I then go to Ebay. If I find a seller who only ships to the USA, I send them a message asking if they're willing to accept orders from me - and how much I'm willing to pay for shipping. Most of the times, they agree. Others refuse. Those who refuse - tell me that they don't have time to line up at the post office and fill out the US Customs Form.