
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Welcome to the thread.
I'm really sorry you are in the situation you are in.
I'm no expert in this area, however do you think maybe if you sought out an elder law attorney, maybe they could point you in the right direction. You may even try Department of Social Services.
I feel like you are at the end of your rope. At least the way you've expressed everything it really sounds as if you are more than ready to take some action.
Do come back and share with us, it does help. I'm very glad that you found this thread.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Well, you did what you had to do, even if you are sorry that it got to this level.
Your poor kitty! Yes, they're like children they do suffer when the sh*t hits the fan.
Give him some extra strokes, and try a little if at best to detach from some of this.
You need to pay attention to yourself in all of this. Now that you've contracted the proper offices, let them handle it.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Thanks for asking. I'm doing ok. My psychiatrist removed abilify from my banquet of meds. She thinks that my previous psychiatrist overmedicated me with abilify. I have a little more energy, but not as much as I need to get more things done.
My dad's dementia continues to worsen as his long term memory is starting to go. My family and I will be visiting with him in October.
The first year anniversary of my mother's death on October 4 is only a few days away. He death still seems to be a long time ago.
" good" explanation. "It was a loan for the downpayment on her car so she can get to work or to pay for her son's orthodontist. Look she has already made a payment" Sure she will make the first one that is just her way of priming the pump to ask for more. I may be a nasty suspicious old lady but 'fool me once, shame on you fool me twice shame on me"
I do actually agree with Margerau that it is easy to give advice when your own pain is in the past. Believe me I am not trusting and complacent. I keep a very good eye on everything. It seems as though there has never been financial trust between the two of you and this definitely needs to change. Some one I know filed for divorce and hubby immediately ran up all kinds of credit card debt. After the divorce he filed bankruptcy and she ended up having to pay his debts. I know this sounds sneaky on your part but in your shoes I would have a secret bank account just in case you need to get out. Either use a post office box ot have the statement sent to a trusted friend or family member. You may also want to consult a lawyer at this point. he may look sorry but what is he sorry for decieving you or getting caught?
Are either or both of you children adopted? Possibly from an Eastern European country. Your son definitely sounds as though he needs to be institutionalized so this can all be sorted out and any necessary medications started. He really could hurt you.
Grounding is not the answer here. How is his school work? does he cause trouble in school, get into fights, hang with a bad crowd? Is he into drugs? In a gang? does he use drugs? steal from you? does he cause damage in the home? Put his fist through walls. You certainly can call the police on him and they will transport him for a psychiatric evaluation. With your daughter she can't "refuse' to go to school. call the school and speak to one of the guidence councillors. Take away her toys and if she becomes uncontrolable call the police on her too. You are the adult and parent here..don't be bullied by these kids. Don't physically fight with them walk away and call for help. They both need treatment not grounding. Where is their father?
As for grandpa. Don't tolerate his crap either. no one has to be a gourmet cook. Put the food on the table and if he starts to complain pick up your plate and go eat somewhere else. You are worth more than this, you are not an indentured servant. you do have powers so go find your big girl panties. We are all here for you. I am trying to be helpful not cruel.
gladimhere- Ive heard of that but idk about for kids? I want them with me but they need help, we all do for everyone.
jujubean- I know its hard to even think Id have to do this. His PED said dont as well as his neurologist.. uggh. But yes I have about 30 seconds of clips of him screaming and breaking things but not the ILL kill you part. When he sees the phone he jumps at me to get it to break it. But, I need to have a hidden cam for a 48 hr period on pills and not to see difference etc!!! Good idea!
Margeaux- I know its so hard, your right, with everything going on I do feel defeated!
kaazzaa- I been reading too and feel bad for everyone but Im at such a low right now -I dont want to say the wrong things to anyone. Im so lost its crazy.. keep saine? Ha!!! I feel like a robot but whos circuits are about to blow up in flames...
Omg!!! Yes I feel as if I have to video record every single last second of my life and broadcast to the world to have proof how my life is!!! But then I feel they will find fault in the truth or say it was edited!!!!!! My mind has been so screwed up which has gotten worse over the years. Does it makes sense that a part of me stayed obese( I am a stress eater tho) also because it helped guys stay awy from me ( except a few chubby chasers) because mentally and physically I no longer wanted to be with anyone and no one believed me so I used the fat excuse and they bought it!!!
Its hard to believe my life is the way it is, the things I been through, friends or so called believed the hotty girls or my exes or other friends over me for certain things just because? Then I get this family stuff going on and its so hard. Im sick and tired of having to prove my intentions, my GOOD intentions! Sure I made mistakes, but I never thought I was that bad...maybe we are related!!! I used to write and would like to write about my life and other things but once again I was told my writing made no sense( ok, well I dont makes sense even on here true)
I love you all and wish you all so much peace and health. Thank you all and when I can Ill strart responding to your alls posts too. Your not forgotten and im not trying to be greedy just need to be in a calm place before I can attempt to advice!! But Im here and struggling with you all , besides you all
As for writing your life story i think it would be an excellent idea even if it is just a journal for yourself. Writing has a great way of relieving tension and taking your mind off what is going on around you. So what if it is nonsence when you go back after the battle is won you will understand just what you were trying to say.
Tomorrow, I work 9-3...when my hubs gets home from work, we are going to verizon to get our upgraded phones and change our numbers. This should stop her from any further contact. You all have no idea how tempted I am to text her to say you are nothing but a scamming sl&T. I want to tell you all who have fb who she is but I wont. She is 33 years old....I told my hubs...not to degrade you, but anyone that much younger than you...is usually looking for money.
I am not able to locate how to inform face book about her scam, not the they will do anything since her account is not against their standards, but she is definitely a scammer.
I am feeling better than I was this morning,,,my mind was reeling, not being clear headed and was seriously considering moving to Idaho. I haven't been able to eat much for almost a week now. I think from what my hubs told hold me tonight, I am getting a clear picture and can move forward now.
There is a way to report this and Facebook wants it's users to. I did a google search for "Facebook report send money scam" and the fifth item that came up is the request for reports of this sort of activity. It is important to make these reports because who knows how many others she has duped and other people she will try to do this to.
It is wonderful that you think you have this worked out. Do you think that he will not do this again? I still think counseling is in order. Or maybe a chat with an attorney would be wise as hubs could hear from someone else how expensive and dangerous this sort of activity can become. Maybe Facebook even has some counseling on its site why this activity is not appropriate.
Hugs
Your husband is not unique, however special he is to you. The temptation is out there and they have needs that go unmet. Often it may have to do with their current situation. OK we have all heard these stories about toxic childhoods and don't believe this should make a difference to the behaviour of a 50 year old man. Most people can control these feelings (if they want to) But the pain of a childhood where rejection was the norm, does not go away. We see this in so many posters.
on here.
Now to these women on the internet, their activities are not less than prostitution. Are prostitutes sex addicts? Is that why they stand on street corners with skirts so short they get frost bite in unexpected places. No this is the way these women make or have to make their living. Internet preditors are doing the same thing but with no frostbite involved. They all have good stories and mostly real needs for the money they request. The sob stories are the same ones we hear everyday often very true. They are so good at preying on the emotions of vulnerable men. if you are good at your job it's not that difficult. With a good imagination the ideas for a story are all around us. We see a few people here that we quickly label as trolls and just read a column like "Dear Abbey" and there are plenty of questions that you can make your own.
Sharyn I am in no way excusing your husband's behaviour. you were just far more vigilant than me and caught it before it got out of hand. I just never believed that mine would do something like that. But I have learnt a lot in the past 25 years about human behaviour and the way things work. All of us have our own limits and are free to make at least some of our own decisions.
Things will never be the same Sharyn, hopefully they will be better with more understanding on both sides. Stay vigilant but don't obscess. Some therapy is certainly in order really to help you both learn more about the way things work , the reasons and our reactions. I don't know if marriage councilling as such actually works because we have never done it the one question I had that was never answered was "Why"?
You have to set boundaries
.If I want the opinion of someone I have come to trust I send them a private message and ask.
I do spend a lot of time on the site I do admit but that is because I believe I have the practical experience and knowledge that is helpful to share.
It is also very therapeutic to be appreciated and my physical activity is more limited these days so it is far healthier to be thinking of other people than mindlessly watching TV. I used never to sit down with out some craft on my lap. I could knit with out looking at the project and talk of watch TV at the same time. My bodily weaknesses have curtailed some physical activities and moved me on to others. Walking a mile has become a major achievement when I was always on my feet or just walking the country roads for pleasure with my dog.
Does not mean I am not still interested but my energy is better put to other uses.
Of course you worry about other posters who you have known for a long time but try and seperate your concerns from your everyday life. These people are all taking care of their own problems with their local rescourses or not as the case may be. Your advise may be helpful but by the very nature of the communications can't be life saving. This is not a suicide hot line, we only know in general terms where someone is so we can't send the police or ambulance round. Our involvement can only be a second line of help and we have to realize that by the time we read and answer the post the emergency has been resolves in some way.
This is not healthy for you Book you already have so many other problems to deal with in real life which you have to deal with in person. Much as we might like to Come over and sit with dad and give you a few nights off I for one am not saving my pennies to fly to a far off island. So God Bless, step back and divert you mind
Yes, if home care workers keep leaving it is time for a nursing home. She should not be left alone.
jujubean- I know I used to feel that way!
50sChild- Im so sorry you and your family went through that with your brother. It does take a toll on the other family members and Im adding that to my daughters issues too. Thanks for the info
gladimhere- Idk glad, I know one way or the other this will come to an end.. the ending scares me because I fear the worst and I hate not being able to do more for them, for all of us.
cmagnum- Ive seen that happen.. well we all have... all over the news for one. I cant believe this is even going on, I never imagined I would have kids and family with these issues. I know you started this thread and this thread does fit me, all of us here. Thank you and good luck to you.
Feeling emotional melancholy/ this past week marks the anniversary of taking mom in as I mentioned. It is also the anniversary/season of loss of the family. we all had our bday's together within 10days of mom. She blessed me with the 87th on Sunday, mine today and the boys would follow within a week. then dad passes 10 days later. it is heavy time period emotionally! Going thru all the family drama, happy life is now peaceful but lonely, and still dealing with aftermath of the drama and try healing those wounds, many years later!!!
Thankful to have a place and people to talk things out!
Peace, Juju!!!
In todays society where mental illness still remains largely hidden it is very difficult to get the help you need so you have to become a squeaky wheel and that is not easy when you are so overwhelmed and feeling helpless your self. one woman i knew fought and fought for her child with no help from the scoold. Put him into private school where he did better but had to return to public school after 8th grade and back to the ridiculing and bullying. the parents were able to hire tutors to get him through high school and now in his 20s he is still at home and going daily to the community college. his mother says he could never live in a doom he just would not get out of bed for class, not take a shower or change his clothes. So every day she has to supervise his every move. I doubt he will ever hold an independent job abough he is quite bright. Do take care of yourself though. You are an important person in your own right. I see you don't want any masculine involvement and many women feel the same way after a bad experience and that is a perfectly wise choice. that is no excuse to let your healthcare or appearance slide. you are worth more than that. Love yourself. Blessings