Follow
Share
Read More

34K Comments

Newest
First Oldest
First
308 309 310 311 312
Well I'm having one of my insomniatic nights!
So I went out in our garden to look at the stars. Suddenly I hear a high pitched meow, on the roof. It's a recent new little cat who is adorable and comes to visit. But he's
too high up to jump. So i went out the front door to our place, and he jumped where it was safer. He runs into the apartment. But this kitty must be very young, because he's jumping everywhere like a grasshopper. He's adorable. Now he's in my garden chewing on my lemongrass, that rascal. O.K., I've had it wi/his jumping around, so I'm letting him out the door. My husband named him Pucci. My guess is he couldn't be more than 1 yr. old. Maybe I'll get him catnip, to settle his little butt down.

Wide awake,
Margeaux
(3)
Report
There's this woman I found on the internet, who does cooking videos.
She's quite funny, and upbeat. Her videos made me laugh, and her recipes look quite delicious. Check her out for a laugh. Titli's Busy Kitchen.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
(1)
Report
Sure enough, Pucci got ahold of my lemongrass!
That other kitty, Osiris (another prev. nieghbor's cat) loved it too.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
(1)
Report
Rough day today. Memorial service in New York on Monday, tuesday is my birthday. Talked to J's brother to ask if it would be upsetting to anyone if I attended. Was told, better not, the folks are having a very difficult time, understandable, and J's mom in early stages of dementia, with his Dad caregiver. His mom just keeps reliving the news of the passing as if she has heard it the first time. They were thinking of not having a service at all but made the decision that friends would want to pay their respects. Want a relativly small gathering. And I think my presence would make it even harder for them. A bit hurt, yes, but I understand. So, will think about having another memorial here. We will see, just don't know. Following a death like this I think it is natural for everyone to feel some guilt thinking they should have been able to do more.

J has told many, many people that he wanted a pine box and there was actually someone in the area that builds them. First the funeral home said the timing may not work since they are built somewhat custom I imagine. And they would have probably wanted to sell a much more expensive box. J's brother was actually able to get one. Strange, but I felt so relieved. Graveside service tomorrow, I had to get back to Mom, so won't be there. One reason I wanted to go to NY.
(4)
Report
Planning a memorial service of your on sounds like a good thing-it can be very simple just some people getting together to remember -there probably are other who were asked not to attend the families service and would like to be included.
(3)
Report
Glad you are such a compassionate person and a wonderful friend to J but as you were not within the family circle you have probably made the right decision. Now J has died it is going to be hard for the family to come to terms with their denial. Few people know that they can use a very simple coffin and in the old days family often built their own. Of course funeral homes want to sell you theirs but I can understand your relief that J's wishes were followed. Would visiting the grave at a later date give you the closure you are seeking? Preserve your good memories of J. Write the parents a letter of condolance but don't be upset if it is cooly recieved and certainly don't open your heart to them. maybe just a card with a few woods would be better. It is your call but let your anger at their seemingly uncaring attiude go. I think the mother is further into her dementia than has been shared or they even realize so that may be that's where all their efforts have been concentrated.Blessing Glad you have been a good friend.
(5)
Report
Thank you Austin, that makes me feel much better, yes there are probably others thar were asked not to attend.
(2)
Report
Im sorry Glad, Your in my thoughts,hugs

To all, hang in there hugs to you as well

******My dad went to the E.R. last night for his heart, constant coughing, dizzy, he fell, and few other symptoms. They kept him idk whats going on yet. One Dr came in now hes waiting on his Reg Heart Dr and the Heart Surgeon that did the surgery.

So daughter had to go with son and I( shes always welcome but she doesnt want to she stays with my dad) to grandpas and the kids were fighting, woke up- they fought daughter actually was ready for school early- son over 2 hours to get going!! So already had to cancel daughters plans for a restaurant tonight, son may have to as well because I will be stuck at his school( carnival and I was suppose to be working a booth uggh) no way home ( Its far) and Id leave after 10pm.. that leaves daughter alone and grandpa alone.. way too many hours and way to late! I am not driving at the moment either. Cant really afford a cab! So Idk what to do! My friend is also working carnival but the only one at her booth plus shes room parent and cant leave even to drop us off( take 20-30 minutes depend traffic total round trip) She cant watch my son there either.

Grandpa doesnt feel good either.. yikes really!!!
(1)
Report
Glad,

I'm truly sorry about the family's decision about the service.
I know he was a very good friend of yours. To have a small memorial of some kind for yourself and his friends is a very good idea. Maybe you can all gather and share the good times all of you had with him. You have been very blessed to have a friend like him in your life.

You are in my thoughts Glad.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
(2)
Report
glad ((((((Hugs)))))) it makes me very sad that you are not able to participate, but the family is dealing with a very difficult situation. You do need to process your own grief and a service or event commemorating J and your friendship would help. I believe in doing whatever you need to do in these circumstances, and that there are no timelines to constrict you. I did not go to my father's funeral as my mother and sis were already digging into me before hand. I could not have taken them and my grief. I believe, as a result, for years and years I dreamed that he was alive. Finally, at the funeral of a friend's dad, I had a huge cry and then I moved forward. I planned to plant a lilac for him and finally a bird dropped a seed in my garden and it grew. I now have part of that plant beside Gordie's bench. They are together anyway. You do what you have to do.

Sharyn - how nice that you and hubs can have some dinners together - precious time. How are the boys doing?

Austin, veronica - good thoughts

me -I want to thank you for being honest a couple of posts ago. You said you were not ready to make changes. That is to be respected. Hope they find out what is wrong with your dad and treat it. You mentioned something about me looking at what family and friends could do to help me. In a couple of words - very little. I am at an age where friends have their own problems and most of them have moved out of town. This is not a place people retire in. My son here would help more, but dil not. My daughter doesn't see me as someone who needs help. I pay my oldest grandson for doing some jobs which helps. Gary is too busy with other things to do much these days, so basically I have to do it myself or hire people. In this town that is not easy as people get high paying jobs in local industry and are not interested in small jobs,

Margeaux - hope you are past the insomnia. I hate that. The new kitty sounds charming.

Alison hope things are falling into place. The main thing is that your dad gets the care he needs and that you are looking after you.

Got word that Mother had a good outing, ate well, complained a little and was very thankful for the outing. Sounds about as good as it gets. D will take her out once a week for now. I am thankful for her.

Hope the weather stays above freezing for another few days. It is supposed to. That is mild for here for this time of year. Gotta to get to my last minute chores. Bus leaves about suppertime.

Have a good day everyone and do something good for you
(2)
Report
Glad~It is hard when the family is having a hard time dealing with the passing a family member from an addiction. I understand your being hurt but the compassion you are giving the family will be appreciated by them.

I do agree that having a memorial service locally with his circle of friends who love him as much as you do, will probably be more comforting for you. However simple you want to make it. Hugs to you!!

Alison~I am happy for you that your father will be placed for however long or permanent if necessary for his care. I hear the relief in your post....I would be worried too about the eating and drinking issue while in my care...just the trauma it may cause your father and you.

Margeaux~I watched a segment on tv about insomnia. They said when you wake up to lay in be bed for 15 minutes (because sometimes we are not fully awake and may fall back asleep). If still awake after 15 minutes, to get up to watch and listen to some soothing videos like falling water, other sounds or calming visuals and when you get sleepy, go back to bed. It may be worth a try.

It did rain here today with snow in the Sierra's. However, it is too early to make any impact on the drought because our temps will get back up to the high 70's in a few days again.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!!
(1)
Report
bookluvr- You never ignore me! I am very glad you have also given me advice :) My grandpa has actually always been this way, of course worse since he went blind. But its hard no matter when or how -right? You hang in there too and most time Im not worried for anyone to answer- Im just venting away :) But do appreciate it even if all anyone says is hello :) Im sorry your life has also been rough. Better days to come :)

emjo23- I dont remember saying I dont want to change or the situation, Im just saying its hard getting out and I dont know how to stop feeling guilty when I try. But, I see what yo meant. Last night I felt like I was the "bomb" volunteering at my sons event. Being a volunteer I went in the Kitchen, helped at another booth and ours , it was awesome. Thats the old me, the me who and what Ive wanted to do for years. It felt a little sad most I didnt know ( parents) and the teachers were all in shock I was there again its been so long. I yapped non stopped all night! And no, not about all my issues ( well when they asked about my dad cuz then I let them know hes in the hospital they asked why etc) But I was able to talk about the booths and the school and my town etc! It felt good :)


Hope all your Halloween went well, "spooktacular" or if you dont celebrate it, your night went well. Hugs all to everyone..
(2)
Report
Me1000 it is good to get out and be with others and volunteering is good. You will find lots of people who are lonely and it is good to reach out sometimes you will never know how much joy you bring someone just listening to them-my friendships are my most joyful blessings-this week I visited 3 friends two in nursing homes and one in AL-it was hard but I may have brought them some cheer.
(2)
Report
On Halloween my husband and I went to a senior living facility. He had some business there concerning his job. The place was quite nice. It had a huge dining area, and an activity room. On the second floor there was this huge living room.
We got to see the seniors go in adjacent room for a Halloween party. It was cute to see all the seniors. Before we left, a man passed me with a walker. He just stared at me, so I said, "Hello." We then had a nice conversation, and he told me of his years as a champion basketball player in Minnesota, and that his team won 2 yrs., in a row. He also told me how he'd lost his wife in June. I told him I was very sorry about it, and he replied that she'd suffered enough. He was such a nice man.
He was very sharp, and had very expressive eyes. Before he walked away......he said he'd going to be 92. I couldn't believe it! Even though he was using a walker,
he still looked quite with it for his age. It made me feel good to have this conversation with this man. He was quite delightful.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
(4)
Report
Oh.....paleez, he's going to be 92.
More coffee!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
(2)
Report
Yesterday we received the sad news that a friend of ours overseas lost his wife.
I think she was 60. She had cancer. I feel so bad for him, and their two boys.
May her spirit soar very high!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
(1)
Report
Margeaux-I am sorry to hear your friends wife. She was very young. Cancer is a horrible disease.

I love to talk with the seniors at my moms AL. They are such a delight and have so much to share.
(1)
Report
Well as we all know the elderly are always cold...and me running around keeping quality of life stable here...cannot have the heat on...so I make sure she is reasonably covered up and warm enough as one would with an infant but she insists she is still cold and wants more blankets. against my wishes my caregivers heed to her requests, constantly to not overblanket her as when I have to get her up n changed after you leave she is soaking wet in sweat....
so the question that has been posed to all of her Med proffesionals and not answered is what is better for her....to feel a little chilly when adequately covered up or to be drenched in sweat....I feel the latter Is not good cause then when I do unblanket her and she is wet/moist she does then get a real chill..could lead to pneumonia, sp?..therefore more dangerous than maintaining my way!

So am I wrong in being upset that my support staff are making their own call on this???? I think not!!!

and.....Same with the coffee.....that Is the only thing I can get her to drink without a fight and she always ask for it....no matter who I tell no coffee they do what they like....especially "in rehab facility" we already are struggling with liquid intake I need good electrolytes and plain water in her not just coffee.....and caffeine is a dehydrator so must be decaf if anything!! when challenged, nursing home says....oh she's old let her have what she wants, she deserves it...WTF....who put you in charge of my mom's health!
(1)
Report
Jujubean, they've all been listening to the Awful Warnings about hypothermia and don't want to take any chances. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but when you hear about the apparently benign circumstances it can suddenly and bizarrely arise from, you can see how they'd get twitchy about an elder who isn't toasty warm the whole time. Also, yes, it's easier. Also, I have observed, Young People Today seem to think it is a fundamental human right to wear a t-shirt in January and treat central heating controls accordingly.

Could you hide the surplus blankets in a cupboard somewhere??!!
(1)
Report
CM first thing I noticed comming to the US in 1977all the kids were indoors in T shirts when it was 10 below outside.
(1)
Report
I have had it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I knew my food today wasn't the best, we are out of some ingredients, the onions were good but not fresh etc.. I couldn't get to the store and its generic brands. So I get blasted once again how awful I am on cooking I have to learn etc! Breakfast he rarely complains so thats good. But he likes the food particular ways and spices etc. I try.Well I told him today I refuse to cook anymore for him he will have soups and TV dinners for lunch and dinner! Or he can do one meal a day at meals on wheels in place of soup lets say.. ( lunches of course).Which he will complain about because its gonna be "bland" to him. He got so mad and yelled" your wasting money on those cant afford them, their not real food" Dont wanna pay meals on wheels.

I can deal with people not caring for my food, thats fine, Im not a cook,but to knock me down all the time.. oh dont forget all the things I do wrong. Then.. to tell all the neighbors? Really? This is so embarrassing! I do get the verbal put downs and I think besides feeling like I should put up with it because I do love him and he needs care, thats why I tried getting everything done beyond perfect before he asks! ( well still never good enough anyway) I used to jump at every little dish, every crumb, every smudge, etc but I haven't lately.. he wants to put me down and basically say Im a loser- why not act like one? Ok, thats beyond childish I know. But might as well be what he says about me right? On the other hand when my kids are acting up he feels so bad for me and I dont deserve this and he loves me so much!! I realize that no matter what I do it wont please him really.. like you all said before.

I just hope that one day all the truth comes out from my grandpa to the neighbors or that they over hear what really goes on because I really look like a loser here. Then I can sit back with relief and seeing their faces in shock that he was the one who told me not to do something then had a neighbor do it or let them do it , going back to I should of done everything and anything for him he never asks much etc...making me look bad. They already said I don't do enough. I been daydreaming about my future... making up how its going to be.. I like that version :)
(1)
Report
Juju would she drink hot chocolate instead if they would let her have that or maybe a protein drink but if coffee is all she can have maybe a protein bar along with the coffee.
(1)
Report
195Austin- Thank you! Yes Im glad you saw your friends and Im sure you brought some cheer :) My kids and I are going to hopefully start helping at a local food bank soon as well.

Margeaux- Awww that man sounds sweet :) I think you made his day by chatting with him! Im also sorry about your friend. Hugs to you

sharynmarie- Your right they do love to share and just to see them light up when you say hi and listen to them, makes them feel good and cared for to :)

jujubean-I hope it gets sorted for your mom. They do feel the chill easier but its a hard in between. Its a good question which one is worse. Does your mom have flannel sheets and pillow covers? Then shed be warmer with only a need for one blanket maybe? Good luck

Countrymouse and Veronica91- I agree!
(1)
Report
Me is sounds like you will never please him so do what you can and not worry-you are doing the best you can and that is enough-some people you can ever please. On my mother's last vac. we were sharing a hotel room and could not please her then light bulb went on in my head-you can not please her do not let her words hurt you any more and from then on they never did-her words just bounced off me-I was free of getting hurt by her verbal abuse-she picked up some illness on the trip or was sick before we went according to my aunt but did not tell my sister or me because she wanted to go to the wedding and she died within two weeks of getting home and guess who stayed 24/7 in her hospital room-me the ineffective daughter-but her words just did not hurt me-she lost that power -I took my power away from her to hurt me-wished I had that insight with the years of caregiving the husband-but I won I have a good kind man who loves me now.
(3)
Report
Hi everybody. :-) Hope everyone had a good weekend?

Dad is at nursing rehab facility for a few more days. The goal is to get him stronger, walking again, and used to his new feeding tube. He has been approved to have thin liquids by mouth and I wonder if he will be able to return to eating/drinking orally or not. I have no idea what the rate is for those who have to go on a feeding tube to then return to being able to eat/drink.

I'm sleeping a lot past day and a half and oh boy does it feel good. Older bro was here for a few days with his FOUR young kids and I loved seeing them but it was tiring. Older bro has a lifetime history of being overly critical and controlling towards me but we got along ok this visit, and I'm thankful for that. I'm hoping he and I can take baby steps in a new direction, but even if it's not a permanent change, I was glad to have a mostly agreeable visit with him.

Have a great start to the new week, all. Big (((((hugs))))).
(4)
Report
Juju~When I go visit my mom, the community building for AL and memory care is too hot for me which requires me to plan ahead and dress accordingly. My mother wears a sweater year round except when I take her out for a walk during the summer months, then she has to take it off. Since you live with your mother, a happy medium somewhere in there as keeping to home to warm could cause you to become sick more often especially during the winter months when the flu is most active. Maybe decaf tea would be good since it does have water and comes in different flavors like mint, raspberry, etc. When my mom was still living at home, she refused to use her heater during the last 2 winters she was home, and would not use the a/c in the summer....didn't want to spend the extra money on PG&E bill. She would wear a beanie cap, gloves and a jacket in the house in the winter. I bought her a pant/jacket outfit from QVC by Stan Herman....lounge wear. They are very warm for the colder months...a little expensive but very worth it. Maybe if you look online, you can others that are less costly elsewhere. I have 2 for myself for the winter, I wear them on my days off work and they are nice enough to wear to the grocery store. I hope this helps.

Me1000~The AL (assisted living)/memory care facility my mother is living in has their own fashionista on the AL side. Her name is "V", she is very slender and wears very trendy outfits with jewelry, hair, makeup and nails are done to perfection.She actually models for local advertisements like Kohls and JC Penney. She does have money as she lives in one of the "Villas" on the AL side, but she is very sweet and down to earth. She will share her life history with you, invite in to her Villa to show you around and she is social with everyone. She told me she had a severe weight problem once and had surgery for it. Now she walks twice a day all over the nearby neighborhood, she is also a brain tumor survivor.

Alison~It is good you are getting to catch up on your sleep, relax and just let down. I am glad that your brother chose to be "civil" ...I use that word for lack of a better...it is basically what my dil's mother and I decided we would do when around each other due to our differences.

Since the rain on Friday, it has been chilly here, but by Wednesday/Thursday we will be back into the mid/high 70's.

I am planning a possible vacation in January during the week of the 5th as my daughter's employer will be sending her to Arizona for a few days. I am hoping to fly to Idaho to help my sil with the babies, get that bonding time I didn't get after they were born and spend some time with my daughter when she comes back from Arizona. Still working out the particulars on this and hoping it all works out.
(3)
Report
I feel for you all. After a lifetime of loving care of my parents absent brothers have suddenly stepped in and taken over making me out a bad person. Just talking to my mom every day on phone and praying a lot
(2)
Report
just a quick drive by - intermittent internet connection in the hotel

welcome Kimberley -you are not alone with sibs who paint you black. It can be very distressing. Hope it gets sorted out.

sharyn - hope the vacay works out

Alison - sounds like they are doing the right things for your dad. So glad your bro's visit went well and that you are catching up on sleep. Maybe bro gets it a little better now re your care giving - maybe

me - Austin said it - you need to detach - the guilt etc. will go then. I know it isn't easy. Your will never please grandpa - he prefers to be unhappy about things and likes the attention.

glad - thinking of you - I know this is a very difficult and painful time and lonely. ((((((((hugs))))))

Had a very nice time here with G. Good to come here and not do any mother business and not look at all the things I need to do at home. On the down side one of the waitresses took a shine to me and I found a long note with address and phone numbers under my door this morning (should have paid cash not charged to the room I had a feeling...) However she was a good waitress - most of the others were terrible. I mean really bad. They charged me for things I didn't eat, didn't bring coffee, tried to tell me what I could and couldn't eat when I mentioned allergies. Aaargh, but still a good weekend anyway, and I know I am fortunate that I can take these breaks.

Take care all and hope you are having a good week. (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
(2)
Report
Thank you, Emjo. J passed a week ago today, becoming less distressing, yesterday was difficult as his memorial was held. Today is my birthday, and don't feel a bit like it. Maybe next year.
(2)
Report
Ahhh, glad - I will wish you a Happy Birthday anyway. Special days are specially hard. Do something good for you - if not today - as soon as you can. You are worth it. Have you thought about a way to commemorate your friendship with J and his life and passing? It may be too soon. Take good care of you these days.
(2)
Report

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter