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You know, alcoholism is such a dreadful disease, ranks right up there with Alzheimer's. I have thought about what to do, but J had alienated so many friends the last five or six years, leaving some of them very angry at him. Two of his long time friends have come through for me, and are somewhat supportive. But this da** dysfunctional family, no offers of sympathy, condolences, nothing... And TS#1 was actually upset that she had no idea how bad J's health was! Oh the joys of narcissism.
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Thanks everyone been overwhelmed with other stuff to catch up on responses but with respect to the coffee which I forgot to mention it is because she has had gastric bypass and can only tolerate small amounts and nutrition/vitamins is so hard to absorb she need food first and coffee regulated as a treat to get her to eat! it works don't mess with it!!! and found a lovely flavorless protein powder that I can put in almost anything (finally others gave her diareah so bad wasn't worth it) she has gained bout 20lbs since!!!
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That is what is the irritating part.... I knw my mom and know what Is best and I don't like that others think the do! I don't want to have to battle everything all the time....24/7 alone with ZERO help Is hard enough and this behavior does not allow me to have respite as I cannot trust her care will be as I specify!!! it is my mom my money my call sorry to be blunt but I have had it 10 ys Is too long, things will change for the better from now on I will speak up rather than fester!
better for everyone involved!
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Juju, can you give me more specifics on how you use this protein powder, which one it is? My dad currently weighs 110#. I was thinking of buying the weight-gain type of Ensure, thinking he can drink that... I still have to check with his current nurses about that, whether or not he can drink orally. But I could use some other ideas, too, about how to put some weight back on him. Thanks!!! Big (((hugs))).
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Yes Allison and Everyone...simple as walmart on shelf by Ensure n thick-it etc which looks like I gotta start getting, she is choking on her water more n more! once a day maybe! anyway bout $12 bucks a can and also "Walmart online" 8can case. I do it that way cause they are often out on shelf! "NESTLE BENEFIBER"
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it will go in anything pudding applesauce yogurt mashed taters n gravy biscuits n gravy soups spaghetti...anything for that extra boost....love love love it!
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OOPS sorry so tired today smashed my toenail off n headache...NESTLE BENE-PROTIEN not FIBER
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Thank you all :) Well my Aunt ( the one who was mad about all the rules she gave when I told gpa) says" she is worried about me and how much Im taking on, and she understands I cant do everything her dad needs to hire others, I need to put my foot down. Then concerns of money exact amounts if grandpa put in the will and if he needs it for his care it would be there. She kept saying she doesn't know whats in the will .." Well I see her point and agree. But, as long as I pay the bills at my home..his entire check ( hes far from well off- hes ok off- but it can be done)can cover either the VA or the care at home. I mean, Ill be there nights and on days not working ( once I find a job) That will help keep the costs down. And one of his neighbors has been coming a little more checking on him- she may hate me but I am beyond grateful for her.

Dad is still in the hospital and grouchy. Daughter's hopefully future school is testing her soon, hopefully they accept her into their program. Son is the same. Still lots to call, go and get done.

Hugs all
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Birthday wishes to you, glad!
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Glad~Happy Birthday, I know you are not feeling up to celebrating a birthday for yourself, but we want you to know, we are thinking about you today. Take care and many blessings!
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Juju~Thank you for sharing about the protein powder. With my last blood work, my dr said to increase protein and I have been wondering...how the heck can I do that when I am eating protein 3 times a day already...this may benefit my sister too as she fancies herself a vegetarian but does not include enough protein due to finances..so maybe this would help her too, (not holding my breath as she is very particular).
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Happy Birthday Glad!
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Thank you everybody! I appreciate my friends here more than you could understand. But, then again many of you are in very similar positions.
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Took mom to the podiatrist this morning. She has a callus on her left foot just under the toe pad... It builds up quick causing her pain. The dr said it is because she is not that active.
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Strange, Sharyn, I would think it would be the opposite, too much activity would cause a callus.
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I guess since it is on the bottom of her foot... Less activity does not wear it down...???
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I imagine, but still kind of strange. Keep her feet in moisturizing socks, i would like some of those for me!
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Ok...how much do I make myself available for my employer without letting them work me to death. I am was off tomorrow but was called to come in because this is not done or complete panic over something else. Why call just me...how can I determine what is really important for them or if they are just playing with me?
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Sharyn,
I would tell them that you have plans, something scheduled, appointment or are scheduled to this or that for Mom and ask them if they can get someone else. Make sure they know that it is not at their convenience because they call and ask you. You do have a life, and it is none of their business what it is.
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I agreed to go in tomorrow but I have decided I will not make a habit of it. I am not bgoing yo make a habit of it because being available does not mean anything in retail. Thanks for the feed back
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Sharyn - I think it depends on how much extra time you want to work, if any. I doubt they are playing with you, as it costs them money, but they recognise that you are reliable, and in the past have come in most times when called. Someone may be panicking unnecessarily. To me, it is your call. They will call people who are more likely to come in and to do a good job. Can you decide how much you are willing or want to go in on your days off ( e.g. once a month, twice a month or...) and under what conditions i.e. that you don't have other commitments, or a sore leg or whatever and stick to that? Some people welcome the extra pay, some want to help their employer out, some will never consider overtime. I would do what is good for you. If you feel like gong in for whatever reason, sometimes, fine, if not fine too. If you say no, I don't think you have to justify it. As glad says, "You do have a life, and it is none of their business what it is."

glad - Good that 2 of J's friends have come around Maybe you can plan something with them. After Gordie died and the funeral and memorial service were over, I remembered him in various ways alone of with someone(s)- a meal in his favorite restaurant, a red rose where he was assaulted, having a McD lunch in the car where he and I went a few times to look at the autumn leaves -anything that reminded me of him. My need to do it now is less, though I think of him every day.

Me - it is great that aunt is seeing that you are doing too much. Ideally gpa's money should be used for his care - not kept for others for after his death. Hope your daughter gets what she needs.

CM - I got reimbursed for receipts I took in. Must gather the rest, put all on an excel sheet, and get the rest of what I am claiming. Another chore!

juju - the current wisdom is that a few coffees can now be counted as fluid intake. I hear you about the gastric bypass and having to be careful that she gets the right nutrients.

Alison - hope all with your dad is progressing as expected

hi to everyone else -

tired today - don't know why travelling is tiring but it is. Cooking G a belated turkey dinner as a surprise for tonight. More new paperwork for mother. I guess by this time next year it should all be pretty routine, everyone should know her POA is active and that I am dealing with all of her business. D will invoice me monthly for the weekly lunch trips which works well.

Cool here, but most of the snow is gone. That is mild for this time of year here. Supposed to rain/snow tomorrow and then the temps will drop consistently below freezing. However, today I am doing my walking inside or in the grocery store.

Hope everyone is having a decent day. Do something good for you.
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I was, not concerned, I really don't know how to explain it. J was married and his wife passed of a brain tumor in her middle 30's. I always knew that J wanted to be buried with her so that is where he is. I was hoping that sister-in-law of J's that he hadn't spoken in years and wrote the obit would include recent relationships. I must say she did a very nice job mentioning survivors his folks and siblings, wife's family and me. I wasn't concerned that I was listed, but know I would have been hurt if I hadn't been.

His obit will appear in the local paper tomorrow, thankfully. I just did not know who all I should contact. Therebare many friends, even neighbors that probably have not heard of his passing.

Had a nice chat with one of his friends last night; called to wish me happy birthday. And he was such a jerk when I first called him to tell about J. I think he will be there for me, just when I need to talk. And he actually asked me to call him after court hearing on Friday to let him know how it went.

It is so strange thinking J is gone, I will never talk with him again, just does not seem at all real. I guess this is the denial. Obit may help with that.
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I'm glad that your name was listed in the obit. The family acknowledges what you meant in J's life.
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Sharyn I second Emjo's advice about not being too available for your employer. Now if they paid double time for the extra hours that might affect my decision. You have agreed for today so keep your word but in future just say sorry I am not available if you don't want to do it or if they don't make it worth your while.

Glad I am so pleased the family included you in J's obit. it is so good they recognised you were such an important part of his life and did see him at the end. I suspect only now he is gone are they appreciating what they have lost and maybe sorry they were no more involved in his life. Loosing his wife at such a young age from such a terrible illness must have been some thing he carried with him for th rest of his life. So sad. Blessings
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Veronica, he carried her with him constantly and loved her so much. Following the fire the only thing he asked about was the photo albums, their wedding and life together. And they were all destroyed as they were in J's room where the fire started, sitting on a desk, he obviously looked at them often. He was such a loving and caring man. I am very sad today.
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Glad there is nothing I can say but that he is where he wanted to be, reunited with his wife. Try and find comfor in that.
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Thank you everyone! I am working at not getting myself in that mode where I am always willing to go in when they call like I did for the local store. I not the only person they can call... They have already called me to come in early twice this last week too. I am not going to be the " go to person" when there is a glitch in the schedule.
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Hi Everyone, I was doing so well. I have taken my life into my own hands. I am still working, but on my days off I go to the store now and take care of myself. Yesterday, after about 5 yrs, I went and got a perm. I sit there 3 1/2 hrs to get this done. (I have very long hair). Then as I was leaving to head home I get a call. (I have been waiting on this call, I knew it would come sooner or later) my husband called to tell me I was to stay in the house from 7pm to 8pm, I was not to go outside. Why is this I asked. Well, my dad was coming by to get a few things. (my moms medical cards and ID card. Tiller he bought my husband, but we decided he could have it back and a few other things) Well, what I did was left the house and went to my friends farm and was there for 4 hrs. (love the farm) After I return home our phone ring, it was my mom on the phone (but I would not get on the phone, I knew I would cry if I did) my husband answered it and told them I was not home. My dad put her up to calling me. (this is what he always did) Mom was sick and needed to go to hospital. Dad got on the phone and asked to talk to me. My husband once again, told him I was not here. Dad stated he would pay me to come to the house and get mom and take her to the hospital. My husband told him that, that would not happen. He then told him, that he better take care of my mother. If anything happen, I would make sure the state would investigate and if seen he neglected my mother, he would go to jail. Well, then dad decided he would take mom to the hospital. I think he is realizing by pushing me out and causing the problems he has caused is biting him in the butt now. But I have to keep moving on and take care of myself and my husband and grown kids. Oh yea, my kids paid 1/2 on my perm to help cheer up their mommy. I love my kids, at times they can get on my nerves, but no matter what, they are mine and I will always love them. Anyway, I been waiting on that call, trying to get me to come back around. He found out it would not happen this time.
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Sharyn, about mom's callous. What I would do is soak her feet in warm water with or without Epsom salts. When she has soaked use one ot the files you can buy for dry skin and gently rub off the top layers. be careful not to make the area raw. Rub well with a moisturizer and use cotton socks. At night apply lots of a petrolium based cream and have her sleep in cotton soks. Watch carefully for any signs of infection especially if she is diabetic It may help to use a foam insole and cut out the srea of the callous so it does not actually touch the ground. I would also find another Podiatrist. trouble is Medicare pays them so little they schedule every 15 minutes and I have found my nails were cut far too short. I have stopped going for the time being because I can still easily cut my own toe nails.
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Glad,

Happy Belated birthday! It is hard to celebrate a birthday.....when you have
the kind of situations happening at the moment in your life.
But I want to wish you a wonderful year anyway.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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