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Sharynmarie,

I would not go in on those days off. I agree with others......these are your days off,
and really this should be your call. Besides.....I feel at times that employers will often do this and rely on responsible employees, such as you.

Yes, our friend passed way too early. We cannot even imagine what her husband and their two grown sons are going through right now.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Happy belated Birthday Glad!!!!

Hi Everyone sorry my brain is jiggling so I will read and catch up soon its crazy here...

emjo23- Yes but I just dont know who to really trust ya know? At this point I dont think I trust anyone...esp family..well some friends too. Sad huh?

***At this point Im still in circles and told grandpa after he said" hes so loney again all day" I do try to go down spend a while or send dad/son but I told him at this point you want me to work and yet your upset and lonely and Im still here nights lil during day even if i cant stay.. id have to give up my kids to be with you 24hrs a day.. a few feel that way ..but I bet they wouldnt give up their kids if they were in the same spot( plus im not giving them up just saying) What these neighbors and even a friend of mine says" get the kids involved, we cared for family, get them to understand,you go to your elders lifestyle not yours. You adjust not them." Ok I get that.. but... in some cases I cant. My kids are also not like other kids, my kids have mental disabilities which requires more care and has more drama and issues then others. I had to except that now why cant they? These are my kids and it kills me anything is wrong with them. Same as it hurts me about my grandpa, dad, neighbors, other family, friends, all you on here in pain. etc. Yes I will miss the yelling to a point when they die, " as they said" because they wont be here and I will miss them and regret the time I didnt get with them. I feel that way about not having a lot of time with both my grandmas, my mom as well...but they dont realize I been dealing with being controlled my whole life, been put down then get some " hey thats good you did " once in a while.

So my friend says whats more important you have 30 days to find a job and pay if they die! Haha it takes long time to find a job and get a paycheck.. all bills must be covered or Im outa here with my kids. Dad cant afford all bills if he is alive, I must cover most ( half) Anyways Im gonna get try to nap..

Hugs all
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Well I am finally getting a break. My sis is coming up on Monday and leaving on Thursday. I am going to San Diego to see my best friend and I am so excited. Now she can see what I do everyday.
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Fligirl, can I come too?
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Hi everyone, Happy Thursday!

Glad, that was nice that you were mentioned in obit. Obviously his family does acknowledge your close friendship with J.

Margeaux, sharyn, book, Me, CM, Veronica, emjo, et al... reading and sending hugs and good thoughts.

Fligirl, congrats on getting a vacation and on getting a sibling to come in and replace you. I'm sure that's very sweet taste in your mouth. :-)

My dad is staying at the nursing rehab for foreseeable future. I'm relieved. I don't know if that means one more week or a month. But, it does mean that someone finally sees what I've been seeing for years - my dad isn't cognitively able to not put himself in harm's way (those were social worker's words to me, I emphatically agreed, and I'm just so relieved that someone gets it). And on that basis, that's why the rehab is keeping him. He cannot do his feeding tube correctly and it was reported that he tried to remove it. This is not surprising to me. This was my worst fear - that I get him home and he will try something like that at home. He has been approved for pureed foods by mouth, so that's good news. Maybe if he stays long enough, he will get used to feeding tube, get stronger, gain weight, and be able to eat pureed foods by mouth. This would be ideal conditions before they send him home.

I'm researching work-from-home positions. There just isn't much for employment in the economically depressed area I live in but I'm now willing to take whatever work there is. We shall see.

Big (((((hugs))))). 🌺
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Oh, and after few weeks of being intrusive and somewhat accusatory, my mother and brother have stopped trying to tell me what to do about the situation and instead they simply say thanks for the updates I'm sending them. That's a weight off of me, as you can imagine.
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Glad i would be more than happy to take you with me
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Margeaux~Thank you for your response. I agree with all the responses. I have allowed this company to work me especially when I was at the local store...hoping it would it be secure against a transfer as I wanted to stay local because of my mother. It proved to be fruitless and I am not going to get back into that situation of coming in on my days off all the time.

Joan~I like your suggestion, I am willing to come in 2 times a month on my days off and nothing more. Provided it is not 2 consecutive weeks.

Alison~I am happy to hear your mother and brother are being cordial with you. It may be that they see the rehab staff has more power than they do or they could be having a change of heart in all that you do. I would be careful about working from home jobs...I am sure you are aware of the scams associated with these jobs.

Glad~I am so happy to hear that J's family listed you in the obit. You were a very important part of J's life and they have acknowledged that even though they did not think it was best that you come to the funeral. I do hope you can plan a memorial where you live...it will help you find peace in all this chaos.

Take care everyone, get some peace even if it is only 10 minutes in the crisp autumn weather.
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Fligirl~Enjoy your much earned days of respite in San Diego!!
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Alison, all areas of the country are economically depressed don't let the media fool you. And if you are over 50 forget about it. The unemployment numbers are extremely misleading. There is not a way to even give weighted stats to those under employed, students unable to find work are not counted because they are not eligible for unemployment. Then to that add all of us caregivers that provide billions of dollars in free care each year to our loved ones! Ok enough soapbox for one night.
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ABB, is there any possibility of your father getting off the g-tube and just give him pureed food and nutritious smoothies? For smoothies, you can use milk, carnation milk or Almond Milk (which by the way is not real milk, nor does it provide calcium.) Use bananas and mix it with other fruits, flaxseed, etc... The smoothies can add variety to the awful pureed food. My dad tried pureed but hated it. I'd avoid Boost and other nutrient drinks sold in stores. It's very very sweet - even nauseating smelling sweet . Diabetes/strokes runs in my dad's side - most of his siblings died from those 2 diseases. So, I have no intention of giving him Boost. He had the stroke but he doesn't have diabetes - yet.

As for a job at home, what are your strengths, hobby? I remember you were so into juicing. Have you thought of trying to do your own website that would somehow help you bring in income? I read somewhere that this woman loves crocheting. She decided one day to put in YouTube how to do a simple crochet. The next thing she knew, posters were asking her for advice/help. She now does tutorial for a fee. And she's doing something that she loves. I haven't had time to read her story.

- * - * - * - * - * -

Me1000 - I don't read here on AC as often as before. I guess it's working that I'm able to detach and not make AC be my focal interest. I've been finally able to refocus back to reading - which I haven't been so gungho since I found this site 2 years ago. Now, whether at night or at work, I can't wait to read what's next in my re-reading of my favorite author's books (bk 1 out of 8). Sorry, I was trying to say that because it's hit or miss when I come here, I don't remember the details of your grandfather.

Is your grandfather Capable of attending adult daycare? If he's capable but unwilling to go, the next time he complains that he's lonely all day, you can recommend that there's always the adult activity program that he can attend. I understand that there's a cost to attend but... if he has the funds ... maybe he can go like 3 times a week. Or something. He's just doing the guilt-trip on you. Just shrug it off - because he does have options but he has made the decision to do nothing. Not your fault or responsibility (since you are helping when you can.)
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Alison if Dad comes home to you be prepared to do the feedings for him. It is not difficult, you will be taught exactly what to do. Almost anything can be pureed if he can tolerate so you can cook a regular meal and use something like a Ninja which does an excellent job. if he can tolerate the pureed foods in rehad they will probably consider removing the tube. If he comes home with it and does pull it out you just take him back to the ER and they will replace it. It is not life threatening if it comes out, they often do. I know it is scary when you have never done anything like that but you can be taught as long as you are not too squimish. I realize some people just can't face it. I can't face taking dead mice out of traps!!!!!!
As far as working from home as Book advises stay clear of the work at home scams or any kind of crafts unless you are something like a professional potter or can make things like spinning wheels. people who have teaching experience teaching have made good money preparing plans for other teachers. But like everything it takes time to build up clients. Unless you are lucky you will probably be looking up a lead time of approx 2 years to make a living. One thing that seels to p[ay very well is house cleaning. Are you fit enough for this and close enough to people who can afford to hire you. You obviously set your own hours and charge what the market will bear. If you do a good job the referels will soon come rushing in. if dad is having a bad day it is usually easy to reshedule there won't be hoards of others lining up to do the job. Lots of possibilities if you make use of your skills and education. What is your employment now?
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ABB, most of my older friends have cleaning businesses - just husband/wife team. I know of at least 4 couples who do this. They don't do housecleaning at people's homes. They concentrate on businesses. Twice I went with one couple after spending the evening with them (dinner). I thought it was a bit scary to go park at the isolated, empty business building parking lot. Get out, go up the stairs into a dark, quiet offices. Husband did the vacuuming. I helped the wife dust the desks (without moving anything), emptied all the trashcans, etc... The wife went into the restroom and did a quick cleaning - toilet, sink, mop the floor. As a team, we were able to finish the job in 30 minutes.

When our company was at the old location, my boss had hired a couple whom were my friends. He paid them $130/month just to vacuum the floor, wipe the desks, clean the windows and the bathroom. They would come once a week. When they raised their rates to $170/month, my boss decided that the wife and I can do the job. Boss' wife did the bathroom and I did the vacuuming. We all took out our own trash to the trash bin.

The only drawback to this - is that you would have to leave your father all by himself. Which is what you're trying to avoid.
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me - I hear you about not knowing who to trust. When I said you didn't want to change, what I understood is that you didn't want to change now or until you were sure of your path which makes sense.

Sharyn - good decision re overtime. They will use you if they can, I am sure, and no reciprocation.

Margeaux - sorry to hear about the lady who died so young. It is tragic. A beautiful cousin of mine died in her 40's from cancer. Come to think of it my best childhood friend did too in her 30's, and also one of my best friends as a adult did in her late 40's. It is a horrible disease.

Alison - so glad your bro and mum have backed off and even are a bit appreciative of you. Time will tell what lies ahead for your dad. It must be a great relief to you that the professionals now see that your dad cannot look after himself. Prayers for employment for you I think it is possible for you to find something

glad - so good that the family included you in the obit. J had obviously never recovered from his wife's death - sad. You have the next court heating coming up soon. Do look after you - so much stress.

toxic - well done - don't get sucked in again. Keep your boundaries, as you are and get some enjoyment out of your life!

hi everyone else -

The turkey dinner was good, but the cleaning up is always a pain. The carcass is boiling for soup and I will make tetrazzini from some of the left overs, and freeze some in broth so it doesn't dry out. I have a pumpkin baking to make pumpkin puree and freeze for various uses.

The snow has pretty well melted, but more forecast. It is unusual to see grass this far into November and it won't last as the temps are consistently below freezing now and for the next 4 months or so. Time to get out the long johns!

Have a good day everyone and do something good for you.
.
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Emjo,

I'll bet your turkey was delicious. The soup sounds great too!
When we go to our Thanksgiving, this guy who has this big even has someone deep fry about 18 turkeys. Of course this depends how many people keep showing up, and there's tons of pot luck. I've taken some turkey carcasses home,
and made some delicious soup for the next few days.

Right now, I'm waiting for some Quince to turn yellow. Our friend gave us some,
and I already have a recipe for some preserves. Can't wait.

Yes, this loss of our friend, although we'd had some knowledge of some cancer.....I was under the impression it had subsided. So her death did shock us.
She was a great cook, made everything from scratch.

O.K., what I'm going to do for myself is take my walk.

Happy pumpkin baking!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Court today. Who knows, the judge wanted to review some of the testimony, so will issue a written decision. My attorney at one point mentioned that they are trying to nail me for financial exploitation so thought I should not testify. I told her if I didn't all would assume my guilt. She also told me I had done a great job, so, time will tell.
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I had a conversation with my sister the other day.
She brought up the SIL, who's been recovering from a resection of her intestine right after a gallbladder procedure. After the resection, they sent her home with intravenous feeding, to allow the intestine to heal. She very recently started to broths, and soft foods.

So my sister told me that she and mother joined our brother, (SIL's husband)
and SIL, somewhere for lunch last weekend. Our SIL used to weigh I'm sure close to 185 lbs., maybe more. Well my sister said that she's lost quite a bit of weight. All my sister could say was things such as, "She lost a lot of weight on her legs, but her mid section is still kind of big." The description of SIL was all about cosmetics as far as my sister was concerned. She even said, "It's not like she's svelt." I couldn't believe this! I reminded her that I'm sure that even if SIL, has dropped all this weight, it would take lots of exercise to become "svelt," as my sister puts it. I really only said this, to strike a light in my sis's unenlightened head......she's quite overweight herself, so I don't know what the hey she's talking about!
I also added, that I just hoped that my SIL's eating could return to normal, because she really had quite a month and a half, first in the hospital then being sent home to convalesce. It's really disgusting to hear my sister take this position too.
I guess there's some projection going on here. I'm detaching for now, again.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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margeaux - the turkey was good. Soup still in progress. I add a little vinegar and boil the bones for a few days to get the minerals out, as I can't eat dairy. I need to separate the meat from the bones now and boil them another day till they are soft. Then I make the soup. Pumpkin flesh draining in the kitchen. I think I will save the liquid and use it in pumpkin soup and also can use some in baking. I found a recipe for gluten free pumpkin bars. I got up early yesterday to make lunches for G and that slowed me down for the rest of the day. My housekeeping and cooking is sporadic according to the energy I have. Quince preserves sound wonderful. Your sis's comments about your sil are uncalled for. She has been through a very rough time. Yes, time to detach again.

glad - you sound tired which is not surprising. Financial exploitation - that's a joke. You should be nailing them for that re lawyers fees. I am sure you did do a great job.

((((((hugs))))))) everyone - have a good night
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Margeaux, my mother does the same thing when it comes to women. Everything is about their size and what they look like. My mother was obese most of her life and not very attractive. Strange that she should judge others using "charms" she never had herself.

There's a lot of wisdom to "Beauty fades. Ugly lasts forever." Women can certainly be ugly about each other.
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Mother makes comments on people's size and appearance too. She has never been really large but she could have lost 10-20 lbs and not suffered. I thin it is part if her BPD/narcissism. She thought nothing about criticizing her daughters' appearances and making "helpful suggestions" about our clothing, I finally told her I didn't appreciate it.

Jessie - you commented elsewhere about your mother's improved diet and "performance". Very interesting. Getting enough protein is certainly necessary for many things. I had a student who was vegetarian and who fell asleep in class every day despite being well motivated. We looked at her diet and found she was deficient in protein. We figured out things she could eat to add more protein and very quickly and dramatically she became more alert and felt better.

drying pumpkin seeds for roasting...
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Emjo, funny. I slept better last night than i have in a long time! Tonight probably even better. Wont have the thrashing around in my brain wondering when, if ever, we will get to this hearing. They brought up a check for 5k written to me on Mom's account three years ago. TS#2 signed the darn thing, couldn't remember what it was for. I wrote a check from my personal account for work in the basement following a flood three years ago. And darling sister POA could not remember? That is fairly substantial amount and POA didn't remember it was to reimburse me?! Absurd! Especially considering i had provided the documentation first to TS#2 and her ijut attorney two years ago, then to idiot conservator a year ago!
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glad -wonderful that you slept well. The suspense is nearly over. It is POA job to record what cheques are for. Unbelievable after you had supplied documentation. - twice!!! You have to wonder where their heads are at. I suppose it will take the judge a while to write up her decision, but at least no more court appearances. Hope you sleep well tonight too.
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Glad~I am so happy you are finding peace so that you can sleep well.Maybe peace is not the right word...but an end to all this with TS's!!
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I don't know if it is the end. Conservator was to make things clear, provide books on the trust, and she has barely touched the tip of the iceberg.
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Emjo do you include the bones in the soup?
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Veronica - I boil the bones until they are soft. There are several recipes for bone broth on line. It is very good for you and supposed to help heal the gut, as well as providing minerals. (Gap diet). I put e.g. a couple of chicken carcasses or beef soup bones in a crock pot with water and add a little vinegar to help leach out the minerals. I find it is better to add the usual vegetables (carrots, celery onions, boy choy or other greens etc later though some add the right away. Once the meat is falling off, I find it is better to remove it or it gets too tough/tasteless. I chop up the meat and keep it in the frig and return the bones to the broth and cook till soft - maybe another day and remove them. I often will eat a bone or too when I take them out - they are crumbly. Then I strain the broth, add veggies (left over ends are great for soup) and put the meat back in, cook till veggies are done and season. It sounds a bit fussy, but each step does not take long and you can make a large amount and freeze portions. I had my blood work checked for vitamins and minerals a couple of years ago and all are fine. I was concerned about calcium as I can't eat dairy. I find it is a great snack or even a meal if there is enough meat and veg. Gary likes creamed soups so I will make a creamed Thai coconut pumpkin for him from the pumpkin I roasted yesterday. Hope this helps. I prefer home made soups to soups from a can.
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Joan~Just out of curiosity, do you use a milk substitute in the turkey tetrazzini?
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Ok Joan!!! You have my interest in this bone broth....I have some questions that I am not finding answers to to online...1)the gelatin that forms as result of this broth...do you skim it off since we have been educated that it is bad? 2) Do you use chicken feet/legs...just wondering...not sure if I can get them here. What has spiked my interest is...when I was a kiddo, I would eat the marrow from chicken bones...I loved it. Sorry, hope I am not grossing others out here...but this is right up my way of cooking but have steered off it due to the warnings of the gelatin, etc.
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emjo23-"or until you were sure of your path which makes sense." yes I did say that. I feel a lot of times my path was to be controlled and a human punching bag. Although I even messed some of their plans up for that because at times I was a bad girl and dated, pre- marital etc... dropping out of school and not being a Physicist or similar. Of course I dont go to church and I have argued back. So, not exactly their puppet I guess. Grandpa has always been back on fourth on paying me what the old care taker got and when he decided yes, either I pay what he wants me to pay out of it or I get nothing. Trusts me one minute next not. Im so tired of this, I got so much stress alone with my kids and no job, add dad, grandpa, sister etc!

Drs,teachers,testers, keep asking me about my kids sleeping habits.day habits etc well Im with grandpa! I try to get them with me but either they dont want to go or grandpa gets mad and doesnt want them. Well Im the ONLY one to care for him and no nights off until MAYBE February until Aunt says she MIGHT come down! Almost a year like this it will be.. I love him and want to help him but I also miss my kids at least with a job Id still be home one or two nights a week. I have no choice to work and Im looking and if this causes me to lose my home with grandpa, then I have no choice. Im not getting younger my kids need the income as do I.

Daughter got some testing started for this school and yes, she said she sees the Asperger's in her and is recommending her to the Directer. Further testing is a couple days away! Son, same old this morning.. already...
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Hugs to all- Not trying to Ignore you but if I try to read Ill start seeing letters no words and if I try to reply.. Ill make no sense! Im trying to get back on track here and am still thinking of you all :)
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