notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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My sister misses talking with me....well she is never available when I call her so I stopped calling. Now we have an appointment to talk tomorrow evening, LOL!!
It is funny she needs to schedule me in her life. She is just so busy busy!!
just as well to not text work
re sis - I guess whatever works. I thought you were the one who was busy!
better get to my turkey bones,
Our hospice medical director was the only man in the house and never put the seat back down in the toilet. Some fuss buckets could not leave that alone but would not mention it to him. I found a cartoon of a kitty it's fur on end falling into the toilet and added the message "Kindly return the seat to the down position" That did the trick. Personally I felt we should be grateful he actually lifted the seat!
When he feels good I feel good.
I had a strike las June and lost 36 pounds, am eating better and walk 12 miles a week. Finally taking care of me!
No, I don't do this, as I'm barely starting to make the chicken bone broth.
Are the trimmings just small pieces attached to fat of the beef. I would like to
know this since I plan to try beef broth also.
Thanks,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
My sister behaves the very same way as your sister does.
Whenever I've gone to visit mom more recently, since they're currently hosting her daughter, SIL, their little ones, there's too much going on in mother's household.
Oh yes, and let's not forget.........there's mother too! HAAH!
I've taken to just showing up w/o a notice, which I once used to do, since I live far from their place. More recently, I just take my chances, usually they've been there.
I can tell by my sister's reception.........she acts cool as a cucumber with me, and SHE, the usually very busy person, finds every distraction possible, whenever I try to have a conversation with her. I used to get offended by this, and until I finally figured this control game out.......it did used to baffle me. Now, given the situation,
I just take it as par for the course, and could give a rat's a**!
It is interesting too, because already two different visits she went into busy, busy mode with me. It wasn't until on both occassions, oddly enough when I announced I had to get going, was going to be stuck in traffic, NOW she decides to show we are going to have a little sisterly time. Last time, she said, "Come with me to the store." A grocery run. HAAH! I declined the last time, and said, I'd rather spend an extra 15 mins. w/mom. Point: "It's always about them." They make sure to let us know that WE are just in the category of being "casual," company to them.
I too for quite some time have stopped, cell phone communication and even email
Besides it was just to hear this endless venting, and HER problems w/everyone.
It just isn't interesting to me whatsoever. I'm quite fine with it.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Enjoy. Add noodles if you like.
It was funny too, last time I was there, they have a very nice woman caregiver,
now and it looks to me as if she's there helping my niece w/the kids. She's from a foreign country. So last visit, niece left her newest baby that's being breast fed.
My sister was in the kitchen, roasting bell peppers. This CG, was having a hard time with the baby, since it was her first time her mother left her there w/the CG.
The baby woke up, and started the crying an infant does. The CG, tried her best to calm the little one down, w/no success. Suddenly, my sister bolts over to the living room, and took over the baby. So now the CG, kind of looked at me, and apologized in some way, I guess feeling that since the baby wouldn't stop crying....
I was being deprived of my sister's company. She said, "Oh, I'm sorry........I don't want' to take time away from you spending time w/your sister." HAAH!
In my head, I thought, "Well, but I'm not here to see my sister, it's mother I come to see." I also detected that my sister's nerves were being rattled.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
My sister wants personal attention from family/friends. She wants to hear a voice.... She has told me that herself... Her daughters don't call her much because she won't answer the phone even when she is home and has caller ID. I am willing to set te aside for her within reason. Her life outside of family has always taken first place... Goes back to how she viewed our mother excepting family members providing all her needs. Sis puts all her efforts into friends and she gets let down over and over looking for fulfillment outside of herself. Family will let you down too but there is a middle ground of being able to provide needs for yourself as well.
Hugs and love,
Sharynmarie
My sister wasn't able to calm down the baby. Her daughter left her for the very first time; she's nursing her. She went out the door w/her sister and the other two little ones because they got flu shots. You are so right, I know these little ones pick up on tension fast. My sister looked rather ridiculous too, w/ an air of she was going to get the job done, meanwhile baby wasn't cooperating.
Get this one.......my sister then mentioned to me, "Oh, this is why I wish my daughter would give her the bottle, it would make things easier." Yes easier for her, or whomever is caring for the baby while her mother leaves for a bit. This baby is barely 2 mos. old, and I applaud the fact my niece has taken to nursing her.
I did point out to my sister, that for a bit of inconvenience.......there are some great benefits from mother's milk. My sister is so much like our mother. I never officially asked our mother whether we were breast fed, but I seriously doubt it. Probably part of the reason I suffer with tremendous allergies, hence sinuses too!
Interesting your sister wants from family what she can't give to them.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
pam, veronica, book - Pam gave a great recipe for broth. The more complicated recipe is for bone broth which has more nutrients. They are two different broths. :)
Margeaux - re the breast feeding - all part of the dysf fam. I was not breast fed - the explanation was that she was nursing my sister and then got pregnant with me unexpectedly which affected her milk, so she figured she couldn't/wouldn't nurse me either. Made no sense. I think it is the basis for my allergies too. Breast fed babies have better immune systems.
alwayshope - I am so glad you had a good day and that you are finally looking after yourself. It can take something drastic before we do. Hope your hub continues in a good space. I know it reduces your stress considerably. Congratulations on the weight loss and walking 12 miles a week. That is absolutely GREAT!!!!
Veronica - good for you with the cartoon. I know some men who were taught to sit to urinate - saves a lot of work for mums and wives/gfs.
Glad - thinking of you always and wondering how you are. You have had a lot of loss recently added to the stress of the court case and the TWs antics. Take care of you and let us know how you are.
Alison - wondering how things are with your dad and with you. Trust you are still getting more sleep. Any luck with job hunting?
Me - thinking of you and all the challenges and hope you are finding a way out of all that stress to a more workable place.
book - you are a trouper - hope dad is not too aggressive these days
Did a big shopping yesterday. I have a bug of some kind or the FM is acting up with the cold weather, so wrapped in a wool blanket with a heating pad and sleeping off and on. Put pork butt roast with salsa verde in the slow cooker early this morning, so I won't have much to do at supper time. Mother's taxes arrived back for signing - glad to get that out of the way. Have to sign a form for the Ont. gov't pensions and return with copy of POA document. Some of this is a one time effort, so next year should be simpler. On the nearby dysfun fam front, dil asked for another loan, fairly big amount, actually son D did on her behalf. It is for dental work for her and they will get reimbursed by insurance, but need the money up front. I said yes to son, but once I am repaid we are going to have a good chat about their finances and also about the divisions in the family caused by her. Son sounded pretty uncomfortable asking me. I will tell them that I am doing it this time again, but that I will not do it after this. They will have to manage some other way. I am sure she would continue to do this again and again if I allowed, and that is not going to happen, but this gives me a good opportunity to talk to them. She wants to borrow money from me, but doesn't want me to talk about my family in front of her and has a hate on my daughter. Not going to continue this way. I am asking for a reconciliation. I will also point out that I have a car that is 14 years old, and plain, paid off years ago and runs well and they have a relatively new car with lots of bells and whistles. Son D never had money problems before being with her. G is in agreement with this and admires son D's patience with her. I hope he has not bitten off more than he can chew. She once spent money foolishly so they didn't have grocery money. One way to lose weight! ;) This branch of the emjo bank is closing. Funny, ever since I was a child I loaned money, and always got it back - like I mean out of my piggy bank. I have always been good at saving and am thankful. I see that in my oldest grandson, too.
everyone - take care and do something good for you today.
I am checking in with everyone, I am doing great. It has been so peaceful around here. Except for two days. One was when my father showed up at my house. That was okay, I got word he was coming and I was gone. I was told earlier in the day he was coming by to get a few things that belonged to my mother and also he had bought something for my husband, so he was taken that back as well. No problem, I was gone. I left right after that call and did not come home until 4 hrs later. Then that even he called (put mom up to it) to tell me to come over and take my mother to the Er. My husband got the call and told them I was not home (I was not home yet) and to give up that I walked away on my own and he won't get me back over there. Then so many days later one of the sisters called and once again my husband took the call and she was informed to never call again. I have deleted and also blocked all family numbers. I am not stressed out like I use to me. I rest more and also doing things I have needed to do.
I am learning there is more to my life then a family that drags you down. A dysfunctional family that lives on drama.
Last week, I got up and was off from work that day. (business was closed) Got cleaned up and left the house for hours. Hubby knew where I was and so did our kids. I went to the saloon and got a perm. I felt so good afterwards. I had not done anything like that in many years.
If some of you have not read the first time I was here: I am from a dysfunctional family. I was MPOA of parents. I had enough of the abuse that I have received for 50 years. That I have walked off, drop from being MPOA and left my entire family.
It was hard to do, but it was something that had to be done. Now I am learning to live with my husband and kids, with out my other family. But it has been great, but hard.
Well, now the holidays are coming. But I must say, I guess in my heart I have been preparing for this for years. We have not celebrated with other family in years. Only at our house hubby, I, and kids.
Well, time for dinner. Later
There is some of my testimony that really got messed up. But, bottom line is that conservator has lost most of her duties. The only thing that remains is a monthly review of expenses that is to be prepared by TS#2, mom's designated POA. She is also supposed to put togeter accountings of the trust from its beginning. Account for lapsed long term care policy, and missing account. I have been asking for this info for 2.5 years and she has refused to supply it. Hmmmm, wonder why. The judge ordered she have all of this done within 60 days. Too long if you ask me, but we domhave the freaking holidays to contend with as well. I will be documenting everything now very closely as far as when I tell her something needs to be done and completion if it is. She is also to pay me for about two years of caring for Mom and some reimbursements. So, all in all everything ok and judge kind of smart, setting up for breach of fiduciary duty... Time will tell.
One item not happy about is that guardian will not be doing geriatric care management any longer. Have talked about keeping her for L's purposes which will keep her involved and keeping track of Mom too during monthly visits and an occasional cup of coffee.
Regular Saturday caregiver has a housesitting job over Thanksgiving in a small town about an hour east of here. Will go there for four days over the holiday, help her feed and exercise the horses, watch movies and have a nice Thanksgiving dinner. Outside caregiving over a holiday is quite expensive, but I guess TS#2 will have to figure out if she will stay with folks, or hire it done. She would much rather I provide cheap care. No longer. I have a bit of life to live.