The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Emjo, me too, flu shot yesterday. Not tired her, just grumpy as all get out!

The list of possible reactions had very irritable or tired. I am glad I am just tired. After dropping the jar of sauce and cleaning it up, I went into the frig in the garage to get a half ham I have been storing to use it for supper and it was mouldy on the cut side!!!! If I had been irritable I probably would have flung it somewhere. Now I have to figure out what to get for supper.

I could fling more than a ham today, just give me two TS's or show me their cars and I will take care of it all! Yes GRUMPY!

Hey all...Ill catch up when I can.. I been trying to see how I can log in from my phone.. how does that work? Same way here right? But it shows mobile not our numbers? I wish you all all luck and will catch up ( I know keep saying that but everytime I start to read my mind goes nuts) Miss reading though hope you all are ok!

******Ok well daughters Neuropsychological Eval was uggh!!! All results Probable or Rule in ( or out) Or Keep and Eye for... well gee wiz! ( Bet my sons report will say the same or nothings wrong even though he saw the video of violence because my son was an amazing sweet and charming young funny man the whole time)

So Im gonna take her to the Neurologist my son goes to and see what he says, they can diagnose with a yes or no.. of course I keep hearing that and dont get that! Grandpa is wow!!! Seeing SAND in the carpets and wants to use a dust broom to sweep it all out saying a vacuum doesnt work. He sees it all even though we dont yet hes blind!!! Ok some dust yes, around windows and doors of course... not what hes saying. Im trying to keep it up. My dad is worse with the CHF.. so Im trying to come to grips of this... Trying to look for a job soon again and various drivers for everyone because everyone's appts and errands, school times run the same time far places each one etc.

Now.. does anyone have advice how to get two Australian Shepperd mixed 1 yr old dogs to stop eating walls and a door? I know they need more exercises and tasks rights? Because they are technically farm dogs.. Yes obedient training is coming in January with the professional I think. Oh I believe they do not like other dogs, we get some neighbors dogs over here and well, fur goes up, growl and bark and they try to get out of our gate! ( Ive had and lived with many different breeds,mixes of dogs all my life but these have destroyed the longest!!)

Praying for us all!!

Emjo,

I'm curious......what is the health care system like in Canada?
I was so frustrated trying to understand everything I've looked up yesterday.
So this morning I thought........o.k., I guess it's like this. If one pays for an insurance plan, say where we select doctors, which of course those are the higher priced insurances in this country it's kind of like staying in a five star hotel vs. a no star hotel. The no star hotel is managed healthcare such as HMO's. HAAH! i had a laugh about it. I mean one has to laugh about some of this, it's insanity if you ask me!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Book,

If I'm following your line of logic regarding insurance, losing your job,
if one does lose their job, how could that person even pay on a tax penalty not having an income and being penalized because they can't afford insurance.
This is all some hoax, and exactly why I call it insanity!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Or, Margeaux how could an unpaid family caregiver afford insurance? There are some things that need to be considered by congress. Maybe family caregivers become eligible for medicare? We provide all of these free hours of care at tremendous savings to this country by keeping our loved ones off Medicaid, and nothing for us in return other than Medicaid.

In my HO, Obamacare is a joke...it is costing people more who have children than the other plan did and it is not costing the employer more, the employee is having pay. My husband now pays $300 a month just for himself. In addition, he is paying $300 every 90 days for his meds with "mail order". Before Obamacare, my husband had me on his insurance and it cost us nothing. His mail order meds cost about $60 every 3 months. My insurance through my employer costs me 11.50 a week for union dues, $2000 deductible before the insurance will cover 80% of a medical bill after my co-pay. I cannot meet the deductible. I still can't get the x-rays on my back. Before Obamacare, I paid 11.50 a week for union dues, a $10 co-pay and the union gave us an HRA account that they deposited $200 in each year. The insurance paid 80% on everything. So add it up, in order for my insurance to pay 80%, I have to fork out $2,000+11.50 a week+ a $10 co-pay.

I received a packet in the mail from the union. Because I have had continuous medical coverage for 72 months, I am now eligible for Kaiser an HMO, with a $900 deductible, or a PPO plan with a $900 deductible, or a personal direction plan with a $1,350 deductible. If you have children to add on these plans, it will not cover dental or eye exams??? Really??? Yeah, Obamacare sucks big time. Under the former coverage, you could add an adult child up to age 25 who was going to college.

It is putting a financial hardship on families...people my husband works with who have children, are paying over $1,000 a month to cover their children. Not to mention that many of these people had to take a $5,000 year cut in pay with the new company that was brought in for the security department. There are many people who have been performing a certain position excellently for many years...this new company is now requiring that these people have a BA degree to hold that position. Costing the overall company some big bucks. How long will this go on before they figure it out???

before Obamacare insurances were paying (at least here where I live) 100% for a mamogram and they are still honoring that. It was started some years back to encourage women to get screened for breast cancer and I think but am not sure, a pap smear may also be covered 100%.

My sister has major issues with control, manipulating, jealousy, threatening and being obeyed. Mom is in final stage of life and she won't let us be a part of her life to make happy memories or help with her care unless we kiss her butt. She has treated us like this for 65 years and thinks she's doing nothing wrong. I am the first to stand up to her and she's having a fit and taking it out on my mom. She is using my past record against me. I grew up a long time ago and learned from my mistakes. Mom and family forgave me thank God but she won't let it go even though her and her kids have done far worst and never been held accountable for their actions. She is also sexually perverted. How do you stop someone like this? I have run out of chap stick so kissing her butt is out of the question.

They do not try to reason with her it will b futile -you may have to accept what is-are you able to see Mom-I am not able to see my brother who does not have much time left due to his wife being s controlling so if you get a chance to see your Mom that may be all you can do at this point-your sister thinks she is right and you will not change her mind-we all will have to account for our behavior one day and that beings me peace. I know it hurts to be treated as you are being but there are some things that are out of our control.

Sharynmarie,

Wow, again just goes to show ME, how little I understand about all this insurance bull! I started looking up the different doctors in our area, now I will need to read what all these PPO's, HMO's, offer.....and if I qualify for those. My husband seems to think that we will go with an individual plan. But I don't think he has any idea what these are going to cost, then if we can afford this. He's on this kick right now, where he feels as if we are accepting a government handout if we just pick a HMO. He needs to change this way of thinking. Many people are signing up under a managed health plan, really because they're being forced to do so.

This insurance I got to use during the summer had a program called "Health Woman." This covered the Mammogram 100%. It also covered the Bone Density exam; t But I remember the day I went for it.....
before I was taken in to actually do the bone density......a woman asked me to come over to another area of the reception. She was sitting at the other side of a computer. She took my name, and info., confirmed what I was there for.....
then wanted for me to pay UPFRONT, almost a $100.00. I did have this in my wallet. However, all on account of because I was unsure about being charged this amount.....I told her that they could just bill it to me, I also told her I'd been informed by this insurance this was part of this "Healthy Woman," program since it was a preventative exam. She didn't have a clue about this program. Later, we got a bill from this imaging center, and it was I believe, $37.50, which we paid.
About 2 wks., later we did get reimbursed, because via the insurance it was only 11.50. In other words, this was mostly covered. I had a suspicion...that the bone density would be charged at some point.

The insurance never sent me any paper work for a Colonoscopy, which since my husband has had a few......I do suspect this is going to be charged, and it's not going just to be 11.50, since it is a procedure. I really didn't have time to inquire whether this was a part of the "Healthy Woman plan," since this is when husband was notified about the change in his ineligibility! Bummer!

Thanks for explaining this, helps me understand.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Medicare covers a wellness visit once a year but my medical group-which now has 45 facilities in 6 surrounding counties and eats up small groups-does not do a physical as part of the wellness visit so have to pay either 300 to be billed or 186 at the time of office visit same with gyn-to talk to the doc is covered but not for the exam-that is the way our group does it and since they are a monopoly there is no other way to maintain health and when I get the statements from Medicare they do verify this-many of my friends say I am crazy but maintaining my health is important so I pay what I have to.

And on the subject of obummercare, a friend of mine was shopping for a new doctor that was in the Centura system. So she scheduled a "meet and greet" with the new doc. Centura billed her insurance as if it was a full exam, when it was just a chat. The bill? A whopping $350.00! She has been fighting Centura since for miscoding the visit. At the visit to justify the full exam vitals, disrobing etc should have been done. None of it was done! How many doctors are getting away with this nonsense?! Fraud in my opinion will now be throughout the medical field, not just limited to Medicare. Watch your medical bills and EOB's all of you!

Counterpoint: I happen to have many friends and family who have coverage through the ACA/Obama care, who had NOTHING before because no compay would cover them. I pay $0 for my birth control pills because my employer provided insurance (that I pay premiums for) covers it due to the ACA. They can't dump me because I get expensive. They can't limit my coverage amount because of the ACA. If you have a problem with an individual doctor or insurance company, don't paint the whole policy with that brush. Consider me a GIANT FAN of the ACA and a rabid supporter of universal coverage and healthcare as a human right.

I don't think we ought to discuss politics on the board because I really don't want to heat up a fight over it.

"Universal health care, available to all from cradle to grave, free at the point of delivery." It's a lovely idea, Sandwich. Speaking as a fond and grateful child of the NHS, I can tell you, sadly, that it is not universal, it runs into serious trouble trying to ensure equal access to services, and it is not (quite) free at the point of delivery. Also, it is wasteful, exhausting for its employees, ruinously expensive for the country and a political ticking parcel. And it fosters a citizenry that is criminally complacent about personal responsibility for its own health. Other than that… :)

But yes I am extremely glad to have it. Recommend it? There has *got* to be a better way, I just have no idea what it is.

Margeaux - I love Canada's system. Here in Alberta we have Alberta Health Care. It provides "full coverage for medically necessary* physician and some specific dental and oral surgical health services, " Things like mammograms, bone density tests, lab tests, hospitalization are covered fully. You just produce your AB health card and pay nothing, As well, I have Blue Cross which costs me about $60 a month and covers some dental, vision, P/T and more which supplements AB Health Care. When you work, you get can Blue cross through your employer, at reduced cost. When a senior you automatically get free basic Blue Cross, but can buy more services if you want to. My main concerns are dental and vision and it is worthwhile it for me for those two to get extra coverage. You can chose whatever physician and dentist etc. you want and change them when you want to.

glad - you make a very god point about caregivers needing help for their medical care

sandwich - there seem to be such opposing experiences and views, but I suppose that is politics, and I agree about not debating them here. I am glad it is working for you, though that does not seem to be the case for everyone

Austin - I agree with working to maintain wellness. It is easier on you and cheaper for the system.

Me - sorry that your daughter's eval wasn't clearer. I hope they can help her in school, and that you get some help with your son's behaviour. How is that medical problem you have that you mentioned earlier? Also sorry to hear that your dads CHF is not so good. The dogs sound very destructive. I am sure that obedience training can help.

theyoungest - you can't stop them. My sis fits that description to an extent though she is very calm and sweet in the surface to those she wants to be. I am sorry she is taking it out on your mum. My sis would throw anything at me she could to get her own way. What Austin said is good. I hope you can see your mum and try to put the rest aside, however nasty it is. You can't change someone, just how you deal with them and often there are no great solutions. ((((hugs)))

Feeling better today. Last night for supper G got a frozen shepherd's pie, but I made a nice big salad to go with it. Will do better today. Going to marinade a pork loin for tonight, & bake acorn squash. Made turkey soup with the broth from the necks - yum. G butchered the antelope quarter this morning, so we have a few roasts in the freezer, and threw the main bone out for the critters. I hope this one tastes better than the last one. It had a very strong flavour, apparently due to the sage they eat.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

cm - the NHS has been around for a while. Interesting to hear your take on it. I suspect it is weighed down with bureaucracy.

You wrote, "it fosters a citizenry that is criminally complacent about personal responsibility for its own health" Could you expand on that??

I finally signed up for Obamacare....(sigh). Not happy about being told I *must* pay for a healthcare plan that has far less benefits than I want ($100 a month), because I can't afford the one that I *really* need ($300 a month).

I rarely need to use my insurance at all, just to have an annual exam and my 1 prescription that I take every other day to be refilled. I understand the concept that a catastrophic illness or injury could occur at any point in time, but I'd sure rather pay the hospital on a monthly basis the same amount that my insurance costs me, than to have to pay both if something happens.
I mean....if I become ill enough to be hospitalized, I will have a hospital bill, aftercare costs (prescriptions, follow up visits to the doc, etc) PLUS my monthly insurance premium. I'd rather just pay the hospital bill! But since those who don't sign up are punished financially for it, it's not like I have much choice - that's what I don't like about it.

Sandwich,

I am certainly not painting anything or anybody with a wide paint brush.
Not everyone falls into your category. I'm glad that it works this way for you,
and that you're satisfied. I had questions concerning the ability to sign up,
what different plans mean, and selecting a doctor. As of now, I don't even have that.

We may feel differently about this issue, and I think by talking about it, we all can learn. Besides, this is one thing I've always liked here on this thread....is that we are flexible about the topics we share, even if they are political at times.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Emjo,

Thank you for your reply. The system in your country sounds like it makes a lot of sense.

Oh.....you just always make me hungry. Roasts, I need to go out and get one,
haven't made that in a long time. I've got some lentils cooking right now.
This is what I like about the cold weather. We can enjoy these foods.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Glad,

Last year when my husband who was insured had the hernia procedure.
He later got billed just recently, meanwhile he'd paid that, think it was for the anesthesia when the did the procedure. But he kept getting the same bill several times. He's really like Sherlock Holmes when he inspects any and all bills.
So he got on the phone and I remember he getting into some arguments w/customer support. They didn't have record of payment. Finally got rectified,
after lots of hassle. So I could not agree with you more.

This is terrible what your friend experienced.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

U.S. health insurance is a mother of a dysfunctional family. For me (63 with lymphoma) Obamacare was useful in 2014. My tiny pension is a result of my quitting work early to care for my parents. Lymphoma was diagnosed exactly two weeks of my fabulous work-sponsored Cadillac+ plan. I was on a private catastrophic plan which went up 33% per year, with $15K out-of-pocket each year. In December 2013, my Aetna premiums had risen to over $800/month. My pension $12K/month, and of course the out-of-pocket bring me to negative income. I did not qualify for Medicaid because my "other" [unreliable] income popped me just over the threshold. Come 2014, I was thrilled that with a subsidy, I had better coverage, $1500 out-of-pocket, and premiums at only $225 (with subsidy). As of 2015, that premium will increase to $385 (after subsidy). Quite a little inflation in just one year. Honestly, I don't know what this country can do with so many aging folks with so little savings, income stream, or security. With obesity and abuse rampant. Without being able to trust anyone, nor to have the pride of knowing your next generation is going to be fine. I'm selfish enough to like Obamacare for my circumstance, but when they sold out the "public option", they sent us to a pit of competing corporations, hospitals and vipers, whose actuarial charts drive daggers into people's trust.

Oh yes. And managing/coordinating the insurance paperwork nightmares of my mother-in-law, my husband, my father -- priceless. Margeaux, don't you wish you had both a law and medical degree when sorting through billing issues? I received a bill three years after my Mom's death and they threatened to take me to court. Luckily, I knew better (the statute of limitations I think was over after one year since death, but don't quote me and I'm too tired to look it up again).

This past week my husband was held hostage for over eight hours after a heart catherization. They would not release him, and insisted on doing open heart surgery in two days (giving me just two days to plan the possible end of his life). Further, they wanted to keep him in the hospital for those two days -- BUT WOULD NOT TELL US WHY. My husband, bless his sass, had the sense to escape. Our son-in-law is a cardiac surgeon, reviewed the imaging and said my husband's condition was not an emergency, though eventually life threatening. He urged us to get a second opinion "at a multidisciplinary clinic setting". We are so glad for that advice, because my husband is likely going to get TAVR (minimally invasive aortal valve replacement) instead of open heart. We suspect the little local hospital, in the competitive hospital environment, thought they had clinched another one and that if a patient is dumb enough to not question anything (when we did we were given evil eyes and sneers and snubbed) -- that's all to their benefit. I can't stand having to rely upon strangers and corporate-derived flow charts for life decisions.

My post was not intended be a debate or to offend anyone. My demographic area is not being helped.

50'sChild,

WOW! That was quite dramatic! I'm really happy to hear that you and your husband questioned this unnecessary surgery.

Recently, my sister had quite a fight with a dental office. Mom, 92 had been having a molar act up on her for awhile, she was in extreme pain. She was taken to a dentist, he advised she have a root canal. My sister said, that she questioned this,
and didn't want mom at her age to go through that if it really wasn't necessary.

They already had her set up to go in and have it done with this dental office.
My sister decided to take mother to her own dentist for a second opinion.
Her dentist advised against the root canal, and that she really needed an extraction.

But do you know since the first dental office wanted for a root canal to be done,
once they were aware about the second opinion, they gave my sister so much hassle. My sister told me, "Sure....they want to do the root canal, because it's more expensive too." Since this first office had some kind of authorization, they dilly dallied, and my mom had to be turned away from an appointment for the extraction because this office didn't send the authorization. We couldn't believe it! My sister had to get mad dog w/the receptionist from that first dental office, because they unsuccessfully tried to do bully tactics about this root canal.

Another month would pass, until this was finally sorted out.
We were thankful, that at least the pain from the tooth subsided. But it was finally extracted by my sister's dentist. Unbelievable!

I'm so glad for both of you that your husband had the nerve to leave the hospital, and it can be resolved less invasively.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

I think the extra costs to your family are probably one of those regrettable "unintended consequences", Sharyn. It sometimes amazes me how politicians come up with wizard schemes and then fail to work through the details. Considering how many wonks they have at work on it it's astonishing what gets overlooked - I'm speaking about health and social policy implementation in general, I wouldn't presume to comment on the ACA specifically.

Emjo, don't start me! EVERYONE is at it - from thinking they're entitled to live forever, to complaining when old people are put through unnecessary procedures, to being up in arms when old people are denied probably futile treatment, to turning up in A&E with headaches that they've had for months because it's a slow day at work and they haven't been arsed to register with a GP and then claim they haven't bothered because you can never get an appointment (like they'd know!), to complaining about px charges then not taking their medications as instructed and blaming the doctor when the drugs don't work, to being too stupid and idle to make an omelette because they can pick up a chicken tikka masala for next to nothing, then - if you please - blaming major retailers for selling them junk food without warning them how fat they'd get if they eat nothing else, believing they can stay up all night watching boxed sets, get to work because otherwise their bosses will go moody on them, shop 24/7 and recharge their batteries by lying in Mediterranean sunshine for a fortnight once a year, that a mile is too far to walk, that unless activities are laid on for them there is 'nothing to do' so no wonder they're overweight, alcoholic and depressed… I think it might have been Peter Hitchens who was talking a while back about an infantilised society. You don't hear much about it (not a vote winner) but my goodness he was spot on. You don't need legislation to prevent you from taking heroin. You don't need legislation to protect you from your own poor shopping decisions. You don't need legislation to tell you to get to bed at a civilised hour, eat less and run around more. We do need the NHS to scrape us off the asphalt when we get knocked down, vaccinate our children, see us through childbirth, mend our broken hips, reattach our retinas and ream our prostates (well not ours, obviously, but you see what I mean), but IVF? Gastric bands? Gender reassignment? Psychodynamic psychotherapies? All part of the service! As the less sophisticated commentators are fond of saying, "it's the National Health Service, not the National Happiness Service." I wouldn't quite put it like that, but our expectations are insane and unsustainable.

And you'd think that exposure to radiation might put people off asking for CT scans at the drop of a hat, but no. If we had to pay for them in the way that co-payers in the US do, and run round in circles organising our own appointments and our own insurance, we might be a bit less profligate.

AND another thing. I am SICK of hearing the great and good discussing ageing care policy with regard to that demographic time bomb they're always on about it as though it comes as a shock to anyone that we are going to get old (if we don't die. Would you rather?). Worried about care provision for elders in 2020, 2030, 2040? That's US we're talking about, people. We know it will happen. If you sit back and expect society to have worked out how to magic up brilliant care that won't stop you leaving your worldly goods to your children, then I'm sorry but you'll get what you're given. I don't yet know what I'll do about it if I ever get handed a dementia diagnosis, but at least I'm giving it some thought. In policy circles, they're still arguing about whether it's fair to ask people to get checked out for it. People have a right to be shielded from reality, now?

I do believe in universal health care, and I think a system that spreads the cost across society is a good one - I don't see that it's at odds with the social contract, and it creates genuine meritocracy in the healthcare professions because they compete for reputation, not income or social status. But in the UK it's got somehow distorted so that no one will talk honestly about what it *costs.* It's not that it's wrong to provide high quality healthcare according to need free at the point of delivery. It's just that denying that resources have to be rationed and husbanded lacks economic credibility. Someone's got to pay for it. So who's paying?

CM~ I do agree with what you say. Mine and my husband's insurance providers are the same but different policies through different employers, they are a well known provider, reputable and been around for decades. There are many flaws with this new program, should the federal government limit what insurance company's can charge for health/dental/vision through their employer? There are too many issues regarding this subject that angers many people. I am not going bring these up on this site . End of this discussion!!

I think talking about all subjects is good we do learn from each other.