
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
When we have problems this big and complicated (any of them, just pick one), and big money is involved, no solution is going to be perfect the first time around. It can't be. It's going to take effort, cooperation, and Lord help us - compromise, to refine things over time. And even then, there will still be haters.
I work in an office building in a downtown. You'd think everybody would clean up, stand up straight, and not pick their nose in this kind of environment. I mean we're all well paid professional adults right? We have standards for being out in public...right?
We have a couple people on this floor who are brazen with their farts, belching, burping, sinus snorting, and other assorted noises that I don't want to imagine where they come from and I have a teenage boy.
I have never been around anything like this before. One of these people walked past my cube (thankfully the wall is high and I can't see them), vigorously clearning his sinuses, and gagging on it, and I shouted "GROSS!" before I realized that was my outside voice. I was not sorry.
There's one guy we call Horatio Hornblower because he has terrific gas. He toots his way from start to finish every day. We are hoping this is some burdensome medical problem beyond his control versus the other option.
We've thought about leaving some sinus meds and antacids casually lying around the office as a hint....
I agree.....I've learned a lot, believe it or not since other's have posted.
We don't all have to agree on everything either, so long as it is done in a respectful manner, which I think has been done.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Except now I listen to MOM snore, fart, belch and suck on her teeth. I'm not sure I'm better off.
Age-wise, I'd say I'm on the younger end of middle age. There is an "older" bunch, and a "younger" bunch of people. The younger ones -- omg! I can't believe the cursing, and the crude conversations. I'm not offended really, but it is supposed to be a professional workplace. What's the next generation going to be like?
There was one work event where were at an important fancy lunch with important fancy management, and one of my colleagues (much higher title and pay than me) licked her fingers. I'm sure it looked like my eyeballs were going to pop out of my head. Licked 10 fingers one at a time right there - at the table with her napkin still unfolded and not in her lap - and me giving her the evil eye. All suspicions were confirmed. She was born in a barn. We were at a place that used china, not at a chicken shack eating on paper plates. I was embarrassed to death for her. At another event her husband was present, and he did the same thing. Horrifyingly distracting.
Some people will learn it at home, others will not. Polish and finesse used to be the thing that would win or lose positions when it came down to multiple qualified candidates. I'm 43 and even a lot of my peers are clueless. It's not about being a snob. Nobody wants to work with somebody who is disgusting and too dumb to be discreet, or heck, even put on the pretense of being somewhat clean.
I'm waiting for the day it has become OK to use the F-bomb in the reading of the evening news. Hopefully we do not ever get there in my lifetime!
Aunt says I need social services for my daughter and put her in all day special ed at a reg high school not part time in class rest at home. But I think now we know whats wrong and we can help her better this way.. daughter says she likes it this way. My daughter is typical teen likes to sleep in but...she has all other issues and you know... what it is I said.. its all about my daughter and son. She says I cant handle her dad and my daughter in this situation so my daughter should go to school... and she struggled to do work.. well once again.. we know why now..but yet before she said work all day... I have to work and homeschool and son and grandpa and dad..ON .MY TIME what you all say!!!! I told her SHE can deal with her dad if he keeps falling or is lonely because he wont hire help and more impt someone who can lift him like a male caregiver.. then thats HER problems and his not on me.. she can call social services for HER dad! My daughter doesnt put me down like grandpa does.. the jokes as grandpa claims some are ..are just mean. He asked me today whats wrong with me lately I told him and there he goes.. well other families do menus.. have schedules,, stick to them, have jobs etc etc.. ya well not everyone has the same issues, not everyone can handle the same way.. we are all different and deserved to be loved and understood for the good differences right?
I promise Ill respond tomorrow, I started read some of your posts about the kid getting yelled at in the store by his dad, the office issues, surgeries, recipes...
You all are in my thoughts
I think my cat has ringworm....probably from the shelter he was in for 24 hours. Said online it can show up within 6 days of exposure. I am treating it with equal parts acv and water 2 x's a day. So much fun, I hope I don't get it.
Brilliant post about your take on the health care system in the UK.
Learned some new vocabulary also, thanks.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Yeah.. I know I personally get too honest here and all I do is complain daily... but.. we are anonymous!!! Plus if I dont get it out and talk to someone or at least just write it to get it out of me Im going to go bonkers! But you all understand anyways. You all have helped me a lot. I agree with you all, I like reading to, it makes me feel connected to you all and know that all of us are here because even though we get frustrated ( esp me) we love our family and just need support to get through it.
What are you all doing for Thanksgiving? Are you all ready? Not me!!!!!!! Christmas is soon too! Anyone decorate for Christmas yet? Or, if you dont celebrate either, what are you doing for some relaxing days?
Keep an eye on the dog Sharyn
This is a venting place, and hopefully if people can look at things objectively,
instead of subjectively maybe we can take something from the experiences and knowledge people offer here. You should never feel that you are just "complaining,"
that's what you're experiencing, and well we all go through that. I say tolerance is a good thing.
Anyway.......I was a bit confused by your post. When you were saying "she feels she can't take care of her dad, who are you talking about.....your daughter's dad,
or your dad?
Do you really have the time for home schooling? I'm just wondering since you have all those other responsibilities. IDK, maybe your aunt has a valid point.
About cooking a turkey in your situation......I wouldn't do it. If all you're feeling is criticism, I'm afraid this is a big project. Could your grandfather be trying to get you more enmeshed in his daily needs? Watch out!
Holidays, BAAH HUMBUG! My sister used to cook the turkey and we'd all gather at mom's. I was the one who suggested to my sister, this stop, basically because I saw that she was doing too much all by herself, w/no help from her adult daughters. I got tired of going there to just witness my sister all exasperated after this big feat, then having to watch the dysfunction, of other relatives who just show up, eat, act like polite strangers, leave. Then my sister got stuck w/the clean up.
I'd help her some, but it p****s me off, that her daughter's live there, and don't help.
So last two years, my husband and me still attend another way more casual,
potluck of friends, w/o all this stress. It's also way closer than the drive to mothers.
I'll probably make a butternut squash casserole,
During Christmas, our family has centered it around the new great grandkids.
But really there again, my brothers kids show up w/their kids. They just come, eat,
grab the gift for their kids, leave. Truth be told, I'm at odds this year whether I'm going to continue giving two families from that clan gifts for their children. Heck,
they hardly ever come to see their grandmother, stuff like that. So I'm feeling las if they don't put out energies, or ever bring anything to the table, why the heck should I.
I just hope to stay on my side of town, do some cooking for my REAL family who are my trusted friends, and watch some things on tv. Many times there's some interesting programs at this time. Maybe they'll have a "Masterpiece Theatre," marathon. Yeah! That's it! That's my tentative plan.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Margeaux- Sorry sometimes I ramble and make no sense! My Aunts dad.. ( my grandpa) My Aunt says she couldnt even do it full time because of her husbands and her age and blood pressure etc. But my dad and I have high blood pressure here too! Well, mine is High Pulse rate.
I know on the Homeschooling issues, it be part time and yes I have to and want too. Its better for my daughter at this point, shes behind academically and has no concentration abilities in class ( cant keep up) and with a 20 plus kids in the class she falls behind. Plus anxiety is really high for her it seems.. maybe because of the feeling out of place or the struggles with work? This way she has more attention the school is amazing! I told my grandpa he will have to hire someone period I have to work and help my kids.. then Ill be there with him.
Sounds like you have a good plan for the Holidays. Your sis was busy and glad you helped her! It is a lot to have a full dinner ready, put away and clean and drama! Have a safe and relaxing Thanksgiving :)
It's o.k., I'm sure we all ramble at times.I had a bit of a chuckle when you mentioned helping my sister. Really the only thing I did, was take a salad, or other dish. I spent too many years, and a kid and into my adult life, still being expected to participate in grander ways when it came to my family of origin. My sister lives with mom, by mom's choice. As I've said......my sister is very controlling, so I have to exercise some big boundaries with her, and this invariably includes her two daughters. Besides, even if I didn't make turkeys for my family, I did enough cooking on a daily basis, for my siblings while we were growing up.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Speaking of herbs, I have had a heck of a time finding dried savory in the grocery stores the last 3 years. Anyone have ideas as to why??? I will check in produce to see if they have packages of fresh savory.
our Thanksgiving plans are to be as last year, I asked for Black Friday off (Not because I go shopping), it is because I cannot get Thanksgiving off. We have a dinner on Friday which includes Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, and a couple other veggie side dishes. This year, I am thinking of making green beans with butternut squash. I find having Thanksgiving dinner on Friday is much more relaxing and enjoyable. I don't have to worry about getting dinner served by a certain time so my sis can get home before dark. It gives my hubs the opportunity to either eat dinner with his family or at least have dessert on Thursday.
Cheers to everyone (as I lift my ice pack) Have a great Sunday!!!
Ingredients
Serves: 2
1 1/2 teaspoons McCormick® Oregano Leaves
1 teaspoon McCormick® Cinnamon, Ground
1 teaspoon McCormick® Garlic Powder
1 teaspoon McCormick® Paprika
1/2 teaspoon McCormick® Ginger, Ground
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon McCormick® Black Pepper, Ground
My mom was a home ec teacher. We used to have, at least it seemed like it at the time, every spice known to man. She even had a custom spice rack built by a carpenter. It was a series of shelves, built together in one piece, that is just wide enough to fit in the cupboard with probably five levels of shelves, looks like some small animal might use it as steps. The bottom shelf is the bottom of the cupboard. The jars that she used with it were small, square glass jars that had lift of, not twist, glass tops where the portion that fit into the neck of the jar was frosted. Like the old pharmacy jars, when pharmacists used to mix up some of their prescription concoctions. It probably holds 50 different spices, but that sure seems like alot. She was quite a cook, but I really have to wonder if she used many of those spices more than once. Wish we could post pictures other than our avatars, I have got to get my name on that one! Though I would strip the pink paint off of it!
Btw, summer savory goes brilliantly with broad beans and is really easy to grow: it's one of those companion planting things where the plants look after one another and also complement flavours. It's an annual, but if you are a neglectful gardener (blush) it does self-seed. Winter savory is hardy but inferior in flavour, or so I am told.
Did your mother grow herbs, too? I'm going to plant up indoor pots, one for bouquet garni and another for fines herbes - wish me luck that this doesn't turn into yet another unfulfilled good intention!
Also: does anyone know how to candy angelica? I'm fresh from another infuriating battle with a supposedly upmarket grocer that year after year tells me there's no demand for it and apparently cannot understand that it's because you only need it once a year, and there's no demand because the buggers don't stock it and most of their customers have given up. "Well ***I'M*** demanding it..!" But now I give up too. Next year I'm growing my own.
Do you have any small grocer's like the little Mexican markets in your area?
Usually they have herbs. The Spanish name for Savory is Ajedrea.
Herbs in Spanish is hierbas. Try looking there, maybe you'd find it.
I had a hard time looking for ground Cayenne a few mos., ago and finally found some in Smart & Final. Happy herb hunting.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Just for am FYI... a spice is seeds, flowerbuds, and roots used to season food. An herb is the leaves and stems used as seasoning. Dill is both a spice and and herb. I love to use fennel and celery seeds when I roast a pork tenderloin. You can roast fennel bulbs with olive oil, salt and pepper until tender or use raw in salads. So good.